POV Break: Toni

Things had been relatively normal of late, forgetting of course that your life isn't exactly normal to begin with. Things have been boring. But you'd rather it was back to boring now, because what it had become was heartbreaking.

You were just leaving a rehearsal at the college when you heard a familiar voice call your name. Conrad. Someone was with him, and they hurried towards you with grave, tired faces. The selkie kid, Veser.

"Hey, Toni," Veser had said, out of breath and a little reservedly; you don't know each other as well as you could, mainly because of his constant passes at you, and he knows it. "We're here about Hanna. Dumbass got himself arrested or some shit, they stuck him in the nuthouse 'cause they think he killed zombie dude."

Your eyes went wide and your heart skipped a beat. You'd heard about the zombie's immobility from Hanna just a few days ago. Hanna seemed optimistic that the corpse would wake up; you'd left his apartment hoping he was right, but something inside you noticed the desperation in his manner. You were agitated about it ever since, and sometimes you'd worry about it in the middle of class. The two had been inseparable for a year, and you could tell there was so much more than a simple partnership between them. You'd even gotten Hanna engaged in a little "girl-talk" about it, and he was reluctant and flustered, and it was quite possibly the most adorable thing you'd ever seen. They were in love, and that love would naturally cause Hanna to go into denial when the zombie stopped moving. He wanted so much to be right, and you wanted that too, more than anything. Apparently he wasn't. And now he was in trouble; you could kick yourself for not realizing that having an honest-to-goodness corpse around would turn out badly for Hanna.

Your lips had pursed. You wanted to cry because you hadn't seen this coming when you should have. You really should have. And Hanna, poor Hanna, heartbroken in a cell, surrounded by murder accusations and people telling him he was crazy? Your fists clenched. The two in front of you noticed. Veser's feet shifted uncomfortably. Conrad looked like he wanted to say something, but did not. You said something instead.

"Where is he? Do you guys have the address?"

"Yes," Conrad replied with a sigh. He stared up at the sliver of moon above them, looking stressed and exhausted. "We're trying to set up his case in court. Lamont already went to see him. We came to see if you wanted to help us get Hanna out of there."

"Of course I want to help!" you nearly scoffed at him, amazed he felt the need to question. "Just tell me what I can do. And give me the address, I want to talk to him before the hearing…he must be so upset…"

You ran a hand through your hair and noticed it was shaking slightly. All at once, the magnitude of the situation hit you. Your heart clenched for what Hanna must be going through.

They found a corpse in his house. An eleven year old corpse. Hanna's lover, what's more, and how could they understand that? Blamed him for the death. Threw him in an asylum, like an insane criminal, awaiting a trial he couldn't possibly win because the truth…how could they tell the truth? What could they prove? You knew Hanna would die of guilt if anyone exposed themselves to prove he was innocent. The consequences for whoever did it would be…unpleasant didn't even begin to cover it. You thought of Hanna, hopeless and alone in some dark cell. Did they have him in a straitjacket? Were they feeding him pills and injecting him with things? He didn't deserve this. He was such a good person; such a strange, energetic, wonderful person. He cared about people. He cared about everything and everyone so much. He cared a little too much, maybe. You hadn't known it would come to this. You shivered, wanting for all the world to hold him, because you knew he cared…he cared too much and now he was being ripped apart for it.

Conrad handed you the address on a slip of paper. Veser scuffed his shoe against the blacktop. You gripped the scrap tightly and sighed.

"I'm going to visit Hanna first thing tomorrow morning. You two let me know what's happening with his case as soon as you can, all right?"

They nodded. You hurried home. Now, on your couch and staring at the address of the mental hospital, you bite your lip and draw your knees up to your chest. You wonder what you could possibly say to him when you go tomorrow. You hope they let you hug him.

Hanna's eyes had never seemed so dark before.

He smiles at you. His eyes lighten up somewhat, like you're the first thing he's had to smile about in a long time. He stands to greet you, surprised and looking so unbearably frail in his in-patient issued smock and pants. You take little comfort in the fact that he's just his usual stick-thin self; he's been eating normally at least.

"Toni? Wow, I didn't expect to see you! I'm so glad you're here, though, I really miss you!"

He hugs you close, a little too tight, like he's afraid maybe you aren't really there after all. You put your arms around him as well, swallowing back the lump in your throat and squeezing him. You rest your cheek on his hair and sigh, though it comes out a light shudder. It's hard to repress your sadness, seeing him this way. Tired and pale and his hair and eyes darkening, heartbeat weak, erratic. But he smiles, and you think maybe it won't be so bad; if we can just get him home, it might not be so bad.

"Hanna, I've been so worried about you. I can't believe this happened. I should have gone to check on you, what was I thinking? Leaving you with…" You stop. He doesn't need any constant reminding. You can already feel his shoulders tensing.

"Anyway, how are you? I know you can't be great, but…are you holding up okay? You're not giving up, right?"

He's still holding you when he shakes his head. You smooth his hair out some while he speaks. "No, I'm not giving up or anything, I just…you know, there's not a whole lot anyone can do. We can't just expose all our spooky shit to let me out, that's just dumb. I'm not worth it. And it's just really hard being here…I want to go outside, Toni. I want to go smash trolls and go to the movies and eat ice cream at the park. I want…I want Cerys back…"

His voice cracks and his hands grip your blouse. He's trying not to cry. You want to tell him it's okay, but you don't want to see him cry either. You want to make him smile. So you do what you can; you rub his back soothingly, rocking him from side to side gently. His breath is uneven at first, but he calms for you.

"I wish I'd seen it coming," he whispers. "Maybe I could have done something about it. He was so…different just before, but how could I have known that…shit, Toni, he was moving so slow before that. He even said he felt tired once. He's a zombie, they don't get tired!"

He pulls away from you to meet your eyes, but his hands still grip your arms. You just let him talk. You could see by the frenzy behind his clouded eyes that he needed this. You knew he wouldn't talk about this with Veser, or Lamont. Especially not Worth, and likely not Conrad. You might just be the only one he'd want to open up to about this, aside from that Dr. Hewney who'd led you inside.

"He couldn't keep up with me some nights. I'd see him with his hand on his chest, and eventually he told me he felt some kinda pain. Then he said he felt nothing…he felt numb. He didn't…he stopped kissing me. Stopped being…affectionate. Just held his chest and stared at nothing. Thought it was my fault or a bit, but he'd just smile at me and say 'no, it's all right I just don't feel like myself'…I should have known better. His eyes even dimmed, I should have noticed that better, too. Fuck. He doesn't sleep. He said he needed a nap, he was tired, he needed to lie down…Toni, I had no idea he wouldn't get up again! I didn't think it would be…"

Hanna breaks away and slumps over the small table in the visiting room. He's shaking, his breath coming out like hysterical laughter. You start feeling afraid, but of what you aren't entirely sure.

"Who'd have thought I was this much of an idiot? Such a fuck-up, seriously, it's no wonder I ended up here…"

More laughter, and it cracks, and Hanna lowers himself into a chair and buries his head in his arms. He's crying. You put your hands on his shoulders, burning to say something. You don't, though. You can't. Not just yet. There's just nothing you can say. You rub his shoulders, wishing it were enough to rub the misery right out of him. You can smell his tears, and it's enough to make you cry too. But you keep it quiet. You need to be strong for Hanna.

Someone needs to be strong, and you're determined to be while the others work out the trial. You don't know a damn thing about court cases, but you know a thing or two about being a friend. Hopefully it's enough until then.

OH MY GOD. I'M SO SORRY.

I'M SORRY ABOUT THE LACK OF UPDATE, REALLY. Things have been...interesting. Some good, some bad, but most of it exhausting and hopefully the next chapter won't take so long. Trying to update CKS too, but uh...haha, well, let's just say I'm still a little rusty writing porny bits. XD

Anyway, this chapter was a little tedious for me because I have no idea how to write Toni, but I really like the idea of her and Hanna being buddies. And it's even worse 'cause everybody's upset in this fic, so everything I do feels OOC, so...man, I decided to stop sweating it and just write. Hope it's ok!

Sorry again, and like always, comments, criticisms, love and even flames are totally appreciated.