A/N: I know it's been forever since this has been updated. I seem to have had the worst luck over the past few months with everything from finals, to the hard drive on my computer crashing, and tornados, but it's done now. And this time I really mean it. This is the last chapter of Drowning and I really hope it doesn't suck too badly. I'm probably going to do a few oneshots set in this universe it anyone's interested, as I still have a few ideas, that I had meant to incorporate into this chapter but never did, but it'll have to be sometime after I get back from vacation. I leave on Thursday for Florida to go see BTR at Universal Studios. I can't wait.

Just one more thing before I leave you guys alone to read this. I just want to thank everyone who's reviewed, alerted, or favorited this story. When I started this I took a chance, and honestly I didn't think anyone was going to read this, but I've gotten an overwhelming response for it so thank you. And now onto:

Drowning: Part 3

A gentle breeze blew softly in through the open window, carrying with it the familiar scent of peppermint and vanilla that never failed to bring a smile to my face. Slowly, I turned and there he was, smiling gently as he held a hand out to me. There was no need for words, I simply pulled him into my arms and held on tightly. Tenderly, he wiped a few tears from my face, holding me close, and whispering soothingly into my ear as I sobbed into his chest. "Oh, James," he said pulling me impossibly closer. "Shh... It's okay. I'm here."

We stood there for what seemed like an eternity as my anguish slowly dwindled and my world righted itself upon its axis. I didn't know how he was here, nor did I care, but as long as I had him in my arms, I was never letting go. For the first time in what seemed like forever, I was whole again. I had Logan with me, right where he belonged, and the debilitating pain of losing him was slowly disappearing.

Suddenly, however, he was stepping back out of my arms, flashing me a sympathetic smile as the scene around us changed. The eerie green glow of emergency lighting replaced the once cheerful sunlight that had been filtering throughout the room and four metal walls sprang up around us. I had been transported back to the one place I never wanted to see again, yet was forced to visit every night in my dreams. I was trapped, stuck watching my nightmare play out in front of me. I watched in mounting horror as a puddle of blood rapidly formed beneath him. His mouth open and closed silently as he reached out to me, his eyes desperate.

I knew what would happen next, the events now familiar despite my extreme reluctance to relive it. I would stand frozen as Logan would fade until suddenly he would be gone and I would be left to awake to the cold, harsh reality that was now my life.

"James," a new voice penetrated my thoughts. Huh? "James," That was new. I looked to Logan, but he remained silent, staring at me with the same haunted look he had worn the night he died. "James! James, wake up!"

I awoke with a start, my heart pounding as I took in my surroundings. Kendall stood over me holding a screaming Larissa, one hand on my shoulder as he shook me. "James, I can't get her to stop crying," Kendall said slightly hysterical. "I didn't want to wake you, but I didn't know what else to do. I've tried everything."

My heart continued to pound as I laid there, Kendall's words barely registering, and the remnants of my dream lingering in my mind. As reality slowly set in, my slowly mending heart shattered all over again, and in that moment one thing was clear to me, clearer than anything had ever been in my entire life. I hated my daughter. She was the reason Logan was gone and I was left a broken mess, desperately trying to pick up the pieces and sew myself back together. It was her fault. She took him from me and, in my eyes that was unforgivable.

I glared up at her, hatred burning in my heart.

"James?" Kendall questioned clutching the little murder to his chest. "James, what's wrong?" He seemed puzzled about the hostility in my gaze, seemingly not understanding that the creature in his arms was a monster. A monster that needed to be exterminated.

The fire within my chest roared and grew brighter, as Larissa screamed louder and the hatred in my heart continued to fester. I resolutely ignored the voice in the back of my mind that whispered that this was wrong, that this wasn't what I really wanted. It insisted that I didn't really hate her and that deep down I knew that she was innocent. The voice sounded oddly like Logan, my conscience even in death as he was in life, but I was too far gone to listen.

I reached out to her, all but snatching her from Kendall's hands, and held her before me, my face hard. I wanted nothing more than to lash out and extinguish the life that I had helped to create, but just as I moved to do so, an image appeared behind her and I froze.

No! It wasn't possible and yet there he was. Logan. The look on his face was one of such disappointment that I cringed. I had only seen that look on his face once before, right after I had kissed Camille all those years ago and I had sworn then and there that I would never cause him to look at me like that ever again, but I had failed in that endeavor and it nearly killed me.

My face softened as he shook his head at me, silently begging me to reconsider and weigh the consequences of my actions. Then what I had almost done hit me like a ton of bricks, my eyes widening in horror. Quickly I brought Larissa to my chest, rocking her gently as tears sprung to my eyes and I clung to her tightly. Logan rewarded me with a crooked smile, the fire that had ravaged my heart and caused my insanity flickered and died. God, I had almost done the unthinkable and if it hadn't been for Logan, I had no doubt in my mind that I would have gone through with it. He had saved me just like always. He smiled at me one more time before his image faded and disappeared.

My attention turned to Larissa, an overwhelming sense of love filling my entire being. "Shh..." I shushed her, "Baby, please don't cry." I continued to rock her gently as her cries turned to whimpers and gradually stopped altogether. And in that moment, I loved my daughter and I knew that no matter what I may have previously felt, that would never change.

"It's amazing isn't it?" Kendall spoke quietly. "Holding your child and realizing that you had a hand in creating something so beautiful."

I jumped in surprise. I had been so preoccupied with my inner turmoil that I had completely forgotten that Kendall had even been in the room.

"It is," I said acknowledging his words before I let the silence envelope the room once more. "Kendall?" My voice was small, barely above a whisper, but Kendall heard me anyway and paused halfway to the door.

"I wanted to hate her you know. I really did. But I can't."

"I know, James. It does get better though. It'll take time, but it does get better, I promise."

"Kendall?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks."

He smiled before gently closing the door behind him leaving me in silence once more.

Slowly, I stood and placed Larissa in the previously unused bassinet at the end of my bed. Tomorrow I would go home, I decided. I couldn't intrude upon Kendall and Jo's hospitality anymore. They had their own son to worry about. They didn't need me and my problems to add to their already hectic lives. It was time for me to step up and take over my responsibilities as a father. I had already been here for a week and honestly that was a week too long. Losing Logan still hurt, it probably always would, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to face our apartment alone, but I needed to begin picking up the pieces and return to some semblance of normalcy. I couldn't rely on my friends forever. Kendall and Jo had been great, and I knew that Carlos and Brandi would have let me stay with them in a heartbeat if I had asked, but it was time. Tomorrow I would begin a new chapter in my life, and with that thought, I let sleep over take me, and for once it was dream free.

-.-.-.-.

"You ready to go?" Carlos asked as I took one last look around the room that I had been staying in. He and his wife lived in the same apartment complex as Logan and I did and since I didn't have my car with me, he had offered to give me a ride home. I nodded and followed him to his car. The years had been good to him, I noted as he chattered on incessantly as he often did. He was still just as full of energy as he had always been and it made me smile. Some things would never change I guess.

I was pulled from my thoughts as our short trip came to an end. I was nervous, but this was something that I needed to do. I took a deep breath, before gathering up Larissa and heading towards my new life, but that all came to a screeching halt as I came face to face with the elevator that had began it all.

As the doors opened I stood frozen suddenly no longer in the present, but somewhere in the past. Someone had cleaned up the blood, my fuzzy brain noted as I was forced to relive that night once more. It was all so real, I could almost smell the awful coppery scent of blood in the air, hear the sounds of Logan's breathing getting shallower as time passed. I couldn't do this. Not again. I was breaking.

"James? What's… Oh. Hey, come on dude. We can take the stairs."

Distantly I felt Carlos's hand on my arm, guiding me away from that awful metal death trap, but my eyes lingered there until it was out of my sight. I shuddered. I didn't think I'd ever be able to step foot in that elevator ever again. Or any elevator for that matter. I was doomed to take the stairs for the rest of my life.

My apartment was exactly the way that I had left it. The majority of the living room was still neat and tidy, just the way Logan liked, but bits and pieces of it were scattered here and there, evidence of my frantic packing from what seemed like an eternity ago.

In some ways it was good to be home, but in others I didn't really think I was ready to be here. Everywhere I looked were little reminders that Logan had once lived here. One of his jackets was thrown across the back of a chair and one of his pairs of shoes rested by the door, never to be used again. My heart ached, a deep pain that seemed to constantly be a part of my being now that he was gone. Vaguely I remember Carlos speaking to me before he left, but I honestly had no clue as to what he had said, my mind in a haze.

I wandered the apartment, wiping off the thin layer of dust that had accumulated in my absence and just generally straightening up, but I refused to touch Logan's things. Maybe if I left them where they were I could pretend for just a little bit longer that he was still here. I was still half living in denial and a large part of me kind of expected him to walk through the door at any moment.

The rest of my day was spent in this manner, and before I knew it night was upon me. Larissa was already asleep when I crept into her room and took my place by her bed where I had decided I was going to spend the night, the prospect of attempting to sleep in the bed that I had once shared with Logan extremely unappealing. As I sat there watching my daughter slumber peacefully, I couldn't help but let my thoughts wander back to last night. What exactly was it that I had seen? It had looked like Logan, but that was impossible. Logan was dead as much as I didn't want to face that little fact, and I didn't exactly believe in ghosts. Was his image just something that my mind had conjured to prevent me from doing something that I would later come to regret?

I knew that he had to have been a hallucination. There was no other possible explanation, but the question was why was I experiencing these hallucinations. Since I had been home, I had seen what appeared to have been Logan's ghost no less than 10 times. Was it a combination of grief and exhaustion that had driven me to this point, or had Logan's death finally sent me over the edge? I didn't think I was insane. Other than these strange images that seemed to follow me around everywhere I went, and the crushing pain I felt every time I would catch sight of Logan out of the corner of my eye, everything seemed to be normal, or what normal had come to be for me lately anyway. I didn't really know what to think, but the last thought in my mind as I drifted off to sleep was that I really hoped that I wasn't going crazy. It most definitely couldn't have been good for my complexion.

-.-.-.-

Five days later and I was still hallucinating. If I hadn't been insane before, I definitely was now. Everywhere I turned Logan was there. He seemed to be trying to speak to me, but I had no idea what he was trying to say. Kendall and Carlos were beginning to worry about me. I was a shadow of my former self. I hadn't showered in three days, my hair messy and unkempt, my face unshaved. I was merely going through the motions, just enough to keep myself alive, nothing more, nothing less. Larissa always had the best of care though. I would never neglect her, no matter how much I may have been neglecting myself.

Currently, I was pacing the length of my living room, desperately trying to ignore Logan, who was standing in the corner, mouth moving silently. He looked as frustrated as I felt. Finally, he seemed to give up and throwing his hands up in the air, he disappeared. I continued to pace. This had pretty much become routine for me. I would get up in the morning, attend to Larissa, and then pace my living room attempting to ignore everything around me, until Logan's image would disappear or Larissa would need my attention once more.

Kendall and Carlos sat quietly on the couch watching me move back and forth, muttering to myself, but as Logan's image reappeared in front of me I found myself getting angry. This wasn't fair. Why was this happening to me? Hadn't I already been through enough? At first, I wasn't sure who I was angry with. Myself? Kendall? Carlos? God? But then it hit me. It was Logan. I was beyond pissed at Logan. He was the one that had left me to deal with all this alone.

"Why?" I found myself yelling at his image, and after that the dam just seemed to break. I found myself screaming out everything that I had felt since the night that he had died, tears pouring down my face. "Why did you have to go and die? I can't do this on my own. You always told me that we would do this together, but you lied. You're not here like you promised you would be. I can't raise a child on my own. I feel like I've been pushed head first into the ocean, and no matter how hard I kick towards the surface, I can't seem to move. I keep sinking deeper and deeper, getting farther and farther away from the light. Logan! Help me! I'm drowning, Logan! I can't do this on my own!" I sunk to my knees, the past week finally catching up to me, all of my energy suddenly sapped from my body. Logan's image continued to stand in front of me, crying now, mouth moving rapidly, and then suddenly I heard his voice.

"James," he said, the sound of his sweet voice washing over me, soothing my soul, and erasing the remaining anger that lingered there. Behind me Kendall and Carlos gasped, catching sight of Logan for the first time.

"Is that?" one of them began before the other picked up the thought.

"Logan? It can't be. It's impossible."

Logan moved towards me, ignoring them for the moment. I flinched as he reached out to touch me not really sure what to expect. His hand was cold, lacking his usual warmth, but it was solid, and I began to sob. He was here. I didn't know how I knew, but I was 100 percent certain this wasn't a dream. He was really here.

"Shh… James, please don't cry." He drew me into his arms and let me cry into his chest for a moment before he pulled away.

"I'm so sorry, James," he whispered. "I wish things could have turned out differently, but you should know that I'm not going anywhere. You may not always be able to see me, but I'm always here, I promise. Whenever you need me all you have to do is call, that goes for you two as well," he said turning to Kendall and Carlos for the first time.

"Logan?" Kendall moved closer to us a bewildered look on his face before it turned to one of pure shock as he realized that his eyes weren't just playing tricks on him. "How?"

"Have you ever heard of a brotherhood bond?" Logan asked.

Unsurprisingly it was Carlos who spoke up. Kendall, Logan, and I had never really been into the whole paranormal thing, but it was a subject that had always fascinated Carlos, and if anyone would have known what Logan was asking about, it would have been him.

"It's really rare," he said. "A brotherhood bond only occurs when brothers share a bond that goes deeper than just friendship. It connects them on a level that reaches deep into the soul. It can't be severed, even by death. You mean to tell me that we share a bond of brotherhood?"

"Yep."

"So what does all of that mean?" I asked, still not really grasping what was going on. My mind was still reveling in the fact that Logan was really here with me and couldn't really comprehend much else.

"It means that even if one of us dies, he'll come back as a ghost, because he can't move on until all of us do." Carlos explained.

"It means you're stuck with me for a little while longer, Jamie. Think you can live with that?"

"I most definitely can," I replied, a giant smile breaking out across my face for the first time in days. Logan hugged me once more, caressing my face.

"Jamie," he said. "I've got to go now. It takes a lot of energy to manifest like this and even more to speak. I'm almost out of time."

I whined and held him closer never wanting to let him go, but I could already feel his body beginning to fade. Where once his hands had been solid, they now went straight through my body, leaving behind a strange, cold feeling.

"Please don't go."

"I'm sorry, but I have to. Just remember, I'm never truly gone. I'll always be here whenever you need me, okay." He kissed me lightly before he faded completely.

"I love you, James." His voice echoed throughout the room, the last thing to go before he was completely gone, but it was like a sudden change had come over me. Where once I had felt empty and alone, I could now feel a new warmth that seemed to radiate out of everywhere and yet nowhere at the same time. I could feel his presence now, and somehow I knew everything would be alright. It wouldn't be easy, but I would survive because with Kendall and Carlos by my side, and Logan with me in spirit, I would be able to reach the surface, break through and take that first refreshing breath of air. With them by my side, I was no longer drowning.