Bright sunlight seeping through the curtains wakes me from the deepest sleep I've had in months. My eyes flutter open slowly and I'm shocked when I see Dexter sleeping peacefully beside me.
A light chill runs through the air and I shiver when I realize that the top half of my body is exposed. I turn my focus back to Dexter and notice that he isn't wearing a shirt either.
"Fuck," I whisper as I try to piece together why the hell i'm here. "Oh, FUCK!"
I leap out of the bed and retreat against the wall. Dexter moans sleepily and lifts his head slowly and turns to look in my direction. When he notices me, he flashes that cheesy 'I just had sex' grin that I've seen from just about every guy I've ever been with, then places his hand on the spot I had been laying in.
"What's wrong, Deb?" He asks. His eyes are still half closed as he squints to keep the light out of them, and I think it's adorable. Not that I'd ever say that out loud, though.
"What's wrong!?" I shriek. "Oh, nothing. I just woke up half naked in my equally half naked brother's bed. You know, the usual."
I cross my arms over my chest, feeling somewhat self-conscious. Dexter is acting a little too normal for my tastes, given the current circumstances. You would think that waking up beside me was an everyday thing for him.
"So…you don't remember anything at all?" He asks. His smile fades as he sits upright on the bed and turns to face me better.
Glimpses of last night's encounter replay in my mind. The details are a little foggy, and I don't remember much after pathetically trying to seduce Dexter into lying down with me on the couch.
"Um, I remember most of it I guess." I lie, feeling myself start to blush. Yeah, I think it's time to hightail it the fuck out of here. "I should probably go. Dammit, I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize." Dexter replies.
He gets out of bed and begins to walk toward me, clad only in a pair of plaid boxer shorts. I try not to stare when I notice how hard he is. It's probably just morning wood. There's no way that that could possibly have anything to do with me.
"We…we didn't have sex or anything, did we!?" I ask, following up the question with an uneasy laugh.
Dexter continues to glide across the bedroom floor until he's standing directly in front of me. I feel butterflies fluttering in my stomach and I know that if he decides to come any closer, I can't trust myself to remain calm. Slowly, he reaches out and moves my arms away from my chest, exposing me to him once again. My eyes dart around the room in an attempt to escape making eye contact with him. Subconsciously, they settle back down to his boxers. I try not to stare, but to be honest, it's hard not to.
"You don't have to hide from me, Deb. There's nothing to be afraid of."
"Could you just answer the question please?" I mumble.
"No, we didn't have sex last night, Deb." He finally answers.
I exhale, relieved. I mean, it's not like I don't want to sleep with Dexter, I really, really do; but I know that he doesn't feel the same way about me, and I would hate it if he played along just because I was drunk and practically begging for him.
I squeeze myself from between Dexter and the wall and start towards his dresser, hoping that I'll be able to find a shirt to throw on before the situation can possibly get even more awkward. I'm not even halfway there when I feel Dexter grab me from behind and pull me back into his grasp. He holds me in a backwards hug with his arms resting just below my chest.
"Uhhh, Dex. What the hell are you doing?" I ask.
He releases me and when I turn to face him, he forcefully crushes his lips against mine. This is all happening so fast, and I'm not sure how to respond. I'm pretty sure I had a dream like this once…maybe that's what this is. I'm probably still asleep, lying next to that creepy guy I met at the bar last night. I blink rapidly, thinking that maybe I'll finally bring myself back to reality. I grab onto Dexter's broad shoulders and trail one hand down his back. Nope, this feels real as shit to me.
Dexter inches forward, causing me to back up against the wall. He parts his lips, attempting to put his tongue in my mouth. I reflexively raise my hand and drag my nails across his cheek, definitely drawing some blood in the process.
"Dexter, get the fuck off of me! Jesus Christ!"
He quickly backs away from me, and then says in a seductive voice "Harrison is going to wake up soon. I thought you'd want to…"
"W-what is wrong with you?" I stammer.
"Nothing's wrong," he begins. "It's just…last night really got me thinking, and I understand now."
I roll my eyes at him. "So what are you saying? That you're in love with me all of a sudden?" I feel the threat of tears forming. Not because of any of the sentimental bullshit that Dexter is trying to get me to believe, but because I know what game it is he's playing. Every time he notices that I'm drifting away, he does whatever it takes to keep me tethered to him like some loyal lapdog. He knows that I'll never leave him, because I can't, because I love him too much. What better way is there for him to ensure that my guilt doesn't cause me to take us both down than to prey on that love?
First and foremost, Dexter has always been about self preservation. It doesn't surprise me that he'd use my own feelings against me. My love for him is one of the worst things about me. It makes me pathetic. It makes me weak.
I look across the room and spot one of Dexter's shirts on the floor and I push past him and retrieve it, relieved that I can finally cover myself and stop at least some of the awkwardness of this situation.
"I should go. I think I'm going to head back into work today."
"Deb, please just hear me out." Dexter pleads.
"No! Just leave me alone, Dexter. I'm done being trapped under your fucking spell. Stop manipulating me for once." I hear my voice break and I know that there's no way that I'll be able to stop the tears from flowing now. "I don't want some pity fuck, okay? You made it perfectly goddamn clear that you didn't want me like that, and I was finally starting to accept it. Stop doing this to me, I can't take it."
"I was wrong before. I don't know why I didn't see it, but it makes perfect sense. I don't believe in a lot of things, but I do believe in us. You're what's been keeping me sane, Deb. I need you." Dexter says. He walks over to me, and once again, we're standing dangerously close. "You make me feel like maybe I'm not such a monster after all."
"Cut the romance novel dialogue, Dex. I'm not falling for it."
"Do you even understand what it took for me to say that, Deb!?" He asks, raising his voice. "Last night I went back and forth in my mind trying to make sense of the way I feel about you. About why I can't stand to be away from you for too long. About what made me so willing to let you shoot me in that trailer. About why I get this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever you're around. I never wanted to feel like this, but I do. I didn't think it was possible, but it is. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm in love with you."
I wipe the tears from my eyes and hesitate before placing my palm against his chest.
"Do you really mean that? Are you sure?" I whisper. I know that I should walk away now and finally get a backbone, but I need to be sure that this isn't all some cruel joke.
"I need you, Deb. That's the only thing I'm sure of."
I wrap my arms around his neck and my muscles relax when he circles his arms around my lower back. As corny as it may sound, it's like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. For the first time in days, I feel calm. I know that it's too good to be true, that this moment won't last for long, but I close my eyes and rest my head on his shoulder, content with just being this close to him.
"About fucking time." I say, pulling away from our embrace so I can look into Dexter's eyes.
"Should I expect another claw to the face if I try to kiss you again?" He jokingly asks.
"I don't know, do you think it's worth the risk?" I answer in my best flirty voice.
"Only one way to find out I guess."
Dexter leans in incredibly slowly and when his lips lightly brush against mine, I lose control and grab his face in my hands, then roughly smash my lips against his. Fuck it, I've been waiting too long for this to take things slow. We've wasted enough time.
I gently bite his bottom lip, and the look he gives me in return lets me know that he likes it. I bite it again, harder this time, and then push my hands against his chest, signaling to him to back up so we can lay on the bed. He takes the hint and walks backwards until he falls onto the bed and I climb on top of him.
I deepen the kiss and reposition myself to straddle him. Just when things seem like they're about to get more interesting, I hear the patter of toddler-sized feet against the floor.
"Motherfuck." I mumble as I steady myself and get out of the bed. Thank God Harrison can't quite seem to open the door on his own. It would've been pretty awkward explaining to him what Auntie Deb was doing on top of his daddy.
"Go get dressed; I'll make him some breakfast." I add.
I open the door and sure enough, there's Harrison, rubbing his eyes tiredly. When he notices me he flings his arms around my legs and screams "Aunt Deb!"
I scoop him up in my arms and walk over to the kitchen.
"How about pancakes for breakfast? Does that sound good?" I ask as I place him down to sit at the counter.
"Yum!" Harrison answers, clapping his hands.
Dexter emerges from his bedroom a few minutes later wearing his usual button down shirt and khaki pants ensemble.
"Daddy!" Harrison exclaims. "Can Aunt Deb stay forever? I really missed her."
"Well, I don't know about forever buddy, but she's here now, and that's all that matters." Dexter replies.
He places his hand over mine and it makes me believe that maybe my world won't come crashing down after all.