Some very interesting thoughts and theories for Mama B and Papa E. I love reading your comments.
.CHAPTER SIX.
Bella
"Mama, you makin' me listen to this crap?" Maddox shoved a bunch of french fries in his mouth as he spoke.
"I'll have you know, baby boy, that Dion and The Belmonts released some incredible music back then." With the edge of a paper napkin, I rubbed the greasy smears off his lips.
"Look," Maddox shoved another fry into the black hole and leapt off the bar stool. "I'll show you good music." He looked so fucking cute in grey skinnies, a black Whitesnake tee and black Chucks. His long hair had been tamed back into a pony tail and a grey fedora was perched on his head. Maddox suddenly appeared beside me and took the iPod from its dock. His tiny thumb scrolled up the screen "Mama B, your taste in music is shit!"
"Excuse me, Mini, what have Dad and I always told you?"
"Um..." His eyes searched the diner.
"That not everyone will like what you like and you need to accept that?" India piped up from the counter.
"Exactly. Some of your little friends might like... I dunno, One Direction, and that's okay."
"It is not okay!" Maddox shouted. "I just wanna punch 'em in the face when they play their songs."
Oh, Christ, my kids are a riot. "No violence." I said with a pointed finger.
Maddox shrugged, "But it's okay to be violent when it comes to One Direction though, right?"
As much as I wanted to agree with him, I couldn't. "No. Violence is never the answer. Now, are you going to ridicule my music, or are you going to eat up so Uncle Jasper can take you to see Dad?" There was a flurry of movement as the kids raced to see who could finish their burger first.
"Papa E must be real tired, right India? He's been working for 24 hours!"
"Yeah, it's a shame he can't sleep in his own bed after working that long."
I had a very strong feeling my children were trying to hint towards something... Hmm... whatever could that be? I wanted to say that we were all tired - sick and fucking tired - but what good would that do? They'd still take their father's side, 'cause I was not their best friend at that moment.
Jasper walked through the doors not long after - my knight in shining armor when it comes to the children. "Make sure you're back for 5pm, got it?" I said to India and Maddox before they ran to their uncle.
"What time is it now?"
I glanced over the at the "Rockabella's" clock screwed to the wall. "Almost eleven. Be good for Uncle Jasper and Dad, right?" They nodded simultaneously. I kissed their foreheads then allowed me to run to Jasper. "Love you!"
"Love ya, Mama!" They called back.
0-0
As the lunchtime rush continued, I felt the energy inside me drop lower... and lower... At one point, I had to ask a waitress to take over my table; I felt that close to passing out. Even when I went outside for my normal smoke break - one inhale and I was retching.
"Have you been eating properly?" Seth asked as he wiped down the stainless steel surfaces.
The tip of my finger followed the circular rim of the coffee mug, "I've been eating what I usually eat..." But as I said that I started to think; have I been eating normally? A mug of coffee and a smoke had been my breakfast for the past few days, then I might skip lunch if I was working and too busy, or... Yeah, my diet had taken a tumble.
"Really?" Damn you Seth and knowing me far too fucking well. "C'mon hun, I'll make you something decent." He put a pan onto the gas hob and sprayed the base with oil and waited for it to heat through.
"It could be the heat." I offered, "Alice and I need to look into proper air conditioning for this place."
Seth flattened a beef patty between his hands, "you've worked in higher temperatures than this before, B; it's barely 90 out there." The patty was placed onto the griddle - the hot oil hissed and spat with contact. "You've got a lot on your mind right now; I suggest taking it easy for the next little while."
I found myself paying more attention to the way Seth worked than anything else. Even when Luke called me from out front, I didn't react to my name calling. I had so much on my mind, I wasn't able to concentrate on one thing. Maybe he's right; maybe I do need to relax and get myself under control again.
My cheeseburger was ready by the time I went back to the kitchen. The plate was stuffed with a burger, fries and fresh salad.
With tons of ketchup on the side. 'Cause how else can you eat fries?
I mean, c'mon. Fucking really?
It all looked and smelt incredible. Crispy fries mixed with a greasy burger? Heaven on a plate. But on swallowing the first bite, a horrid taste filled my mouth and just like with the cigarette, I thought I was going to throw up.
"Seth... did you check these burgers this morning?
Oh fuck, what if we had been selling out-of-date burgers all day?
We could get shut down for this... oh, my God.
"B, I only made them this morning."
"Then why do they taste rancid?" That taste wouldn't leave my mouth.
With a frown Seth broke off a bit of my burger and popped it in his mouth. "B, there's nothing wrong with this. Yes, I admit, it could have done with a little more salt, but it's not rancid."
"What the hell?" I could feel the bile rise in my throat.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Seth touched my arm sweetly with concern written on his face.
With a swallow I nodded my head. "Like you said; I have a lot on my mind - it's probably the stress." I tried my hardest to convince myself, but it was working.
"Y'know you can come to me for anything, B."
Aw, Seth. My brother-from-another-mother.
0-0
Right on time, India and Maddox were back after their afternoon with Edward. I picked up my phone earlier to phone him, but seeing how our last conversation went, I re-thought that plan. A part of me wanted to tell him that I wasn't well and see if he acted the way he used to - send me to bed, bring me tea and keep the kids busy so I could relax. That doesn't sound like a lot, but for Edward, that was huge. The other part of me, however, told me that I started this mess, and if I wanted the sweet treatment from my husband, I shouldn't have acted the way I did.
I brought my children in for a well-deserved cuddle and kissed their heads, "did you have fun?"
"Yes! Look what Dad did!" Maddox swung out his arm and pointed to the Crayola tattoo drawn on his upper-arm. It was of a coiled snake - mouth wide with sharp fangs and a hissing tongue. "Is that not mega cool, Mama?"
That had me reminiscing of years back when we would draw tattoos on one another. Being the creative one, his were masterpieces whilst mine ended up looking like a pile of shit. But I tried.
"I love it, Mini. What about you, Indie? Did you get one too?"
"Yep!" My baby girl pulled up her sleeve and displayed the bunch of purple flowers that had her name neatly scripted underneath. "I wanted the one that he has on his chest, 'member?" Ooh yes, I remember. "Now we look like you, Mom!"
"You sure do, baby."
"C'mon, Mini, let's go show Big Steve our tats!" Big Steve is our local cop who comes in at the same time every day for his after-work-before-dinner-pancakes. Smothered in syrup and rations of bacon; it's a heart attack waiting to happen. It's a miracle the man is still standing.
"Bella?" Jasper broke me from my musing with a hand on my shoulder. "You okay? I was sayin' your name, like, ten times."
With finger tips, I brushed my forehead. "Sorry Jazz; I've been kinda spacey today. Thanks for taking them again." I felt awful that he constantly carted my kids around the place, but he often offered before I even asked. He loves India and Maddox like they were his own kids, and I couldn't be more grateful.
"Anytime, darlin'. But I was gonna say, y'know that man Ali spotted the other week? The freaky man who could do with a good wash?"
"Oh fuck, him? Yeah, I know who you mean."
"I saw him again, hanging around Rose Tattoos when I dropped the kids off, then spotted him again down the back street when I picked them up."
Christ, that was all I needed.
"What does he want? I don't think he has ever come in, he just hangs around outside."
Jasper shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know, but I don't like it. You'll tell me if you see him, right?"
"Of course, Jazz."
"I need to get set up for tonight - I'll be through the back if you need me, 'kay?"
"Sure thing."
0-0
"Bella! Fucks sake, are you gonna give me a hand here?" Alice took over the cocktail bar for the night which usually one can handle on their own, but for some reason Rockabella's was hellish busier than normal. I had myself, Luke and Jess running the front and Alice on her own at the bar. Aubrey had pressed the kitchen bell more times than I can count to get our attention. Yes, thank you, I can fucking hear.
"Al', I'll be there in a second. Hang on." Alice flipped back her hair and rubbed her tired eyes as she started on the next cocktail. "Right, Aubrey, where is this going?" I asked, pointing to the stacks of pancakes before me.
"Er.." See when they then have to check the order for a table number? That pisses me off. You've had all this fucking time and you can't even remember a number? "Two double chocolates and one strawberry delight with extra cream to table thirteen." She spoke out the order more to herself.
Table thirteen were three obese men in plaid shirts. One had serious sweat patches forming under his pits that leaked onto the red material. Gag.
"Here ya go, boys." I smiled enthusiastically like nothing was wrong. I wasn't rushed off my feet, I didn't have two kids to keep and eye on in this mess, and I didn't have a marriage that was about to break. Nope, nothing wrong with this girl! "Is there anything else I can get for you?" Deodorant? A bar of soap?
"I'll grab another coffee if you don't mind?" Big and Beastly handed me his empty mug and tried his best to charm me with a smile. Sorry, not working for ya, pal.
"Not a problem; I'll get that for you now."
On my way to the bar, Maddox ran up with his board under one arm. "Mama B? Can I go skate outside?" He followed me loyally.
'What did I say, Mini? I don't want you to go outside unless an adult is with you." I pressed start on the coffee machine. A sweet brown liquid began to dribble into the mug.
"But that ain't fair 'cause everyone is busy! It sucks being a kid." His adorable bottom lip pouted forward and tiny arms crossed with stern over his tee.
"Life does suck, Mad', but if you're really bored why don't you give me a hand?"
"Sure! Y'know I'm kinda part of the staff anyway." He looked so much like his father with that smug look...
Deep exhale. Fuck this is hard.
"That, er..." I found it increasingly difficult to get my thoughts back on track. "Take that to the man in blue on thirteen."
Maddox gripped the coffee carefully by the handle and peered across to said table. He gasped with slight excitement. "That's ma man, Andre! I ain't seen that fucker in weeks!" I was too tired and too fed up to even think about getting on at him for cussing. It didn't bother me a whole lot, so I let it go.
"Mama." That time it was my other child needing my attention. "I'mma be in the back helping Uncle Jasper get ready, 'kay?" Jazz had his open Mic Night that evening - hence why we were so busy. Jasper is well known in Scottsdale; he gets a large turn out at these events.
"Okay, baby." With reassurance that both children were safe and happy, I managed to relax slightly before another table urged for my assistance. Alice's rush had also died down and Luke decided to give her a hand anyway.
"S'alright if I go for a smoke, Bell?" Jess thumbed to the back door. I never worded a reply; just nodded and let her past.
I don't know what was wrong with me. No doubt it was the stress of everything that went on with Edward, mixed with long hours at Rockabella's. But even so, I couldn't remember ever feeling so... drained. Is that normal? I dunno.
Thankfully, once Jasper started his Mic Night I could take a step back and relax. Most people, at that time, order drinks from the cocktail bar or a portion of curly fries to snack on. Nothing major.
Jasper has his set up towards the back of the diner. He sits on a high-seated bar stool with an acoustic guitar leant against the side and a keyboard raised tall in front. Jasper would play covers of songs between 1950 and 1990. Only 'cause music took a major fucking down turn from then on. You wont find those shitty little bands in here. And not only that - this is a vintage diner. What's vintage about something that came out ten years ago? Exactly.
The first song he played was 'Three Steps to Heaven' by Eddie Cochran. He peeked back his wide-brimmed hat so as to get more access to the mic and with the neat strum of the strings, the song filled the diner. I spotted customers tapping their thighs to the rhythm or mouthing the lyrics. His songs always ended with a thunderous round of applause.
Next, Jasper stuck with the guitar. It was almost a whisper of music with a very tender and sorrowful song. 'The Sound of Silence' by Simon and Garfunkel.
"And in the naked light I saw,
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening.
People writing songs that voices never share,
And no-one dared,
Disturb the sound of silence."
He never went a week without someone asking him to play Van Morrison's 'Brown Eyed Girl'. Jasper now came equipped with a tambourine which Maddox or India took great pleasure in tapping to his cue.
See when The Kinks are played - especially All Day and All of The Night? Holy. Fuck. the place goes mental. That guitar solo? Yep, he's mastered it.
And this goes on for a couple hours. They pick the songs, he plays them. To keep Mini happy Jasper always plays either Aerosmith, Metallica or Guns 'n' Roses. His final song of the night was Bill Withers' 'Ain't No Sunshine'. He had that break in his voice when he sung, which really did the song justice. As fucking sad as this sounds, goosebumps prickle my skin when he aces an exceptional song.
"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
It's not warm when she's away.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone,
And she's always gone too long,
Anytime she goes away..."
Jasper stood from the stool, but he didn't bow out and tip his hat - his usual routine for ending the session. No, instead he grabbed the mic and started to talk.
"We have a very special guest this week - a one time offer. She's very nervous, but you all know her well, so please but your hands together and welcome my lil' cutie, India."
Wait.
Hold the fucking phone.
Shut the front door.
Is he talking about my India?
Yep, there she is.
My baby girl was greeted with loud cheering from the audience. I knew from her stiff structure that she was scared as shit. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and bat away any one that made her nervous, but I was confident with Jasper there that he'd stop her if she got too scared. Plus, the people before her weren't strangers - she's met them all before.
"Um... I want to sing this song... please."
She's asking their permission. `Oh baby, could you be any cuter?
Jasper went back to his guitar. The tune was up-beat, but I didn't recognize the song. I thought it was going to be a cute song that my baby girl sang with her uncle, but when the first lyrics were 'momma please stop cryin', I knew I was fucked. I think she was trying to kill me. The second and third verse had my stomach flip violently. Tears rolled down my cheeks with no warning.
"You fight about money, 'bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter.
It ain't easy growing up in World War III,
Never knowin' what love could be, you'll see.
I don't want love to destroy me, like it has done, my family.
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything.
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better Daddy please don't leave."
What was I doing to my children?
I'm not stupid - what happened between Edward and I affected the kids big time, but I never would have thought she would feel this strongly. Maybe she sang the song 'cause she thought we weren't listening to her? Is that the case? I listen to everything the kids say. What brought her to do this?
But I'm not gonna lie, she had a fucking stunning voice.
It was broad and deep, but still held the childish touch to the undertones.
"...I don't wanna have to split the holidays,
I don't want two addresses.
I don't want a step-brother anyways,
And I don't want my mom to have to change her last name..."
That won't happen, Sweet Pea. I wanted to make her see she didn't have to worry about that, but how was I to know it wouldn't happen? For all I know, it could do.
My hands began to tremble and a sickening feeling rose in my stomach. What if it did happen? And Edward... fuck what if he married someone else? No. No he wouldn't do that... would he? Christ, that's not allowed to happen.
What if, what if, what if.
That game messes with your mind like something fucking rotten.
"...Mom will be nicer,
I'll be so much better, I'll tell my brother.
Oh, I won't spill the milk at dinner.
I'll be so much better, I'll do everything right.
I'll be your little girl forever,
I'll go to sleep at night..."
The entire diner erupted into a round of applause for my daughter. Cheering and whistles came from the regulars, Maddox was on a stool by me clapping excitedly, and I watched as Alice and Jasper both hugged her tight. India beamed with such a smile it made the tears fall down my cheeks faster. I was incredibly proud of her, but the song had stabbed me constantly in the heart. She was pleading to us; pleading for Edward and I to stop our stupid fighting and see the damage we were causing. She was scared we would split for good and they'd need to travel from house-to-house, split the holidays, and possibly welcome in step-parents.
I knew I could never bring a step-father into their life. The idea alone was nauseating.
I should have seen this myself, without India letting out her heart and soul through a song.
But I didn't.
The four of us are The Masens - always have been, always will be. And I would do anything to get that back.
0-0
So... is it the stress that's making Mama B sick? Lemme know your thoughts and theories ;)
For those interested India's song was 'Family Portrait' by Pink. Incredible song, take a listen if you haven't already. Really plays with them heart strings!
Thanks for reading!
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