Chapter 7:

I slept under the dim stars; I was too much of a coward to go inside to sleep in my room. I don't know what led me to kiss her. I think it was just my fear of being constantly alone. I usually had more control over myself. I felt another surge of disappointment swell inside me. What is wrong with me? Why do I always feel like this? My dreams were unpleasant, if you could even call them dreams. They all were nightmares waiting to strike.

The sun rise felt blinding; the light piercing through my eyelids. I had just started the morning and I was already shaking with fear. I could place the source to all of it, but there was no satisfaction in pointing fingers. I wanted to find a way out. A way that everyone could forget all the hope and trust they had placed in me. They'd all hate me if they knew the person that I had become. If there were a perfect solution I would have loved to have heard it, but there was nothing that didn't involve risks.

I was nervous to face Yeul or even think of her. She had every right and reason to treat me the way Caius did. Part of me wishes that she had. I was guilty and I wanted to find all of the words to form an apology with meaning, but who was I supposed to apologize to? I knew Caius would learn of what I had done with his flower for a wife. I knew I'd be punished. I knew I was starting to run out of chances. The beatings would get worse and one day I would break. Was it just easier to give in to him; to become the perfect slave? What did that mean I'd be giving up? I shook all of those thoughts away and prepared myself for when he did figure out what I had done. No matter how much planning I had, I figured that I wouldn't actually face it the way I thought out. I thought that if it did happen, I would close my eyes gently and allow my fate to take its desired course.

Once I finally felt comfortable enough with myself again, I gloomily stepped inside. I tried to focus on my usual routine, but something felt odd. It all seemed different. I realized that I hadn't seen Yeul the whole time. I hadn't even heard Caius's constant orders breathing down my neck. I sighed. When I first came here I thought it would be nice to have this kind of silence, if only for a day, but by that point I was already used to the noise. I craved it. It was the only way that I received attention. The silence just ate away at me; mocking me. Being alone was something that I didn't want to feel anymore. I couldn't pinpoint if it was truly being alone that I feared, or if it was the fear of being forgotten. There was no comfort in loneliness; comfort was the only thing I felt I needed. In all honesty, that was probably the reason I had for wanting to cling to Yeul. It was like she was dear life, and if you fell off of her stem, you were dead. You were never to wake again because you couldn't hang on any longer. She was a comfort, something that I desperately needed then. Hell, I would've done anything at that moment to even have Caius near me. Something to break the unescapable mocking in my head would have been a comfort.

I didn't see both of them the whole entire day, until I walked into the kitchen. Dinner was being prepared, Yeul still had a smile. I hoped that she had forgiven me for my previous actions. She had no hint on her face that it had even happened. It was like she had forgotten about it and I was the only one still feeling damned. I tried to force a weak smile for her, but I think it ended up being more strained then I had previously hoped.

Dinner was silent. Caius didn't say a word to Yeul or I. We simply stared at him, trying to fill the awkward situation, but no one could think of anything to fill it with. I knew that I was the question and the answer as to why we were all in an act of silence. I had made a mistake, something that I couldn't take back. No words in the universe could take it back. What I thought was a simple act of admiration was actually a simple step backwards. If I hadn't been so blind that night, if I hadn't kissed her, maybe things would have all taken a different path. After what seemed like eternity, Caius sighed. Yeul smiled and slowly walked away. She said something about returning to her chambers. I thought Caius was going to join her as soon as she left, but he had other plans.

"Caius-"I whispered softly from my side of the table. I had decided that night to eat closer to Yeul because I felt frightened of being near Caius in case he had an explosion of hatred toward me. He glared at me. I could feel all of his frustration and pain. Was it pain or was it hatred? I couldn't tell, because that was the first time I thought I could read some of his emotions.

"Shut up." I had no words. I kind of expected him to know something about it, but I wasn't expecting him to place all the puzzle pieces together so quickly. I hung my head down in shame, not feeling in the mood to argue.

"She didn't tell me Noel, I knew because I saw it. You kissed her then proceeded to bed her. Am I wrong? How did it feel to fuck someone else? Did you enjoy her?"

"We may have kissed, but I swear I… we never… went further than-"

"I didn't tell you to speak did I? I told you to stay away from her. You disobey me time and time again. If you think you can talk yourself out of any punishment, you are wrong."

"I don't… I never thought that I could. I just want you to listen. I want you to hear the truth."

"There is no truth in anything that you say. Shut up." I didn't respond. How could I? He already had it implanted in his mind that I had done more with her than I truly did. In his head I didn't stop at the kiss, but proceeded to make love to Yeul. I knew it wasn't true, she knew it wasn't true, but how could I possibly portray that to Caius? There was no way to. I was going to do what I had already planned. I wasn't going to beg for forgiveness nor was I going to beg and plead for him to not hurt me. I deserved a punishment. I deserved his punishment.

A/N: Woah, ehrm... hello there xD Sorry I've been gone for so long? Sorry for any mistakes? I'm glad that I finally wrote something for this (:

To GetInTheAnimus: hehe, hello there again. I'm probably the one who should be apologizing. Don't worry about it, lol I was hoping that I didn't scare you off because your reviews are lovely. Welcome back Antirrihinum! (: There are often times when I believe I am making my stories too dark, but yes the mature themes will continue to arise. ;_; *hands you a box of tissues* We shall all see how the Yeul, Caius, and Noel thing will continue (honestly, I lost my story notes a long time ago, so I'm probably just as lost as everyone else *cries*) Well, just think of the Caius thing as a test for now. I also hope to show his loving side as well, but for now thank you, I was hoping that I could get that part of him there. The relationship did escalate kind of quick, however, I don't know how long this story actually will be... but I'm glad that it's alright with you. Thank you for your kind reviews ^.^