Apologies for the delay with this. RL, sickness, work... basically a whole load'a shit piled on top of me.

WARNING: Papa E uses a couple words in this chapter that I cannot stand - I find them vile and disgusting. But I had to use them because no other words suited the situation.

.CHAPTER FIVE.
Edward

Every time I drink I ask myself why.

Why? Why? Why?

I wake up with an incurable banging in my head, the taste in my mouth is like someone has used it for their ashtray, and the stale remains of food I apparently bought on the way home. Actually, what food is that? It looks like a burger but... sniff... fuck me; it doesn't smell like a burger. It looks and smells like someone took a dump in a polystyrene box. Then added a shit-ton of ketchup and processed cheese.

Holy fuck. There was a reason why I went sober for two years.

But last night I kinda... fell apart. I went to the nearest bar and drank obsessively for the next God-knows how many hours. Emmett found me stumbling from one bar to another and the next thing I know he's taking me by the arm to his car. My mind went blank after that.

And that was how I came to wake up on Emmett and Rose's couch. And apparently I decided to stash all the bar snacks into my pants pockets... what the fuck? I should not be allowed out.

Ooh... peanut. Yum.

0-0

Ten minutes after I was supposed to start work, I dragged myself down the sidewalk that led to the parlor. I had a coffee in one hand and a smoke between two fingers. That's my hangover cure, you see. A kick of energy and nicotine. Usually I would go to the Diner for something to cure the fight going on in my stomach, but...it was best to stay clear of that place.

"Edward?" Rose sauntered to me, then proceeded to whip off the Ray Bans that covered my heavily blood shot eyes. "Jesus Christ."

I smirked, "nope; just me. I get that compliment a lot."

Rose rubbed her forehead. "Go home, Edward."

"Is this you talking as my friend, or as my boss?" I felt my body fall to the side, but I caught myself before my ass hit the ground. Eurgh, I don't feel too good.

"As your friend. Ed, hun, you stink of piss and you may think you're sober, but I know differently. Go home, have a shower and get some rest. Come back when you're feeling better."

What she said hit a nerve with me. "Go home? What home? I have no home!"

"Dude," a strong hand grabbed my arm. Wow, Rosalie is butch! "Do as she says." Oh, it was Emmett. Ha!

Maybe I was still drunk. Hmm... that would explain at lot.

"But where am I going to go? Bella kicked me out my own fucking house!" I slapped my thigh as the anger rolled through me. "I paid for half that place and the little bitch stole it! She took my kids too!"

"That's enough! Em', take him back to our house - make him have a shower and something decent to eat. I'll deal with today myself."

I looked at Rose with squinted eyes. "Why couldn't Bella be more like you? I mean, you actually care about me. That bitch sure don't. She took my kids, dammit! And I never agreed to a divorce!"

Emmett took my arm again. "Okay man; let's get you sorted out."

"Fucking hell." I heard Rose whisper as I was led out the door, but I didn't have the energy to turn around and reply.

Yeah Rose, fucking hell is right. Fucking hell to my fucking life. Comprende?

0-0

"Jesus Em - do we really need to watch this show?" I faced away from the TV set where all I could hear were gun shots and the rasping snarls of the undead. I'd say I was a pretty tough guy - don't wanna seem big-headed or anything, but I am. Nothing really scares me, I have a high pain tolerance...etc, etc. But see when it comes to seeing inside a persons' body or if they have major flesh wounds? Eurgh, I can't stand it. I freak out like a little pussy. Fuck me.

"My house; my rules. I have to sit here and look after your drunk ass? I'm gonna watch my show, 'kay? Good. Glad we got that sorted."

I faced the TV the second some small kid whipped the shit out of a zombie with a baseball bat. Blood splattered the screen and that alone was almost enough to make me hurl. "Oh, that's disgusting." My arms tightened around my stomach as it churned. All of a sudden, Emmett pressed pause on the DVD and turned to face me. He looked pissed.

"No." He said firmly. "You wanna know what's disgusting? The way you spoke about your wife last night."

Now that took me by surprise. What did I say about Bella? Oh, wait a minute... "'Cause I called her a bitch?"

Emmett tutted and scratched his head. "You better wish that's all you called her."

Shit... "Was it really that bad?"

"Well I don't know about B, but if someone called me a 'worthless, useless whore' I'd be pretty angry. Same if they called me a 'fat cunt' and continued to explain 'the only reason I kept her around was so I could go balls-deep every night. No fucking pleasure anywhere else.'"

I wanted to cry. I wanted to be sick. I wanted to grab the baseball bat from that fictional kid and beat my own brains out. What have I done?

In the years that I've known B never have I ever seen her as a useless whore, and a fat cunt? Where the hell did that even come from?

Emmett continued. "Now that you're sober and speaking reasonably, we can have this discussion." He sat forward on the chair and rested his bent elbows on his knees. "You may be my best friend, Ed, but see if I hear you disrespect that woman (or anyone else) in that way again, I won't hesitate when it comes to violence." Emmett jammed a finger in my direction. "Bella and the kids are the best thing that have ever happened to you and you say shit like that?! No wonder she wanted to leave your ass if that is the way you treat her."

My hands grabbed fists of hair. I couldn't tell who I was more angry at - Emmett or myself. "You know I didn't mean that! God fucking dammit, you know me Em'!"

All he could do was shrug. Really? Fucking shrug?

"A drunk mind speaks sober thoughts. You heard that before?"

I hauled myself up from the couch. Sparks of anger pulsed through my veins. I could feel it.

"Yes I've heard that before, but it doesn't mean shit! I was drunk - I was angry, but never will I think of her that way!" I walked rings around his living room carpet. I spat out curse words. My hands curled into tight fists - so tight, they began to hurt. "You saying you've never said stuff you don't mean to Rose?" My voice was more level than before.

"Christ, of course I have! I've put my foot in it more times than you can count!" Emmett stood so he now towered over me slightly. "But I've never said anything like that. Now I don't know what went on with Bella the other night, and I'm not going to pry, but if you want to sort something out this is not the way to go."

I took some deep breaths. In and out... in and out... "I know." I admitted quietly.

Emmett clamped his hand on my shoulder. "What you said last night will stay between me and you, 'kay? But you've gotta promise me, man - you've gotta promise me that you'll do what is right. And if not for you and Bella, then for the kiddos. I don't wanna turn this into some soppy-girly chat, but India and Maddox come first; no matter what happens."

My hand rubbed over the scruff on my jaw. "No, I know." After a long pause, I looked up at my closest friend. "But what is the right thing?"

Emmett shrugged with a heavy breath. "I can't tell you. Only you can figure that out."

0-0

A few hours after our meltdown, I started to fidget. I felt like a caged animal with only the four walls around me. I had to get out of here. I had smoked the last of my twenty deck, and even bumped a few off Emmett. There's a store that sells cigarettes a three minute walk from here, so I decided to take a walk there. Chance to get some air, clear my head, and get more smokes. I asked Emmett if he wanted a pack, but he declined the offer.

Maybe I'll pick up some beers whilst I'm out.

A sickening feeling filled my stomach. Perhaps best to leave out the beers.

It felt good to get outside. The sun beamed down on me, however there was a slight breeze to help cool off. Apart from the cars that drove past and birds that flew above, I was alone with my thoughts. I thought about my kids and what they must have felt seeing me walk out the door without a single goodbye. Why did I do that? I must have been too angry to function. I've never not said goodbye to my kids. Then my mind switched to Bella - she seemed so sure of her decision to hand back her ring and practically shove me out the house.

What if - no matter what I do or say - she doesn't want me back at all? I want to apologize to her and make her understand how important she and the kids are to me, but my efforts could be futile. Well, I've just gotta try harder, right?

"Daddy?" My head snapped up in response. It could have been any little girl shouting for their dad, but it sounded so much like India. I turned to the left and stared down the adjacent street. "Daddy!" The call was nearer, and then, just off to the side, India appeared in my vision.

"Indie?" She ran at me in great speed. I was so confused - what was she doing here all alone? Why was she running? Then up ahead, Rose appeared running just as fast.

"I'm so sorry, Daddy." Her little arms went around my waist and her head rested upon my stomach. "I'm so sorry." Her words were stuffed with emotion.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked, patting her head. It hurt me so damn much to see her this way. Like a fucking dagger continuously stabbed through my chest. She didn't answer; instead the cotton of my shirt was gripped tighter in her tiny hands. "India?"

"We had a small run-in with a certain sister of yours." Rose tried hard to catch her breath. "Fuck, I need to stop smoking, man."

I held my kid closer to me. I could hear the faint sniffles that came from her tears. I should have known Maggie would do something at some point. I helped her find a place to stay and warned her to stay away from my wife and kids. Thanks for the trust, Sis.

"Are you okay?" I asked of both Rose and India.

Rosalie pointed a hand at India. "She's spooked, but Bella received the worst of it."

As much as I hated to admit it, that didn't surprise me. Bella and Mags never saw eye-to-eye, and I knew they'd bring out their claws if in a small space. What got to me the most was the fact that my chance of Bella forgiving me were a lot smaller since Maggie spoke her two cents.

India pulled away from me - her brown eyes glistened with sadness. "Are you coming home, Daddy? I'm sorry if I made you angry?"

"Pumpkin, you didn't make me angry. I made myself angry."

She had that look on her face which said she was thinking hard about something. "And... are Maddox and I your damned kids?"

Who the fuck told her that? My sister? I hate her. Fucking hate her.

I stared up at Rosalie, "what did Maggie tell her?" I demanded, my voice grew with anger.

"She hardly spoke to India directly, but we all heard her speaking to B - accusing her of keeping you trapped with some 'damn kids'. That's when India ran off, and I followed."

Unbelievable. What right did Mags have to say that?

I dropped to India's level, she hid her crying face with both hands. "Hey, I want you to listen to me, okay?" I waited on her nodded approval. "Don't listen to what Aunt Maggie said - it's like you making up a lie about Mini. You wouldn't mean it would you?"

"No..."

"Exactly - Aunt Mags didn't mean that either!"

Rose tutted behind me. "Excellent explanation, idiot."

I slowly turned my head, "shut it. At least I'm trying."

"So... I'm not your damn kid?"

I stroked her hair with my hand. "Of course not."

"And Mini isn't either?"

"Have I ever said you were?"

"No..."

"Then don't believe a word she said. I know I have messed up, India, and I know I haven't been the best dad in the world, but that doesn't mean that I don't care about you and your brother."

"But what about Mama? Don't you care about her anymore?"

That dagger never ceased its stabbing.

Right. In. The heart.

"Your Mama and I... have our differences. We'll sort something out."

I hope. Christ, I really fucking hope.

"But what if you don't?"

Dammit. She's too smart for her own good.

India was passed the age where what I said goes. She now double thinks things, and just because I said something wouldn't happen, doesn't mean that is entirely the case.

"You and Mini will still be our main priority, got it?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"Talking about your Mama," Rose butted in. I stood back up and felt the painful creek in my knee caps. "Sweetie, I think it's best we go back and find her - she'll be worried sick."

India looked between me and Rose with a worried expression on her face. Her eyes welled up again. I'd lost count how many times they'd done that during our short conversation. "But when will I see you again?" She asked me with the wobble of her bottom lip.

"Friday!" Rosalie piped up. "I'll have Mama B bring you and your brother to the parlor for the charity event, yeah? You can see your Papa then."

"Really?"

"Sure," I replied, "it'll be busy but the two of you could sit by me and watch me work. I'm sure Uncle Em' wouldn't mind you taking his place."

A warming smile lifted from India's lips; her glum expression long gone. Having the kids at the charity event is not the smartest move - seeing how busy it is - but if that is the reaction I'm getting from it? We'll make it work.

0-0

Our tattoo event raised money for a local hospice that helped Rose' grandfather when he had fallen ill a couple years back. It ran from 12 noon on the Friday to 12 noon on the Saturday. We came up with a selection of small designs that the clientele could choose from and every cent went towards said hospice. Of course we weren't working the entire 24 hours - you fucking mad? No, we recruited the help of additional artists who'd take over from one of us at various stages through the event. But I would need coffee on the hour and a large supply of Red Bull and smokes by my side at all times.

My first client was a middle-aged man who chose the tribal-style ink on his shoulder blade. He gave me the long on-going story of how the sign means strength and how he had needed strength and courage when he worked for the US Marines. Personally I couldn't give a fuck, and felt like crying when he continued to speak and drag on...and on... and on... But it was either that, or work in an awkward silence. Beggars can't be choosers, right?

At precisely 7 o'clock Jasper arrived with my kids by his side. I was wrapping up another client, but Jasper assured me he had the time to wait 'til I was done. Maddox came up to me with a familiar looking paper bag in his hand. It had grease stains, and that only meant one thing. Food.

I was fucking starving. I would have eaten anything at that moment.

"Seth made this for you Papa E; I didn't tell no-one, kay? Not even Mama B - she would'a tanned my hind if she knew I was giving you food."

What is this crap? Have B and I gotten that bad she won't even allow our son to get me food? Fuck off. I'll decide that, got it?

I ruffled his wild hair, "you're a good kid, Maddox."

A double steak burger with extra cheese and fries? Seth, you're a motherfucking genius in a kitchen.

I contemplate going gay for his food. If he made that for me morning, noon and night? Yep, yep, I would cross over.

"I don't think I'm a good kid anymore, bro." Maddox huffed and scratched his jaw like I do when I'm pissed. That boy needed to stop growing up. India too.

"And why is that?"

He bit down on his lip and instantly became interested with his Chucks. "Maddox?"

India answered for her little brother, "he shouted at me and Mama B and said he hated us both." Mini shot his sister an evil glare for tattling on him, but she rose her shoulders and was not the least bit intimidated.

"Why did you do that, Mini?"

"'Cause I... 'Cause..."

"He called us shitheads, too! and said Mama B was stupid as fuck."

Now I knew the little'uns cursed more than they should, but that was the first time it had been said not in good humor. I had always been Good Cop, but that didn't mean I couldn't also become Bad Cop.

"Maddox Jett, that true?"

Christ Almighty, it felt good to double-name him. I've always wanted to do that!

"Yeah, 'cause she is stupid as fuck!"

"Oi," I grabbed his shoulder and made sure he paid attention. "You don't say that 'bout your Mama - you don't say that 'bout no-one, right? I need you to be the man of the house and look after your Mama and sister when I'm not there."

"But it's 'cause of Mama B that you're not there! I heard you!" As tough as my boy wished he was, his eyes still welled up with tears.

"It's my fault just as much as it is hers. Listen to me and look after them, then when I get back we'll sort it out."

If I get back.

No. When I get back.

"Edward." The receptionist for the evening called me over to meet my next client. "Tracey would like this in red and white, please." I was handed the cut out of a queen and pawn chess piece.

I introduced myself and led Tracey to my bench. "Mind my kids," I said, which made her laugh, "they like watching their daddy at work."

"Mine do the same," she responded, "but a popcorn vendor at the cinema isn't as exciting as yours."

"Nu-uh!" Maddox changed his tune, instead of tears his eyes were now filled with excitement. "That is wicked cool, ma'am! D'ya get free popcorn?"

"I couldn't do that job; I would eat it all! Right, Mini?"

"Oh yeah, India eats popcorn a helluva lot."

And just like that, my fighting children became the best of friends because they shared an interest of over-priced shitty popcorn that some stranger would sell for a living. Strange.

After Tracey, I left the kids in the safe hands of Emmett so I could take a shit and have a smoke. Not at the same time.

I had felt my phone vibrate through that tatt, and now was the perfect time to check. To see two missed calls from Bella was surprising. I never thought twice pressing redial. The call rang, and rang, and rang. I was close to hanging up and trying again. Until...

"Edward."

Had I known hearing her tired, yet oddly beautiful voice would have caused such a reaction in me, I wouldn't have rung. "Hi, B."

"Jasper is coming to collect India and Maddox soon, okay?"

But that feeling vanished, when she gave me no choice in how long I got to spend with our children.

OUR fucking children. Get that, bitch?

"Hold up, where is my say in all this?"

"Ed, don't start." She sighed. I knew she was tired, but we were all fucking tired. Sick and tired of this bullshit. "They need to go home and get to bed. They can't stay with you at the parlor all night."

"So you've finished at the diner now, then?"

"Yes, why?"

"Why does Jasper need to be your fucking messenger pigeon? Couldn't you come and pick them up yourself?"

Oh wait, I know why.

"By the time he brings them back here I'd be ready to go."

Excuses, excuses.

"In that case, wait 'til you're done then pick them up. Or can you not stand seeing my face?"

Not gonna lie, that hurts.

"Enough, E. I have had a long day."

"Oh, my heart fucking bleeds."

"Bastard."

Just as I thought we were getting somewhere, boom, reality rears its ugly face once again.

This was going to take some work if we had any chance at fixing the impossible.

0-0

Interested to hear whose side you're taking - Mama B or Papa E?

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