Diet Coke and Dionysus
percyjacksonheadcanons #1423
and also percyjacksonheadcanons #1446

Percy was having an okay day. He'd dropped the sushi on the way , out of the Japanese restaurant. He'd almost crashed the car. (Poor sushi.) And by the time he got home, the car was damaged yet again because he did end up crashing it... into a monster. At least it was productive car-crashing, he reassured himself.

So naturally, he wasn't very happy when he stuck the keys in the lock and hung up his coat. So naturally, he wasn't exactly in the right mindset, either. At least he wasn't hurt. Paul waved from the kitchen table, and Mom called out a hello.

"Hi, Paul," he muttered. "Hey, Mom!" His mom appeared out of the kitchen.

"Percy, you're home! I'm glad you're-" She stopped, taking in his rugged appearance and sighing. "Let me guess: You either- a) killed a monster, b) crashed the car, or c) dropped our dinner." He gaped at her before frowning.

"D," he said in a monotone. "All of the above. No, I mean, like, I dropped the sushi on the way out, and then I got into the car. Ten minutes later I see this monster so I swerve and hit it with the car and generally destroy both. And then... No, wait. That's about it."

"Well," she joked. "At least it was productive." He stared at her, now thoroughly freaked out.

"Mom," he started. "Um, are you psychic? That was what I was thinking earlier..." She giggled in that I-know-something-you-don't kind of way that completely infuriated him. He set down the somewhat dented box of sushi on the table.

"Mother's intuition," she said, grinning. Paul stood up, his mouth forming an 'o'. Percy was suddenly on high alert. What was wrong?

"Paul?" Mom asked. "Okay, honey?"

"Uh, Perce?" Paul asked, looking grossed out. "You eat sushi? But isn't that, like, your dad's domain and all? So, like, what?" It was then Percy noticed the Diet Coke in his stepdad's hand.

"Uh, Paul?" he asked, retorting back to his question. "You drink Diet Coke?"

"Well, yeah," Paul said, confused. "It's very good." Percy mimicked him.

"Well, yeah," he noted. "It's very good. Sushi's awesome, man. You know," he said, picking a roll up with his bare fingers. "Survival of the fittest. I'm finding Nemo." Paul's face turned a shade of purple at the joke.

"What's wrong with Diet Coke?" he suddenly asked. Percy thought back to sinking a ship using Diet Coke, praying that Bacchus/Mr. D would help them. He remembered the loud leopard-print shirt and purple pants very well.

"Everything. You don't want to know, Paul, you really don't. Come on, Mom, if Paul has a problem with finding Nemo, I'm sure that means we get more sushi." Mom just laughed and looped her arm with his, handing him a pair of chopsticks.

#1423 - Paul drinks Diet Coke. Percy finds this both unsettling and creepy.
#1446 - Contrary to prior belief, Percy actually eats fish, because Poseidon himself believes in survival of the fittest.

Short, I know, and kind of cruel, but I just... That joke, though. Review! Wow, I bet you've never thought about Diet Coke that way... Sharing something in common with Mr. D. (I don't drink soda, though. I don't have a taste for carbonated drinks.)

Poor sushi, eh? Had to go through being dropped and in a car crash with a reckless person.

Achieving Elysium