Hi everyone! I'm going to try to keep this short and sweet because I know I can get a bit long with my author's notes sometimes. I just want to say thanks as always for reading and/or reviewing, and I hope you enjoy these next two chapters! They're the two longest yet! There's one scene that I've been kind of anxious about, but I think you guys might like it ;)
I'm not sure how many more chapters are left, i'm going to have to write an outline pretty soon, but we're getting closer to the end and I can't believe it! I'm not quite ready to say goodbye to Dex and Deb yet, so I was thinking about writing something else once I'm finished with this, most likely a bunch of one shots or AUs, so if anybody would be interested, please feel free to let me know. Even better, if you have some requests or suggestions, please leave them in your review or send me a PM xo
"Deb," I say, reaching my hand out to shake my sister's sleeping form. "Come on, we're here. It's time to wake up now."
"What? Where are we?" She asks groggily, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
"It's still pretty early. I figured we should stop at a motel and get some sleep before making the rest of the drive to Orlando." I proclaim.
"Fine, whatever."
I suddenly lift my shirt over my head and toss it onto the car floor, earning a wide-eyed glance from my sister.
"Um, what exactly do you think you're doing?" She asks.
"Well, I can't exactly waltz into the lobby wearing a blood stained shirt. Could you do me a favor and get another one out of the trunk?"
Deb scoffs but still does what I asked, returning a minute later with a plain gray t-shirt.
"Here, it was the least dorky thing I could find." She jokes, flinging the shirt at me.
"Oh? And what's wrong with my usual choice in clothing?" I playfully ask.
"What, other than the fact that you look like you have a giant stick up your ass? Nothing!" She teases, flashing her signature lopsided smirk before remembering that she's angry with me and settling back into a sour scowl.
"Alright, I'm dying to lie down for a little while before Astor and Cody insist on dragging us all around town." I say, resting my palm on Deb's thigh and massaging it lightly.
I lean in slowly and place a soft kiss to her jaw, gradually starting to move further down to her neck. Instead of turning her head and giving me better access like I'd hope, she backs away from me completely.
"You seriously think I'm going to fuck you? Now?" She laughs bitterly. "Some fucking nerve you got there, Dex."
"What? I-I wasn't…I-I didn't mean…" I stutter.
"Save it." She snarls, forcing the car door open and stepping out into the parking lot.
"Deb, it wasn't like that! I swear!"
She ignores me, opening one of the rear doors and gently lifting Harrison into her arms. He doesn't stir, and in that moment, I'm thankful that my son has been able to remain so oblivious to the chaos that surrounds him. Like me, he was born in blood; but he can be saved. Harrison isn't darkness – he's light.
"Jesus, this kid just keeps getting heavier and heavier." Deb mumbles.
I get out of the car and lead the way to the motel lobby. We're greeted by an elderly woman seated at the front desk. Her demeanor is annoyingly cheerful given how early in the morning it is. If she weren't trying her best to ignore me right now, Deb would probably say the same thing.
"Hello, I noticed the vacancy sign outside. Are there any rooms available at the moment?" I ask, putting on my best friendly voice.
"Yes, of course!" The woman cheerfully replies. "One bed or two, sweetie?"
"One." I say, just as Deb sharply says "Two."
The woman's eyes dart from me to Deb, unsure whether or not she should put herself in the middle of our spat.
"Two beds will be fine." I sigh.
"Very well, dear. May I please get your credit card information?" The woman asks.
"Uh, actually…I won't be paying with a credit card if that's alright with you." I respond, reaching into my pocket and brandishing a sizeable wad of cash.
"Well, we typically only accept credit cards here," she replies, her gaze trailing down to the money. "But I suppose I could make an exception for you, Mr.…?"
"Moser," I state. "Harry Moser."
Out of the corner of my eye I notice Deb stiffen up. The Moser name certainly doesn't conjure up cheerful thoughts in her mind, but I hope that one day she'll eventually be able to separate me from my brother. She has to know that I would never willingly hurt her, that I willalways choose her…right?
"Alright, Mr. Moser. You'll be in room 113. It's straight down the hall and to your left, you can't miss it."
"Thank you, you're very kind." I say, flashing a charming smile and taking the room key from her hand.
I find the room quickly enough and rush to hold the door open for Deb. She steps inside the cramped bedroom without a word and places a still sleeping Harrison down on one of the beds.
"Deb, I really need to talk to you…"
"No, what you need to do is take a shower. You're a mess." She says, staring at me coldly. "You're lucky that old hag at the front desk was damn near blind. You've got dry blood all over you."
"Jesus, Deb. Can we please just talk about this?"
"No!" She shrieks. "No. I don't want to fucking talk about anything. All I want to do is sleep, okay?"
I take a few tentative steps forward, careful not to get too close in case she decides to lash out.
"Every time I close my eyes, I see Joey's staring right back at me," she continues. "And it's fucking torture, but it's also exactly what I deserve. But when I can't take it anymore and I finally open my eyes, I see you. I see you and that fucking grin, and I don't…I don't know how you can live with yourself, Dexter.I barely can."
"You have to stop thinking like that, Deb. You can pretend to hate me all you want, but right now our main focus is keeping Harrison safe. Please don't lose sight of that."
"My main focus has always been keeping Harrison safe, so spare me the fucking lecture. Remember a couple months ago, before you started fucking that blonde bitch? I told you about how worried I was for Harrison, and what did you said to me? 'Everything is in my control'!" She mockingly yells. "Looks like you were wrong yet again," she snorts. "The minute I set foot in that church and saw you doing what you do, I should've taken Harrison. None of this would've ever happened if I actually had a fucking backbone when it comes to you. I wouldn't have shot Maria. Joey wouldn't be dead. I compromised everything about myself that I care about, for you, and I'm going to regret that for the rest of my miserable fucking life."
She plops down onto the empty bed and I hesitantly lay beside her. We stare blankly at the ceiling for a while before I actually muster up the courage and turn to face her.
"You don't mean that." I plead. "You could have never taken my son away from me, Deb. That would've destroyed me. You know that."
"You know what, Dexter? I really, really do mean it. I should've just –"
"You should've just what? Killed me?" I ask. "If you could go back and do it all again, would you listen to LaGuerta? Would you put me down?"
"Yes," she answers hoarsely. "Maybe. I don't fucking know."
She sits up straight on the bed and I follow suit. Her hazel eyes stare into mine, full of resolve. Still, no matter how hard she may try to convince me otherwise, I know that there is no other choice Deb could've made that night. It would always be me. Deb's devotion to me is a blessing in my eyes and a curse in hers, but the one thing I know for sure is that she'll always love me, come what may.
"You know just as much as I do that you'll always choose me, Deb," I insist. "I don't want to fight anymore. Everything is finally as it should be."
I grab onto her left hand and start decorating it with soft kisses.
"How can you say that?" Deb asks, her eyes welling with tears. "After all of the shit that's happened because of us, how can you just sit here and pretend that everything is fine?"
"Because, we're together. And when it all comes down to it, as long as I have you, everything else is irrelevant."
"So losing Harrison is irrelevant? Killing Joey is irrelevant?" She presses, snatching her hand away from me as if burned. "You don't care about anyone but yourself."
She always knows just what to say to get me fired up, pulling at whatever heartstrings I have in order to make me feel bad and draw out a response. It's almost like Deb craves conflict, like she's scared of what will happen if she gives herself to me completely. She wouldn't be my Deb if she were easy, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't long for a bit of understanding now and again. How can she still question the fact that I love her after all that we've been through?
"Everything I've done, I've done for you!" I shout, standing on my feet. "You wanted this just as much as I did, but you're not willing to fight for it, forus. Don't you dare call me selfish, Deb. Not now. I wish I didn't have to say this, but casualties are an inevitability. I'd kill Quinn a thousand times over if it meant keeping you by my side."
Deb stares at me, her eyes a puzzle that I'm hopeless to solve, but for a moment I think that I may have finally gotten through to her. However, my wishful thinking proves to be just that when she slides her ring off of her finger and places it down on the nightstand.
"Don't…" I beg.
She gets off of the bed and goes to lay beside Harrison in the other one.
"Just go take your shower and go to sleep. We have to get up in a few hours." She states dryly.
She wraps her arms around Harrison and closes her eyes. I stand and watch for a while, admiring Deb until her breathing starts to slow. It's obvious that she's only pretending to be asleep, but I decide to leave her alone to search for the peace that she deserves. I pick the ring up off of the nightstand and put it in my wallet, silently hoping that I'll get the chance to give it to her again. This isn't the end. It can't be.
I tip-toe into the bathroom and get the shower running, stripping my clothes off once the steam starts to fog up the mirrors.
I step into the shower and let the water envelop me, contemplating redemption and renewal. As Quinn's blood begins to circle the drain, I close my eyes and wonder if my sister will ever bring herself to forgive me for what is perhaps, in her eyes, the ultimate betrayal.
I've brought her to the deep end more times than I can count, and with time, she's always managed to find her way back to the shore. But now, as she slinks deeper and deeper into the darkness, can she ever find her way home again?
"I want chips, daddy!" Harrison shouts enthusiastically.
"Okay, you can pick out one bag, but that's it." I say.
Harrison scurries over to the chip aisle and I turn to face Deb. She leans against a newspaper rack with her arms crossed over her chest and a threatening scowl on her face. It's not a particularly sunny day in Orlando, but she has her aviators on regardless, probably to avoid making eye contact with me. I stare at her anyway though, confident that she's looking back at me.
"The drive to the Bennetts' place should only be twenty more minutes, but I couldn't take much more of Harrison's begging. Are kids his age supposed to be eating this much? He just had a sandwich a couple miles back." I explain.
"How would I know? Did I pop out a kid that I'm responsible for feeding and don't even know about?" She snaps, clearly not in the mood for my desperate small talk.
"Could you please stop acting so moody and just talk to me?" I wonder.
"Moody? I'm not moody."
"So we're playing this game now?" I scoff.
"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, bro. I don't play games." She replies, a smug grin spreading across her face.
A woman walks by us with her young son in tow, shooting Debra a dirty look in response to her foul language.
"What the motherfucking fuck are you staring at?" My sister asks, lowering her sunglasses to properly glare at the woman.
"Not much." She replies, clutching her son's hand tighter and turning into the juice aisle.
"Fucking bitch," Deb mumbles, pushing her glasses back over her eyes. "Let's be real, the brat has probably heard much worse from his little friends at school. By the time I was his age, I'd already mastered the fine art of fuck."
"Well, this is a family market, Deb," I reply. "Most people don't appreciate your way with words quite as much as I do."
"Whatever," she states dryly. "God, I could really use a cigarette right about now."
"Should you really be smoking? I thought you'd kicked the habit years ago? Smoking isn't good for you, Deb." I say, as if I am in any position to be lecturing her.
"I don't think one cigarette is going to make my life any worse, Dexter." She sighs.
It's pretty tough to argue with that. Still, I can't help but be concerned. First she goes back to smoking, and then what? Drugs? I wouldn't be able to live with myself if she fell into another spiral of self-destruction because of me. She's already tried to hurt herself twice. Is the third time always the charm?
Harrison returns with three bags of chips in hand and a pout on his face, forcing me to stop worrying about my sister for the time being. I can't let him know that anything is wrong. I have to be strong for my son.
"I know you said only one, but I couldn't decide." He whimpers.
"Fine…but only because you've been such a good boy lately." I answer, taking the chips from him and making my way over to the counter.
"Can I get a pack of menthols?" Deb asks the cashier. "Oh, and a lighter too."
"Of course." He replies, winking at her as he places the items on the counter.
I grab onto Deb's hand and clear my throat obnoxiously. The smile on the cashier's mouth fades and he stiffens up, his eyes darting away from Deb and down to the floor. For a second, I almost feel bad about scaring him. He doesn't even look old enough to gamble…so why do I feel the need to let him know that Deb is mine and no one else's?
"So, how much do we owe you?" I ask.
"Uh, t-ten dollars and seventy-two cents, sir." He stutters.
I hand him the money and give Harrison his chips. We all start towards the exit, but Deb stalls halfway there.
"You guys can wait for me in the car. I just have to get something. It'll only take two minutes." She insists.
"What is it that you need?" I question.
"Jesus, can you ever just mind your own business for once? Just…girl stuff, okay?"
"Okay. We'll wait for you right here, then." I reply.
"No, you'll wait for me in the car," she says through gritted teeth. "I'm not going to kill myself in the middle of a crowded mini mart, Dexter. Relax." She whispers in my ear.
"Fine, two minutes. I'll count." I reply.
I hear Deb's soft laughter as Harrison and I walk the rest of the way to the automatic doors.
"I wasn't joking!" I call out playfully over my shoulder.
By my count, it takes Deb five agonizing minutes to return. She climbs into the passenger's seat beside me, a plastic bag clutched in one fist. I decide against hounding her about the contents of the bag, fearing that if I do, I'll just alienate her even further. Plus, if it really is just 'girl stuff' like she said, I'm not sure that I want to know all of the dirty details. How ironic; a serial killer creeped out by menstruation.
I keep quiet and focus on the road in front of me. The only sound I hear for the rest of the drive is Harrison's loud chewing and auto-tuned Top 40 hits. After fifteen more minutes or so, I finally pull into the Bennett family driveway. It's almost twelve noon, much later than I'd originally planned on arriving.
Deb and I pull a couple of bags out of the trunk, mostly ones containing Harrison's clothes and toys. Holding most of my son's belongings in my hands makes the fact that Deb and I are going to be leaving him behind seem all too real. Harrison tries his best to carry the smallest bag out of the bunch, but gives up halfway to the front door, dragging it across the pavement the rest of the way.
"Deb, I know you think you hate me right now," I mutter under my breath, reaching out to ring the doorbell. "But could you at leasttry to act like my adoring little sister again? You know…for the kids."
"Well of course, Dexter. You're the bestest big brother in the whole wide world!" She sarcastically replies.
The door swings open, and my children greet me with warm, welcoming smiles. Astor has matured even more so since the last time I'd seen her, favoring her dearly departed mother more and more with each passing day. Cody has matured as well. His hair now borders on shoulder length, and he stands almost a foot taller than I remember him being a few months back.
"Dexter, you're finally here!" He exclaims.
"Oh, just Dexter? Hmm, so I guess Harrison and I are nothing but chopped liver then?" Deb jokes.
"We're totally happy to see you and Harrison too, Aunt Deb." Astor chimes in. "Cody hasn't been able to shut up about you all morning. Somehow he got it into his pea brain that you were going to teach him how to shoot a gun."
"Well, I was kinda hoping is all…" Cody trails off.
Deb and I turn to face each other, exchanging uneasy glances.
"Okay you two, we can make plans later. But I think we should put these bags down first before we decide on anything." I reply.
"Of course, come on in!" Astor says, leading the three of us into the house.
Maura and Bill are perched on the couch in front of the television, turning away from it once they hear our approaching footsteps.
"Dexter, Debra, hello there!" Maura proclaims, getting off of the couch to place quick kisses on each of our cheeks. "And who is this young man? Is that…no, it can't be! Harrison honey, you've gotten so big!"
She sweeps my son into her arms and smothers him in kisses. He squeals happily, perfectly content in her arms. Watching him with his grandmother, happy and carefree like a real child should be, just reaffirms my belief that Deb and I are doing the right thing here. With Maura and Bill, Harrison has a real chance to rise above his father's legacy. From the Bennetts, he'll receive all of the love and affection that he could ever want. He'll have everything that I didn't get until it was too late.
"Here, let me help you with those bags." Bill says, taking a few from Deb.
"Harrison will be in Cody's room. We pulled Cody's old bed out from the garage for Harrison to use. Dex, Deb, you can sleep in the guest room. I hope you two don't mind sharing a bed." Maura explains.
"Of course we don't, Maura. Thank you so much for your hospitality." Deb replies.
I study Deb's face as we make our way to the guest room, seeing right through the paper-thin expression of faux happiness that she wears. Is the fact that this is all an act as obvious to the Bennetts as it is to me?
"Go ahead and get freshened up, we're taking you kids out to lunch!" Maura calls out from the hallway.
"Actually, I think I'm going to sit this one out. I'm – " Deb starts.
"Alright Maura, we'll be ready in a few!" I interrupt, yelling loudly enough to muffle the sound of Deb's protesting.
"Great. Thanks so much for that, asshole." Deb says, rolling her eyes at me.
"This isn't for me, Deb. We're here in Orlando to spend time with my children, and going out to a restaurant isn't going to kill you. Besides, I don't remember the last time I saw you actually clear an entire plate of food. You need to eat something." I urge her. "I've noticed that you've been losing weight lately."
"Yeah? Well how about you stop noticing?" She replies, shoving the mysterious plastic bag from the market into one of the duffel bags sitting in the middle of the floor. "I don't need your concern, okay? It hasn't done me any fucking good as of late."
"I'm never going to stop caring about you, Deb. You're stuck with me whether you like it or not." I say, trying my best to make that come off more romantic than creepy.
Judging by her disgusted expression, that notion backfires.
"Don't I fucking know it." She snorts, reaching into the bag with her clothes and pulling out a blouse and a pair of jeans.
She wordlessly starts to undress in front of me, never breaking eye contact as she strips down to her underwear. My body involuntarily starts to shiver, which I'm guessing is the response she was going for. The corners of her mouth curl into a faint, blink-and-you'll-miss-it smirk, and I sigh in frustration. Hopefully, this is as far as Deb's game of torture goes. On a daily basis, she drives me crazy enough as it is. The last thing I need is her tormenting me for the duration of our visit to Orlando.
"I'm just going to hop in the shower before we leave, oh sweet brother of mine," she drawls. "Try not to worry too much while I'm gone."
She turns away from me and unhooks her bra, tossing it idly onto the floor. I gaze at her bare back until she disappears into the adjoining bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her. Once I hear the shower running and the situation presents itself, my curiosity overtakes me and I reach into Deb's duffel bag. I shakily pick up the plastic bag, second guessing this invasion of Deb's privacy. She's already upset with me. How will she react if she sees me going through her things?
Ultimately, my inquisitiveness wins out and I dump out the bag's contents. A small, purple box falls to the floor, and I find myself struggling for breath when I read the words written on the front: At-Home Pregnancy Test.
"Oh god."