Part 3 coming your way! I talked already at the beginning of last chapter so I'll just start the story right now. By the way, for those of you who haven't read Double Edged or Drowning, you don't really need to but it gives more background information. A lot of swearing again too. But it is rated teen after all.
Calm Yourself!
"Where are they?" Laken grabbed one of the legionnaires by the collar and shook him violently.
"They couldn't have gotten far, sir! We'll get them!" Laken dropped the legionnaire on the ground and the others watched him warily. Lightning flashed overhead and thunder boomed. The commotion in the sky was nothing compared to Dage's wrath.
"What are you waiting for? Dage wants their souls to burn in eternal misery and despair. They have committed a great offence against our master. Find them. Now!" Laken snarled and the legionnaires disperse, charging off into the rocky, dark and barren wasteland of a battlefield.
Laken himself headed back to the camp ready to face Dage in all of his fury.
The scene grew quiet once again. Only the howl of the wind could be heard. And then-
"I can't believe that actually worked!" Alison laughed, amazed at herself. "But then again, my disguises are always perfect." She boasted, pulling off her disguise.
"These aren't disguises," Ash said bluntly. "We just sat here wearing paper bags over our heads while they discussed the best way to tear us to bits." Ash ripped the brown paper bag off of his head and threw it on the ground. The thing didn't even have any air holes! "Why did I even listen to you?"
"Hey, it worked didn't it?" Alison turned to Ash, annoyed. "You should be thanking me."
"Thanking you? This was all your fault in the first place!" Ash shouted angrily before clutching his nose in pain.
"How is it my fault? It's Dage's. He has like no sense of humor. He's overreacting over nothing." Alison scoffed, pulling out a potion from her satchel for Ash.
"Everything was going just fine! We went into his camp without any trouble, we were able to meet him and tell him about Gravelyn's visit without any trouble and we were about to leave without any trouble," He stressed. "-But no. You just had to do that." He complained, accepting the potion.
"Do what? Compliment him?"
"When he turned his back on us and let us go, you said "Why so tense, Sugar Buns?" before turning around and purposely letting your bag smack his behind. He freaked, swung around and fired a magical energy ball or whatever and it. Hit. ME!" Ash points to his face, shaking in fury. "Look at it! He broke my face!"
"Not your entire face. He broke your nose, cut up your cheeks and gave you a few burns and bruises with that attack." Alison corrected him, raising one finger. "And it isn't all that bad. Give it a few days and you'll look…passable." Alison wrinkled her nose and started to walk. Ash followed her lead, pulling out the cork of the potion bottle with his teeth gingerly. "But really, Dage was trying to aim for me and he completely missed. For the master of the Undead Legion, he sure is jumpy."
"Well I would be too if someone did that to me in front of all of my underlings," Ash grumbled. "You can technically call what you did sexual harassment with Dage being the victim. I just made a sentence that included "Dage," "Victim," and "Sexual Harassment." Why hasn't the sun exploded yet?" Ash groaned as they trudged on.
"Come on, Ash. I was just having fun. He should feel flattered."
"Shut up, right now." Ash warned, irritation level rising dangerously.
"Some of the other legionnaires thought it was funny. They snickered. They were pretty swell." Alison said, looking back to check if anyone was trailing them.
"Do you know what they also were? Undead. Now they're just dead. Because Dage made them explode! They are all dead!" Ash started to shout and waved his arms wildly. "All they did was laugh a little and Dage killed them because of you!"
"Whoa there. That was Dage's, not me. He's almost as big of a drama queen as Dorkath." Alison laughed, thinking back and thought to herself that Dage brought up memories of Josephine as well.
"Oh really now. How so?" Ash asked sarcastically. "How did he "react badly" to whatever little "joke" you played on him?" Ash made quotations with his fingers.
A crow cawed loudly on a nearby barren burned tree but Ash yelled at him to shut up. He wasn't having a very good day. He hadn't had a good day in a while.
"Remember that one time on Father's Day?" Alison asked and Ash muttered something close to "you're terrible" under his breath as she went on. "I morphed into a headless version of his dad while holding the severed head under my arm and snuck up on him when he was sitting on our couch waiting for Ty. I threw the head on to his lap and he freaked out before he jumped out the nearest window. Haha, we were on the third floor!" She laughed, close to hysterics. "It was just a joke and he jumped out a fucking window. That was priceless. You should have seen him." She skipped along as Ash glowered.
"I did," Ash deadpanned, not amused in the slightest. "I was walking back to the house with Ty when out of nowhere, he slammed stomach first on the ground right next to us. We were going to help him up but he sprung up before we could do anything. He was paler than a ghost, shaking uncontrollably and looked like he wanted to throw up and murder someone simultaneously. But then he noticed us, coughed, brushed the grass off of himself, grabbed Ty, hugged her right in front of me for three whole minutes, told her that he just wanted to say hi and that you-" Ash pointed at Alison accusingly. "-were "a motherfucking asshole that should go burn in a fire," his words not mine, went back inside to Ty's room, closed the door and didn't leave for a week." Ash emphasized, out of breath and out of patience. "Sure he's a bastard but even for you that was pretty dang awful. Ty stopped leaving him alone with you after that. What is wrong with you?"
"Ah, Ty was overreacting too," Alison mused. "Did you know? She came straight to me, hugged me around my waist and threw me through the roof."
"Yeah, I saw. You flew straight through the roof. I heard Ty screaming something obscene at you. What was it?"
"I didn't hear. The wind was too loud." Alison shrugged again. "She was really stressed out though. That was always the problem with Ty and Kathy. They freak out over everything and half of the time it was because of each other that they stressed out so much."
"And you. All of you caused a lot of trouble for them." Ash leered at her but Alison didn't react.
"Really, they both should calm down but I guess now it's impossible because of douchekath. Just when you think he's finally grown a spine, he turns around and bam, he's the biggest tool in the shed. Again. And Ty hasn't been doing well since then. Remember last October?"
"The whole collector incident?"
"Yeah, after you both got back from your excursion, Ty was acting strange," Alison commented. "We were relaxing by the fountain with Ty sitting on the side in near fetal position. A bard came by and started playing on his...what are those things called?"
"A lute?"
"Yup, that's right. It was a lute."
"I was there too y'know." Ash sighed, frustrated.
In fact, nearly everyone in Lore was there. Everyone saw or at least heard of Ty's mental breakdown back in October.
It was a pretty sunny day in Battleon. Not a cloud in the sky and the temperature was perfect for anything from monster hunting to calling Ash a noob. But then again, any day was a good day to call Ash a noob. Years had passed and not one day was a bad day to call Ash a noob.
Ty, however, just got back from dealing with the collector incident with Ash. Both were…
"The sun is too fucking bright," Ty said through chattering teeth, shielding her eyes from the cursed sun. "I can't even fucking see."
Ash may have heard her but was already half way slipping into the fountain while making a death rattle in the back of his throat.
Needless to say, everyone else kept their distance.
"Cheer up, babes," Alison tried to shake them back into reality but only succeeded in pushing Ash into the fountain. If she didn't pull him back up, he would have let himself drown. It was just that kind of day. "I made cupcakes guys! And I promise, I didn't make them out of people named Mary this time."
"Listen to la belle chérie mon amis," A bard walks over dressed in bright colorful attire unique to Mythsong. Strumming his lute, he knelt by the three and cooed "What is the matter my dears?" The bard performs a tune of a mournful aria.
Alison, pleased by the attention, clasps her hands together and brought them up to her cheek in a sign of appreciation.
Ty just started to mutter about how too fucking bright was and that she wanted to go home and eat while Ash just stared off into space. Every now and then, for a split second he would get a pained expression like he had caught his foot in a bear trap but then it would disappear into the void without leaving a trace like his hopes and dreams had.
"Oh mon dieu, it seems much worse than I thought. What has happened to these poor souls?" The bard asked sorrowfully.
"Don't mind them, ever since the incident they've been like this. In fact, you guys didn't actually tell me exactly what it was." Alison glared at her companions and Ty glared back with double the intensity and discontent while Ash just slid back into the fountain.
"Was it a lover's spat?" The bard tries guessing. Ty tsked and turned her head away while Ash burst out into near maniacal laughter.
"Hahahahahahhahahaaaahahaahahaahahahaha," He inhaled sharply. "Hahahahahahahahahahaah, a spat." He chuckled like it was the funniest joke he heard in years.
"Ah, right on the first guess," The bard closed his eyes thoughtfully and sighed. "It's almost always the reason."
"You don't even know the half of it." Alison giggled evilly behind her hand, trying to muffle the sound.
"Shut up, Alison." Ty scowled darkly, balling her hands into tight fists.
"Fine ladies like you shouldn't be this way or feel this way," the bard chided, moving closer to Ty. Alison thought Ty was going to hiss at him but all she did was stare at his lute and went into deep thought. "Perhaps a song will ease you. Or maybe you'd like to learn how to express your feelings. It is quite cathartic. I'd think it would soothe your troubled soul."
Ty raised a brow at the colorful bard weighing whether punching him in the teeth of kicking him in the teeth would get him to go away. An idea popped in to her head suddenly and she reached out towards the bard's lute.
"Give it here." She beckoned, expression blank and desolate.
"You know how to play?" The bard and Alison asked at the same time. Ash was just blowing bubbles in the fountain.
"When did you learn?" Alison tried asking further but the lute was already in Ty's hands and she strummed.
A perfect E major sang from the lute. She strummed the beautiful E major again and again….and again and again. In fact, she didn't know any other chords besides E major. Work with what you got they say.
Around the ten minute mark of the endless E major, the bard tried to ask her if she wanted to learn some other chords but something unearthly and ethereal came out of her mouth.
Ty began to sing. Words that caught the ears of all the citizens in Battleon rang across town. Eyes widened to the splendor of such supernatural lyrics that shook each and every one to their very core.
"Fuuuuuuuck,
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuk,
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy,
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK,
WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII , FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUCK!"
"Hey, are you-"
"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYY,
Son of a FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! "
The bard, Ash and even Alison gaped at her loud wailing, which was of course in perfect E major, and so did everyone else. Someone would have stopped her immediately if it wasn't for the fact that it was so bizarre. She just kept strumming that same E major chord and doing that.
"Ah, mon chérie?" The bard tried to get her attention. A large crowd was gathering.
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuUuUuUuUuUuUC CCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!"
Unfortunately, she was really getting into it.
And so was everyone else.
The song was so simple yet extremely deep. It spoke to everyone.
Just came out of a messy break up? This was your song.
Lost your job for no fucking reason? This was your song.
Your burrito that you've been standing in line for the past three hours for dropped on the ground? This was your song.
Stubbed your foot on a log? This, again, was the song that spoke truth.
Mesmerized by the song that sang through everyone's souls, they all gathered around the fountain. The bard watched in horror as Alison doubled over in laughter.
"Aren't you going to stop her?" The bard moved behind Alison to protect himself.
Already the groupies were coming to lie by Ty's feet. Someone in the back was crying and laughing hysterically about injustice and the meaning of life being forty two.
"Oh don't worry," Alison breathed, trying to keep herself from breaking back into laughter. "She'll get tired eventually."
Eight hours later, the sun was going down and she was still going. If anything, Ty was getting more energetic and now she was basically screaming. And so was the huge crowd. They were egging Ty on and wailing along as well.
"Tragically beautiful." Alison shook her head at the on-going scene and wiped away an imaginary tear.
"Where are the guardians?" The bard sobbed in fetal position beside Alison as she watched the chaos. It wasn't bad right now. The audience was being orderly and just watching and singing along badly. All of that could be kicked up a notch with the right push.
The captain of the guardians of Battleon was right at the front, singing along after he found out that one of his charges ate the pudding he left in the fridge for lunch earlier that day.
"Hey mister, stand up please?" Alison smiled down pleasantly at him, amping up the charm.
"Yes?" The bard looked up and began to stand. Alison grabbed his shoulders, hauled him up and shoved him towards Ty. The bard stumbled too close and Ty noticed mid-lyric.
In an instant, Ty swung the lute and it collided with the bard's jaw. The bard gets knocked on his back and Ty pounds on him with the lute, his arms flailing up every time it hits.
"You. Stupid. Son. Of. A. Bitch!" She emphasized each word with a strike of the lute. "What the hell do you mean "I don't remember who you are," god fucking damn it! I was the one who fucking de-flower-" The rest of her sentence was blocked by one of the bard's screams. "All of the shit that everyone had to go through and now we have to go through more? What the fuck is wrong with you?" She shouted angrily at the idiot who wasn't there. "You. Are. Useless!"
Ty suddenly stopped in mid-strike, contemplating before going back to wailing on the poor bard.
"Sorry." She struck the bard again. "That. Was. Overdoing. It. BUT YOU ARE STILL A MOTHER FUCKER!" One last strike obliterated the lute into a shower of woodchips. The bard was a whimpering mess and Alison was practically rolling on the ground with glee. Ash was still moping in the fountain.
At that point, the crowd had decided that the best course of action was to start an all-out brawl. Fists flew, kicks were landed and all pretense of civility was hanged, drawn, quartered, set on fire and forced through a cheese grater.
Every warrior, mage, cleric, rogue, civilian, horse, leg and cup of coffee was going on a rampage. Smoke began to rise from the fray and a cow was thrown into the air. People were taking out their past frustrations on each other and if "Waltz of the Flowers" was playing, the whole scene could have been called discordantly graceful by a sociopath.
"What do you mean it was my fault? I wasn't the one who decided that it was a good idea!" A warrior landed a right hook to the mage beside him.
"That was my kill you free-loader!" A rogue elbowed a cleric by the fountain.
"I told you that was my mom, you freak!" A dragon slayer threw a warrior across the crowd.
"Eh Macarena!" Some person yelled gleefully. No one was sure exactly of what that person was doing but only that it involved the Macarena and a stuffed blue cat.
"You suck dicks!" Ty swung the neck of the lute at a passing brawler. A grin was plastered on her face and Alison smiled harder.
Mission accomplished.
The brawl didn't stop until everyone was on the ground either passed out or just exhausted. By then, the bard had fled the scene and no one saw him ever again.
"That was one great party," Alison smiled to herself, back to the present. "We went home and ate my cupcakes too. They were made of people named Josh that time. I guess you guys didn't like the Mary ones."
"What was that?" Ash asked, not catching what Alison had said, being too absorbed into his own memories.
"Nothing. Nothing at all," Alison shook her head and kicked aside a rock. "But you know, you guys never told me why you were so high strung that day. You looked so grumpy and scary I was afraid you'd kill someone."
"You're the one worried about that?" Ash said, sarcasm dripping down his chin. "But didn't we tell you about the…collector incident."
"Refresh my memory."
"That October…Ty and I got caught by this inter-dimensional time traveler guy who liked to collect people with great fates. Among the people caught were myself, Ty, these band members and…" Ash grimaced, clenching his teeth together.
"And? And who, Ash?" Aaaaaaaaash." Alison complained, grabbing Ash's arm and shaking it.
"It was…well who do you think it was?" Ash asked her, irritated at himself and at that idiot. "Who do you think works Ty and I up so much?"
"How did he get caught?" Alison asked, surprised. "Or…you said that collector guy was a time traveler, right?" Alison began to smirk mischievously. "How old did our idiot loser look?"
"Ten probably." Ash wiped a stray droplet of blood that dripped from his still healing nose and stared straight ahead.
"Ooooooh. So you ran into Baby D?" Alison poked Ash in the cheek. It should have hurt like bejeezus but Ash didn't notice. "You certainly came out of it drained. What about Ty? How did she react?"
"It was like any other quest thingy. She was fine but then he came out of that house and…"
"What? What did she do?" Alison grew excited, bouncing up and down as they walked.
"I was surprised actually. She didn't do anything too drastic like that time we went to the Mirror Realm. Ty took one look at him, stared for three seconds and walked off to go chop down a tree.
"What?"
"She took one of the axes out of her bag, walked away and started to chop down a tree."
"But why?"
Ash shrugged.
"I have absolutely no idea."
"Then what happened! Give me all the details!" Alison demanded enthusiastically. "What did she do with baby Derekath Tsunwrath?"
"Did you run out of nicknames for him?" Ash sighed, dragging his feet along as they walked. "Why are we avoiding using his name anyways?"
"I've had it up to here with Lost Lenore's, y'kow," Alison said, becoming serious. "It's because-" Alison halted abruptly, raising her arm in front of Ash to stop him. She looked towards the horizon in the distance and watched it cautiously
"Is something happening?" Ash asked, frightened.
"I'm not sure. I just felt something go-"
Just then, a huge explosion goes off miles behind them. Even then, it was enough to fling them forward and off of their feet. The sound of the blast resembled that of a furious roar. The force of that outrage threw Ash and Alison across the barren field into a column of stone and Ash broke some of his ribs.
Alison was completely fine and laughed at the sound of cracking bones because injuries were funny.
A cloud rose from the site of the explosion. Instead of being mushroom shaped, it was the shape of a skull which slowly dissipated into a pillar of smoke vaguely resembling two baguettes wrapped around each other.
As the two fell to the ground when the power of the blast's shockwave wore off, Ash groaned cupping his hands over his ears and wincing at the ringing in them. Alison, unfettered and composed, stood up and examined the rising smoke in the distance.
"Looks like somebody was mad." She commented, whistling.
"Was it Dage?" Ash groaned, feeling his cracked ribs.
"Dage's camp is in the other direction. That was Nulgath." Alison explained, kneeling beside him and putting a hand on his side. She muttered a few words and her hand glowed golden as it healed the bones.
"Ty was going there. Is she okay?" Ash became worried.
"She's fine. I don't feel her distress," Alison shook her head. "But yikes, Nulgath's usually more level headed. Whatever happened must have really…"
"The notebook!" They both came to the same conclusion and Ash quickly stands up. Getting dizzy, he almost collapses on the ground again but Alison catches him.
"Whoa there now. Looks like we'll have to get out of here really quick," Alison materializes a red portal with a wave of her hand, much to Ash's disbelief and exasperation.
"Why were we walking then?"
"I wanted to walk and talk." Alison wrapped Ash's arm around her shoulder and helped him up.
"…Fine. But do you really think that explosion was because of your notebook?"
"We'll find out eventually," Alison said as they stepped through the portal and into the courtyard of Shadowfall.
The two came face to face with Empress Gravelyn. Ash was about to salute in respect to her but froze when he saw what was in her hands. A very familiar book was opened in the Empress' hands. All three stared at the book in silence before the Empress calmly closed the book and hid it behind her back.
Ash and Alison, sensing the awkwardness of the situation, nodded slowly to her respectfully, turned away and headed off to the throne room.
Gravelyn watched them go and waited until they were rounded the corner before she took the book out again. She flipped to the page that she was previously on and read.
Her expression contorted in disgust and she raised her hand to set the book on fire but stopped, sighed deeply and continued reading.
"I hate you." She whispered to the book as she reread the same scene for the twentieth time. The clawing scene was never going to leave her mind.
Author notes: And that was part 2. Ha…
I've got nothing much to say besides the fact that I should get back to double edged so I hoped you enjoyed this snippet of a crack fic.
I might be tempted to continue with this story or play with a few more AQW scenarios one day… Wow, I'm drained.
So thanks for reading and see you some other time. (I can't think straight at five in the morning. Excuse my incoherency).
Earl Grey Tea and Shrimp Chips are delicious.