November was slowly coming to a close and the atmosphere of fall that Rae loved so much was starting to dissipate into winter. It had been exactly two weeks to the day since Finn drew the heart on Rae's leg and he still hadn't mentioned it. And if Finn wasn't going to mention it Rae sure as hell wasn't going to mention it. Nothing had changed between the two of them, he wasn't acting insecure or uncomfortable, which led Rae to believe he doesn't actually remember doing it in the first place.

He was pretty fucked after all.

Over the course of their daily lunch dates, Rae and Finn grew almost inseparable. There wasn't a day that went by where they didn't see each other or, at the very least, talk to each other on the phone. They told each other things they've never really told anyone else before. They shared their insecurities and their hopes and their dreams. They shared new music when they heard it and they especially shared their thoughts with each other when one thought the other's opinion on music was wrong. Like now, the two were sat at their usual table in the union, having an argument over which Oasis album was the best.

"It's Morning Glory, Finn. End of."

"Rae! Are you daft? It's Definitely Maybe! 'Cigarettes & Alcohol.' 'Supersonic.' 'COLUMBIA,' RAE!"

"'Don't Look Back in Anger,' Finn. 'Cast No Shadow,' Finn. 'WONDERWALL,' FINN! I agree, Definitely Maybe isa sound album, but, c'mon, Morning Glory!" She was almost whining trying to prove her point.

"Gah, you're so annoyin', sometimes. You know that right?"

"Yeah, but just think about how borin' your life would be without me."

"It'd be a lot quieter, that's for sure."

"Quieter is just another way of sayin' borin', Finny. Sorry, mate. Just admit it. Your life would suck without me."

"Alright, fiiiine. You win! My life would be borin' without ya. Happy?"

"Very."

They were laughing at each other for a while until there was a shift and Finn got suddenly serious. Like something came over him and he couldn't hold back his thoughts anymore.

"No, but really, Rae, it would be." His eyes were searching her face like it held all the answers to his life's questions. "You know I'm not so good with talkin' but I want ya to know that I'm so glad I met ya. I was kind of just goin' along in life and then you came along and kind of turned it upside with your Rae-ness. In a good way."

What are you trying to say, Finn?

"Rae, I–"

"Hey, guys!" A voice Rae knew and loved but wished would disappear for about 20 seconds so Finn could finished his sentence came from behind her.

"Oh, hey, Arch." Rae could see Finn visibly start to close off whatever emotional barrier he was about to break through.

God damnit, Archie!

"Rae, I'm glad I found ya," He said as he sat down in the empty seat next to Finn with a toothy grin on his gorgeous face. Finn, on the other hand, wasn't smiling. In fact, he looked almost… Sad.

"What's up, Arch?" She asked, trying to distract herself from the look on Finn's face.

"Just wanted to sort out the final plans for tonight."

Jesus, Archie. How many times have we talked about this? We have everything planned down to the second now.

It was Chloe's birthday today and Rae and Archie had spent the past two weeks tirelessly planning a surprise party for her at the boy's house. The plan (that we've talked about, about 98 times) was that Chloe, Rae, Izzy, Chop, Archie, and Barney were going to Renaldi's for dinner then heading to the house on Merle Hill for a cake Archie made. Peter was going to be "sick" and Veronica was going to stay home and "take care of him," when they were really just getting the booze sorted and welcoming the guests. Rae was genuinely surprised they've been able to keep it a secret as long as they have. Even some of Chloe's friends from back home were coming.

The only member of the gang not accounted for was Chanel, but she'd been missing from most close-quartered gang related activities since Finn told her he didn't see her as anything more than a friend. Rae was actually really proud of the way Finn handled himself in that situation. He was sensitive to Chanel's feelings without being condescending and really wanted her to know he was sorry if he ever did anything to lead her on.

Chanel had come to their suite afterwards and told them everything Finn said. "He was super sweet about it, ya know?" She had said with tear filled eyes that she refused to let fall. "I honestly don't even know why I'm so upset, I knew he wasn't into me. I actually think he's really into someone else." Rae could have sworn Chanel was trying to say "It's you, Rae. He likes you," with her eyes because they lingered on hers for just a beat too long.

You're just imaging things now, Rae. Maybe Victorian Lit is really turning your brain to mush.

"Right. So we have dinner at 8, which will last until about 9:30 with all us, and then back to our place for 10. Yeah?" Archie confirmed, bringing Rae away from the memory.

"Yeah." Rae took a chance peak at Finn to see that he sat worrying his lower lip between his teeth, with his intense eyes focused on nothing in particular outside. When he noticed Rae looking at him, he gave her a small smile.

What are you thinking in that head of yours?

Archie was speaking again, pulling Rae and Finn away from yet another moment. "Brilliant. She doesn't know, right?"

I love ya, Archie, but you have terrible timing.

"Not a clue in the world, Arch. We've done good."

"Wonderful! Right, well we better be gettin' to class then, yeah?" All three looked at their watches.

"Ugh, do we have to?" Rae moaned.

Finn was extra quiet on their walk to class and whether it was something in his own mind or because Archie and Rae were talking about a row he and Barney just had, Rae couldn't tell.

Archie said his good-byes outside buildings 9 and 10 then cut across the quad to get to building 5. Rae and Finn were standing outside their classes with this incredibly awkward tension in the air.

Nothing was ever awkward with us. Oh my god! Did I do something for him to realize that I'm madly in love with him? Shit. Think, Rae. What did you do? Nothing. I did nothing. He was the one that got weird…

"Finn, is everything okay?" Rae asked a bit more self-consciously than she really wanted.

"Oh, yeah, s'nothing. I'll see ya tonight, then, yeah?" He was still worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

"Finn-"

"See ya!" And he tore off through the door to building 9 so fast that Rae was surprised there wasn't a Finn shaped hole in it.

Well that was fucking weird.

While the girls were getting ready for dinner, Rae was explaining to them what had transpired at lunch with her and Finn.

"It was weird, ya know?" Rae was explaining as she sat on the floor with Izzy putting their makeup on in the hall mirror. "He's never acted like that before."

"Maybe he was about to tell you somethin' real embarassin' and he lost his nerve?" Izzy tried to reason.

"Yeah, that could be it." Rae thought.

"Or," Chloe shouted from the bathroom, it was her birthday after all so they let her have full run of it. "He was about to tell you likes you and Archie fudged it all up. Bless his little heart."

"Chlo, how many times do I have to tell you? He doesn't see me like that. We're just friends."

Chloe marched herself out of the bathroom to make her point known.

"Rae. You and Finn are about as much 'just friends' as that door and that door handle." She pointed to the front door for emphasis. "You're part of each other. You play off each other better than any two people I've ever known. You have this natural, unspoken connection that people search for their whole lives. You're more than just friends. I'm tellin' ya."

"Okay, so we're more than 'just friends,' we're best friends."

"Ugh! Rae!"

"What? Boys like Finn don't look twice at girls like me in a romantic way, Chloe! We'll only ever be just friends and I'm fine with that. I am."

"What do you mean 'girls like you,' Rae?" Izzy asked confused.

Chloe knew exactly what she meant but pressed on. "Yeah, Rae. What d'ya mean?"

"You know, Chlo."

"Do I? So you mean to tell me that Finn doesn't like smart girls? Or funny girls? Or pretty girls? Or girls that have sound taste in music? Or girls that aren't afraid to tell it like it is? Is that what you mean, Rae? He doesn't like girls like that?"

"Chloe–"

"What? I'm just asking. You said Finn doesn't like girls like you and I'm just tryin' to figure out whyFinn wouldn't like a girl like you? Cause in my humble opinion, I think you're pretty fuckin' awesome. Izzy?"

"I think he'd be mad not to like a girl like you, Rae. No. Scratch that. I think he'd be mad not to like you, Rae." Izzy beamed at her.

"But what if he doesn't?" Rae said quietly, almost like she was defeated already.

"Then he really is mad." Chloe explained with enough confidence for the both of them. "And we'll find you someone even fitter, who isn't mad. Now come here." Rae stood up and walked over to Chloe as she wrapped her arms around Rae in a tight embrace. Then suddenly Izzy's little arms were wrapped around Rae from behind.

"I love you, girlies." Rae said with a bit of snag in her voice.

"Right back at ya, babe." Chloe said into her neck.

Sisters.

It was about a quarter to 8 when there was strong rapping on the door.

"Be right there!" Rae shouted as she was putting the last element of her outfit on: her shoes.

She looked at herself in the mirror one last time before she answered the door to make sure everything was in place. She decided on a shimmery midnight blue dress, with her standard black leggings and knee high leather boots.

You look hot.

She smiled to herself and went to the door. What greeted her on the other side immediately took her breath away. Finn was standing there in a sky blue button down tucked into a pair of slim black slacks, with his hair perfectly tousled.

Jesus… Say something, Rae.

"Well don't you clean up nice, Finnley."

"Friday is my day to shower, so." He smiled at her.

Good. My Finn is back… I mean Finn. Just Finn.

"Lucky us."

"You look nice, too." He said as he took in her appearance.

It's adorable how hard he tries to not make it obvious that he's staring at my boobs.

"So, you lot ready, then?" He asked peering into their suite to see where Izzy and Chloe were.

"Just about. Come in."

It was the first time Finn had been to their suite and suddenly Rae felt really self-conscious about the things in it. She'd long lost the Care Bear duvet that used to cover her single bed back home, but she still had some a small Troll collection sitting on her book shelf. She tried hard to position herself in front of it so he wouldn't notice.

"Oh, hey," Finn said noticing her posters on the wall. "I have the same one in my room."

"Oh really, Finn? You have a Morning Glory album poster on your wall? Interesting." A sly smile spread across her face.

"I never said I didn't like Morning Glory, just that Definitely Maybe is better."

"Oh, right." She said with a nod and playful smile.

"Oh, hiya, Finn!" Izzy grinned as her and Chloe came out of the bathroom.

"Hey, Iz. Happy birthday, Chlo!" He said wrapping his strong arms around her.

"So are we ready, then? Is Chanel coming?" Chloe asked as she gathered her purse up.

"No, but she's coming to the party–" Izzy immediately stopped herself but not before her face turned the same shade as her hair.

Oh, shit.

"What party?" Chloe questioned with an eager smile on her face.

"Oh, no, not a party," Finn tried to remedy the situation. "Ya know, just the cake at ours."

'Oh, right." Chloe's smile fell.

"Well, let's get to it, then. Archie'll kill me if we're even a minute late." Finn added trying to shuffle the girls out the door.

They got to the Renaldi's with just a minute to spare and Rae had to suppress a giggle when she saw Archie standing outside craning his neck trying to find Finn's car. The tantalizing smell of baking bread and tomatoes sizzling with garlic wafted into Rae's nose, making the monster in her stomach was growl violently. She'd come a long way with being able to eat in front of people if it was just one or two people but she still had trouble eating in front of a large group. But since it was Chloe's birthday, she made a promise to herself to do it and to get whatever she wanted, not just a salad. She knew her friends wouldn't even notice her eating, she knew they wouldn't, but that still didn't stop her hands from shaking as she looked over the menu. She was about to give up and just order a salad when she felt a burning sensation on her leg. She looked down to see a finger that belonged to Finn drawing something.

He does remember.

Y-O-U-O-K-?

She looked up to meet his earnest eyes and for the second time tonight she lost her breath. All she could do was smile and nod.

"Good." He smiled back. "Whatcha gunna get?'

"I don't know. This margherita pizza sounds good."

Finn leaned over her shoulder to read where she was pointing and all of her senses were invaded by him. "Oh, that does sound good. I'm gunna get the meat lover's pizza. Wanna share?"

Sharing food? Isn't that something couples do?

"Yeah, sure, that'd be cool."

When their food came, Rae gave Finn half of her pizza and he gave her half of his. When she looked around the table it seemed like Barney and Archie and Izzy and Chop had done the same thing. Chloe caught Rae's eyes and gave her an encouraging nod.

Maybe Chloe is right. Maybe we are actually more than just friends… But what if we're not…

Rae tried her hardest to push the thought from her mind.

Tonight is about Chloe.

Rae clinked her knife against her empty wine glass, already feeling the buzz, and started a little birthday speech. "To Chloe! Happy birthday! Hope this one is the best yet! I love ya!"

Everyone else raised their glasses and said, "Hear, hear!"

"Aw, you guys!" Chloe said as she got up to give Rae a hug. "It already is. Now let's go get that cake!" She added with a wink to Rae.

Oh, she definitely knows something is up.

They got to the house on Merle Hill at exactly 9:59 and when they walked in to a roar of "Surprise!" Chloe did he best to act genuinely surprised.

"You knew, didn't you?" Rae whispered to her.

"Course. I knew all week, I just didn't wanna say anythin' cause I knew how hard you and Arch worked to keep it a secret." She said with a grateful smile. When she saw Paul and Shannon, however, she honestly was surprised. She even started crying.

"Rae! This is the best birthday present ever! Thank ya so much!"

"Was nothin'." She explained to Chloe as she cried into her neck. She caught Paul looking at the two of them with a kind smile on his face that went all the way up to his emerald eyes.

Hm, he's rather fit, isn't he? I hope him and Shannon don't have thing… Wait. What am I thinkin'. Finn. Hello? But what about Finn, you two aren't a couple. You're single, ain't ya…

When Chloe let go of Rae, she immediately ran over to Shannon and started telling her all about what was going on her in life and introduced her to everyone at the party. When the two of them walked away, Paul strolled over to Rae. The first thing she noticed, besides his eyes, was how tall he was. Rae was so used to be the tallest of their group of friends that she forgot that there were people out there that were actually taller than her.

"You're Rae, right?" He asked, his voice a lot deeper than Rae was anticipating.

Well that's not sexy or anything.

"Yep, that's me." She beamed up at him.

"I just wanted to thank ya for inviting my sister and me."

Sister. Praise, Jesus.

"It was my pleasure. How do you guys know Chloe?"

"Grew up next door to each other, she's kind of like our unofficial sister, really." He flashed a dazzling smile at Rae that made her a bit weak in the knees.

From the corner of her eye, Rae caught Finn looking at her and Paul with a confused look on his face. When Rae looked over at him, he went back to the conversation he was having with…

Is that stupid hair guy?

"So what are you studyin' here, Rae?" Paul asked, sincerely interested in hearing the answer.

"Literature. What about you? Where do you go to school at?"

"I'm studyin' medicine at Birmingham."

"What kind of doctor do you want to be?"

"Orthopaedic. I want to be a surgeon, actually."

"Is there any extra schooling to be a surgeon?"

But before Paul could answer, Finn was at Rae's elbow.

"Rae-Rae, come be my beer pong partner." He said without a second look to Paul.

"Finn. This is Paul, Chloe's mate from back home." Rae said as an introduction.

"Y'alright?" Finn asked Paul a bit too cutting for Rae's liking.

"Just fine, mate. Sorry, did you say somethin' about beer pong?" Paul answered, his bright green eyes shining.

"Yeah, I was just askin' Rae if she wanted to be partner," Finn insisted, still not looking at Paul.

"And why would I want to do that?" She offered with a smirk. "He's pretty bad." She winked at Paul.

"Oi! I'm right here, ya know." He grunted, clearly not amused.

"Sorry, mate." Rae laughed.

"Well, Rae, I'd like to be your partner. I mean, if that's okay with you, Finn?" Paul reasoned, looking between the two of them. "I don't wanna step on your toes if she's your usual partner, ya know."

What is going on right now?

Finn furrowed his brows and worried his lip between his teeth, his tell-tale sign that he was uncomfortable. "Uh, yeah, sure. If that's what Rae wants, I mean." He added, his eyes begging her to pick him.

What the fuck is going on?!

"Uhhhh…"

Who do I pick? If I pick Finn, then I could lose the possibility of getting to know this guy who actually seems interested. If I choose Paul then I show Finn I just see us as friends. Jesus, where's Chloe when I need her.

"I, uh–"

"Oi! Rae! Can you come here for a minute?" Archie hollered across the room.

Thank god for Archie and his impeccable timing.

"Scuse me, boys."

As she walked away, she carefully looked over her shoulder to see the scene she just walked away from. Finn stood there, his mouth slightly agape with a look of pure confusion on his stunning face. Paul on the other was grinning like an idiot, completely unaware of what just happened. Rae saw him go to say something to Finn but Finn walked away before he could even get a word out.

If Rae could avoid it, she'd only talk to Paul when she knew Finn was nowhere to be found. It felt weird and wrong, like she was cheating on Finn in a way, but she knew that was ludicrous. They were friends after all. She was allowed to talk to other boys just like Finn was allowed to talk other girls, which is exactly what he was doing. Everything would be fine at lunch on Monday.

It was closing in on 3 in the morning when the party finally started winding down. Most of the guests had left and those that hadn't were sprawled on whatever piece of floor they could find. Chloe, Shannon, and Paul were passed out on the couches in the living room and Izzy was staying with Chop, leaving Rae alone to walk home.

"Don't be daft, Rae." Finn was saying as she was trying to leave.

"I'll be fine, Finn." She slurred back to him.

"Rae. I'm not lettin' you leave this house by yourself. I'm too drunk to drive, so you're stayin' here. End of."

Rae looked around the mess of people on the floor and thought aloud, "Well, where am I supposed to sleep?"

"You can stay in my bed with me."

That sobered her up real quick.

Uhhhh… In your bed? WITH you?

Rae timidly followed Finn upstairs to his room. He pointed to his door and told Rae to make herself comfortable while he ran to the loo. Rae stood outside his room, took a deep breath, and pushed the door open. What met her when she opened it was so perfectly Finn she couldn't help but get lost in it. It smelt like him. It looked like him. It even felt like him. She ran her fingers along all the psychology books on his shelf and breathed him in. It just felt right, being here. She was perusing his record collection when she heard his voice from behind her.

"Do you wanna borrow a t-shirt or somethin'? I don't want you to ruin your dress."

She turned around to see him casually leaning against the door frame, so effortlessly sexy, that Rae visibly swallowed.

"Oh, don't worry about it. It's actually pretty comfortable." She answered, trying her hardest not to stare.

"You sure? I don't mind."

"Yeah. I'll be alright." She smiled at him

I actually probably will be pretty uncomfortable sleeping in this but it would just be too embarrassing if he gave me a shirt and it didn't fit.

Rae awkwardly cleared her throat before she spoke again. "Is there, uh, a side of the bed you prefer to sleep on?"

"Not really. I typically sleep in the middle. So you choose."

"Right."

"Was that your answer or your understandin'?" He laughed.

"Uh, both?" She answered, matching his laugh.

"Alright, right side it is for you, then."

She climbed into his bed and the smell of him encompassed her. It was almost too much and then he climbed in next to her and it was all together too much. The feel of him next to her, the smell of him, the wholeness she felt, it was all too good to be true.

Finn propped himself on his elbow and turned to look at her.

"Hi." He smiled. "You're the first girl I've had up here in a while."

Whaaaaat are you trying to say?

"Oh, lucky me." She winked.

He lay back down, staring at his ceiling before he spoke again. "So, uh, what's with that Paul guy?"

"S'nothin'. Just a mate of Chloe's. Was tryin' to be nice." Are you jealous, Finn?!

"Oh, right, course. He seemed nice."

"He was. But he's going back to Birmingham tomorrow so probably won't see him again."

She felt Finn exhale next to her.

"Shame."

"Right, you seem so broken up about it." She laughed as she looked around his room some more. There was a picture of two girls, couldn't be more than two-years-old, on his night table she didn't notice before.

"Aw, Finn. Who are these two?" She asked.

Finn sat up to look at who she was talking about.

"Oh," he said rather delicately. "They're my – ahem – my sisters."

"I didn't know you had sisters!" She said turning to look at him. "Why didn't you tell me all those times I was talkin' about Jazzy?"

Finn crossed his arms as he turned towards her, like he was open to talking but still significantly closed off. "Uh, it's because I don't actually know them."

Rae was confused. "What d'ya mean?"

"They're my mum's daughters with her new husband. They're twins, about six-years-old now."

Rae knew better than to cut Finn off with more questions when he was in an emotional state. It would only make him clam up.

"My mum, uh, she left my dad and me when I was about 7. She was there in the morning when I went to school and was gone when I came home. When dad said she left, I just thought he meant she went to the market or somethin', not that she left… Us."

Rae was seeing a whole new side to Finn she'd never seen before. He wasn't meeting her eyes; he was just looking off into the distance as he recalled what was clearly a very painful memory.

"Apparently she'd been havin' an affair with a man at her work for a few years and when he was offered a new position in the States she went with him."

There was so much anger in his eyes and hurt in his voice that Rae wanted to reach out and wrap her arms around him but knew she couldn't. Not yet at least. He needed to get this off his chest and if she did what she wanted to, he'd stop talking.

"I was so angry, Rae. I couldn't believe that she would do that to us, ya know? She was my mum. I loved her so much but she just… left. Without even sayin' bye, really. My dad was damn near depressed, started drinkin' pretty heavily and sent me to live with Archie for a few weeks while he figured himself out. He sobered up real quick when I got into my first fight at school. It was then he realized that we were all each other had left so he sent me to a therapist and started seeing one himself."

Finn's eyes started to gloss over and Rae knew it was okay to touch him now, so she reached out and grabbed his hand. He let her hold it while he continued on with his story.

"In a twisted way, I'm kind of grateful for it because it led me to my future profession, ya know? I don't think I would have ever thought about becoming a children's psychologist if it wasn't for Ms. Pam. I know I still have some residual problems because of it. I still resort to anger instead of usin' my words. I have difficulty trustin' people because of it, especially women. But she basically saved my life."

He was quiet for a few minutes and Rae decided to press her luck and ask some questions.

"When's the last time you talked to your mom?"

Finn thought about her question. "Probably when my nan died about three years ago."

Jesus.

"She sent me that picture of Samantha and Suzanne for my birthday a few years ago. And it felt like she was sayin', "happy birthday son I abandoned, here's a picture of my perfect twin girls that I love more than you.'"

There was so much venom and pain in Finn's voice that Rae started to cry herself.

"It just makes me feel like it was somethin' I did that made her leave, ya know? Like why wasn't I good enough for you, mum? Why did you have to leave me just to have two more children? Why wasn't I enough? Why am I never enough?"

And then he was sobbing. Rae wrapped her arms as tight around him as she could and he was clinging to her dress. She was trying her hardest to soothe him and make him feel like he was enough but she knew what it was like. Rae had her closure with her father, it seems like Finn never got the chance with his mom.

"Shhh, Finn. You are enough. Your mom did whatever your mom did because of her, not because of something you did and definitely not because of who you are. You're a remarkable person, Finn. She doesn't deserve to know you."

Thanks for that one, Kester.

After that, she just let him cry and she didn't let go until he was done.

It was about 10 minutes later when Finn finally let go of Rae and rolled over to his side of the bed. Rae was wiping her own eyes when she felt the bed dip and the familiar hot touch of Finn's fingers on her skin.

T-H-A-N-K-S.

"For what?" She whispered into the dark.

F-O-R-B-E-I-N-G-Y-O-U.