Chapter 14- When You Look Me In The Eyes
If the heart is always searchin
Can you ever find a home
I've been looking for that someone
I'll never make it on my own
As Randy and I make our way back to the locker room, I can't get the thought of what I saw moments ago out of my head. He attacked my brother-in-law, Edge. He RKO'd him and all Edge was doing was helping. But I saw it in his eyes, the reason Randy did it. It's his I.E.D. It shouldn't have acted up though. Randy ALWAYS takes his medication before he goes to the ring, it means he won't snap on someone and end their career with one of those punts. Yes, you heard me, most of the punts aren't caused by his I.E.D anymore. In fact, all the punts you all saw done to the skulls of the Nexus were because they had aggrivated him. He's seething at the moment, sitting on the bench in our room with his head in his hands, rocking back and forth. I grab my purse and produce a pill bottle from it, taking one of the pills and trying to get Randy's attention. When he doesn't answer my shouts of his name, I walk over to him and put a hand on his arm. His head snaps up to look at me, "What?" he growls. His eyes, those wonderful cold gray eyes show how much he's hurting right now. They show his dark thoughts, the darker part of his soul. I'd never admit it to anyone but that's part of what I love about Randy. Unlike some of the men on the roster, Evan Bourne for example, he's not all sunshine and rainbows. He's got a passionate soul, a dark soul.
"You're medication," I say, holding out my hand to show him the little white pill.
He take the pill from me but instead of taking it, crushes it in his hand, "I don't want my medication!"
"Randy, you need to take your medication," I reply adamantly, taking another pill from the bottle. He stands up, knocks the bottle away from me, and pins me against the locker. I won't admit it, but I'm afraid. After all that Ted did to me...well...a situation like this is starting to bring back some heavy flashbacks. Flashbacks I don't want.
Dreams can't take the place of loving your
Theres gotta be a million reasons why it's true
When you look me in the eyes
And tell me that you love me
Randy's looking down at me, "You want me to take my medication, Nolee?"
I nod, "Pl...please Randy?"
He sneers, "I don't need that medication I-" hastily, I make a decision that could possibly end up in me being hurt. One of the pills is in my hand and as Randy opens his mouth to talk, I bring that hand up and shove the pill into his mouth. I do this all in one solid motion where it looks like I'm pushing him away. He stumbles back and I hope to god the medication doesn't fall out of his mouth but instead he swallows hard. "Oh you little!" he storms toward me but as he does, the cold look in his eyes subsides and he's left looking down at me, brow furrowed in confusion. "I had an I.E.D attack didn't I?" Randy's voice is soft and quiet as he closes his eyes, almost looking like he's praying that it wasn't the case.
"Yes," I reply and he turns away from me. "But it wasn't your fault, we were in trouble out there and everything just happened so quickly..."
"I should have taken my medication before hand," Randy says, not looking at me.
"Why didn't you?" I ask, walking over to him and sitting next to him on the bench.
"I thought...I thought that if the Nexus was going to come down there I would need to be ready to unleash my dark side. I didn't think it would be like this...I didn't think I'd RKO Adam..."
"You remember doing that?" I ask, "I thought you didn't remember what happens in your fits."
"Sometimes I don't but other times I can remember bits and pieces. I remember them attacking you, I remember Punk threatening to kick you in the skull. I remember RKO'ing Adam." he replies, still not looking at me. "Why did I have you pinned to the locker?"
Everything's alright when you're
Right here by my side
When you look me in the eyes
I catch a glimpse of heaven
"Well...um..." I try to find the words to say what I want to say, "you were going to hurt me I think. I wanted you to take your medication, you didn't want to take your medication."
"Great, just great. Now I'm no better than DiBiase!" he says, sounding disgusted with himself.
That's the last straw, I take Randy's chin in my hand and turn him to face me. "Listen to me Randy, don't say those things about yourself. There's a difference between you and Ted. You didn't chose to do that. That's a part of you and a part of who you are. You didn't drink to the point of hitting me. It just happened. And you didn't even really hit me, just backed me against the locker and stood with your hands on either side of my head. You are ten times the man that he is."
"I could have hurt you!" he says, the tears in his eyes, "I could have hurt my fiance and I'm a piece of garbage."
"No! No you're not garbage Randy! The thought of you fuels me to be a better person! How could someone who does that be garbage?" I say, pressing my face against his, nose to nose with him.
He frowns, "Every time I get into one of those fits...I think about how much I hate myself. About how God must hate me for me to be made like I am. How can you love something like me?"
"You're not a something Randy, you're a person. A person who has helped me find things out about myself that I never knew. A person who helped me bounce back from a violent relationship, who didn't judge when I told him that I hated myself for loving someone other than him." I reply, kissing him softly. "Randy, when all hope has run out of my heart, you're the one who puts the hope back in. That's why I love you. See this ring?" I ask, showing him the ring he used to propose to me a few weekends ago.
"Of course I see the ring, I bought it for you."
I find my paradise
When you look me in the eyes
How long will I be waiting
To be with you again
"This ring symolizes how much I love you and how much you love me. No matter what, as long as I wear this ring I'm you're girl. Even when I don't wear it in here," I raise one of his hands and put it where my heart it, "I'm always going to be the girl you met in the cafeteria and started a whirlwind romance with. Only thing that's going to change between us is last names and parental status, I don't care if you have a million I.E.D attacks."
Randy throws his arms around me and holds me close, "I was so scared that I hurt you. I would die if I ever really did."
"And like I told you, you're I.E.D stops you from being able to control yourself. I understand why you didn't take it but maybe next time you shouldn't lie to me either. What if Kat and Edge hadn't run on down and by some weird stretch of the imagination we managed to get The Nexus down and running away scared. What if I had been the only person left in the ring? What would you have done then?"
Randy looks at his lap, "I...I didn't think about that Nolee..."
"I know you didn't..." I reply, not letting go of his hands.
Gonna tell you that I love you
In the best way that I can
I can't take a day without you here
You're the light that makes my darkness disappear
Randy smiles at me, "So...this tag team match at Extreme Rules..."
I smile, "I saw the dark smirk on your face. You're ready for it and you wanna do whatever it takes to be the champion."
He looks at me, then dropping his eyes to the floor. "Dark smirk...like evil..."
"Randy, I have a confession to make," I reply, making him look at me again.
He frowns, "You're leaving me aren't you?"
"You're such a downer!" I laugh. "No, what I have to say is that dark side, that cold and calculated side that makes you who you are...I like it."
He gasps, "Nolee!"
"Well, I told you I had a confession to make and there it is. You're dark side makes me feel like our relationship is just beginning because back then you were dark. You've changed and it's for the better but I still like that darker side of you Randy."\
Randy smirks, "Nolee, you're a dweeb."
"Yeah but I'm your dweeb."
When you look me in the eyes
And tell me that you love me
Everything's alright when you're
Right here by my side
"Anyways, we were talking about the tag team match," Randy changes the subject back to the one he knows we should talk about. I mean, after all my sister is in that match and with how much Randy and I both want the titles, people are going to get hurt.
"Yeah, we were weren't we." I smile, leaning against him.
"You want those titles as much as I do, don't you?" Randy asks, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
"Of course I do."
"Then you'll be willing to go with any plan I have to get them aren't you?"
I look at Randy, a devilish smirk playing on my lips as I say, "What exactly do you have in mind?"
"We have to disect each team. I saw Lillie's face when Phil was going to kick you in the head, she was shocked. Sure she didn't move to help you but I'm pretty sure that she only didn't do it because she was afraid that she'd undermine Phil's authority on television."
"So that's their weakness as a team, the fact that Lillie doesn't want Phil to hurt women?" I ask, "Randy, that's the same for any couple."
"Nolee, there's a difference in not wanting to hurt someone and not wanting to end their career. You know what I do to people when I punt them in the head, the damage that I often cause." Randy replies, looking at me, "Phil was going to do that to you. And by the look in Lillie's eyes, she was mortified that he was going to do something so cruel. So we prey on that."
"Randy, how would you like to do that?" I ask, "It's not like that opportunity arises all the time."
"We'll figure it out when we come to it," Randy replies, putting a hand on my arm.
When you look me in the eyes
I catch a glimpse of heaven
I find my paradise
When you look me in the eyes
"What about Kat and Adam?" I ask, "He's your best friend and she's my sister. It's not like we can be as vicious with them as we can be with Lillie and Phil."
"That's true. And as a team, they don't seem to have a weakness. I mean, she's insane and hella strong."
"And he's just plain insane," I nod.
Randy laughs, "Yeah, I think so too."
"So how do we approach taking them out?" I ask.
He's silent for a moment, running one hand over the side of his neck as he closes his eyes in thought. Finally he opens his eyes, a smirk on his face. "I got it!" he exclaims.
"Well don't keep me waiting babe," I laugh.
"I get Adam drunk and try to figure out from him their weakness. He tells me anything and everything I wanna know when he's drunk so he'll definitely spill the beans about something like this."
"There's just one problem." I frown.
"And that is?"
"What are we going to do about Katana?"
More and more I start to realize
I can reach my tomorrow
I can hold my head up high
And it's all because you're by my side
"That's a good question," he says, going back to thinking. "Um..."
"I could always take her out and distract her," I shrug. "I dunno, maybe take her and Byron clothes shopping."
"Byron?" Randy asks.
"You know, her son." I laugh.
"Adam didn't tell me that he and Kat had a kid," Randy frowns, wrinkling his brow.
"They didn't. Byron is Glenn's kid, you know, Kane?"
"Your sister and Kane have a baby?"
"God Randy have you been living under a rock?" I laugh, "Back before she got with Adam, before she even got with John for that brief stint of a relationship, Glenn and Kat were together. They were happily married and things just turned sour."
"Wow..." Randy smiles, "and no I haven't been living under a rock. I just don't tend to keep up on backstage stuff. Only reason I even know Adam and Kat are married is because Adam's my best friend and I was at the wedding."
"I remember, you're the one who got wasted and gave that god awful speech about how Kat and Adam were going to be together forever and had to take you home that night," I laugh at the fond memory. "But back on topic, you want me to distract Kat while you drink with Adam and try to get him totally wasted?"
"That about sums it up," Randy nods, laughing.
When you look me in the eyes
And tell me that you love me
Everything's alright
When you're right here by my side
I smile, "So you ready to leave yet?"
Randy grabs his bag and he nods, "Lets get out of here and grab some dinner." So he may have inner issues, but I happen to like them. They just prove he's human.
When I hold you in my arms
I know that it's forever
I just gotta let you know
I never wanna let you go
Because when you look me in the eyes
And tell me that you love me
Everything's alright
When you're right here by my side
When you look me in the eyes
I catch a glimpse of heaven
I find my paradise
When you look me in the eyes