Chapter 10- Perfect
Falling a thousand feet per second
You still take me by surprise
I just know it can't be over
I can see it in your eyes
I've had a lot of rotten relationships. That's the one thought on my mind as I sit on the plane to WWE headquarters. I think about all the men that I've hurt, all the men who have left my life. There was Nicky, the Spirit Squad golden boy who thought he could do no wrong. There was Kurt Angle, the older man who took me under his wing and showed me not only how to wrestle but how marriage was. There was Cody Rhodes, the dashing geek who taught me that big things come in small packages. And there was Ted DiBiase jr, the rich boy who showed me that I had a darker side. Each of these men has given me something to remember them by, some good and some bad. I close my eyes, letting memories start to take me away.
Making every kind of silence
Takes a lot to realize
It's worse to finish
Than to start all over
April 3rd, 2006: Raw Backstage locker room~
"You won!"I exclaimed as Nick Nemeth, my boyfriend, and the other members of the Spirit Squad filed into the room. His cheeks were rosy with the flush of the match washed over him and the sweat on his brow was immense. I couldn't blame him. He may not have actually been in the match but everyone had done their best to help out Kenny and Mikey. That included Nick who had received the choke slam from Big Show.
"Well I didn't win baby," Nick laughed, coming to stand by me and wrapping an arm around my waist. "But I helped them win."
"I know can you believe it!" Kenny smiled, shifting the championship belt on his shoulder. But Nicks and I's attention was long gone. We were staring into each others eyes like little high school students. In all essence, that was what I was. I was only 17, having been hired by Vince after Jerry Lawler (my trainer and the man who had helped raise me) sent him a tape of me and my friend Mariana and my sister Katana in a three way match. I had started tagging with Kat and Mari as soon as we got here. But since then we had all met different men, Mari having fallen for Jeff Hardy and Kat having fallen for The Undertaker, and disbanded as a team. Now, as the only female member of the Spirit Squad, I couldn't be happier. I wasn't use to the cheerleader skirt and tight shirt, sure, but it looked cute on me.
"Maybe we should leave them alone," Mitch smiled, patting Kenny on the back and leading Kenny and Mikey out of the room.
Still lost in Nick's eyes he leaned forward and placed a demure kiss on my lips, "Wish you would have been out there to see it..."
"In spirit I was there," I teased, hugging him.
"I meant actually there." Nick replies.
"Well, what about me and you go out to celebrate the win?"
"Me and you, who weren't in the match that made our team tag team champions, go out to celebrate being tag team champions?" He asks, looking at me. With a shrug of his shoulders he laughs, "Sounds good to me."
"And...and after dinner you and I can..." I turned beet red. He looked at me, knowing what I was talking about without me getting it completely out in the open. See, we had only ever kissed despite being together for three months now.
"Are you sure?" Nick asked, looking at me.
"Positive," I smiled.
~end of flashback~
That was the one thing I let Nick take from me. The one thing I'll never get back. You all know what I'm talking about so I have no need to say it. Sometimes I wish I hadn't been with him, but then again there was nothing really bad that happened to cause us to break up. It just happened. We just fell apart. Now and again, when I cross paths with Dolph on Raw I let a smile form on my lips. No one seems to remember that once upon a time, this man was Nickey in the Spirit Squad. And every now and again when we pass he gives me a small smile. We may not be that close anymore but we can't forget what we once felt for each other.
And never let it lie
And as long as I feel
You holding on I won't fall
Even if you said I was wrong
~August 25th, 2006: Angle home in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania~
"What do you mean you're not coming back to the WWE?" I shout as Kurt reveals his news to me at the table. We had been together since Nicky and I broke up in late May and on Kurt's request we were married rather quickly. After all, he had been training me to be a better in ring competitor and we knew everything about each other. We had been a loving couple, always side by side both on television and backstage. Sure, he had been moved to ECW and was having problems being on the third rate show but he loved it. He loved working there because he got to be a bit more vicious than he could be on the other shows. But I wasn't stupid and I could see that his health was deteriorating. He was having problems with his back but I didn't know that it was hurting him that bad. Then, tonight at dinner, he had dropped this on me. He had told me that he had been released from his contract earlier in the day.
"I mean I'm not coming back. I asked Vince if he would let me go," Kurt replied taking a bite of his steak.
"It's your back?"
"It's the fact that I've been working with a hurt back for a while and haven't had a break in a long time," Kurt answered. "Nolee, I didn't want you to take this so harshly."
"Why wouldn't I take it harshly Kurt!"
"Because we're still married," he nodded smiling at me. "Now, can I continue with what I was telling you?"
I sigh, "Go ahead."
"I'm going to Japan for their wrestling alliances," as those words escaped his lips, I drop the glass of red wine I'm holding staining the table cloth as red as a drop of blood on the snow.
"Kurt...I can't do that. I can't let you go away from all of this." I replied, softly looking up at him.
"I knew you were going to say that. That's why I thought of something to help this," Kurt sighed. He walked into the other room, bringing a manila folder which he handed to me. I took it in my hands and looked at it, frowning. Inside were the papers needed to file a divorce.
"K...Kurt..."
"Nolee... you know as well as I do that this just isn't working out..." Kurt sighed.
"We're happy together. You call that not working out? I don't get it." I shake my head.
"Nolee, I'm 30 your only 17." Kurt sighed, "I was foolish to think that this could work. Do I love you, yes. Do you love me, no doubt about it. But...well...a lot of what you do perplexes me."
"That's part of love," I reminded him and myself. "Sorry..."
"Babe, please don't make this harder on me than it already is. I want to see you with someone who fully understands you. Someone your age."
I nodded, "Do you have a pen?"
He handed one to looked at me, "I love you, you know that?"
I ignored him as I signed the one slip of paper that told me I couldn't be with the man I loved.
~end of flashback~
That's what I gave to Kurt. Or at least he took from me. I was happy with him, even though he was much older than I was. He broke that relationship apart. I haven't seen him since but I would like to talk to him. I would like to show him what kind of woman I've turned into. I don't think Randy would mind that in the least bit. After Kurt was a period of separation before getting together with Randy. That was, as you know, the best relationship of my life. Then after Randy and I broke up, I moved on to Cody.
I'm not perfect but I keep trying
Cause that's what I said I would
Do from the start I'm not alive if I'm lonely
So please don't leave
~March 26th, 2009: Cody Rhodes' hotel room~
I had screwed up yet again. Cody, who had been having trouble with his paycheck, and I had agreed that I should work for his arrogant yet rich best friend Ted DiBiase jr so that we could pay for our upcoming wedding. At first we both thought that it was going to be harmless. I would do little chores around the DiBiase place. But on my first night when a drunken Ted had confessed that he was in love with me before Randy and even Cody were, I had confessed to him that Cody and I hadn't "been together" since the engagement. The results were me being paid to do some acts that if Cody knew about them would ruin our engagement. Luckily, Ted had promised never to tell Cody and I had foolishly believed that a jealous man would tell the truth.
I sat on the bed as Cody paced the floor, every now and then throwing me a look that not only rang detest but rang that his heart had burst. Those looks were enough to hurt me. I had foolishly played into DiBiase's hands. All this time, since Cody and I had been together and he had never given me a look like that. A look that said that. Finally after a long silence, Cody stops pacing and looks at me, looking down at me. "Why?"
"Cody I didn't mean to...I made a mistake..."
"No, you did mean to. He was drunk, not you. You made the clear decision to tell him that we hadn't...how could you even share that! With him of all people!" Cody shouts raising his hand and pointing across the room, towards the door, and across the hall to where Ted is staying. "I thought you loved me."
"I do, I do love you!" I cried back.
"Then why!"he exclaimed, "Why did you do that to him! You promised I was the only one! Promised!"
"It was a moment of weakness...I needed someone..."
"You should have come to me. You should have told me." Cody said as he looked at me. "Know what hurts more than the fact that you actually cheated on me Nolee?"
I hung my head, "No..."
"The fact that you cheated with one of the men who tried so hard to break us up. I thought after he called you fat and a whore you wouldn't want to be with him anymore. Obviously I was wrong," he takes his ring off and hands it to me. "I know how you like to make money for things so why don't you pawn that? Even better, you could give it to Ted and see what he does for that."
I shook my head, "Cody I didn't mean..."
"I'm not going to let you cheat on me again, I'm not going to give you the opportunity to do that during our marriage. So I'm ending it before it even began. Now pack your things and get the hell out of my room."
I swiftly packed my things and left, though I didn't know where I was going to go. Seeing Ted standing at the doorway of his room. "Need somewhere to stay?" I only nodded and he opened his door wider, "Your welcome to join me. I need someone to talk to anyways." And like an innocent puppy I entered his room.
~end of flashback~
I know, I know. I shouldn't of went into Ted's room. But like Randy tells me all the time we do what we do for a reason. I guess I knew that in his room I wouldn't be alone. I knew that he would tell me everything I wanted to hear. For a price that is. He never let me forget that everyone had a price. Even me.
Was it something I said
Or just my personality
Making every kind of silence
It takes a lot to realize
~April 5, 2010: Ted's home in West Palm Beach, Florida~
He was drunk again. It seemed that along with the money his father had left him, it seemed that Teddy had also inherited his fathers love for the drink. Sometimes it was okay. When the world was away and it was just the two of us, enjoying a glass of wine and curling up by the fire place with the sounds of Beethoven or Chopin playing as we talked to each other or he read to me from one of his favorite classics in his library. This was not one of those times. I had come there after an autograph signing to hear Ted yelling at one of the maids about something that wasn't done right, which in all actuality probably was done right and he just wanted to fight. I'll admit, that day I had wore a very sort skirt and a tied off plaid top but I was trying to imitate what I wore in the ring. He laid eyes on me and sneered, "Where the hell have you been?"
"I told you I had to go to an autograph signing."I reminded him, "What are you yelling about?"
"She didn't fold the blankets right," Ted hiccups, getting closer to me. I can smell wine on his breath and I push him away as he goes in for a kiss. He narrows his eyes, raises a hand, and slaps me so hard across the face that my head snapped to the side. "Don't you ever push me again, you understand me girl?"
I nodded, my eyes snapping to my feet. Ted had never hit me before in anger. Sure, sometimes when we were playing around he would playfully punch me in the shoulder or do something like that but this was different. This was a real act of violence. "Yes."
He grabbed my chin, forcing my eyes up to meet his, "Yes sir. Do you understand me? You address me as yes sir."
"Yes...yes sir..." I teared up. I had never felt so talked down to in my entire life. But I loved him and I was sure that it would only happen once. And when he made it up to me he always did something sweet. Once he took me horseback riding, once we went skiing in Colorado. But as soon as he started drinking, the beast would rear it's ugly head and he would grow violent once again.
~end of flashback~
It's worse to finish
Than to start all over
And never let it lie
And as long as I can feel
As my phone goes off in my pocket I wake up from my bad dreams. For the thoughts of past lovers. Those lovers like Kurt and Ted who have hurt me. Those lovers like Cody who I have hurt. Even those lovers who I still share a respect and friendship for even if we don't talk to one another like I do for "Dolph". Seeing that it's a text from Randy, a smile spreads across my lips. Like he told me a few weeks ago, we all make the decisions and choices in life that we do for a reason. I think I've finally found the reason I've made most of the decisions in my life. I think that reason is so that when I finally did find the man who I love with all my heart, Randy, I would be able to know what to do and what not to do. I answer the phone, a smile on my face. I'm glad to hear his voice. Because sometimes all it takes to keep the bad memories at bay is the voice of the man you love. I know that to be true more than anything.
You holdin on I won't fall
Even if you said I was wrong
I know that I'm not perfect
But I keep trying cause that's
What I said I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely
So please don't leave was it
something I said or just my personality
When you're caught in a lie
And you've got nothing to hide
When you got nowhere to run
And you've got nothing inside
It tears right through me
You thought that you knew me
You thought that you knew
I'm not perfect but I keep trying
Cause that's what I said
I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely
So please don't leave
Was it something I said
Or just my personality
I'm not perfect but I keep trying
Cause that's what I said
I would do from the start
I'm not alive if I'm lonely
So please don't leave
Was it something I said
Or just my, just my self
Just to myself myself
Just to myself
I'm not perfect but I keep trying
A/N: Thank you Lexxi Loves You for giving me this chapter to write. I think it's been one of my favorites so far! Any body else have a song they want to see made into a chapter? Want to see another one of my OC's in a story similar to this one with her man? Just PM or review!