good day everypony!

Let's get onto the story shall we? (as its what your reading this for)

*drip* *drip* the sound was all there was. Nothing to see in the dingy cell that has been my home for the past fortnight. The sound didn't annoy me. It distracted me from the pain and guilt i carried with me. Unending and constant. Like a cancer. A horrible tumour of malice and hate that was the source of the guilt. It was part of me and couldn't be removed. Controlled perhaps. But never gone completely.

The noise of opening doors jolted me out of my stupor. That time already. My coat was already blue. Horribly disfigured and damaged.I would recover. Eventually, I told myself. I could barely move or speak. Hadn't they done enough? The way the guards turned their backs on me was sickening. We're all ponies this evil? I was beginning to forget the fond memories. They were obscured by the bad ones. So many things to block the good. I clung to them desperately. But they slowly slipped away. Like dripping water. Why couldn't the guards simply forgive. I could take a beating. But for every day? Nopony could live through that. I would try to. But why? What was the point? To wait to be let back out into the world? A dangerous murderer? Now simply a thing in the gutter of normal ponies. A piece of waste for ponies to turn their noses up at and have cleared away. I saw the same mare in these situations. My resolve strengthened. I would see her in the light again. But until then...

"Alright Silent?... Wow You live up to your name. Ya ready for ya beatin' you know if you cried a bit... begged?

no? Alright then folks. The usual for 'im."

I didn't even know his name. Like the rest just a nameless attacker. Was I any better than them though? All it would take would be a swift hoof to the muzzle. With enough force the cartalage would be forced into the brain. I knew I'd never do it. No matter how much they hit me. I wouldn't rise because all it would do is fill this room with corpses. Their blood thick and runny on the tiles.

I never remember the beatings. Just the flashbacks of past bullies doing the same thing. Only less of it. And the crippling pain afterwards. I simply curled up in the dark corner. At least the shadows were here for me. Wrapping their warm tendrils around me. Sleep. I did too much of it. Both day and night. But apart from the food,drip,beating. In that order, there was nothing else to do.

The month ended. 1/6th of my sentence. The beatings only come every other day. They might hate me for putting them in here but what entertainment was there in a victim who didn't fear? None. A victim would cower and whimper. The fear in the air. You had taste it. See their eyes widen as all hope drained from them.I bury the thoughts deep. Deep deep down . But they always surface. I desperately needed control.

I heard the door at the far end of maximum security open. It would be ridiculously easy to break out of here. Maximum security as far as I could tell, was just an extra door with more disgusting cells and a sign. Even the doors were easy. I might not know lock picking, but on big heavy old doors like this, the Right amount of Pegasus wind would jivey the mechanism. These doors had earth ponies in mind. Pegasus wind was more powerful than conventional wind. And could move clouds. Except for the everfree clouds that were moved by normal wind.

The pony who entered maximum security received jeers and howls from the other inmates. So immature. But that meant they weren't a fellow inmate. The noise of hooves grew steadily louder. I made no move to look up. Whoever it was I had no interest in talking to them. They could stand and ogal me like some zoo animal for all I cared.

"Si?" My throat clenched, I hadn't expected that voice. I didn't want to talk to it either. She was here to comfort and help. But the truth was I had every reason to be here. She didn't understand that I was just as evil as all these other ponies. Perhaps if I'd never come to Ponyville. Never talked. Maybe it wasn't too late. If my loyal friend forgot about me I could leave. Leave their lives and the pain I knew I would eventually inflict upon them. I hated my dark side. But I couldn't do anything about it.

"What... what's wrong with your fur?" I had thought I was completely hidden. I smiled at the thought I was getting sloppy. I guess I'd have reason to practice when I got out. Not to protect. Just to hide. I couldn't fight. Ever. Fights escalated, it would be to easy to just snap a neck or-

"Si!"

I'd almost completely forgotten about my visitor. I guess if I could forget her that would help. Maybe stop the feeling of longing that clawed at me every time I saw her. She was my protector. The only pony I felt safe around.

The guard was making up some story about an incident with some 'paint' I scoffed, seriously? Paint? I'm pretty sure an athlete can recognise a bruise. Then again this would mean more affection for her. So I said nothing.

"Open the door" she said testely to the guard.

"But miss! He's a dangerous-"

"He isn't dangerous!" She screamed in his face. Wow she could be loud when she wanted to be. And stubborn.

The door creaked open ominously and RD stepped inside. Such a lovely face... I guess forgetting was going to be difficult. I had another 5 months though ,plenty of time. She stepped gingerly towards me. For all of her bravado with the guard, she sensed something had changed. I could smell her fear. It only fuelled the burning desire to inflict pain. Not on her though. Never on her.

She drew breath as she realised the state I was in. She must think it hurt. It did, obviously but the thoughts of anger were enough of a distraction. One thing to thank them for.

"Silent... who did this to you?" I only stared at her, trying to convey my desire for her to leave. She guessed herself though. She rounded on the guard. It filled me with warmth, her standing up to me. I grabbed onto the emotional lifeline- it tethered me to normal ponies ,good ponies. But the evil quickly enclosed it's dark tendrils around me. I could never be normal. Not anymore. The beast was awake. And it wasn't going anywhere , it was well rooted in my soul. It had been there since my birth. I was evil and this was what it was. I tried to be good to people. Really a futile effort to protect myself. Deep down I'd known I could do such things. I'd dismissed the terrible hatred over those bullies as natural. No, just me.

RD had finished arguing, mentioning how she knew princess twilight. That couldn't be right... Rainbow Dash returned with a fresh face of worry. "Silent. You might not want to talk, but all of us. Me twilight, AJ,Rarity,Pinkie Pie and fluttershy. We're going to help you get over this. Typical twilight talk. I bet they'd all got together to arrange this. Everything had to have a solution. Not this one. The only solution would be for me to leave. Leave them and live on my own. The crazy hermit of dodge junction maybe? I chuckled at the thought. RD must've thought I was addressing her because she turned round." What?" I wasn't going to talk. I just shook my head. She looked like she was about to yell, but didn't. Another part of twilight briefing to her probably. I could hear her "he's probably going to be different rainbow, so don't get angry if he doesn't talk to you." I was certainly different that's for sure. I appreciated her company though However she turned and walked away. Back Down the corridor. Again I needed another ponies presence now. I cursed her for that. Thoughts of loneliness had invaded my peace. And I couldn't leave with them. I guess I needed another solution.

I guess RD had told the the girls about my condition, because the guards on duty suddenly changed. The look on the other inmates when the guards beat them back into their cells. Nearly as good as beating them myself. Except for the rush of excitement and- cutting my thoughts off I focused on the dripping noise. I was convincing myself that the start of control would be my thoughts on the subject.

The small spark of loneliness that rainbow dash had lit in me had become a pillar of fire. Burning at my insides. I needed to see her.

A week later I thought my prayers had been answered. Only to find an impressively royal looking twilight. Alicorn and all. I would've been shocked speechless. But you had to have been talking to be speechless. And I hadn't spoken in a month and a bit. Then again I'd gone years of just speaking the odd word.

She simply stood in the doorway of the cell and stared at me. Her horn lit up and I felt a feeling of relaxation wash over me like a stream. It felt incredible. I looked back to see my coat back to its normal silver grey. I stood up as she approached. Stretching my wings I admired hers. Like all the alicorns (or from what I could see in paintings) the wings were strong and majestic. Cool.

I went to kneel as courtesy dictated. I don't know why , I guess being my friend she deserved the respect. She'd fit the role perfectly.

"Si, of all the ponies I expected you to be the one to treat me like a normal pony" I held back the remark that she wasn't a normal pony and just sat down again. All talking would lead to was a discussion on feelings. I didn't want her help in that. If it came down to it it would make it harder to leave.

She stood there. Waiting.

She sighed and sat next to me. "Si, we all know your not a bad pony."

It was all I could do to not shout and yell at her. If course I'm a bad pony. I felt it then and I feel it now. It's not a good thing when the idea of pain excites something within you. She continued to sit there. She'd have to leave eventually all I had to do until then was not talk. Easy.

Her horn lit up again and before I could move (which was fast) she touched the side of my head.

Instantly a flood of images passed through my eyes. Like watching a film. A film of my life. Of all the little things, and the big things. Thankfully I wasn't experiencing emotions. But still having to see myself in that room with diamond Tiara... a mixture of rage and shame. I wanted to tear out the part of my soul that drove me to that. And part of me wanted to run. And keep running.

Slowly I stood over the shocked Twilight. I was dangerous again. All natural control gone. A miniscule wall holding back a flood. The walls were being rebuilt. I would deal with this calmly. I must deal with this calmly. Breath.

"You had no right." I glared with my most withering gaze. Perhaps because she was an alicorn. But she held my gaze before standing up. "You, Silent Night. Are not evil. Your actions in life dictate your path. Never forget Si. Choose your own path. Don't be controlled by anypony else."

Celestia had chosen well. I stood there as she left. Hope trickling into the cell like the water on the wall. *drip* *drip*.

I'm beginning to lose track of time. All I know is that I'm still here and twilight has given me hope. I realise how valuable it is. It's my fuel.

I know I can do it. I can control. She has visited me twice. I remember she'd laughed when I first talked. Not saying anything for a few weeks really messes you up. During these sessions she'd show me ideas and techniques that might help. Meditation, fighting styles ext. all of them would either fail or rouse the horror. I didn't lose that warm feeling of hope. A gift from a great friend. She told me that RD was going to come and see me now that I'd talk to her. "It kinda hit her hard when..." She trailed off. She can be pretty insensitive but then again so can I. I nod. I don't know if I want to see RD. Before it didn't matter that I was in a dingy cell. Now I can't shake the self conscious feeling that makes. Me want to look at least presentable.

Rainbow Dash looked eager when she reached my cell. She stepped in and gave me a huge hug. This wasn't like her. I guess she missed me more than I missed her. She broke away looking awkward with big red spots on her cheeks. I really needed to ask twilight about that.

"I'm so glad your getting better." She said happily. I nodded. Now that the moment to talk had come I felt nervous. I couldn't shake the feeling of awkwardness in the air. We were in a cell after all. And she was talking to a convict.

"S-so... how is the weather... any bad... stuff. I felt like shrivling up in the corner of the cell. Why choose the bucking weather Si?

She shrugged before cutting to the chase. "Are you any better. Twilights told me your trying to restrain yourself. Believe me when I say. I'm going to help you si. I'm not going to leave when I know your not-"

"Don't." I said silently. It still stopped her. "Try to convince me it was just something. I know what I felt" I noticed her gulp involuntarily. It made me want to kick myself. She was only trying to help.

"Anyhow. I'm here to help."

"What about the other ponies." It had been nagging me for a while if I was going to try and 'recover' (if you can from something that was a part of you) I'd need to be able to get on with my life without having to beat back mobs of ponies. "Well... most aren't pleased. They want to extend your sentence actually. And the article didn't help. Diamond Tiara published an apology but most ponies argue that was because you..."

"Attacked her, yeah" I sighed. Guess I'd have to learn some pretty effective means of control then if I was going to be mobbed by ponies as soon as I got out.

I sat there with her for a good hour. Laughing at the story of how twilight became an alicorn. Rainbow Dash caring for animals? Bucking hilarious. Mutiny within hours sounded about right.

Eventually the guard told her she had to leave. And I was left alone again. The longing to talk to her only slightly sated. What was it? I didn't want to talk to the others so much. So what was it?

The next time I saw twilight was in the courtyard. Every other day they'd let us stretch our hooves. My wings were always tied. Of course I could probably vault the wall, break the rope by falling down the wall. But why would I do that when I wanted to stay. With a lot of time to think about the subject I had discovered a passionate will to stay. So I will.

"Twilight?" I asked tentatively. Somehow sensing this would be an awkward topic. She looked over at me "yes Silent?"

"W-why do ponies cheeks go red some times?" Pawing at the ground nervously.

"Well... You don't know? I thought you'd learn that somewhere in your life. I guess if you don't know, it's called blushing:

it's the involuntary reddening of a person's face due to embarrassment or emotional stress, though it has been known to come from being lovestruck, or from some kind of romantic stimulation. Severe blushing is common in people who suffer social anxiety in which the person experiences extreme and persistent anexiety in social and performance situations."

Wow. I didn't know she had a dictionary mode... But wait. Why was rainbow dash doing it in those situations? I guess it was embarrassment. It didn't feel right though...

"Why do you ask Si?" She tilted her head at me with a searching expression.

"Oh, rainbow dash was doing it sometimes and yeah I just wondered. She was also extending her wings at odd moments as well."

At that twilight made a choking sound before giggling.

"What?"

"N-nothing it's. Completely... natural." From her laughing fits it clearly wasn't. But before I could question her more (or thankfully get angry) the guards called for us to return. I left the the now howling twilight feeling odd. Was RD nervous? Or something... else.

A growing sense of panic was filling me as my release date drew steadily nearer. Nothing worked. Nothing. No matter how hard I tried with twilight I would still feel the urge to punch her know-it all face. I was glad her magic was concentrated at the archery target rather than my mind at that point. I needed a her.

Rainbow Dash came every week or so and we talked and talked. I felt so at ease with her and yet so nervous. It felt good though. I was still determined to find out what had happened to RD's wings that time. I felt I couldn't ask her. Some shy part of me was screaming its face off to never ask. Ever. At all.

The more pressing matter however. Was finding a way to calm down. Because either way I was getting out... And everypony would be waiting. Inadvertently angering me with their selfish and thoughtless demands. And either I'd react. Or I wouldn't. Such a simple problem with such a complicated solution.

The day before release and I'm in a constant state of near-hyperventilating although Rainbow Dash did manage to calm me enough to have final go at calming techniques with Twilight. "Ok Si, I want you to count to ten." I stare at her bewildered. "Really? We're trying this now!"

She huffed "well what else! I've been through every book I have on the subject. It's hopeless!"

Silence filled the room at the horror of her statement. I felt the warmth wash away. Hopeless. She couldn't help me. What was I going to do? I'd have to confront those ponies tomorrow, prove I could control myself and I was a good pony. Now I couldn't do that. I couldn't see their terror as I charged. The evil stirred. It was preparing. I could tell. It wanted to be unleashed. I wouldn't let it. Never again. I'd just scratched the surface. This is what scared me most. I felt there was plenty of power left. Waiting to be released into the world. I can't let that happen. There has to be a way. But it's too late now. Twilights leaving and the world continues. And I must move with it. Into the unknown of a new day.

That could be great. Or an utter disaster.

I woke to the sound of the prison door. Last time I hear it. I'm not going to miss it or anything here for that matter. As I walk back down the corridor I hear the other ponies. I'd decided in here that the difference between them and me Was that I had a desire to change. Or at least to control. They had nothing. They, for all their confidence were empty shells. I was going to do this.

It was going well. The lobby was where I would encounter my first test. And with nothing to calm myself by. I'd better hope it isn't too testing. I grit my teeth. And enter the lobby.

A crowd of press fill it like ants. All clicking madly with their neck cameras. I step through and the notepads in auras swarm me like angry flies. I swat them away and continue to push my way through the swarm. Luckily I manage to keep the cool state of mind. These ponies are trying to make a living. That's all. Their not annoying me. Well until they start shouting things like ' how do you feel about the accusations your dangerous?' Or ' are you bitter about your discovery?' Now that is annoying. But not enraging.

After that fight came the next,more physical wave. Guard ponies holding back a mob of angry ponies. Part of me was pleading to give them an idea of just how dangerous I was. I ignored this part as best I could. But my resistance was crumbling. I needed out. My saviour was both a curse and a relief. The relief that the idiots weren't screaming at me. But now they were screaming at the pack of timberwolves that had entered the area. My mind sped up and the surroundings slowed. Too many timberwolves for the guards who were only armed with batons and probably mediocre in hoof to hoof. I'd have to get involved. Let's hope I maintained control.

That declined very quickly as I dived at the pack. Dropping low and cutting upwards into the skull of the first. The second attacker attempted to tear my neck. I was already twisting around his jaws and twisting his neck with my open hoof. I needed more now. More! So Many ways to end their worthless lives. A buck to the face of one. A rather ingenious swipe to the legs that forced it into the open maw of another. That was amusing. And I was laughing now. The glee of destruction and power at my hooves. But the fun couldn't last. All there was left were the sticks surrounding me. There were plenty of ponies... the amount of havoc I could wreak. No! Here was my control. I won't hurt these ponies. Never they were worth protecting. With their families and friends. And, for some weird reason Rainbow Dash was up there as well. Either way the thoughts were enough. But perhaps not for long. The mutterings of everypony was disconcerting. I'd just saved their bucking lives! What more did they want?

Then I caught phrases like "did you hear him laugh" and "definitely dangerous" if I don't get outta here soon I'm going to do something I regret. Nodding at the still startled crowd I soared into the midday sky. The wind rushing through my feathers relaxed me to no end. The joys of flying. After an hour of simply soaring down the unicorn range I returned to Rainbow Dash's house. Having to make conscious effort not to go from cloud to cloud to avoid detection- old habits die hard I guess.

Aligting on the soft house I simply stared at the elegant building with its colorful plumes of rainbow and all it represented. For me it represented a home, a place of safety and an incredible friend, Who was tearing out of the door and giving me a huge hug in ten seconds flat. Must admit I am still a bit surprised at the UN-RD greeting but accepted the hug and the warm feeling it brought with it.

"It hasn't been the same here without ya Si"she said heartily with a light punch to the shoulder. I grinned, definitely the same Rainbow Dash. Good to know everything was good. I slugged her back as I passed her to which she said happily "dig for dig later Si, go get your rest for tonight. I've got a treat for you." She wouldn't say anything else and just winked conspiratorialy every time I tried guessing at what she had planned. Giving up I entered my room and surveyed it. Definitely good to be back,however heavenly to sleep on a cloud bed. I let out a groan as it enveloped me with its fluffy embrace. As sleep took me I realised how worn out I was. And how relieved as well at the knowledge I could control myself.

Perhaps normality was possible. Discounting the angry mobs of course. They could wait. I have an appointment with RD to wonder about.

soooo sorry about another connecting chapter guys! I tried to keep it as short

As possible. Trust me though. It's useful for later chapters! Thanks again for your

Support! Review if you see any improvements

(For bucks sake guys saying "tis' shit" really doesn't help)

Anyhow

BROHOOF!