A/N: Thank you to everyone that reviewed. I had this chapter written and then my computer crashed and I lost it, so I had to re-write it. Sorry about the wait.
Chapter 5
Rachel has been upset since New Directions' crushing defeat. She lost. She's never lost a singing competition before. Rachel Berry is a winner. She's been winning trophies since she was a baby. And, now she's wondering if she's good enough to make it on Broadway. She's never questioned her talent before. She can't move on from the loss when she lives with the coach of Vocal Adrenaline. She helped Shelby clean up the aftermath of Vocal Adrenaline's victory party. She was sitting next to Shelby when Dakota Stanley called her to discuss the choreography for Nationals. Shelby left a notebook with ideas for the set list for Nationals out on the kitchen counter. Everywhere she goes, she's reminded of her loss. She can't escape it.
By the time New Directions goes to school on Monday, they've all given up hope. They had to win Regionals to prove themselves to Principal Figgins, and they didn't even place. They're resigned to their fate when they perform To Sir With Love in honor of Will. Will is visibly touched by the gesture.
The pseudo-goodbye makes the end of Glee more real. For some of the members of Glee, it's just a club. But, for Rachel, it's everything. She knows her teammates are her only friends at McKinley. Even Finn would never have given her a second thought if it weren't for Glee. She sees New Directions as a way to get noticed by college recruiters. A way to get a scholarship to a top performing arts program. It's the first step on the road to stardom. And, now her journey is over before it's even begun.
When Finn drops her off, she doesn't invite him in. She wants to be alone to wallow in self-pity. She's grateful that Vocal Adrenaline rehearses until midnight every day. She'll have the house to herself for awhile. But, when she steps into the house, she sees Shelby and Jesse sitting at the kitchen table looking at sheet music. The sight of the boy that broke her heart, that egged her in her house freezes her for a moment. Shelby knows what he did. Why would she invite him over? When Rachel gets over the initial shock, she wants nothing more than to turn around. But, it's too late. Shelby and Jesse already noticed her. She sends a quick text to Finn telling him to come back.
To her credit, Shelby is visibly surprised to see Rachel. She only invited Jesse over because she thought Rachel would be at Glee. Rachel told Shelby that she didn't need to pick her up after school because New Directions had a performance and Finn would drive her home afterwards. Shelby gave Vocal Adrenaline the week off. It gives Dakota time to choreograph the Nationals routine and her students time to recuperate from the demanding rehearsals the week of Regionals. So, when Jesse asked Shelby to help him find a song for his audition for the show choir at UCLA, Shelby invited him over to look at her selection of sheet music. He was supposed to be gone before Rachel got home.
Jesse hoped he would see Rachel. He misses her so much. It's painful to live without her. Her absence is a crushing weight on his soul. He smiles wide when he sees her.
"Jesse, why are you here?" Rachel asks. Her tone tells him that she doesn't want him there.
"Rachel, I'm sorry. I thought you'd be at Glee longer. I'm just helping Jesse find a song for his audition for UCLA's show choir," Shelby explains.
"I recommend You Give Love A Bad Name," Rachel says.
Jesse smirks. He thought she was with Finn Hudson. But, the song choice and bitter tone tell him that she still has feelings for him. She might hate him now, but that's better than indifference. There's a thin line between love and hate.
"Bon Jovi is Hudson's style. Not mine," Jesse says.
A confused Finn walks through the door. He hadn't even gotten out of the neighborhood when Rachel told him to come back.
"Hey. Wha-" Finn starts, but he stops suddenly when he sees Jesse.
"Speak of the devil," Jesse mutters.
Rachel glares at Jesse. She grabs Finn's hand and starts pulling him to the stairs.
"What the hell is St. Jerk doing here?" Finn asks.
"Don't mind him. Shelby…Jesse, Finn and I are going up to my room," Rachel says. She doesn't look back.
Shelby raises her eyebrows. She doesn't want her fifteen year old daughter and her boyfriend in her bedroom. The seasoned coach with years of experience dealing with teenagers wants to stop them. The new mother doesn't know what to do. She doesn't want to embarrass Rachel. And, she knows Rachel is uncomfortable being in the vicinity of Jesse. So, she watches Rachel and Finn disappear upstairs. She cringes when she hears Rachel's bedroom door shut.
Shelby reluctantly turns back to Jesse. She tries to focus on the sheet music, but how can she concentrate when her daughter is doing who-knows-what with Finn upstairs?
As Shelby and Jesse pull aside potential songs, Rachel and Finn sit down on her bed.
"You said your mom knows he egged you," Finn says.
Rachel nods her head. "She does," Rachel confirms.
"How can she invite him over when she knows how much he hurt you?" Finn demands. Angry, he raises his voice slightly. He narrows his eyes.
Rachel shrugs. "She apologized. She thought I'd be at Glee longer. She's helping him find a song for an audition," Rachel explains.
"Yeah, but how can she help him when she knows what he did?" Finn demands.
"I have no idea," Rachel answers. She sighs slowly. "I know she's his coach, but she's my mom. I should come first," Rachel says.
"Did you want me to come back to make Jesse jealous?" Finn asks, frowning slightly.
"No. I wanted you to come back because I needed my boyfriend. I didn't want to be alone with them," Rachel replies. She practically spits out the word them.
Finn grins and wraps his arms around Rachel.
"While my intention wasn't to make Jesse jealous, I want to hurt him. Do you want to make out?" Rachel asks.
"Yeah," Finn replies.
Finn's eyes darken with desire. He leans in and kisses Rachel. As he deepens the kiss, they fall back on the bed.
As Jesse sings one of the songs they're considering, Shelby realizes that there aren't any sounds coming from upstairs. No singing. No talking even. She has a pretty good idea of what Rachel and Finn are doing. Hoping she's wrong, she goes upstairs. She stands outside Rachel's bedroom door for a few seconds. Radio silence. She knocks and opens the door.
When they hear Shelby knock, Finn and Rachel break apart. So, when Shelby steps into Rachel's bedroom, she sees the teenagers, breathless, on Rachel's bed. Their lips are swollen.
Shelby sighs slowly. "Finn, you gotta go," Shelby says, an edge to her voice. Glaring at Finn, her eyes flash dangerously.
"I'm sorry, Ms. Corcoran," Finn mumbles.
Shelby's stare is implacable. Unforgiving. Unyielding. She kinks an eyebrow and motions toward the door. Finn practically runs past her. Shelby Corcoran scares him when she's not angry with him. When she's angry, she's terrifying. Rachel follows. Shelby is only a step behind them. She's not letting Rachel out of her sight. She doesn't want Rachel and Finn to simply move their make-out session to his car or his house.
"Leaving so soon?" Jesse asks. There's laughter in his voice.
Finn pauses. He turns to face Jesse, but sees Shelby and thinks better of it. As they go to the front door, Rachel grabs Finn's hand. Finn holds on tight.
"Rachel, you can walk Finn out, but I want you to come back here. We need to talk," Shelby says.
Rachel stops in the foyer. Standing on her tiptoes, she reaches up and kisses Finn goodbye. She's putting on a show. She wants the display to make Jesse jealous. The kiss catches Finn off guard. He doesn't want to make out with Rachel in front of her mother. Especially when her mother is Shelby Corcoran. He knows he should stop this, but Rachel's tongue is exploring his mouth and he can't think. Rachel doesn't stop until she needs to catch her breath. Finn opens his eyes and sees Shelby watching. He says a hasty goodbye and takes off.
Rachel puts her show face on before turning to face her audience. Jesse has a perfect poker face. Aloof. If he's jealous, it doesn't show. Shelby is visibly angry.
"It didn't take long," Jesse mutters.
"Excuse me?" Rachel says.
"For you to move on," Jesse explains. "Is Hudson a rebound, or did you fall for him?" Jesse asks.
"There's nothing to move on from. Our relationship wasn't real. You were playing me," Rachel says.
"I may have had an ulterior motive, but that doesn't mean our relationship wasn't real. My feelings were real. My love was real," Jesse argues.
Bewildered and confused, Rachel stares at Jesse. Vocal Adrenaline already beat New Directions. Game over. Rachel lost. What's Jesse playing at? She may not know what his angle is, but she knows she can't trust him.
"My love was real," Rachel snaps. "You broke my heart," Rachel says quietly.
"You broke my heart first," Jesse points out.
"I apologized for the Run, Joey, Run incident. What I did was stupid. But, what you did was cruel," Rachel says.
"I shouldn't have egged you. I feel awful about it. I'm so sorry. You deserve better than that," Jesse says.
"Is that the only thing you're sorry for?" Rachel asks.
"I didn't want you to get hurt, but I won't apologize for going out with you. I may have asked you out for the wrong reasons, but the reasons don't matter. I loved you," Jesse says.
"Don't you see how much the reasons do matter? Our entire relationship was based on a lie!" Rachel yells.
Jesse is in an impossible situation. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Rachel can get over him egging her. But, she can't get past the reason he asked her out in the first place. She thinks he only went out with her to sabotage New Directions. She thinks wrong. He didn't even see McKinley as competition. Yes, Rachel is good. But, one person can't carry an entire team. Jesse is good, but so are all of the other members of Vocal Adrenaline. He wants to tell her the truth. But, he can't do that to Shelby.
Frustrated, Jesse sighs. "Why do you think I went out with you?" Jesse asks.
"To crush the heart of the competition before Regionals," Rachel replies in an accusatory tone.
"You know I loved you. Don't you think that not being with you hurts me just as much as it hurts you?" Jesse asks.
Rachel is getting more confused by the second. Her teammates convinced her that her entire relationship with Jesse was just a diabolical plot. She remembers the last time Jesse told her he loved her. It was in the parking lot as he cracked an egg on her forehead. He looked straight into her eyes. And, for a split second, he didn't have his show face on. She could hear the emotion in his voice. Why would he tell her that he loved her if he didn't? There are a hundred other things he could have said to hurt her. She knows he really loved her. But, that realization brings her back to the question…why did he go out with her in the first place? He's not denying that he had an ulterior motive.
"Maybe. If that's true, why did you go out with me? Did you want our set list for Regionals?" Rachel asks.
"Rachel, Shelby made our set list right after Sectionals. The booster club paid Dakota Stanley thousands of dollars to choreograph our routine. We would never change our set list at the last minute," Jesse replies.
Rachel nods in acceptance. She knows he's right. But, what other reason could Jesse have to go out with her? Memories of every moment she spent with him swim to the surface. And, suddenly it dawns on her. When he asked her what her dream was, he pushed her to find her mom. She even asked why he was pushing it. He found the tape. And, when she told him she wasn't ready to listen to it, he forced her hand. He's right here in her house because Shelby is helping him. Maybe he helped Shelby, too. Rachel turns to face Shelby.
"Did you tell Jesse to go out with me?" Rachel asks.
Shelby looks at Rachel and sees pure fury in her eyes. Rachel already knows the answer. But, she's still waiting for Shelby to confirm her suspicions. And, when Shelby does, she'll have to shoulder the responsibility for her daughter's broken heart. What little trust Rachel has in her will be destroyed. Shelby sighs slowly.
"I couldn't contact you. I signed that contract. You had to come to me," Shelby says. There's a hint of desperation in her voice.
Jesse swallows. He didn't think Rachel would figure out what his real reason was. He just wanted her to come to the realization that he wasn't sabotaging New Directions. He should have known better. He knows he has to fix the damage he's done. For Shelby. And for Rachel.
"Rachel, we didn't want you to get hurt. When Shelby told me to seduce you-"
Shelby tilts her head slightly and gives Jesse a disapproving look. "Befriend her was the word I used," Shelby cuts in. How many times does she have to tell him that? There's a big difference between befriending someone and seducing them. Only one can result in a broken heart.
But, Rachel isn't listening. She turns to face Jesse. The word seduce brings back the memory of when she almost had sex with Jesse. It would have been a mistake. A mistake she could never correct. She can't believe her own mother would tell Jesse to seduce her. She had a family with her dads. Her real parents. They protected her. They would never do anything to hurt her. This, here, with Shelby…it's not a family. It's a joke. A sick joke. And, Rachel is the butt of the joke.
"Why did you transfer to McKinley?" Rachel demands.
"When I told Shelby that you didn't trust me because your team didn't trust me, she told me to transfer to McKinley," Jesse admits.
"Why did you go back?" Rachel asks.
"I was always supposed to go back. I just had to get you to listen to the tape first," Jesse replies.
Rachel takes a deep breath. She's had a million questions since Jesse went back to Vocal Adrenaline. She questioned if he ever loved her. She wondered if the Run, Joey, Run incident pushed him away…if she pushed him away. She's been torturing herself for weeks. And, it was never his decision. It was all part of Shelby's grand plan. It was a game to her, and she was calling all the shots. As long as Shelby got what she wanted, it didn't matter who got hurt in the process. Rachel's heart was collateral damage.
Rachel slowly turns to face Shelby. "You know, I thought Jesse was heartless, but I was wrong. He was just a puppet. You were pulling the strings. The only one here that doesn't have a heart is you. You're my mom. You should want to protect me, but you don't. All you ever do is hurt me," Rachel says.
Shelby expected anger, but Rachel is furious. Every word she speaks shoots Shelby right through the heart. Shelby didn't know words could hurt this much. Excruciating pain. By the time she recovers from the verbal attack, it's too late. When she opens her mouth to try to explain, Rachel is already storming out of the house. Rachel's departure is dramatic. Theatrical. The door slams behind her. Rachel walks away and doesn't look back. Not even once.
"Shelby, I'm sorry," Jesse says.
Shelby stares at him. There are tears in her eyes, but she won't cry in front of anyone. Especially not a student. She pushes her emotions aside. A stony stare hides her emotions. "Get out," Shelby orders. Her tone is deadly. Venomous.
When Jesse leaves, Shelby lets a few tears roll down her cheek.