29: Privilege

It was a pleasant day in Jump City. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and on Juniper Street hordes of innocent bystanders were throwing up.

The normal wear for a usual villain/ hero/ adventurer/ anyone in figure skating, gymnastics or the circus, is spandex. Colorful, attention drawing, second-skin spandex. It comes in an unimaginable amount of colors and patterns, and while wearing it, leaves nothing to the imagination.

And although it is common in Jump City to see another two-bit criminal running down the street in spandex and combat boots, the cliché bag of cash flung over their shoulder, keep in mind spandex is not for everyone. You may be thinking, Why authoress, what do you mean? I put on body suits and towel-capes with my friends and we all look great! Well let me first say this before we go on.

Spandex is a privilege, not a right.

It was on this sunny and energetic day on which our story takes place.

Having escaped out of prison with a cell phone and an electric toothbrush a week prior, Control Freak had finally made his appearance at the local electronics store, dancing from aisle to aisle with a shopping cart. The clerks had been subdued and he had just stepped into view of a demonstration camera when the Titans burst through the double doors.

"Alright Control Freak." Robin shouted, his cape flapping dramatically in the non-existent wind. "We're here to take you down!"

"Do your worst Titans," he replied in his horrible screechy voice. He took one look at his image on the TVs around him, and with a flourish, whipped off his overcoat.

The result was dramatic, and exactly what he had been wanting. All the Titans gasped, taking a step or two back. They were completely speechless.

Then the results took an unwanted turn. Starfires eyes welled up with tears and she began to wail loudly, great heaving sobs shaking her shoulders. Robin hurriedly dove behind the counter and while he made friends with the trash can, Cyborg twitched and sparked, his one eye empty and unfocused. As Beast Boy continued to stare in horror and disgust, Raven turned to him and buried her face in his shoulder, shielding her eyes.

Standing before them (and displayed on TVs all around them) was a sight most horrific. In a most desperate act of fandom, Control Freak had severely altered his costume to look like that of his most revered sci-fi character. In fact, it was the very same costume worn in the show itself, and Control Freak had hacked computer after computer to get it. Needless to say, it had been made for a man slimmer than he, and the seams strained and bulged under the pressure. Furthermore, the costume being made of spandex, every roll and ripple of fat was visible, his belly protruding from between his shirt and pants.

"Behold, Titans! Your new-and-improved nemesis is back. Prepare for defeat!" He lunged forward, flailing his controller around at surrounding appliances, and with a horrendous ripping sound, his entire costume tore into pieces and fluttered to the ground where they lay in vibrant, colorful rags. With a horrible shriek he realized what he had done, and, only stopping to grab his overcoat, proceeded to run, full tilt, away from the scene.

When the police arrived at the scene they found that Robin had made friends with several more trash cans, Starfire and Cyborg were both staring blankly ahead, the latter with tears still in her eyes, humming a tamaranian lullaby. And the most shocking of all (which the tabloids would quote "a rip in reality caused some very unusual happenings") Beast Boy was comforting Raven, both arms around her, stroking her hair.

Cadet Five-seven looked at his companion, cadet eight-three.

"You've got a friend in the press right?"

JUMP DAILY:

LOCAL VILLAIN CAUSES SUPER-SECRETS TO BE REVEALED

At approximately 12:48 yesterday afternoon, Eddies Electronics was broken into by local villain 'Control Freak'. Although Freak made away with a large amount of merchandise, he still left behind a parting gift.

The well known Heroes of Jump are valiant, brave and -after all- still teenagers. It seemed only a matter of time before something bloomed between these young hormones. A recent trip to Tokyo for these young ones seems to have brought two Titans together already. So what is in store for the other three?

At approximately 12:55 yesterday afternoon, police backup arrived to assist the Teen Titans in escorting Control Freak back to jail. However they came upon not the site of heroics, but of romance. Two eye-witnesses on the police force claim to have seen Raven and Beast Boy in a 'lovers embrace' after their troubled encounter with Control Freak. Several civilians on the street were more than happy to put their two cents in as well. "There has always been tension between those two. It was so inevitable that they would get together".

For now though it seems the two are studiously avoiding each other, determined to dispel idle gossip. They have also refused to comment to the press about the incident--

Robin looked up from the newspaper to see Beast Boy storm into the room.

"If you're looking for Raven, she's waiting for you up on the roof" he taunted.

"Dude, shut up!"

Starfire glanced at Raven across a clothing rack.

"Perhaps you could purchase an attractive outfit to wear for Beast Boy." she ventured.

"What did you just say?"

Cyborg shot a look at his friend beside him, beating him mercilessly at Mega Monkeys Ultimate.

"What's the matter Green Bean. Got Raven on the brain?"

"Dude!!"

Beast Boy and Cyborg walked into the common room to find Robin and Starfire making out passionately on the couch.

"Dude that is sick."

"I'm sure that's what those cops said when they saw you and Rae goin' at it."

"Man, shut your face!"

JUMP DAILY:

MAYORS SPRING BALL BRINGS TITANS TOGETHER:

Spring is in the air, and with spring comes young love.

It seems that the two titans Beast Boy and Raven have finally admitted their feelings. Late last night they arrived at the Mayors Annual Spring ball in a stylish limousine, along with several other Teen Titan members. The two were smitten with each other and as close as two peas in a pod. They were seen dancing to several songs, conversing freely with the other members of the party, and (sources say) even snuck outside for 'privacy' halfway through the mayors' speech. As we all know- cont'd pg 16. Pictures pg 17-20.

It is here that our story ends and we must reflect on the lesson.

Like all things, there is a line. And like all things there are consequences for stepping over that line. Whether it is severe and disorienting nausea, merciless beatings for those of stronger stomachs, or the inevitable coupling of two teens in denial.

Just remember...

Spandex is a privilege not a right.

I'd like to apologive for my lack of dividers on my last story. i heard it got pretty confusing two thirds through when it was all melted together like that.

So happy back-to-school and all that jazz. Oddly i seem to have the odd craving for a high-school set fic, or maybe i should just get my butt in gear and work on McAdams a little. at this point i just hope i finish it before i graduate (in almost two years. grade 11 baby... it's scary!). i recently spent all my money at this great comic book shop in Spokane at northtown mall. i bought three Robin issues (tim drake) two Teen Titan issues (and i mean robin 3, superboy, wonder girl, impulse, kid devil, ravager...) Batman Hush Returns, and my favorite of all: Harley Quinn, Preludes and Knock Knock jokes! And how could i forget the bright red Flash hoodie that is a frighteningly large large. I suppose i just like to swim in my clothes.

So lets give a round of applause to Hackers (the movie, not the life-style. 1994, it's a masterpiece!), and that delightful quote. Don't forget there are forty eight more to come if my calculations are correct (and lets hope so, i'm going to need those math skills this semester).
I hope you're enjoying september as much as i am..

you-neek