Chapter 4
For the next few days, Shelby and Rachel don't cross paths very often. Shelby practically lives in the auditorium of Carmel High. When Rachel gets better, she spends every waking hour rehearsing. By the time Regionals rolls around, she's more than ready. But, her stomach feels like it's tied in knots. She wonders if she's having a relapse of the 24-hour bug she had a few days before. And then she realizes it's nerves. She's not nervous about performing. She knows her performance will be flawless. She's nervous about going up against Jesse St. James. She doesn't want him to win. Not the game he's playing with her heart. And not Regionals. She doesn't want his already big head to get any bigger.
Waiting to go on, Finn adjusts his tie. He takes a few swift steps toward her and she meets him halfway.
"Break a leg," Rachel says.
"I love you," Finn blurts out.
Taken aback, Rachel stares at him. When she recovers from the shock, she breaks into a genuine smile. As New Directions is announced, Finn looks at Rachel one last time and grins. Rachel returns the smile. They make their entrance, singing Journey's Faithfully as they walk down the aisle and step on stage.
While New Directions is performing, Vocal Adrenaline is in the green room getting ready. Shelby slips out to watch her daughter perform. She can hear Rachel's voice in the green room, but she wants to see Rachel. She finds a spot by the stage where no one will bother her. Rachel's pitch is perfect. The male lead is good, but Rachel is the standout of the performance. Shelby's heart swells with pride. That's her daughter. Rachel looks like her. Sings like her. And the audience is mesmerized.
Shelby hears footsteps and tears her gaze away from her daughter, annoyed at the intrusion until she sees that it's Jesse.
"I didn't know this dark corner was taken," Jesse jokes, joining Shelby.
Shelby feels Jesse stiffen as he watches the performance. Rachel sings Faithfully, looking straight at Finn as she sings the words like she means them. Shelby glances at Jesse. His expression is neutral. If she didn't know what to look for, she wouldn't think the performance affected him. But, she can see that his jaw is clenched and his hands are balled into fists at his sides. She wonders if he still has feelings for her daughter or if it's just bruising his ego that Rachel already moved on.
"Her singing is flawless. He's good, but he's never had any vocal training. He's rough. Unpolished. He's not good enough to sing with her," Jesse says.
Amused, Shelby smirks. "At least he doesn't throw food at her," Shelby says.
Jesse sighs slowly. "That's not true," Jesse says.
"Excuse me?" Shelby asks, surprised and confused.
"Glee is at the bottom of the proverbial pyramid at McKinley. Hudson is a jock first and a singer second. Jocks make a habit of throwing slushies in the faces of anyone they don't like," Jesse explains.
Shelby frowns. The boy on stage is looking at Rachel like he loves her. Like he'd never do anything to hurt her. Of course, Jesse once looked at Rachel like that.
New Directions transitions from Faithfully to Any Way You Want It. All of the members join in singing, but Jesse only has eyes for Rachel. He watches as Rachel and Finn flirt on stage. Looking only at each other. Smiling at each other. Touching each other. Jesse digs his nails into his palms.
"His paws are all over her," Jesse mutters under his breath.
They watch until Any Way You Want It is over, but they can't stay for the last song of the performance.
"We gotta go get ready. We're on in two minutes," Shelby says.
New Directions rounds out the Journey medley with Don't Stop Believing. As the audience claps, Finn pulls Rachel into his arms. Rachel feels safe. Happy. Loved. She knows Finn's feelings are pure. He waited patiently for her pseudo-relationship with Jesse to end. He was there for her when she had laryngitis. He was there for her after Vocal Adrenaline egged her. Ready to fight for her. Defend her honor. He's dependable. He's nothing like Jesse St. James. He's exactly what she needs.
Quinn interrupts their premature celebration, announcing that her water broke. The other members of New Directions go to the hospital with her, but Rachel stays behind to watch Vocal Adrenaline. To watch Jesse.
Standing in the back of the theater, Rachel watches as Vocal Adrenaline performs Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. Of course they would do Queen. Again. After all, they funkified New Directions with Another One Bites The Dust. Jesse told her all she needed to know with that song. That's how he broke the news to her that he was back at Carmel. That's how he made it clear to her that she was just another notch on his belt. That's how he broke her heart. And, just in case she didn't get it the first time, he cracked an egg on her forehead to drive the point home. Rachel crosses her arms in front of her chest protectively and frowns. Jesse looks directly at Rachel as he sings the last few of the song.
"Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me."
Rachel knows she didn't matter to him. She doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he got under her skin, but every word cuts her open. The pain is raw. She doesn't know how much longer she can hold back her tears. So, she leaves before the song is over.
Rachel doesn't need to hear the results to know who won. New Directions had more heart. But, Vocal Adrenaline beat them. The song choice. The advanced choreography. The sheer number of hours in rehearsal. And, of course, Sue poisoning the judges against New Directions. She doesn't know if she'll be able to swallow her pride and congratulate her mother after the results are announced. So, she goes to the green room to find Shelby while the judges are still voting.
Shelby is stirring a cup of coffee. Rachel stands in the doorway of the green room.
"Congratulations," Rachel says.
Caught by surprise, Shelby looks up. Guarded, she crosses her arms in front of her chest. She didn't expect Rachel to be a good sport. She knows she wouldn't have been if she were in her daughter's shoes. And it reminds her that however much of herself she may see in her daughter, the two men that raised Rachel played the biggest role in shaping her into the person she has become.
"Thanks, Rachel," Shelby replies. Trying to find the words her daughter needs to hear, Shelby pauses. She's not used to consoling losers. She doesn't coach losers. She looks far and wide for the best performers and makes them even better. She hasn't lost since she started coaching Vocal Adrenaline. She remembers what it's like to be unsuccessful. After all, she's a high school Glee coach instead of a Broadway star. But, there aren't any words that would heal that wound. If Rachel's as much like her as she thinks, there's nothing she can say that will make Rachel feel better about losing. Her daughter needs to win. Needs praise. Rachel's dads would probably know exactly what to say. "You were really, really good," Shelby says.
Rachel nods her head once. "I know," Rachel says.
Shelby laughs, amused by her daughter's bold confidence. "Where's the rest of your team?" Shelby asks.
"They're, uh, they're at the hospital. Quinn had her baby," Rachel replies.
"Is she okay?" Shelby asks, concerned.
"Yeah, she's fine," Rachel replies.
"Why aren't you there with them?" Shelby asks.
Uncomfortable, Rachel looks down. She's not with them because she wanted to watch Jesse. But, she knows her mother and Jesse have a special bond. She doesn't know where Shelby's loyalty lies. Even if Shelby takes Rachel's side, Rachel doesn't think telling her mother how she feels about Jesse will go over well. It will put Shelby in the middle.
"I, uh, wanted to watch the final performance. Besides, Finn's keeping me posted," Rachel says.
As she leaves the green room, Rachel runs into Jesse. Literally. He grabs her shoulders, steadying her, and looks at her.
"What brings you to our neck of the woods?" Jesse asks. He smirks, assuming she's looking for him.
"I was just talking to Shelby," Rachel replies.
Jesse raises his eyebrows. "Shelby? What? No Mom?" Jesse asks.
Rachel glares at Jesse and crosses her arms in front of her chest. He hit a nerve. When she asked Shelby for help with her Lady Gaga costume, she didn't think twice about calling Shelby "Mom." It felt right. And Rachel liked saying it. But, after everything that's happened between her and Shelby, the title feels premature.
"I don't really think that's appropriate," Rachel explains.
"Because you're still in Act One of your relationship," Jesse says.
"Exactly. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go," Rachel says, stepping back.
"No, you don't. They're not ready for us yet. We have all the time in the world," Jesse points out.
"No, we don't. We're out of time," Rachel says pointedly.
Jesse laughs. "Come on, don't tell me that you weren't hoping to find me here when you came to talk to your mom. It's the perfect way to accidentally run into me on purpose," Jesse says, smirking.
"Don't flatter yourself," Rachel mutters.
"Your performance was flawless, but you carried Hudson. Just think what you could do if you were sharing the spotlight with someone with talent," Jesse says.
"Someone like you?" Rachel scoffs. "If I sang Faithfully with you, it would lack the emotional depth of my performance with Finn. I'm not a good enough actress to sing a love song with you!" Rachel snaps.
Rachel turns on her heel and storms away. She stops as soon as she's out of sight. She leans against the wall and closes her eyes.
"You're acting right now," Jesse mutters as Rachel stalks off.
A few minutes later, the teams return to the stage for the results. Rachel glances at Vocal Adrenaline. Jesse locks eyes with her and she quickly looks away. Rachel's right hand is in Mercedes', her left hand in Artie's. She takes a deep breath as Sue announces the winner. Vocal Adrenaline. Her face falls. She holds back tears. She chances another look at Vocal Adrenaline. Jesse is hugging her mother tightly. When he releases Shelby, he holds the trophy up and looks directly at Rachel. Silently taunting her. Rubbing it in her face.
Shelby warned Rachel that Vocal Adrenaline would be at the house. She's throwing them a victory party. She always does after they win. She invited everyone before Rachel moved in and it was too late to cancel or change the location. So, Rachel can't go home. Instead, she goes to Finn's house.
"This sucks," Finn mutters.
"We didn't just lose Regionals. We lost Glee. We lost everything," Rachel says.
"I screw everything up. I'm captain of the football team and we only won one game all season. I really thought we would win today. We weren't even the runner-up. We came in last place," Finn says.
"I feel awful right now," Rachel says. She's trying not to cry, but she feels tears welling up in her eyes. "You know what makes this even worse? My mom is celebrating with my ex-boyfriend," Rachel says.
"Your mom hasn't been there for you. Mr. Schue has. He's been there for all of us," Finn points out.
"We should do something nice for him. We should show him just how much we appreciate his support," Rachel suggests.
"You're right," Finn agrees. He frowns, trying to think of an appropriate gesture. "Maybe you could bake him some of your sugar cookies," Finn suggests.
Rachel shakes her head once. She remembers baking him cookies to apologize for criticizing his choreography and recommending that they hire Dakota. This isn't a simple apology. It's a thank you. And they owe Mr. Schue a lot. He didn't become an accountant. Instead, he stayed at McKinley. For them. A grand gesture is in order.
"I have an idea. We can honor him in song. To Sir With Love," Rachel says, smiling slightly.
As Rachel and Finn talk, Vocal Adrenaline has taken over Shelby's house. Her students scatter throughout the house. Eating the catered food. Gossiping. Critically analyzing the other performances. Brainstorming ideas for Nationals. Wanting some peace and quiet, Shelby goes upstairs for a breather. Walking down the hall to her bedroom, she sees Jesse in Rachel's room. She pauses in the doorway and watches him for a moment.
Jesse doesn't feel like a winner. Winning came at a cost. Rachel Berry. The only girl he's ever loved. When he accepted the trophy, he saw the look on her face. She looked at him like he was the one that had crushed her hopes and dreams. Instead of celebrating with Rachel, he's stuck with the people that cost him Rachel in the first place. The woman that forced him to seduce her and then leave her behind. Go back to Vocal Adrenaline. The team that made him prove his loyalty by egging the girl he loved. He can't even look at them right now. Worse still, he knows Rachel's with Finn Hudson.
Wanting to feel closer to Rachel, Jesse finds her room. He smiles in approval of the Broadway posters on the walls. Of course she has good taste. His smile fades when he sees a bulletin board with pictures of New Directions at various performances. She's always next to Finn. His arm is usually around her possessively. She looks so comfortable in his arms. He sits down on her bed and closes his eyes. When he opens them, he sees Shelby standing in the doorway watching him.
"I just needed a break. I'm not in a celebratory mood," Jesse explains.
"You're supposed to be jumping for joy. You're going to graduate with four National titles and a full-ride to UCLA. You're one of the lucky ones. You're going to get out of Ohio. And all of your dreams are going to come true," Shelby says.
Jesse forces a smile for Shelby's benefit. He knows how much she's done for him in the last four years. How many doors she's opened for him. How many extra hours she's spent working with him. He's always been good. But, she made him great. She may have also ruined his chances with her daughter, but he knows he owes her. Doing her bidding with Rachel doesn't even begin to repay her. He will always feel indebted to Shelby.
"How could I lose with you as a coach?" Jesse says.
"Remember that when you're starring in your first Broadway musical," Shelby teases.
"You'll be in the front row," Jesse says, daring to hope her daughter will be on stage with him.
"Of course I will. I've always been your biggest fan," Shelby says.
That's not completely true. Shelby supports him. Pushes him. Hard. She can be his harshest critic. Praise from her is hard to come by. But, when he gets it, he knows he deserves it. He wouldn't call her a fan, though.
Rachel was his biggest fan. When they met in the music store, she was starstruck. In awe of the star of Vocal Adrenaline. She even got nervous when he asked her to sing with him. Even though she's a star in the making, too. Of course, once she joined in, she was his equal. They were perfectly matched. He loved being with her. She made him feel good. And now she's not a fan. Jesse sighs slowly.
Shelby notices the sigh. Her most energetic performer lacks energy. Jesse is always on Cloud 9 after they win. His excitement is contagious. But, he's different now. He's tired. Broken. And she knows why. Her daughter had quite an effect on the playboy. Shelby feels guilty. For telling Jesse to befriend Rachel. To transfer to McKinley to earn her trust. To come back to Vocal Adrenaline. She knows she's to blame. But, she can't undo what's done. She could explain why Jesse did what he did to Rachel. But that would only make things worse. Then Rachel would be angry with both of them. She won't lose her daughter again. Not even for Jesse.
"Are you tired?" Shelby asks.
"Yeah. I think I'm going to cut out early," Jesse replies.
Shelby gets up and stands in the doorway. She waits for Jesse to leave and shuts the door behind him.