Lance and I are up on the roof talking. We've been sharing stories for the past half hour, but I'm ready to change subjects.
"Lance, what were you laughing about in the safe room?" I finally ask.
He sighs. "I knew you were going to ask about this at some point." He sits up. It seems like he's having trouble finding the right words. "It's just...It seems like you're kind of developing a crush on someone."
"Who?" I ask, trying to stay innocent and oblivious.
"I think you know who, April." He raises an eyebrow.
I look down.
"Do you love Nat?" He asks.
"I..." I trail off. "That's the thing: I'm not sure. I thought I was in love with Matthew, but recently, that has been becoming more difficult to convince myself."
"Well what are you going to do?"
"I don't know," Unfortunately, I start crying. "I don't know what to do, Lance." He wraps his arms around me. "I have a country who believes that The Selection is where I found my soulmate. I thought that's what would happen. It happened to Mom and Dad. But it just...didn't happen to me. I thought it did. I thought I had found my soulmate. Then I met Nat and everything changed."
I sob into his shoulder for a while, and then he says, "Hey, remember when I was having my Selection?" I look up at him. "I was so convinced that Aria was the one for me. Heck, I was about to propose. I was going to ask her to marry me in a few weeks, but then I met Sarah. I realized that I was just trying to convince myself that The Selection worked for me, when in reality: it didn't. Sarah is the love of my life and I'm thankful that I realized that. Do you feel that with Nat?"
I pause. "I don't know. I still have feelings for Matthew, but I also have feelings for Nat. I feel like I'm being pulled in both directions and the strain is killing me. I know that this sounds so clichéd, but this is truly how I feel."
Lance looks at me for a minute. "April, call me crazy, but I think you may be holding back. I think you're afraid of hurting anyone, so you're not admitting your true feelings. Is that how you feel?" He asks.
I think for a minute.
"April, be honest." He urges.
"I—" before I can answer, a guard opens the door to the roof.
"Your majesties, the King wishes for you to come to his office immediately. It's about the Prince of Swendway."