Chapter 6

By the time Johnny was around 8months their routine was fairly solid. Lina enjoyed the affection Merle gave her with a grain of salt, enjoying the comfort it gave her while knowing it wasn't anything more than that. She had her theories on why he was so comfortable with her and they mostly revolved around the fact that she was safe. She wouldn't and didn't expect anything from him, especially not a relationship. Daryl brought up the women nearly every time Merle and he were in her home together. She wasn't sure if it was done intentionally to try and hurt her or if it was to warn her not to get attached to his brother. It didn't matter why, she ignored it like she did everything else and focused on the good. Johnny was happy and thriving, she couldn't ask for more.

The holidays were coming up and Lina was excited. This year she would have someone to celebrate with. She vowed to give Johnny all the things she had wished for as a kid, saving as much money as she could for decorations, and costumes and presents. She had even set aside a little money for Merle and Daryl's presents, figuring they would be from Johnny.

Halloween came and she decorated her little trailer with spiders and bats and fake spider webs. Johnny loved them, laughing and squealing every time he caught site of one of the rubber critters. She got him a costume of a little biker despite the fact that he was too young to go trick or treating. She even bought a bag of candy, even though she was sure nobody would come to her trailer. To her surprise both Daryl and Merle showed up on Halloween and sat with Johnny watching horror movies all night. No one came to trick or treat and Daryl ate the whole bowl of candy on his own.

On Thanksgiving they gave her a heads up that they'd be showing up and even gave her a bit more money so that she could make a good meal. She had cooked them a feast and they had watched football. She had chuckled to herself when all three ended up passed out on her bed. Dead to the world in a food coma. She was forced to sleep on the couch but she was happy, her son was getting everything she wished for him and he got to enjoy the holidays in a way that neither she nor the brothers ever got to when they were young.

Lina also had a secret, well, maybe not a secret but something good was happening that she hadn't mentioned to the brothers yet. A co-worker she had met a few times at office meetings and now office parties at the hospital she worked for, had taken her out on a few dates. He was from Atlanta, he worked as a security guard for the floor her department located in and knew nothing of her or her life in this backwoods town. All he knew was her age, occupation and that she was a single mother. For Lina it was like starting over. His name was David he was a very large muscular man and at first she had been a little intimidated by him. He had been very nice to her and put her at ease quickly, with him she didn't have to be the awkward weirdo she was in this town, it was a clean slate. She had gone out with him several times over the course of the last couple of months. Taking advantage of the fact that the boys wanted Johnny over at their place more often; she thought it was because Daryl was more comfortable on his own turf. Eventually she would have to let the Dixons know about David, just not yet.

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The time came sooner than she expected. Running late to drop off Johnny with the Dixons she had, had to show up already dressed for her date.

"What the hell are ya wearin' ?"

Lina walked into the trailer and set Johnny down on the couch, thought better of it and placed the carrier on the coffee table instead.

"I got somewhere to go tonight. What time do you want me to pick him up in the morning?" She looked around the ratty trailer and noticed that it seemed to have been clean up quite a bit. They always put in the effort when Johnny was staying over.

"Who's he sleeping with?" when Merle didn't answer she turned to look at him. Merle was eyeing her outfit apparently too caught up in waiting for an answer to his question to bother to answer hers.

"Merle," that's all she got out before Daryl came into the living room from down the hall

"What the hell are ya wearin'?" he asked in an almost exact imitation of Merles earlier question

Lina looked back and forth between them trying to figure out if their looks meant she'd done a good job on her outfit or if she had failed miserably.

"I've got a date." She still didn't get much information to go on as they just glanced at each other with matching stony expressions.

"He's from Atlanta. He doesn't know you guys or even really where this crappy little town is, if that's what you're worried about." Merle just nodded his approval at that and both Dixons continued to study her from head to toe.

Lina inhaled deeply and looked down at herself, biting the bullet she decided to ask "Do I look weird or something? Why are you two looking at me like that?"

Merle took in her outfit. She had on some tight black jeans, tucked into black high heeled ankle boots with silver buttons, her v-neck top was a deep purple and was much more fitted than anything he'd ever seen her in. She had managed to look pretty damn sexy without showing much skin but Merle wasn't about to tell her that.

Instead he snorted "You gonna ask us if you look fat too?"

Daryl had also been taking in her outfit and he thought she look beautiful. Her long hair had been released from its usual pony tail and hung like a shiny black curtain down her back. She hadn't put on much make-up, from what he could tell she had put on some eyeliner and lipstick. He had always thought Lina was too skinny and this outfit accentuated that, but you could also see that with a little meat on her bones she could be curvy.

"You look fine." Daryl walked out of the living room and into the kitchen. Merle could handle whatever conversation was coming. He didn't want to deal with it.

Lina was a bit let down by their answers. She didn't know how to do this dating thing and had no one to talk to about what she should wear or what the hell was expected of her. It would be nice to know she was doing things right. She mentally shook those thoughts out of her head. The Dixons were not her friends, she shouldn't expect them to act like they were.

"Forget I asked; Look I packed everything you could possibly need for the night"

"Who is he?" Merle cut in ignoring the piece of paper that she was trying to hand him.

"Who? What?" she said shaking the paper she had just made with every emergency contact she could think of. She really should have done that sooner.

"The fuckin' guy you're going on a date with. Who the fuck is it?"

Lina stared at him in confusion "What does it matter?" I never ask about your girls she thought to herself.

"He could be around my son! That's why it matters!" Merle was close to yelling now and he looked angry. It was enough to scare her. She looked around for Daryl and found him leaning on the wall by the kitchen door looking at her expectantly.

"His name is David…uh….he works with me….I….there's no reason he should be around Johnny." Yet she stammered and backed away from Merle.

Merle stomped into the kitchen and came back with a pen.

"Write his full name and number on that paper you wanna give me. Write everything you know. I ain't taken any fuckin' chances with my son."

With hands that trembled slightly Lina added the information to her previous list and handed it over. Merle studied it, then placed it on the coffee table next to Johnny's carrier.

"That it?"

"I guess, everything you need should be in the diaper bag, if not, you have the keys to my trailer. I'll be here around twelve tomorrow to pick him up, unless you have different plans." She looked back and forth between them.

"That's fine." Merle barked "Get the fuck outta here."

Lina kissed Johnny goodbye and left avoiding the brothers matching glares as she walked out.

Merle watched her go with a knot in his stomach, he had a bad feeling about the whole situation. Daryl was watching his brother and didn't like what he was seeing. He had a feeling that the comfortable arrangement they had with Lina was going to be blown to hell soon.

The night went well for everyone involved. The brothers had no problems with Johnny, they were all comfortable with each other and Johnny loved his daddies. Lina was able to relax and enjoy herself with David and even permitted him to give her a good night kiss. The next day when she picked Johnny up she was too happy to let Merle's grouchy mood bring her down.

The fact that the brothers decided she should start bringing Johnny to them more often meant she could actually go on dates with David and that was icing on the cake. She missed her son on the nights he slept over at the Dixons but knowing he was happy let her enjoy her nights to herself.

Unfortunately, things began to get complicated soon after that date. David began trashing Johnny's father and it was clear he wasn't happy with having to wait to meet Johnny and was more than a little upset that Lina was making him wait for sex.

She wasn't making him wait to be cruel or because she didn't like him. Lina just wanted to make sure she was doing things right. She wanted a real family for Johnny. She didn't want to be the kind of woman that brought men in and out of his life with no stability.

Lina usually tried to ignore David's continued onslaught of criticism, until one day he hit a very sensitive nerve. He had been going on about Johnny's dad being a dead beat and Lina tried to defend the brothers.

"The guy won't even claim his son, didn't you say he wouldn't put his name on the birth certificate?"

"He makes sure Johnny gets everything he needs and he spends time with him. It's complicated. It's me that's the problem, not Johnny." She tried to explain.

"You! What would you have to do with anything?"

"His family…is racist…and" She realized she was lying for the brothers, reaching for a good reason to explain their behavior.

"If they're ashamed of your race, Lina, then they are ashamed of his. Don't you get that?" he shook his head at her.

Ashamed, she had never thought of it that way. Ashamed of her she knew, but of Johnny? It had never occurred to her because they were so involved with him. They had been there every step of the way and Johnny loved them. But what would happen when he grew older and he couldn't acknowledge his daddies in public. Would the brothers ignore their son if other people were around? For the first time since everything happened, she got angry. It was one thing to say SHE wasn't good enough, but to say it, to even think it, of her son, no, that wasn't OK.

She had picked up Johnny the next day with barely a word to either brother; she didn't trust herself to not lash out at them. She had to think things through, figure out what was best for Johnny. For two days she weighed the pros and the cons. If she cut the Dixons out of Johnny's life now it would hurt him, but he was young enough to forget. If she let them stay in his life, he would have more people who loved him and cared for his needs. On the other hand what kind of emotional damage would being loved in secret and shunned in public cause a growing boy? Her mind was still going in circles when Merle showed up drunk, stumbling into her bed.

One thing she was sure of was that she didn't want him touching her. Merle fell into his usual routine of grabbing Lina to use as a pillow, but this time she did not find it comforting she found it revolting and pushed him off her. Merle grumbled half asleep, then grabbed her around the waist dragging her to him. She struggled to get away from him.

"Stop wiggling!" he yelled drunkenly with his eyes still closed. He tightened his grip dragging her even farther underneath him. She was completely pinned and gave up the fight.

The next morning she hurried to dress herself and Johnny hoping to be out of the trailer before Merle woke up. Luck was not on her side and Merle walked into the kitchen, stretching and popping his neck and shoulders.

"What's for breakfast?"

"I'm going out with Johnny." She spat, barely reigning in her temper.

"Going out where?"

"There's a diner called LOU'S, it's supposed to be good."

"Really now, maybe were giving you too much money if you can afford to be going out to eat whenever the mood catches."

Lina was shoving things into her diaper bag angrily.

"If you must know, I have a gift certificate. My co-workers gave it to me for my birthday."

"Your birthday? When the hell was that?"

"Like you care, Merle."

"I asked didn't I" Merle was fed up with her attitude this morning.

"October 30th, they gave me a gift certificate to this restaurant and I'm going with my son. Is that OK with you Merle?"

He didn't answer her, he could tell she was pissed. He'd never seen her worked up like this, he wanted to know what was bothering her but would not let himself ask.

"So what the hell am I supposed to eat? Huh?"

Lina made a split decision

"You could come with us. Go out in public with your son, or are you afraid someone will recognize you and figure out you have a mixed race kid!"

"What the Fuck is you problem today?!"

"You! You and Daryl are my problem!"

"Hey! We told you from the beginning how this shit was gonna go down. Now you got a problem?" Merle was yelling and Lina was yelling right back.

"That was before! Before I realized what it meant for Johnny! How am I supposed to explain it to him? How do I tell him he's good enough in private but not good enough to claim in public. How? Huh, explain how I do that to my son."

"Your fuckin' boyfriends the one feeding you this shit ain't it?"

"It's the truth. Are you going to deny that's what you want to do? That's how you expect my son to live the rest of his life?"

"I don't need this shit." Merle left, slamming the door behind him

Lina sat down, rubbing her temples. It was out now, she didn't think her argument with Merle helped the situation any. He probably wouldn't come around as much and certainly not at night anymore and that was for the best, but Johnny's situation was exactly the same.

The next day was the brother's night with Johnny, she had decided to keep things the same until after Christmas. Johnny should at least get his first Christmas with his fathers. Daryl had shown up at the trailer an hour before she was to drop Johnny off.

Walking in he sat on her couch

"He's still coming over?"

"Yeah." Lina sighed "It's Christmas, I don't want to ruin it for him." She began making herself a sandwich in the kitchen.

"Whose name would be on the birth certificate?"

His question caught her off guard.

"I don't know, does it matter?"

"Yeah, it matters. It matters to us."

She turned to look at the man on her couch.

"It could be both, maybe, like initials. M.D. Dixon. I don't know. Are you saying you want to claim him?"

Daryl rubbed his face

"I don't know."

Lina gave a small humorless laugh "I don't know." She repeated.

"I'll take him over in a bit. Like I said, I'm not going to do anything to ruin his first Christmas. We'll figure things out afterward."

She turned back to the sandwich she was making.

"Figure things out?"

"Yeah figure things out."

Daryl headed home then. He didn't like the sound of that "figure things out" she could figure that they needed to stay away from Johnny. Without a paternity test, they had no rights to the kid. Daryl didn't give a damn if everyone knew he fathered Johnny. Merle was the one who cared.