A/N: Okay so please don't kill me I know I am super late on posting…but just know that I love all of you who have reviewed and story alerted.

Things just keep getting in the way and I haven't really been motivated…But I am now…

Also I am still looking for a Beta Please let me know if you are interested. Thanks!

Disclaimer…Stephanie Meyer owns all of these amazing characters I just like to play with them…

Also Guess what This chapter….is in EPOV! YAY!:)

Chapter 9

Past continued….

EPOV.

I ran… It was the only logical thing I could do when I saw her touch Mr. Fucking Banner that way.

I know I was a huge ass and lied to her but for her to come to my town, my school and embarrass me like that. That, that…

I slammed my hand against my locker and ripped open the door to find my back pack. I rummaged through it till I found what I was looking for…

A small bottle of whiskey, a pack of smokes and my last little bit of weed I was saving in case I needed it in the future. I hadn't smoked it since that first party when I met her. I felt so high being with her naturally and now I felt like I was crashing so hard that I needed something to get me back there…

"Hey man!"

I didn't even turn to see who it was…Garret.

"Garret," I sighed turning. "What?"

He looked at me and his eyes were half way shut and blood red.

"Gonna share that with me?" He wiggled his eye brows.

"Not today Garret I fucking need it." I shoved past him. Irritated that my best friend didn't even care to ask me if I was okay. What the fuck ever its not like I would of told him anyway…but still.

Thank fucking hell I saved this shit. I stashed everything in my pockets, grabbed my beanie and bolted for the door towards the back of the gym that went out to the forest.

I entered the chilly air and made my way to my old destination that I haven't been to for weeks. I thought I had changed, and I thought it was because of her.

Yeah well that Bella could kiss my ass now.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to punch something.

"FUCK!" I yelled. Making it to the edge of the trees, opening the lid to the whiskey, and taking a huge gulp. Letting the liquid burn my throat as it passed through. The liquid already working its magic to let me feel numb from the hurt and from the cold.

I sat down behind a tree once I no longer could see the break in the trees that led to the school.

I downed another drink, and opened the baggie that contained what I really needed... I took out the blunt carefully and flicked my lighter, inhaling the precious leaves that would get me back to where I needed to be.

XOXOXOXOX

Time passes…Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.

It had been three days.

Three fucking miserable days. In which I spent telling myself I didn't care for her…that I didn't want her…but even though my mind said I hated her. My heart was telling me other wise and for that I wasn't sure what the fuck that meant.

I didn't go to school because I couldn't think of anything except when she had been here to spite me.

I had broken her I knew I had. Just as she had broken me, for that I wasn't sure on how to feel.

She had been my first and I didn't plan to have feelings for her, but damn me for falling for those Brown beautiful eyes and chocolate brown hair. She seemed so fragile but she definitely knew how to take care of her self.

Stop! Don't pull yourself down again…

I don't know how I got stuck but if I really had to think about it then it would of have been that first night I spent the night with her.

I had watched her sleep, her chest rising and falling and I held her close to me. I think that was the turning point and I needed to be with her always. I would find away.

Being with her made me forget all my worries until I had an unexpected visit.

Flashback***

Two weeks earlier…

"Omg! Bella is going to be so mad!" Alice slammed her hand down on my kitchen table. Which made me jump slightly. "Are you going to tell her?" She demanded.

"I tried Alice. I fucking tried. I can't do it. I don't want to ruin everything. Everything is fucking perfect right now." I waved my hands around in the air for emphasis.

"Edward so fucking help me god if you don't do it by the end of this week. I am taking initiative into my own hands and telling her. She is my best friend!"

"Yeah well she is my girlfriend!" I yelled back.

"Not for long…this is wrong Edward…she could be in serious shit if your parents find out."

I just shook my head…no there's no way that they would stop me from being with her.

I just stared at Alice, unsure of what to do.

Her expression softened.

"You care about her a lot don't you?" She whispered to me.

I just stared at her with pleading eyes.

"Tell me how to tell her in way that I can keep her too." I put my head down and put my palms to my face and rubbed my eyes.

End Flashback***

It all went down hill from there…I knew that she was growing impatient when I went to the park with Bella that Friday…and Alice had called.

I was going to do it. But when it came time. The words wouldn't come and when Alice said she was going to tell Bella…I was powerless to tell her. I didn't do anything… I didn't want her broken…I was hoping if it came from me at least she would hear out my reasoning and then that's when she turned up at my school.

I shook my head of the thoughts and opened my eyes for the first time in what felt like hours.

I was in my room that was a fucking mess. I vaguely remember trashing it three days ago when my life really turned to shit.

Why I didn't just make her listen to me in the parking lot I will never know.

Her words hurt me and I never realized how much control she had over me.

Life with out her is miserable. Fucking miserable. However, she didn't want me and she made that perfectly fucking clear.

She told me not to touch her.

So I won't… it will be like I never existed for her.

Sitting up took a lot of effort and so I just lay back on my pillow and closed my eyes.

I hadn't heard from her in three days and I sure as hell wasn't about to call her. Why did it hurt so much? Why was I feeling so—so desolated?

I felt like someone had died—that part of me—had just disappeared and went out like a lit candle.

My phone went off then and I reached for it.

It was Alice.

I didn't answer; I ignored the call so it would stop ringing and let it go to voicemail. I went through my phone and saw that Alice had called over forty times in the last two days alone. I sighed heavily why won't the pixie just leave me alone.

I didn't even look at the text messages…I just deleted them.

XOXOXOXOX

He said, "I'm gonna buy this place and burn it down

I'm gonna put it six feet under ground."

"Edward Cullen."

I was sitting in Mr. Banner's room and two weeks had passed. Fucking Mr. Banner…could kiss my a—

"Mr. Cullen!"

I turned my gaze away from the window and looked at my teacher dejectedly…

"What?" I snapped back at him.

"When I call attendance that means you answer when I call your name." He glared back at me.

"Well obviously I am here aren't I?" I spit back at him.

He said, "Oh I'm gonna buy this place and watch it fall

Stand here beside me baby in the crumbling walls."

He huffed in annoyance and left me alone to my thoughts after that. I started drinking more, staying out later, and smoking pot more and more. With in the last week alone my grades were starting to drop. It's probably because I hadn't done one single assignment in the last two weeks.

"Oh I'm gonna buy this place and start a fire

Stand here until I fill all your hearts desires.

Because I'm gonna buy this place and see it burn

And do back the things it did to you in return."

The days that followed just got worse. I saw Mr. Banner and I would just get madder and madder until eventually I stopped showing up to his class all together.

My new ritual became to smoke weed before I could ever feel down and that way I would stay numb for ever.

He said, "I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war

If you can tell me something worth fighting for.

Oh I'm gonna buy this place, that's what I said

Blame it on a rush of blood to the head."

Alice still continued to call my phone even more over the last couple of days.

I was ready to change my number she had even resulted in using Jaspers phone to call me.

It was another day with out her… and I was feeling like shit. I planned to go straight to my room and hide.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when my mother walked in the door with a smile on her face.

"Edward Honey can I talk to you for a few minutes please?"

I trudged to the couch and landed with a thud.

"What's up mom?" I was stoned…I wasn't in the mood to talk.

"I need to remind you about the pictures we are going to take as a whole family this year."

Thinking of pictures made my heart race. Why?

Oh…I remember because she had taken pictures of me.

I wonder if she kept those pictures or threw them out…

I shook my head. I needed a drink—thinking about her…was becoming dangerous to my health.

"I know mom, I remember. When are we taking the pictures?"

She came and sat next to me and put her fingers in my hair. I closed my eyes and savored the touch. I missed these kinds of moments with my mom.

"Are you okay honey? You have seemed pretty out of it lately."

I didn't answer. How do you tell your mother your heart was crushed because the person you were falling for didn't want you because you weren't "old enough"?

"It's nothing mom I am just feeling down lately. It will pass." I hope…

"Okay but if you need to talk I am here for you." She kissed my head and then put her hands in her lap. "Oh! I forgot to tell you I hired a photographer and she is really good. I have been keeping tabs on her for awhile and her work is amazing. It will be tomorrow."

"That's great mom. I am gonna go do my homework now." I lied.

She waved me off and I went off to my room. The last thing I wanted to do was have my picture taken.

XOXOXOXOX

"Eddie….Eddie wake up…" I heard Jasper say.

I felt some one shake me.

"Eddie boy get your little pale as up!" And that was Emmett.

"What time is it?" I ask groggily.

"Its eight o'clock." Jasper said.

"What the Fuck are you doing waking me up this early on a Saturday!" I screeched.

"Its picture time dumb ass." Emmett replied.

I was in my warm cocoon and I didn't want to leave it. I stayed laying there for a few extra moments until some one ripped the covers off of me and my warm skin was exposed to the cold air.

"God Damn it!" I yelled.

"Look Eddie just get up and put these clothes on and brush your damn hair and get the fuck down stairs. Mom is waiting and she really wants this done. The photographer is going to be here in a few moments."

I sighed. "Yeah okay." I replied to Jasper.

I got up and went through my routine. I did it painfully slow because I had a major hang over from drinking the night before. I was not in the mood for this.

Knowing that some other chick was going to be taking my picture hurt. I felt like I was betraying the one person who didn't even fucking want me. God I was a messed up dude.

I put on my black slacks and dress shoes and put my black button up shirt on and rolled the sleeves up my forearm. I decided to dawn a red tie only because I thought it fitting that the holiday season was making me even more depressed. I ran my hands through my hair and looked in the mirror.

I looked tired though all I have done is sleep.

I looked broken.

Yeah that was more fitting.

I made my way down stairs only to stop dead in my tracks.

"Thank you for your business Esme I look forward to doing this with your family. I know you will just love them when I am done with this shoot."

That voice sounded really familiar, and it made my heart race. I didn't know if I should go to that voice or run away.

I did the only thing I could do which is continue my way down the stairs and make my presence known.

I needed a fucking cigarette. I needed a fucking drink…but most of all I needed…her.

It was exactly who I had expected. I tried to look indignant but I couldn't. When I walked in her back was too me and I instantly felt the atmosphere change. We were in the same room together breathing the same air in my fucking living room.

Fuck. Me. Side. Ways.

When my mom noticed my she smiled big at me.

"Bella this is my son Edward, the one I told you about."

She turned and her expression was blank.

She didn't reach out to shake my hand she just stood there frozen and said.

"She has told me a lot about you. About her baby." She smiled weakly. I saw her reach with one hand against her stomach and hold it. Taking a tentative breath.

I just nodded my head and inside I started to crumble.

She was going to play this game with me fine.

I turned on my heel and talked over my shoulder. "Let me know when its time." I walked out the front door. Not even caring of the cold that singed my skin.

I went to the garage and sat in my car.

I was only out there for twenty minutes when my mothers head popped out of the door and motioned for me to come in.

The living room was set up for the pictures.

"Okay I just need you guys to go over to the fireplace and stand together so I can take a picture to test the lighting and then I will place you where I want you to stand." Bella said. I didn't say anything I just followed orders.

I tried to keep my eyes off of her but I couldn't. My body called to hers. Motioning me to go to her… I didn't though.

Jasper and Emmett kept shooting me side ways glances. The tension in the room was thick. It seems Jasper and Emmett how ever were still them selves with her. Apparently my mother knew she was friends with Alice and that's how she had heard of me through when she had come here with Jasper.

I got a text and I took my phone out of my pocket and saw it was from Alice. I opened the text and was surprised at what I saw.

Talk to her. It's important. -Alice

I didn't know what to think.

I looked up just in time for the flash to go off.

"Alright!" Bella clapped her hands together.

"Esme I was you to sit on the stool I have right here." She brought it forward towards me and I felt my heart quicken.

"Yes my dear." My mom replied and took her seat which was now only a few inches away from me. Jasper Emmett I need you on either side of her. Jasper on her left and Emmett on her right. And—and Edward…"

I looked at her and she was looking at me a pained expression on her face.

"I need you to stand in between them." She motioned me with her hand to move so I did.

Then she walked up to me.

"Now place your hands on her shoulders. On both sides like this." She reached out and touched my hand placing them like she wanted.

The touch immediately sealed the whole in my heart. I smiled at her and she smiled back gazing into my eyes. But before I could read the expression she had on her face. She quickly wiped the smile off and returned to her emotionless look. She walked away with her hands on her stomach and made her way behind her camera.

The heat from the fire place was driving me crazy making me feel like an inferno ready to blow. She was still perfect in every way but you could tell she looked tired. Like the last few weeks had been hard on her too.

Stop!

She didn't want me.

I did as she asked as she continued to take pictures and when we were done she tentatively started putting her things away. When every one had left she and I remained in the room. I didn't know what to do.

"Bella…" My voice betrayed me and my voice broke on her name that barely escaped my lips as a whisper.

I was doing what Alice said to do. I was going to talk to her even if she didn't want me. I had to know for sure.

She looked surprised to hear my calling her name, and looked up at me.

"Yes?"

I walked over to her and just as I was about to speak my mother walked in.

"Oh Bella? Did you ever find out about what we talked about?"

Her eyes widened and she didn't reply her eyes shot between me and my mother and I had become confused.

Find out about what exactly?

My expression stayed on my face as Bella looked over to my mother once again and smiled.

"Y—yes I did."

"And?" My mother continued to prod.

She sighed. "You were right Esme. I can't believe it."

Esme walked briskly over to her and hugged her.

"See? I told you! Congratulations!" She squealed.

Bella was quickly turning more pale and I instantly became worried.

"What exactly are you congratulating her for mom?"

My mom smiled at me and then turned to look at Bella whose eyes were grave and big.

"Well dear our photographer Bella here is expecting. And I totally knew it before she did." She said still grinning.

"Huh?" I said still confused.

She shook her head and chuckled.

"Son you have a lot to learn about women. Bella's pregnant."

I froze. I looked at my mom and blinked I don't know how many times. Then I looked over at Bella whose eyes were glued to the floor.

Then it sunk in…

I didn't say anything. I just stood there starring at nothing. Looking at my mother but not really.

I let out a weak, "Congratulations." Then I shut the fuck up.

Esme continued to hug Bella asking about whether or not she was going to tell the father of the baby or not and I didn't even listen to her reply.

My heart broke she let some ass hole impregnate what was mine. My Bella.

I was pissed. My fist balled into fists. I bet it was Mr. Fucking Banner.

I was going to kill him. Bury him six feet under ground. I was going to beat his ass into nothing.

I was balancing on a knife and I finally teetered to far on the side and now I was falling. Blackness consuming me.

I sneered at Bella.

My mother left her then to finish packing her things and she didn't even move either. We stood there starring at each other and I just kept getting madder and madder.

"I hope you and Mr. Fucking Banner are happy with your Baby." I spat out.

She looked shocked, appalled at the remark I just made in her face. She took a step forward and before I knew it I felt the sting on my face.

I reached my hand up and touched my cheek.

"Don't you fucking dare say that Edward!" She whispered at me.

"Why the fuck not! It's not my fault you can't keep your legs closed. I thought you were on birth control!" I yelled at her. "I should have known especially how easily you opened them for me!"

She went to slap me again and I caught her hand. Our faces only inches apart.

"I didn't fucking sleep with Eric!" She snapped back at me.

"Then if you didn't fuck him who did you fuck! Since you don't give a shit about me!" Tears threatened to spill in my eyes and I blinked them back.

I was beyond furious. I gripped her wrist tighter when she tried to pull away. I ignored the sense of connection while I was holding her.

She looked down.

"You…" She trailed off.

I was confused.

"What?"

She yanked her hand away from me and stood there looking me in the face tears spilling down her cheeks.

"I slept with you, that is how I fucking got pregnant!" She grabbed her things and walked away from me and out of my house.

I didn't even move.

Fuck. My. Life.

Lyrics By Coldplay—A Rush of Blood to the head.