# 2 Think about tomorrow
For convenience Sakura thought it was better to move into the tent of the two convalescents.
The medical field was practically empty and since the last guests needed of her constant presence - or at least she had convinced herself that it was so - she had taken her sleeping bag and had carved out a small corner, on the side of cot Sasuke.
She had carefully chosen the location: from there, in fact, she could look at him without him noticing - and she liked so much watch him.
During the war and in the few "unforgettable" circumstances in which they met, she had not had the opportunity to observe carefully how much he had changed. The features were delicate as when he was twelve, maybe slightly hardened only at the height of the jaw. His hair hanged to the sides of the eyes tightly closed - or at least she hoped, would not have been very uplifting to be caught red handed -; the nails of his right hand were chipped in several places, while on the other hand, the stump does not seem so bad bandaged. The pale chest raised and lowered rhythmically chanting his deep breaths. She was almost certain that he was sleeping and an unmanageable desire to touch him began to swirl around her head like a pesky fly.
Not that in those days she had not had the opportunity, but what she was feeling in that moment was the desire to caress him gently, without a reason; just push aside the hair from his forehead and test the softness of his skin to be absolutely certain that he was really there, that was not one of her dreams in which the team 7 was finally brought together and he was returned home ... returned to her.
Leveraging the deafening noise coming from the bed of her second patient - one blond, one that was snoring - she lowered the zipper of the sleeping bag and slipped out.
She walked on tiptoe to the cot and quandolei was right at his face ...
.. She decided to immediately return back.
All the courage, once she had come within inches of him, had suddenly disappeared. She turned, then, and moved to return to her bed, when she had the feeling of being watched.
Not from Naruto, it was certain, unless he was not able to snoring too awake.
She pushed the corner of her eyes to where it was possible - if she could, until behind the head - and the disturbing feeling that until recently had been a simple doubt, turned into absolute certainty: he was awake and he was looking her.
She did not have to be either a good show ... unlike lucky ones who had been allowed to return to the village, she had not yet been able to enjoy the pleasure of a shower. Her hair was dirty and knotted and his jonin overalls, still without a sleeve, had to throw in the toxic waste. At least she was able to fix the scars caused by the acid, reducing them to small halos a little 'lighter than the color of her skin.
"What you're doing?"
"I'd want to touch you but in the end I scared shitless "
"The bandages. I had to check the bandages"
She hoped that he had believed her. Explain to him the real reason would be humiliating and even though she had already accumulated some experience in that field, she seemed totally out of place to reiterate again that traumatic experience.
"You should sleep"
Great suggestion that she was going to put into practice immediately to get out of that embarrassing situation.
She clenched her fists and with her head between her shoulders went back to her kennel, her tail between her legs and a much anger inside. She was angry with her bad instincts that always advised her actions more wrong and tried to follow the "advice" of Sasuke, hoping not to invoke his name in sleep as often happened - she did not want to do other bad impressions.
Sasuke closed his eyes again.
He could not blame her: sleeping with that harvester in the ears was not a simple thing. However, even in complete silence, he probably would not be able to sleep.
There were too many questions still to be fixed: the five Kage had not yet decided what to do with him and he did not know whether to hope or not in their pardon. A sentence of death or imprisonment for life, in fact, would have solved the second question: what to do with his life.
Come back to the village? Start again as if nothing had happened?
Sasuke closed his eyes again.
He could not blame her: sleeping with that harvester in the ears was not a simple thing. However, even in complete silence, he probably would not be able to sleep.
There were too many questions still to be fixed: the five Kage had not yet decided what to do with him and he did not know whether to hope or not in their pardon. A sentence of death or imprisonment for life, in fact, would have solved the second question: what to do with his life.
Come back to the village? Start again as if nothing had happened?
Surely Naruto and Sakura would be happy, but he ... he would be able to forgive himself? And the others would be happy?
In a public trial how many people would be on his side?
He was hoping to at least avoided that humiliation, that the Kage decided in private, without involving the people of the village. The Uchiha were unpopular even before all that he had done, an exemplary punishment would have received much approvals.
Basically does not matter to him, he felt totally depleted and in a certain sense he had already obtained his freedom. After the fight with Naruto he understood he could trust people and as far as you think you can do everything yourself, the man, the real one, can not be an island. Only with the cooperation and the sharing of the joys and sorrows of life you can live a life full.
But he was not ready for the jump, he could not erase years of loneliness and returning to the village as if by magic. His character needed to metabolize the new possibilities and to understand if it was the right one for himself and for others, and between them, there was also Sakura which continued to pretend that all was well: she looked at him during the night and fled his eyes during the morning.
he knew that that miserable word would not solve much, it would take more than one "Forgive me" - as heart-felt - to fix things with her. He felt indebted to her because, despite everything, she never stopped believing in him. He was ashamed for all he had done to her, but the biggest problem now was figuring out what to do with her. her eyes betrayed still that feeling that she had confessed, sooner or later, that speech would come out again and he would have to give an answer ... a real answer, not a cryptic "thank you". He had to analyze his feelings for her and this thing scared him more than one process, more than one sentence.
He no longer wanted to make her suffer, she did not deserve it, this time his answer would have to be definitive. If he had decided to refuse her again, maybe she would put his soul in peace and would start her life with someone else.
"Someone else ...
But who? "
Naruto had always been in love with her and with him out of the game he would have had full scope. From what he understood, however, during the period in which he had been away from Konoha, Hinata Hyuga had shown interest in the usuratonkachi.
The idea of Naruto contended by two women was a scene so ridiculous that he involuntarily he raised his lips into a smile evil.
He did not envy him at all.
In all likelihood Naruto would choose for bigamy not to hurt anyone.
However, he had not noticed any languid glance between his two teammates - and he was a great observer - the possibility Sakura could fall back on him was infinitesimal. Also, start a new life with Naruto would not have erased the past: the memory of Team7 would always be too alive and with it his memory.
He then moved on to the next candidate: "Great eyebrows"
The ninja of youth had always had a weakness for Sakura, he had repeatedly declared his love with a theatricality able to embarrass a dramaturge.
No, he could not wish for her such a misfortune.
At that point it would have been better for her to be an old maid.
Shikamaru seemed more interested in women's sand.
The "substitute", that strange, was more ignorant of him within love. Sakura seemed to feel affection for him, but as a friend, as "human case" perhaps, and even then, as his deputy, he would not have helped her to forget.
Kiba Inuzuka and Akamaru - because with those two, or you take the complete package or nothing.
Frankly, he did not know if Sakura liked dogs. Kiba had a bad temper and would not have had an easy life with her. It would have been a relationship a bit turbulent. And then he was too rough for her.
He narrowed just one eye and spied her. She was curled up in her sleeping bag, her hair behind her ear and a serene expression on her face.
Too rough.
Although at that time she had changed, every time his eyes rested on her, he saw again that little boring girl, that it was his duty to protect.
During the war he was not very concerned for her safety, he often preferred to protect Naruto and not her.
But it had been necessary - or at least that was his excuse - because without Naruto war could be considered lost. Kakashi and Sakura represented a burden and a danger. They had risked falling under the influence of Tsukuyomi - and in that case he had protected them because they were closest to Naruto -; they had threatened to plunge into a sea of lava - Naruto had grabbed them , and he saved him in turn.
He wondered if he really did not care for their safety or if he will lull that Naruto would always come to their help before him. A legacy of what had happened in the forest of death and during the fight with "evil" Gaara - not the sort of Gandhi that he had become.
Surely he was more likeable before he started to act like a wise man.
Evidently Naruto had to be contagious.
Naruto always had launched himself into melee to defend all, the role of savior was always congenial to him, while he ...
He wanted to be strong, he thought of nothing else, even if life in Team had taught him to take care of his teammates, especially Sakura who was the weak link. His ego had suffered a big setback seeing repeatedly Naruto save cabin and puppets and at that point he had decided to take the easy way to get power. Orochimaru was serving it to him on a silver platter, but at a high price that he had hoped not to have to pay - become the container of that repulsive fellow was a horrifying idea. Fortunately at the time to pay the bill, the sennin was too weak and he very, very, powerful, and after obtaining a degree in herpetology, he had defeated him. The damned sign had been cursed, but for a while, at least until they had killed Itachi, he could tolerate it and use it in his favor.
The team Taka was not comparable to the Seven, but he needed a team to deal with the Akatsuki's members and Itachi. Karin sometimes reminded Sakura: With Suigetsu she had the same relationship that Sakura had with Naruto and ... Karin, like her, had shown repeatedly to be particularly fond of him - even in ways somewhat embarrassing.
He was surrounded by three stranielementi, which basically served the purpose. With them he had not shared his childhood, he had not a common past than to be part of the nursery as to Orochimaru and affection they had never occupied a special place in his thoughts.
But if they were dead? If Kakashi and Sakura were dead, how he would feel?
Probably badly now, but at that moment the thing he wanted most was to defeat Kaguya - and later becoming the prince of darkness - he might not have felt anything.
The situation was slightly changed when he was found, then, in trouble and Sakura and Obito had saved him.
She was slumped over him, exhausted by the effort, like a dead leaf, and their eyes were crossed.
In her green irises, she strenuously tried to keep open, he saw an incredulous relief and ... something else. Something that for a moment, an instant, he had shared: it was affection, mixed with that gratitude that the mask of necessary indifference that he had decided to wear did not allow him to prove with words. It was not luck, but the determination of Sakura to allow him to cross the portal. Her face was beaded with sweat, pale, and the burned skin of her right arm was burning beneath his fingers.
It was so obvious that she had not risked so much for fear that without his contribution the fortunes of war would inevitably have been in favor of the enemy.
This reasoning could apply to Obito, but not to her.
She had always tried to save him: from himself, from revenge pain. But he never gave her a chance to do it.
Perhaps the time had come?
Give her that chance could be the key would allow him to finally live those happy days that she had promised him years before?
His synapses were creaking under the weight of those thoughts which he considered too absurd even if necessary: as soon he would have to make a decision - if he had the chance.
In those years he had never thought of love, in a romantic sense. He was not at all predisposed to effusions as walking on the street hand in hand, kissing in public or attending boring dinner with the in-laws - He was sure that Sakura liked exceedingly those stupid things.
She had not the slightest concept of what was his concept of couple ... and even he, since it was not useful to win battles or to satisfy revenge.
He began to think about this issue.
Maybe live with a woman, have children, have a family and hope that no one decides one day to massacre it could be more or less an idea, but too far away from the immediate realization that Sakura would have wanted.
Moreover, it would be enough to her? That is, she would be content of his rough ways, his indolence in speaking and the total absence of romance?
Frankly, in a situation like that, could not imagine otherwise. He was not a man "flowers and chocolates", able to whisper sweet words to the ear, he was ... a Uchiha!
His father had never shown any kind of emotion towards his mother, at least not in front of him and Itachi; he respected her as the mother of his children, as a woman devoted to the Clan, but as far as he could remember, he had never seen any effusion between the two that was not a chaste kiss on the cheek.
His father was a real man, all in one piece Perhaps, if one day he had a son he would have educated him as his father had done with him and Itachi, making it a strong boy he would teach him the Katon Goukakyuu no Jutsu and also the Chidori; he would have forbidden him to overuse Sharingan and would destroy The Uchiha's stele before he was able to read it and decide to pull out the eyes of his possible second
Only at the thought he felt stressed.
What woman in the world - besides Sakura of course - could have accepted to carry an awkward surname as his?
But above all, one had to be in two to procreate (source: Suigetsu) and for a new stock of Uchiha needed a worthy woman - and Sakura was still a sennin and an excellent medical ninja
It was extremely odd and inappropriate that the name of Sakura appeared often in the reasoning that he was doing
Surely those links had to be derived from the constant attendance or from having her under his eyes sleeping on her couch, - not that he had begun the reasoning wondering what he felt for her ... what was already a back seat to the idea to march on Konoha with a host of small Uchiha's "males" and subdue Dobe's daughter
It was really fun to think about a future so bright ... as impossible.
The basic problem was residing in that chaos of regrets, remorse and guilt he brought with him for too long
How could he think about the future, when his whole being was still leaning towards the past?
The question I had to ask himself was "who he was" and for the moment he could not answer because he knew just what he could : whatever he wanted
It was no longer obliged to perform any role: he was no longer to be an avenger, a nukenin or the big bad kept the peace by force - even if the third option still did not displease him even though he had been forced to dismiss it because of force majeure (he no longer had any intention to put up another sermon by Naruto during his long-lived life)
Until that he had not been able to respond coherently to that question and had not expiated, at least in part, his sins, he knew that he could not take any decision on other issues, so to speak, more frivolous
The way in which he accomplished this highly personal mission was not yet clear, but he would have thought about
The danger "Sakura" remained: this time, he was sure, she would not have heard reasons and in front of an his umpteenth rejection , even if motivated (by pure selfishness, that Sakura would surely have understood), she probably would have sent him from on the other side of the globe with a punch or she would kill herself by Harakiri in Konoha Square, in front of all the people who would again regarded him as a monster In both cases, the epilogue was not tempting.
He could not rely on her understanding, by what right then, because forgiveness was still in doubt.
Her gestures were confused and contradictory, sign that she was ill at ease in his presence.
Something in his brilliant mind suggested to him that Sakura, most probably, had not yet forgiven him and that her expectations for the future did not include to wait any longer.
Have a confrontation with her now was unthinkable. It was already so much, according to his yardsticks, she still addressing word.
He did not have to continue to deceive her unless it were not entirely convinced of seeing himself a future with her.
Probably all those reasonings would not have led to an immediate answer, but he could not deny to have a special bond with her, something that was not a fraternal feeling as what he felt for Naruto; something of which he was totally unaware and that had never even touched the antechamber of his brain.
He was not at ease, he felt it ... and he had no idea how to get out of that situation in a painless way, at least to her.
Maybe if she had severely beaten him, things would have been affixed by themselves, without the need for words.
How he hated the words and then he had never been able to use the right ones with her. With Naruto was different, was logorrheic and he was only forced to listen, listen, and listen, and listen, and often agree with him because of exhaustion
But she ... she would have asked questions and demanded answers
There were too many things on hold, including reciprocal attempted murders, a "thank you" incomprehensible, a series of insults uttered free during the war, a hand stuck in her chest and a "forgive me for everything I've done so far" deserved a deepening in virtue of what is listed first
The idea of escape was not so horrible as an option after all he was used to the life of nukenin but the certainty that those two would have started to chase him to the ends of the world to bring him home was equally disturbing
If he thought back to his possible "substitutes" felt a strange tingling in his left hand - what now twittered only in his dreams. From one point of view it was as if he was convinced that I have the sacrosanct right to have her for himself if only briefly, and that in any case she would not have wanted anyone else.
Sasuke could not know what that thought could be true , and that even that those same reasonings were also enlivening Sakura's night which like a tormented soul tossed and turned in her sleeping bag thinking about tomorrow.
Writer's Corner
Good Evening!
Late, I know, I'm unforgivable
The translation of this chapter has been very difficult There are certainly errors. I'm sorry.
However in the end I hope I was coherent enough This is one of the holes that I wanted to fill: what the hell they did before the funeral? Since there was no way to know it I imagined a night of paranoia on the future with a Sakura would come close to Sasuke but fears being rejected again and Sasuke who does not know what to do with his life All the boring part of Sasuke's reasoning would in practice be the first inkling then will lead to his decision to leave for his journey of expiation But before we get to that point there are other scattered small holes to fill.
I thank all those who have entered this story among the stories followed I invite you to express your considerations about the history and also give me some advice about the plot (I have it in mind, but the advice could make me consider the aspects of "holes" could threaten to leave out)
a big kiss
Blueorchid31