Hi everyone! Wow, I think this has been the longest i've gone without updating, and i'm really sorry about that. I've been pretty busy lately, and for some reason I was hit with some writer's block too, but i'm back and (hopefully) better than ever! lol
Thank you so much for your sweet reviews, I look forward to hearing your thoughts on these next two chapters :)
"And we're gonna see monkeys, and giraffes, and lions!" Harrison exclaims, bouncing up and down in Deb's lap.
"Wow buddy, that sounds like fun!" Deb replies with feigned enthusiasm.
"Can you come with me and daddy?" Harrison begs, poking out his bottom lip. "It's gonna be amazing!"
"Harrison, the trip might not be such a good idea right now." I mumble, earning a sideways glare from my sister.
"Dexter, can I talk to you for a second?" She asks, removing a sulking Harrison from her lap and placing him down on the couch.
I nod in her direction and she gets up and follows me into my bedroom.
"What is it, Deb?" I ask, closing the door behind her.
"You're being ridiculous! Let Harrison go to the fucking zoo." She says, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Deb, we need to get out of Miami as soon as possible. If it were up to me, we would've been gone yesterday. The longer we stay, the longer your freedom is at risk. So forgive me if I don't think a trip to the zoo is of the utmost importance." I state dryly.
"He's been talking about this for ages, Dex. Don't be a disappointment right now; he'll be dealing with that for the rest of his life anyway." Deb replies.
"So I'm the fucking bad guy now?" I snap.
Deb pouts just like Harrison had not a minute earlier, and I'm instantly hit with guilt. It's unfair for her to be crucifying me like this when I'm actually trying to do something selfless for once; but still, it's clear that I've hurt her. It seems that no matter what I do, no matter how good my intentions may be, I destroy her every time. But she always comes back for more, because she's in love with the monster that the storybooks tried to warn her about.
And my son…I've hurt him too. I put my own selfish needs before my own child. Deb's suggestion yesterday that we leave Harrison behind broke something within me, but she was right. I have to break the cycle. I have to save my son. However, in doing so, I can't rob him of the one last day of ignorant bliss that he deserves. As time goes on and Harrison grows up without a mother or father, I'll be content knowing that I left him with a good final memory of Deb and I. He'll resent me either way, but at least he'd always have that amazing day at the zoo to look back on.
"Goddammit, Dexter!" Deb begins. "I just want Harrison to – "
"To have a good final memory of us." I interrupt.
"Exactly," she says, grabbing onto my hand. "I know this isn't easy for you, but don't you even fucking think about pulling away from Harrison. It won't soften the blow. You're still his father, and he still needs you."
"I know," I sigh. "But I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you."
"Don't worry about me, Dex. I'm pretty fuckin' tough. You of all people should know that by now." Deb brags, giving my shoulder a playful punch.
"Sure, that's what you want me to believe. But deep down, I know you're still that vulnerable little girl that used to sneak into my room at night." I say.
Deb backs away from me and self-consciously crosses her arms over her chest, wielding both her physical and emotional shields.
"I didn't mean it like that, Deb." I backtrack. "You're the toughest person I know, but you don't have to pretend for me. No one is strong all the time. You're allowed to be scared."
"Good," she replies. "Because I'm fucking terrified."
"I don't think Angel's coming back, man. He seemed pretty pissed the other day. I even heard that he knocked Matthews out cold…any truth to that?" Masuka asks.
I harden my gaze on the blood reports that are piled in front of me. I'm sure that I've gone over them at least a dozen times today, but I'd much sooner go over them a dozen more than face the alternative. I've been trying my best to keep a relatively low profile before Deb and I leave, but Masuka's constant need to be a nuisance isn't doing me any favors. If he keeps this up, he could very well end up with a pen to the jugular.
"Dex! Hey, speak of the devil." He says, rolling his chair to get a better look out the window.
I do the same and sure enough, there's Angel Batista, carrying nothing but an empty-looking cardboard box.
"Holy shit, they actually did it. They actually fired him." Masuka reports, his mouth hanging open in awe.
Masuka leaps out of his chair to go confront Angel, and I cautiously follow. I know that I should probably mind my own business, but right now Angel is a wildcard. I need to be sure that he doesn't have any tricks up his sleeve that could make this situation any worse. I'm done making mistakes.
"Angel, what the hell is with the box?" Masuka asks. "Don't tell me you've been fired."
"No, I haven't been fired." Angel replies nonchalantly. "I'm just here to give notice. I'm quitting."
"You don't think that's a little rash?" I add in my most friendly tone. "It doesn't have to come to this, Angel. Miami Metro wouldn't be the same without you."
"I'm tired. I can't do this anymore." Angel sighs.
"What do you mean? You love being a cop!" Masuka retorts.
"I loved being a cop back when I believed I was actually making a difference, Masuka. But I can't just stand around while this department lets liars and murderers slip through the cracks." Angel replies, averting his gaze to me and refusing to break eye contact. "I only wish that I hadn't been so blind all these years."
If Masuka catches on to the hostility between Angel and I, he does an awfully good job at hiding it.
"Come on, man. We can –" He begins.
"Save it, Masuka. Nothing you have to say is going to change my mind. Dexter, can I talk to you for a minute, please?" Angel asks.
I silently walk back to the lab and Angel follows, making sure to keep a slight distance between us. I'm not proud of the fact that my former best friend is fearful of me; but if that fear means he'll keep his mouth shut, I'll gladly accept it. He already said way too much in front of Masuka. The last thing I need is more fuel added to the fire.
Once we're inside the lab, I reach behind me to lock the door. Angel jumps at the click of the lock, his eyes darting across the room to look for another exit despite the fact that he and I both know there isn't one.
"I'm not going to hurt you." I say.
"You probably said the same thing to Maria before you killed her. Or was that Deb?" He challenges.
"Deb didn't do anything." I reply half-heartedly.
I'm not even sure why I'm continuing to lie to Batista. At this point, he knows just all about there is to know. Still, a foolish part of me wants to protect my sister's reputation. Angel seeing her as a cold blooded killer would break her heart in ways I could never imagine, so if I can take the fall for her, I should. After all, I'm the reason her entire world has come crashing down.
"So what? You're gonna kill me in the middle of the work day, Dex? Pretty bold." Angel states with an odd sense of admiration in his voice. "I guess I've gotta hand it to you though. You had me fooled this entire time. You had everyone fooled."
"My goal was never to hurt anyone, Angel."
"Sure. Because with killing, there's never any hurt involved." Angel adds sarcastically.
"So…what are you going to do?" I ask.
I think back to when Deb confronted me, literally putting all of my sins on the table. I posed the very same question to her just a few short months ago, and she lashed out at me physically in an attempt to hurt me the way I hurt her. How will Angel react when given the same opportunity?
"What can I do, Dexter? Publicly accuse you of being a murderer and wind up like Doakes and LaGuerta? I have a daughter to worry about. And Jaime. I can't believe that I put my little sister in danger like that. I introduced you two! I basically handed her to you gift wrapped!"
"I never would have touched Jaime. You know that."
Angel relaxes his posture and makes eye contact with me for the first time since we entered the lab.
"This might make me the stupidest motherfucker on the planet, but I believe you." He says with a weak laugh. "You're a killer…but I still can't hate you, Dexter."
"I appreciate that more than you'll ever know. I –"
"Save it. I may not hate you, but that doesn't mean I like you either. Honestly, I'm disgusted. I'm going to be handing over all of the evidence that I have on you in two days, and I expect that you'll be gone by then."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I need to be sure that we have an understanding, Dexter. Please, leave my family out of this. I guess that me giving you a head start is no guarantee, but despite all that I've learned about you these past few days, I'd still like to think of you as an honorable man."
"You have my word." I reply.
I take a second to look at the man before me. The dark circles that have formed under his eyes let me know that he's been waging a war within himself. Ultimately, when faced with a devastating reality, he chose to make a sacrifice to protect his family. I remember wishing years ago that I could be a little more like Angel Batista. Now it's clear to me that deep down, we aren't all that different. He's willing to do whatever it takes to protect what's his, including making a deal with the devil.
"Nobody else has to get hurt because of you, Dexter. Promise me that." Batista begs.
"I don't make promises I can't keep."
"Hurry up and get your ass back here, fucktard." Deb's voice booms from the other end of the phone.
"I'm just picking something up; I shouldn't be more than an hour." I reply, smiling to myself at Deb's colorful language. "Have you started packing yet?"
"Yeah…but I'm not exactly sure what to put in a suitcase to bring to fuck knows where. Where exactly are you planning on going, anyway?" Deb asks.
"Do you want this gift wrapped?" The store clerk interrupts.
"No, thank you." I reply, covering the phone's mouthpiece so Deb won't overhear. "Just the regular box is fine."
The woman hands me the box and I head out of the store and back to my car.
After a few back and forth's about who misses the other more, I promise Deb that I'll be home soon and hang up the phone. I head back to the station and find Matthews standing alone by the coffee machine, giving me the perfect opportunity to tie up any loose ends before I start my new life.
"Tom." I say, breaking the silence.
"Dexter." He replies calmly, as if the events of the past few days never happened.
"I just wanted to let you know that I'll be gone by the end of the week." I explain, trying to keep my voice low. "If anyone asks, I'm cashing in on some vacation days."
Matthew simply nods, then squints skeptically at something he sees behind me. I turn around and see Joey Quinn staring back at me.
"Shouldn't you be out working the McGill case, Joseph?" Matthews asks, taking a nonchalant sip from his coffee mug.
"None of the leads panned out." Quinn answers coolly. "Planning on taking a vacation, Dex?"
"Yeah, I think some time away would be good for me." I answer with a forced smile.
"Funny, I was just thinking the same thing." Quinn replies. He quickly glares at me and turns sharply on his heel, making his way out of the break room.
I say goodbye to Tom and head back to my car. On the drive home, I consider what Quinn could possibly have planned. There's no way that he would have the nerve to confront me if I wasn't planning something, no matter how underwhelming the confrontation proved to be.
As I make my way up the stairs to my apartment, I tell myself to put Quinn out of my mind. I have something much more important to focus on now. In a few short days, Deb and I will finally be free. And nothing, no one, can stand in our way.
"Hey Deb, I'm back." I call out once I get the door open.
"About time. Come sit." She says, patting the empty couch cushion beside her.
"I have something to tell you." I reply, walking over to stand in front of her. "Stand up."
She rises from the couch, a quizzical expression painted across her face.
"Dexter, what the fuck?" She asks once I get down on one knee.
"Debra, there's something I have to ask you." I say, taking the ring box out of my pocket and opening it to reveal the modest diamond I selected.
"I've never been good with feelings, or emotions, or…love." I begin. "I never thought that I would find the one person that could make the world make sense. For most of my life, I saw myself as a logical man, a smart man. But lately I've been asking myself how I could've possibly been so stupid. Over the years, I yearned for someone who would understand me. Someone who would accept me. I threw myself into relationships that I was foolish enough to think would last. I found temporary solutions to a lasting problem, and time and time again I wondered why nothing was going how I felt it should have. It took me too fucking long to realize that everything I'd been looking for was right in front of me all along. You give my life meaning, Deb. You love me, all of me. Without you, I'd be nothing. And maybe this is just me being selfish, it wouldn't be the first time, but my only regret in this life is that I didn't realize it sooner. I know that I don't deserve you, and I know that I never will. But I'm going to ask you this anyway. Deb, will you marry me?"
"Fucking hell, Dexter!" Deb cries, tears streaming down her face.
"Look Deb, I know that we'll never have a normal life. We'll never have the white picket fence or the house in the suburbs, but I don't care about any of that. I'll probably never get to see you walk down the aisle in a white dress that you think makes you look like a drag queen and I think makes you look stunning; but we don't need that. I love you with everything I have, and this is me trying to show it." I explain.
My heartbeat thrashes loudly in my ears as I await Deb's response. Her lips quiver as the tears start to flow faster down her cheeks.
"Well…what are you waiting for? Put that fucking ring on my finger." She sniffles.
I let out a sigh of relief and take her outstretched hand in mine. I slide the ring onto her finger, surprised to see that it fits perfectly. Finally, I stand up to see Deb eye to eye.
"I love you. I love you. I love you." I chant as she wraps me in her arms.
"I love you, too." She says, holding me tighter.
I surrender completely, relaxing my shoulders and falling into her wholly. I close my eyes and savor the moment. For the first time in my life, I know that I'm finally where I was always meant to be.