"Thank you so much for inviting me! I'm so excited!"
Pamela Smith ("Please call me Pam!") was one of those thin, ebullient blondes who made Raven feel like her own blue cloak and dark hair were an affront to the rest of the world. And she was so enthusiastic. About everything. If Pamela Smith were a superhero, Raven reflected dourly, she'd be Exclamation Point Woman.
Robin said in an undertone, "I know she's a little much, but Bruce said she was absolutely the best."
Raven rolled her eyes.
"I know you're very busy – you really do so much for Jump City, we're all so grateful – this will only take up a tiny bit of your time." Pamela Smith took out a pen and notebook and somehow managed to look enthusiastically serious. "I understand that you're looking for ways to monetize your activities?"
Robin nodded. "The whole team. We thought it might be a way for us to do more fund raising for the Titans Trust."
Pamela glanced at Raven. The City Council demand for a surety bond had been front-page news and Raven was sure the marketing consultant had read about it. But after only a slight hesitation she said, "Of course. I think you'll find yourselves with plenty of opportunities. Now, who will we start with?"
"Me!" Beast Boy bounced out of his chair. "I am a total brand dude."
"Wonderful! Stand right here." Pamela stood him by the table and scribbled something in her notebook. "Now this is your regular uniform?"
"Yeah." Beast Boy struck a pose, then noticed something on his arm. "Except for the tomato sauce."
"I love the colors. Let's see.. oh yes, I can definitely see some opportunities here. Your skin is a fabulous shade of green. And your ears are so cute!"
"I'm always telling Raven," Beast Boy said proudly, "Chicks dig the ears. My ears are like a brand thing."
Raven shifted in her chair and tried to retreat deeper into her cloak.
"I can see why anyone would dig the ears," Pamela chirped. "They're very handsome. Now you're a vegan, right?"
Beast Boy nodded, and she continued, "And do you have any favorite vegan foods?"
"Dude!" Beast Boy spent ten minutes listing his most-liked vegan food companies, Pamela scribbling in her notebook as fast as he could talk.
She spent the next hour questioning all the Titans about their likes and dislikes, their taste in music, video games, and books. Everyone enjoyed the interviews except for Raven, who felt like she'd been subjected to an over-friendly interrogation.
Pamela finished writing a few lines and closed her notebook with a flourish. "Thank you so much! I have so many great ideas. I should have something for you in a few days – and Beast Boy and Cyborg, I'll give you a call tomorrow, I think we can do something very special with you two. You're both born brand ambassadors!"
Beast Boy glowed, while Cyborg just looked bemused, like he wasn't sure if he'd been complimented or not.
It was in two days that the garment bags came by special messenger. Each Titan had a bag except Cyborg, who got two small black plastic squares and a scribbled note with instructions.
"Let's try them on," Robin said, "I told Pamela I'd call her this afternoon."
Fifteen minutes later, all the Titans but one were in the great room.
"Dude, this is awesome! I feel like I'm in NASCAR."
The torso of Beast Boy's uniform, the arms, and the sides of the legs were covered with sponsorship patches. Even the soles of his boots had been changed to the logo for his favorite frozen food company, Aimee's. Most of the rest of the patches were for food companies, though there was also one for a video game store and a band Beast Boy liked.
"All the patches make your uniform most festive!" Starfire didn't really have a uniform that lent itself well to sponsorship opportunities, but Pamela had sent her a tunic with blousy, cuffed sleeves. The entire back was taken up with the logo for the trendiest gym in town. "But how will people read them?"
"They won't, Star. We're walking billboards. They'll see the logos, but that's about it." Cyborg had clipped in the two peripherals Pamela had sent him, and now he looked like a Skyrim character. "Except me. They've given me a bunch of skins. What's this one?" He pressed a button and in a flash of light, he suddenly looked like a red M&M. "Great." Deactivating the peripherals, he turned to Robin. "This is weird, Rob."
"It's not permanent." Even Robin's signature cape was covered with video game ads. "I know we look ridiculous. That's kind of the point. You'll see. In the meantime we've got to convince Raven to go out in public looking like this. C'mon, I bet she's still in her room."
Just because Pamela Smith was enthusiastic didn't mean she was stupid. The advertising on Raven's uniform was the most subtle. Her cloak was a few different shades of dark blue, and along with a couple of markings on the hood it suggested the logo of Raven Books, a metaphysics publisher. Raven almost didn't mind it. Almost.
She was trying to decide how to wear her cloak so the design would be the least notable, when she heard a knock on the door. "Raven, we all look awesome! What did Pam do for you?"
Raven stepped into the hall, then stopped and blinked at the rest of the team. Cyborg had turned back into a red M&M, Robin had placed himself so his cape would wave dramatically in the slight breeze from the ventilation system (how did he always manage to do that?) and Beast Boy was practically bouncing off the walls from excitement. "Raven, look at me! I'm a brand dude!"
A rush of embarrassment made Raven's face burn; she was desperately glad she had left her hood up. "This is ridiculous," she muttered. "We are ridiculous. I can't make you do this."
Robin grinned at her. "I'll bet you a pizza that we only have to do it once. Twice at the outside. Assuming Beast Boy ever wants to go back to his original outfit."
Why were they willing to participate this stupidity, this humiliation, just for her? "We're supposed to be heroes. And it's my fault that you have to wear these idiotic -"
Robin shook his head. "No, it's the city's fault. And they'll regret it."
"You said it might be fun, and I know I'm not the one to judge, but... this isn't fun."
"We're not done yet."
The hallways started flickering red and noise filled the corridors as the alarms went off. Robin glanced at his communicator. "Cinderblock. Let's go show the city what we look like. Sponsored Titans, GO!"