I was perfectly content to fall apart. If my life was in shreds back then, I would have still continued down that road. Gun in hand and wearing a terrifying expression, there was nothing I needed other than the satisfying sound of someone getting roughed up in an alley. And someone completely innocent at that. It was boredom... maybe even fear... all I know is it was almost too late to turn around and change.
If my past self saw me now, I think he would spit in my face. I'm so stupidly happy and at peace, it's disgusting. Ever since I made the decision to leave and got the shit beaten out of me, I've been grinning from ear to ear just thinking of him. Not only that. I've been sneaking into his house to sleep with him at night. His parent don't know, and if I can help it, they never will. They'd fucking pack up and take Sjin with them if they knew their "perfect little angel" was getting cozy with me, and honestly, I think I'd snap if they took him away. He's the only thing that matters to me. Even if I sound crazy, he literally saved me. Without him, I guarantee I'd be dead in the street out there, but now I'm more alive than ever, laying next to him in his warm bed.
His skin is brushing against me and my heart is thumping out of my chest as he whispers to me half asleep. The sun won't be up for a couple hours, but he won't be completely up either, "Sipsy...I had a dream that I was a Pokemon trainer... but then I used my only Master Ball on a Magikarp... the dream turned into a nightmare..."
"Sjinny," Pulling him even closer than he already was, I chuckled a bit, "You know I don't know what the fuck you're talking about."
He blinked at me, half awake and half asleep still, but with my face inches from his and my arm wrapped around him securely, he smiled, "Mmm... I just needed to tell you. One day I want to make you play the games I like and read the manga I love."
"Ha, you won't have to make me. I want to at least be able to understand what you're going on about. I want to make you do things that I like to do too."
Raising an eyebrow, he smirked at me, "What you like to do? All you like to do is me."
He wasn't wrong. The urge I always felt to kiss him multiplied, but I held back. He was just playfully teasing me under the cover of being too sleepy to think straight. I would feel bad if he was kept up until sunrise anyway. "Well, you're definitely my favorite thing to do. Other than that, I'd like to teach you how to protect yourself. Probably teach you how to fight. I'll always put my life on the line to keep you safe, but you never know. The people I used to call friends are still angry at me, and I know they'd love to use you to make me angry. Anyhow, I'm just gonna make sure that in the short moments when I'm not here, you'll be okay."
"Mmm," he closed his eyes again and began trying to go back to sleep, "I'm not afraid of them. You're stronger, faster, and way more intimidating. No matter what, you'll always save me, right?"
Trying so, so hard not to pull into a big hug, I simply kissed him on the forehead and closed my eyes as well, "Of course I will. You saved my life, and I'll give it up forever to protect yours."
"Mmm... You're always so dramatic..."
"It's better than being empty. I love you so much, Sjin."
"Mmm... I love you too, Sipsy. I love you too..."