"Dan Vs. Austin Moon"
Rated T
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with "Dan Vs." or "Austin & Ally". Dan Vs. and its characters are owned by Starz Media and Austin & Ally and it's characters are owned by Disney Channel and It's A Laugh Productions. Anyway, I thought of this while watching some of my favorite Dan Vs. episodes, and I was thinking... what would happen if Dan had met Austin Moon? Well, this is what you get! So enjoy!
Chapter 2
Dan was furious. He was livid. Heck, he was mad as hell and he wasn't gonna take it anymore. How dare that blonde-haired priss by the name of Austin Moon dump his milkshake on him? Of course, the popstar didn't notice that his drink landed on the malcontent himself. Apparently, it would've hit the garbage can next to Dan's car. Truth was, Austin had a lousy throw.
Wiping off the rest of the milkshake texture from his hair and shirt, Dan looked two blocks far ahead to see Austin Moon's tour bus stop at a record store near Ninja Dave's Cookies, one of Dan's favorite hot spots.
"Thanks to that blonde-headed fart, I'm gonna be sticky." Dan muttered in anger. "No one dumps milkshake on me! Unless I do it to Chris, than it's fine!"
So after a quick change of clothes, Dan had to stand behind the row of fangirls (who were standing in line to meet Austin Moon at the music store) who beat the crap out of him. Luckily, they didn't even notice him this time around. It's like Dan became some sort of ghost. And that's the way Dan wanted it after all the crap that's happened to him lately.
"Hurry it up, hurry it up, hurry it up, hurry it up...!" Dan muttered to himself, hoping that Austin Moon's fangirls wouldn't hear him.
After minutes of waiting in line, he heard someone's voice behind him.
"Dan?!"
Hearing this, Dan suddenly turned around to see Chris and Elise standing there in line with him. But something was different about them to be exact.
"Chris? Elise?" Dan gasped, "What the hell are you wearing?!"
"Oh, it's our Austin Moon t-shirts!" Chris exclaimed, "Elise is such a huge fan of his music, so I figured I'd take her to sign his autograph."
"Yeah," Elise nodded. "I never knew you listened to Austin Moon too."
"Oh come on, only braindead turds would wanna listen to that blonde-haired fart!" Dan snarled at Elise. "And I'm not a braindead turd!"
"Well, you're sorta acting like one." Elise smirked.
"Like anyone cares what you think!" Dan scoffed, "I'm taking revenge on Austin Moon for dumping his milkshake on me."
"Well, he can't help it being a rockstar and all." Chris replied, coming in the conversation.
"That's what's wrong with celebrities these days." Dan pointed out, "They don't care where they put their trash! Doesn't anyone care about saving the planet? That's way more important than someone showing their crotch rot when they get out of the car! And Austin's gonna think twice about putting his crotch where it doesn't belong!"
"Well, that was very sick of you..." Chris rolled his eyes as the trio started waiting.
One hour and thirty minutes later...
Dan, Chris and Elise made it half-way through the line. Hard to believe it was a very long time. Chris grew a little tired while Elise still stood with glee. Dan on the other hand, was growing more impatient as time kept passed on.
"Come on," Dan muttered in anger. "MOOOOOOVE IT!"
"Dan, be patient." Elise replied to Dan. "They're moving it as fast as it gets!"
"I swear if I had a flame-thrower, I would blow past these cretins so I would get to Austin Moon!" Dan said, forming his fist in anger.
"Yeah, by then, you'd actually put the entire music store on fire and not to mention us." Elise mentioned to the small malcontent.
"It'd be worth the shot." Dan rolled his eyes from her comment. "Any minute now..."
30 minutes later...
Both Dan, Chris and Elise were still standing on the same place where they were waiting in line. Hard to imagine that they didn't move for the amount of time that was passed. They felt like statues all of a sudden. But Dan on the other hand, didn't want to be a statue for so long.
He couldn't take waiting anymore, so he finally decided to break.
"That does it!" Dan shouted, "I'm not waiting for that fart anymore!"
In response, Dan decided to shove every Austin Moon fangirl on the way to the store. After all, waiting impatiently was for babies (in Dan's opinion). While Dan was getting everyone out of the way, Elise and Chris (who woke up, BTW) followed their friend inside.
Dan started shoving them one-by-one until Dan finally got to the popstar, who by the way, was finished signing an autograph for a 11-year old girl.
"There you go!" Austin said to the girl as he handed her his autograph. "Something to remember this day!"
"Thank you so much, Austin!" The little girl squealed, "I can't wait to put this on my Austin shrine!"
After the little girl walked away happily, Austin called on the next customer.
"All right, who's next?"
To his surprise, the next customer was Dan. He didn't look too pleased to see the fantastic Austin Moon to be exact.
"Hey, little boy!" Austin said to the malcontent "You here for my autograph?"
"LITTLE BOY?!" Dan gasped angrily. "I am no little boy, you fart! If I was a child, don't you think I have this soulpatch on my chin? I'm a grownup, damn it!"
Suddenly, that single fact from Dan made Austin Moon stumped as hell.
"Huh, I thought you had dirt on your chin." Austin smirked.
"I simply do not!" Dan snapped at him again.
"Okay then," Austin nodded. "Do you want an autograph or what?"
"What I do want is for you to leave this forsaken city!" Dan pointed to the popstar.
"Um, you know I can't do that to my fans," Austin smirked again. "I'm actually performing in this city tomorrow. It's my world tour and you know I can't let my fans down."
"They'll live," Dan smirked. "To make things easier, I'm gonna give ya the count of 10 to leave this store and this town. If you don't reply to my demands, I'll have no choice but to des-"
Somehow, Dan was cut off by a girl's voice.
"Hey Austin!"
The malcontent then turned to his shoulder to see a pretty brunette latch onto Austin's shoulder. Dan couldn't believe the moment that she saw her. Such pretty brown hair, complete with a baby blue tank top and tight black jeans that complete figure. With the hint of cherry going around her body, Dan decided to play lady-killer by smoothing his hair and approaching the girl, which was named Ally by the way.
"Well well well, you must be Ally Dawson." Dan smirked, "Name's Dan, a.k.a. Mr. Funky Kat. Why don't you say that you ditch this blonde-headed zero and go with this handsome hot-headed hero for a tasty turkey sub? I'm buying."
Suddenly, Ally looked down at Dan and let out a light-hearted chuckle.
"Well, look at you, little boy!" Ally squealed, "You looking to want Austin's autograph?"
"Oh no, I'm just looking to-" Dan said, before he realized what Ally said. "HEY, I'M NO CHILD! LIKE I SAID, I'M A GROWN MAN!"
"Wow, someone's a little testy." Ally groaned. "Anyway, you got some dirt on your chin."
"IT'S A DAMN SOULPATCH, YOU STUPID BITCH!" Dan shouted at Ally.
"Hey, you can't talk to my girlfriend like that!" Austin said, standing up for Ally.
"I can talk to anyone I want, you blonde-headed fart!" Dan snapped at Austin. "By the way, your music sucks way worse than what Ally does in the bedroom!
Seeing how that comment offended him, Austin grabbed a walkie-talkie in his pants.
"Security, can you escort this little kid out of here?" He replied.
"You're kicking me out?!" Dan pointed to Austin. "You can't kick me out! I'm standing my ground here! I ain't leaving until that so called popstar leaves too! I'm serious! You can't silence me."
Luckily for Austin, his security crew came out and acted like a wall, protecting both him and Ally. Even more luckily for Austin, Dan wasn't even thinking of hitting him anyway. Anyway, if Austin were to provoke him by any matter, Dan would use violence.
"Sir, we don't want any trouble." The security guard spoke to Dan, "But we kindly ask you to leave this music store please. Don't make us use force on you."
Dan knew there was no way out of this. So the smart thing to do for him was retreat for now.
"This isn't over, Austin Moon!" Dan yelled at him as he was leaving. "Just you wait and see!"
But as soon as Dan started to leave, someone in a yellow shirt, green pants and suspenders around his waist stood in the doorway and shouted over to Austin. This guy of course, went by the name of Dez.
"Hey Austin, these oatmeal chocolate chunk cookies down at Ninja Dave's are insane!" Dez shouted.
However, Dez looked down to Dan with such curiosity in his face.
"Hey, why does this little boy have hair on his face?" Dez shouted.
"HOW DARE YOU, BUTTMONKEY?!" Dan shouted to Dez, as he clenched his fist tightly...
...
...
...and punched Dez straight in the jimmy-junk region!
"OHHHH, SWEET SHAWN MICHAELS, THAT HURTS!" Dez squealed in pain as Dan finally left for the house.
In Dan's mind, something told him that this rivalry between him and Austin wouldn't be quite over yet.
Wow, that was a bit interesting. It seems that Dan isn't gonna let this one go, I assume. What will he plan against the rockstar in the chapters to come?
Until then, feedbacks are welcome, members of the Dandom! ^^