"And here we have a Pygmy goat. Fun fact: this particular breed is often kept as a pet!" The zookeeper explains a bit too eagerly.
"Daddy! Daddy! Can we get one?" Harrison asks, tugging persistently at Dexter's pant leg.
"Harrison, who is going to chase a fucking goat around all day? Oops, uh, I meant a fudging goat…" I correct myself. "What? It's not like he isn't used to it by now." I add after Dexter gives me a disapproving look.
"The last thing I need is my son turning into a mini version of you." He jokes.
"If only we could be so lucky." I retort with a mocking smile.
Harrison giggles and I reach down to ruffle his blond tresses. The alluring diamond ring that I still can't believe I'm actually wearing glistens in the Miami sunlight, and I let my hand linger on top of Harrison's head for a bit too long as I admire it.
"Aunt Deb, are you gonna have a wedding?" Harrison asks once I finally remove my hand. "Carlos' mommy had a sparkly ring like that before she had a wedding!"
"Um…I don't know buddy. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens." I reply, turning to face Dexter. We exchange a loaded stare, and I feel the corners of my mouth twist into a small smile.
"Well, I'm gonna be the ring bear!" Harrison declares.
I laugh at his childish mistake, but as the zookeeper guides us through the rest of the tour, my shame starts to overtake me. It breaks my heart to know that these are the last few moments I'll ever have with my nephew. In a few days, he'll be gone; and although I know he'll be better off without Dexter and I, a selfish part of me wants to give the finger to this entirely fucked up plan and take Harrison with us anyway.
But I can't be selfish, there's no room for that now. I have to do whatever it takes to protect him, no matter what it does to me. I hold my hand up to the light and give the ring – my ring – another doting look, silently wishing that it could magically make everything alright. I know that I should be happy, and I am, but I still can't shake the feeling that something is about to go really fucking wrong.
"Who knew that the zoo could make a kid so exhausted?" Dexter asks, his voice echoing from the kitchen.
"Yeah. Well, at least now that he's asleep he'll keep his grubby little hands off of my plate. Speaking of which, hurry up with those fucking steaks, bro." I say, propping my feet up on the coffee table. "I'm dying over here."
"It'll only be a minute. I think you'll put through." Dexter adds teasingly.
"You know, Dex, lately I've been thinking…never mind." I backtrack.
"What is it, Deb?" Dexter asks.
He walks over to the couch carrying a plate in each hand. He places one in front of me and I keep my eyes fixed on it, slicing my knife into the steak with a bit too much determination.
"Deb," Dexter repeats, placing his hand over mine. "Tell me."
"It's stupid, just forget it." I mumble.
"Don't make me force it out of you." He says, reaching down to tickle one of my sensitive spots.
"Ah, shit. Okay, okay!" I shriek. "I was just thinking about how things could've been, you know?"
"No, what do you mean?"
"I don't know…alternate universe type shit. Like I said before, it's stupid."
"Well, now I have to know." Dexter quips.
"I just wonder what we would've been if you and Rudy…Brian…your brother never saw…what you saw. Sometimes, I think about what the first time we met would've been like. Maybe I'd join the force and have to ask about some blood work for a case, and you'd be there. And I'd think wow, this guy is a huge fucking nerd…but he's cute, and smart, and kind, and safe, and normal. Of course, I'd be the one to ask you out, because you're the opposite of smooth. We'd go to some restaurant along the beach that's way too fucking expensive, and we'd talk. You know, just talk. It wouldn't matter what about, because we'd be satisfied talking about anything as long as it meant being together. By the end of the night, you'd finally work up the courage to kiss me. I'd keep my cool in front of you, but by the time I'd get up to my room, I'd be a screeching, lovesick mess. And we'd keep dating, you know, normally dating, and maybe we'd eventually have a wedding…a real wedding. And…and I'm a fucking weirdo." I explain, my words pouring out like one long run-on sentence.
"I'm sorry." Dexter says, sounding legitimately apologetic. "I'm sorry I can't be everything you want me to be."
"Don't apologize," I say, squeezing his hand tightly. "It's not your fault we're so fucked up."
"It is," he sighs. "I've ruined your life."
"No you didn't. Well…maybe a little." I add sarcastically. "But it's about damn time I take responsibility for my own actions, too. You didn't force me into this. I'm here because I want to be. It's just nice to fantasize about ordinary things sometimes."
"I understand." Dexter replies, pressing his lips to mine for a short, sweet kiss. "Deb, I can't give you normal, but I promise that I'll try my best to get as close to it as possible."
"To be honest, some A1 would make things feel pretty close to normal right about now." I say, half-joking.
Dexter chuckles as he gets up and gets the bottle of A1 sauce from the kitchen.
"Well, aren't you dutiful?" I ask after he places the bottle on the table in front of me. "I'm thinking I'd like a foot massage next."
"Don't push your luck, Morgan." He answers, rubbing his hand up and down my thigh. "I don't take demands."
"Oh? I think you do." I reply, picking up our plates and moving them over to the kitchen counter. "You know, I seem to remember us having a little unfinished business before all of this shit started hitting the fan. I think it had a little something to do with your tongue on my –."
"Deb!" Dexter shouts.
"What? I was just gonna say clit." I reply provocatively. "No need to act like such a pussy."
"I'm not sure I like you exposing my son to your filthy language, though." He mewls. "Do I have to teach you a lesson?"
"The little rugrat is fast afuckingsleep. And I'd like to see you try." I add. "No man has ever taught me a lesson and lived to tell the tale."
Dexter swiftly gets off of the couch and in the blink of an eye, he's hovering over me.
"Get down on your – hey, put me down!" I yell after he flings me over his shoulder.
He carries me into his bedroom and tosses me down on the bed.
"My name is Dexter Moser," he begins. "And you're Debra Morgan. And this is our normal honeymoon, after our real wedding."
"You're such a nerd!" I squeal.
"Mmmhmm." Dexter replies, getting down on his knees and tenderly pulling down my pants.
Once he has my pants off, he works on my panties that are an embarrassing shade of baby pink. After a few feather-light touches from his fingertips to my thighs, I feel the wetness of his tongue along my folds.
"Is this good for you?" He asks, stopping his movements for a moment.
"Fuck yes." I moan. "Don't stop."
He gets back to business, expertly twirling his tongue and working me closer to the edge. I sit up and grab onto him, tangling my fingers in his hair as I come undone.
"Fuck." I gasp, collapsing back onto the bed.
"I guess you were right, then." Dexter says, wiping his chin and climbing into the bed next to me. "It hasn't even been two seconds and you're already dropping F bombs."
"I told you it was no use trying to teach me a lesson…but I can't say that I didn't enjoy seeing you try." I reply, flashing a crooked smile. "You know what they say though, if at first you don't succeed…"
"Try, try again." Dexter finishes, trailing his hand down my thigh.
"Aunt Deb, you seriously have to come to Disney with us. Grandma got us season passes, so we can go whenever we want! You know… if you're into that type of thing." Astor says.
"I would love to, Astor…but our visit isn't actually going to be for very long. It's more of a just stopping by to say hi sort of thing." I answer.
My niece pauses for slightly too long, communicating her disappointment to me loud and clear.
"I'm sure Harrison would love to go, though!" I add, hoping that the thought of spending more time with her little brother will cheer her up.
"What do you mean? He's staying?" Astor questions.
"Yeah. If it's alright with Maura and Bill, Dexter and I were hoping that Harrison could stay with you guys for a little while."
I turn to face Dexter who lays beside me, staring intently as he listens to my every word.
"What did she say?" He mouths.
I hold my pointer finger up, signaling for him to wait.
"That would be great, Aunt Deb. Cody and I really miss him. He's been getting really big, judging by the pictures Dexter has been sending us."
"Yeah, I don't know what the fuck they've been putting in the food these days, because the kid is growing like a weed."
"Okay, that's enough." Dexter says, snatching the phone from my hand playfully. "Hey, Astor. I don't know what the traffic will be like, but I'm thinking that we'll be on the road early tomorrow morning. It's 9:00 now; maybe we'll leave around 4:00 so we can be there by the time you all wake up."
"Which means," I begin, taking the phone back from Dexter. "Aunt Deb needs her beauty sleep. We'll see you tomorrow, Astor."
"Okay, bye Aunt Deb. I love you. Tell dad…um, Dexter…tell Dexter I love him too." Astor replies, abruptly ending the call.
"God, I'm not looking forward to ruining that girl's life. Or Cody's either." I say.
"Deb, you're the one who told me that this is our only option. We can't back out now, not when the police could literally come knocking down our door at any second." Dexter responds.
"I know, but I wish I'd thought this through more. We can't just show up at Bill and Maura's house and leave Harrison at their doorstep like something the fucking stork left behind." I sigh.
"It'll all work out in the end, Deb. This is what's best." Dexter says.
"I fucking hope so." I mumble, studying my ring. Under the dim, glowing light from Dexter's bedside lamp, it looks even more beautiful than before.
"I'll be in the shower if you need me." He says, touching my shoulder reassuringly.
"And I'll be reheating my plate, because I'm hungry as shit." I add, getting out of bed to pull my pants back on.
Once I hear the water start running, I head into the kitchen and pop my plate into the microwave. As I wait for that familiar beep to tell me my food is done, I walk around the apartment and stop when I notice an old picture of me and Dexter. It has to be at least seven or eight years old. I remember that it was taken around the time I first joined the force. For some reason, I've always fucking hated that picture, but seeing it framed and put on display makes me smile in spite of myself. Knowing that Dexter has held on to it for so long makes it feel special in its own way.
Just as the microwave beeps, there's a hard knock on the door. I bite my lip, struggling internally on which to attend to first. After going back and forth with myself on making a decision that seems harder than it should be, I walk over to the door. I wrap my hand around the doorknob, hesitating to turn it. Finally, I put my stupid fears aside and twist the knob, letting the unexpected visitor in.
"Wh-what are you doing here?" I ask.
"I was hoping I'd find you here. Come on, let's go." Joey says, reaching his hand out to me.
"Quinn, turn around and go the fuck home." I reply, placing my shaking hands behind my back.
"Deb, you can come with me, or you can come with Dexter. But I promise you, you won't like where he's going."
"Jesus Christ, Joey!" I scream. "Go home. Please."
Without a word, Quinn pushes past me and enters the apartment.
"Dexter Morgan!" He screams. "Come out with your hands up."
He reaches for the holster and brandishes his gun, pointing it towards the bedrooms.
"Where is he?" He asks.
"Joey –"
"Either tell me where he's hiding, or let me fucking handle this myself!" He screams, making an abrupt about face and pointing the gun at me.
"Fucking stop it!" I yell, my voice screeching as tears start to pour from my eyes.
"Deb, it's up to me now. I have to do what you couldn't." Quinn says, lowering his gun and starting towards the bedroom.
Just then, Dexter emerges from the bathroom. He's dressed, but his hair is still dripping wet.
"Don't take another step, Quinn." He says threateningly. "I don't want to hurt you."
"Yeah? Well, too bad I don't feel the same about you." Quinn says, stepping closer to Dexter and raising his gun. He clicks off the safety, and the sound ricochets in my mind.
He puts his finger on the trigger, and without thinking, I force myself between the two men. I close my eyes, waiting for the darkness to overtake me.