This chapter feels a little forced. I'm not sure if I like it. Let me know what you think?
I do not own Castle. Any mistakes are my own.
She was soaking wet from her head to her toes, which she could no longer feel. She was freezing, her lips blue and her skin pale. Shaking, she banged on the door in front of her repeatedly with a force she didn't know her body still had - a force that shook the door in the frame.
"Lanie!" She yelled loudly, her voice hoarse from her breakdown. Continuing to bang on the door, she almost punched her friend in the face when the door swung open.
"Whoa, girl." Lanie grabbed her hand in midair, keeping hold of it as she took in the detective's disheveled appearance. "Why are you drenched and what is wrong?"
Kate wanted to cry, she wanted to break down in the medical examiner's arms and she wanted to let everything that was wrong out in liquid form from her eyes.. But the tears wouldn't come again, they wouldn't fall. She had cried herself dry. Instead she opted for the next best thing - throwing herself into Lanie's arms and letting herself collapse.
With a quiet grunt, the shorter woman held onto her friend as she backed them into her apartment and closed the door. Kate knew this was going on but she didn't care. The emotions swirling inside of her were tearing at everything she had, chipping off bits and pieces as time continued. Silently she allowed Lanie to direct her to a kitchen chair before she watched her disappear for a moment, only to return with a towel.
Merely nodding in thanks, she took the towel and wiped her face before letting it pile in her lap. She had no desire to dry herself off, no desire to lose this cold numb feeling that had taken hold of her. Her eyes focused on Lanie's as she sat in front of her, reaching out to take her hands.
"Kate, what happened?"
"He's leaving," she replied blankly. She couldn't say his name, she couldn't think it.
"Josh?" Lanie's voice was confused, her eyebrows creasing.
She quickly shook her head no, her eyes jumping from object to object now. Her mind was quickly working to think of alternate conversations, anything else but this. Even though it was the reason she was there, she couldn't bring herself to mention it.
It took a few moments before it dawned on Lanie, her mouth forming a small 'o' as her eyes widened a bit. She frowned and squeezed Kate's hand, trying to find the best words to say.
"You knew he couldn't follow you forever, honey."
"I won't see him anymore."
"I'm sure you will still meet and have coffee sometim-"
"He's mad at me," she said lamely, her eyes flashing with fear before shaking her head. "No.. Not mad. Upset. Disappointed."
"About Josh?" Lanie questioned her carefully, knowing just how bad this conversation could get and just how fast. When she only received a nod, the medical examiner resisted the urge to sigh. "What did he say?"
Kate almost flinched as the memory repeated itself for what seemed like the hundredth time that night as she bit her lower lip, her eyes dropping to her lap.
"He said he had no reason to follow me anymore." Her voice was removed of all emotion as she blocked it out like she had learned to do with her mother's murder. "Said he couldn't watch me be with someone else. That I was just running, I always run.."
Her voice drifted off as she watched him walk away again, her heart breaking once more as she flinched from Lanie's touch.
"You ran, Katie. You know you did." Her friend's voice was no longer soft but stern, trying to get her message across. "He was willing to jump and you weren't. You let him keep getting closer and then you just left him high and dry. You're engaged to another man - one you're only with because you feel obligated. You couldn't have expected him to stick around and watch you do this to yourself."
"He can't leave me, Lanie." Her voice trembled as she shook her head. "I've watched him walk away once before, I can't do it again - not knowing that this time it's forever."
"Then stop him," she spoke quietly now. "Do what you know is right. Stop following your brain and let your heart take over for a while. He's more than willing to catch you, Kate."
"What about Josh?"
"Motorcycle boy?" Lanie rolled her eyes as she leaned back in her chair. "He'll be alright. Probably jump on the next mission out of the country. Poor boy has been itching to do what he does best."
Regret flashed through the detective's eyes, knowing that she had stopped him from doing the most favorite part of his job. She hadn't noticed it at first but over time she had realized he was becoming miserable, forcing himself to seem alright for her. It wasn't right and she knew that. Sighing, she rubbed her forehead as she stood from the chair.
"I'll call you later to let you know that I'm okay." Her voice was tight, anxiety building inside of her as she realized what she needed to do.
Lanie stood up now as well, walking with Kate to the door in silence. They both knew that it would only take one wrong word for her to change her mind, for her to continue running the opposite way. That couldn't happen.
"Come back if you need to, I won't be going to bed until I hear from you."
A smile was forced as she opened the door and stepped out, not exactly ready to get back into the rain. The numb feeling was welcomed but the clothes rubbing against her was not.
"I'll call," she promised before walking down the hallway, heading for the stairwell to blow off some nerves.