AUTHOR'S NOTES—now the story continues... with comedy! Those of you who thought you could skip over the last two chapters; they're worth the read—assuming you wish to know about Sokka, Katara, and a little bit of background on Zuko and Toph's families.

Oh, and enter Cabbage Guy—and a tribute to Shamalamadingdong.

Also, forgive me for referencing an internet meme.

AVATAR: THE LAST FIREBENDER

BOOK 1: WATER

CHAPTER 5-3: THE KING OF OMASHU, PART 1

"So do you think we need to take any measures against the guards?" Toph asked, "Or do we get to simply waltz into Omashu."

"One does not simply walk into Omashu," Aang warned, "there's a gate and some guards from the looks of it, but getting past them should be a breeze."

They were not the only ones trying to get in though. As they approached the gate, they noticed a cabbage merchant who was halted, and his wares inspected.

"What's this, cabbages?" the guard exclaimed, "we only allow REAL food in Omashu—like pot roast… and beef jerky!"

With a stamp of his foot, he launched the cart of cabbages away and into the chasm below.

"MY CABBAGES!" was the last they heard of the merchant, and the three benders calmly approached the guards. The guards took a certain interest in Aang's shirt.

"You're a brave kid to be wearing something like that," they told him, indicating the airbender insignia on his shirt, "we don't see many true Air Nomads anymore these days."

"Surely Omashu hasn't sided with them, have they?" Zuko frowned.

"Some folks have," the guards warned, "but most of the Air Warriors here will leave you alone as long as you leave them alone or mention anything that even sounds like conspiracy. I do, however, have to ask you three your names."

"My name is Ong," Aang lied, swinging his arms slowly as if he was about to start dancing. Tophand the guard looked at him skeptically, but he caught Zuko's eye, and Zuko understood what Aang was doing.

"You'll have to excuse him," Zuko apologized, "he's not all there—hasn't been since the last raid he was in. Anyways, I am Zuko of the Southern Water Tribe, and this is Toph, a Western refugee."

"You might want to keep a close eye on your friend Ong then," the guards warned as they used bending to open the gates, "peple have gotten arrested for doing less."

"Got it," Zuko nodded, and the three entered the city. Once the guards closed the gates, Aang stopped swinging his arms, and regained his posture.

"So what the hell was that all about?" Toph raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't think I should go telling them that I was Aang. Ong was just the first name that came to my head. Don't ask how I came up with it."

"How did you come up with it," Toph smirked. Zuko smacked his forehead with his hand.

"I was kind of asking for that one, Zuko." Aang fake-sighed. "It was just a weird dream I had a couple nights ago, Toph. I dreamed I was with two waterbenders, one named K'Tarah, and the other named Sohka. They called me Ong. I still shudder when I think of it… there was so much ponytail…"

There was a moment of awkward silence, but then Aang continued.

"Hey, you asked," He remarked, "but anyways, look around you. What do you see?"

"I see a bunch of stone cars," Toph observed, "I take it you're hinting at something."

"Me and an old friend of mine named Bumi used to ride those things all the time. You can't say you've been to Omashu until you've ridden 'em too!"

"Uh, two things," Toph interjected.

"yeah?"

"first, who is Bumi, and was this guy as crazy as you are?"

Aang laughed. "ha, that'd be an understatement," he explained, "Bumi was insane; crazy—he was a mad genius, as I liked to call was also one of my best friends. He smelled like burnt mushrooms a lot. That… suddenly might explain a few things…"

"Oh, for some reason, I don't doubt that." Toph commented, rolling her eyes.

"So, what else did you want?"

"I've been racing at breakneck speeds before, and I've gotta tell you, it really doesn't do it for me."

She clutched her stomach, as if even the thought of racing through the wind at high speeds was about to make her feel sick.

"Oh, it's nothing like being on a glider, if that's what you're thinking." Aang reassured her, and then winked at Zuko. "though I'm not sure how you'd know that… Come on, it'll be fun!"

Toph tried turning to Zuko for support, but Zuko supported Aang's idea—to him it sounded like a good way to unwind, especially after the incidents at Kyoshi Island."

A few minutes later, they were racing down the mail chutes at breakneck speeds. Aang and Zuko were enjoying themselves, sometimes even waving their arms in the air and laughing. Toph looked positively green, and her eyes were out of focus.

"You know how you said it wouldn't be anything like gliding," Toph muttered groggily after their 5th ride, "well, you're right. It's faster, and its worse. Where are we, anyways?"

"We're at the top of the city." Aang laughed as Toph was helped into the car by Zuko. He seemed to take sick pleasure in getting his 'revenge' on "Little Miss Snarker".

The ride from here was the longest and fastest—as well as the most intense—one yet. Several chutes joined theirs, and sometimes they branched off in different directions. It was not considered intense until after a cart full of spears slid up right behind them. Toph, who was in the process of emptying the contents of her stomach behind them, only slickened the path and increased the spear cart's speed.

"Aang, got any ideas on how this will NOT end in imminent death for us?" Zuko asked,

"Just one," Aang replied, and he rocked the cart enough that they slid off, ramped over several houses, smashed a few things, and wound up coming to a stop after a precise and well-aimed collision with a cart of cabbage—which just so happened to belong to the same merchant they had seen earlier. Toph was still absolutely green, and now was also very dizzy.

Zuko glared at Aang as they were surrounded by the guards.

"Okay, so maybe this WASN'T a good idea." Aang confessed. Toph muttered something in a groggy tone that none of them could decipher, but it seemed like she agreed.

"Oh, come on, it can't be that bad," Aang reasoned with Zuko as they were led away. They were not told where they were going.

"2 silver pieces says it can." Zuko offered, and surprisingly, Aang took it.

They wound up in front of the king of the city.

"These youths were caught vandalizing the mail chute system." The guards explained, and the old king leaned forward and looked at the three of them.

"So," he said, "they went postal?" and Aang laughed. The guards frowned.

"I suppose that is one way to put it, sire." They replied.

"in that case, throw them…" the king declared,

"get your money ready," Zuko whispered.

"…a feast."

"A feast?"

"yes, a feast."

"Dammit." Zuko swore, as Aang poked Zuko's shoulder and grinned, his hand open for Zuko's silver pieces.