Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent.

The Dauntless man picks up a sling for me and hangs it from the cable. I shiver, but not from the cold or the fear. I shiver from the excitement. I get in head first, wriggling and pushing, I have to fight a smile off my face.

He slides me forward and I can hear Mai cheering me on. I'm at the edge of the roof now and while I am incredibly nervous, I am also anticipating the moment that I go slicing through the air. It will be the best moment of my life, a feeling of absolute freedom... unless I fall. But the few people that went before me didn't fall, so I just had to have faith that I wouldn't. Statistics and numbers of whether I would fall or not began to enter my mind, but I pushed them away. I am not an Erudite any longer. I am a Dauntless.

The man releases me and I go flying in the air, weightless. I forget everything that I was just thinking about. Falling, Factions, Mai. All that I can feel is extreme terror and exhilaration.

It feels amazing to be rushing through the air, wind whipping my face, adrenaline pumping through my veins and I realise that I love it here and this is where I was meant to be. Dauntless. And it is amazing. I let out a whoop of happiness. Something I never thought I'd do. I thought that happiness was an emotion that I was never meant to feel.

I am getting closer to the ground now. I slow down and eventually come to a halt. I am around twenty feet in the air but it doesn't faze me. The people underneath me, form a net with their arms. I have to trust them. Trust has never been my strong point, but I feel that after letting someone put me into a sling and slide me all the way down here - without me falling, that if they wanted to kill me, I'd be dead. A little bit like the jumping exercise earlier on today through the hole to get to the compound.

I reach back and somehow loosen the straps that bind me to the cable wire. I wriggle around for a bit and then get free, falling down towards their arms. For a moment I worry that they aren't going to catch me, that they are going to let me fall to the ground - until I feel the hands underneath me. I hear laughter as I am lifted back down to the ground.

"So what did you think?" One of the Dauntless members who had gone before me asked, obviously recognising me as an initiate.

"That was great!" I grinned. I laughed and tried to come back down to earth for a minute, discussing the zip lining with a few random people. Until everyone surged forward to catch the next person. Probably Mai. So I joined them in forming a net of bodies and waited for Mai to come down.

. . .

"That was amazing!" Mai cried, as we walked through the halls, trying to find our way back to the sleeping quarters.

"I know right." I answered, still giddy from the experience. I still had a small smile on my face from the adrenaline rushing initiation ceremony, and I hadn't been quite able to put my emotionless mask back on yet.

"And the wind rushing through your hair, and the weightless feeling like you are flying!" She grinned at me. "I want to do it again!"

"And to think that you were nervous at first." I teased.

"I know, I know," she mumbled. "I am ashamed, but seriously, I don't have a clue how you weren't. We were like, a thousand feet up in the air, flying towards the ground at top speed. It seemed like a suicide mission. And then you were like, just standing there and you weren't shaking or anything." Mai giggled. "You were so... fearless."

In response to the compliment, my small smile that I had worn after the zip lining experience just cracked into a large grin and I felt like letting out another whoop of happiness. This so wasn't like me. In a matter of twenty four hours I was a changed man. It was unreal. We walked in silence for a few minutes after that.

"You should smile more often." Mai said out of the blue as we passed the dining hall. "It really lights up your face and makes you look really handsome." I turned to look at her in surprise, but she had already turned her head away.

"Thank-you," I whispered, not quite able to manage anymore. I cleared my throat awkwardly. Well since we were having a confession moment. "But unfortunately for me, I am nothing like you." She turned to me confused, probably trying to figure out if that was a compliment or not. I decided to elaborate. "You don't even need to smile to look pretty. In fact when you do it isn't fair on everyone else because you just look utterly amazing and beautiful and nobody can help but fall in love with you."

Now it was my turn to look away. I had said too much.

"Umm... thank-you." Great, now I had frightened her away. This is why I didn't want to let my feeling run too deep. I shouldn't had let them in the first place. I was getting too attached, too sentimental. I should have fought harder to resist her.

Everything was silent for a moment and I was fully sure that Mai had walked away, or was just staying to be polite and never talk to me again after tonight and just avoid me... until I felt someone grab my hand and squeeze it tight. I turned to look at her, she was still here, amazing. And she was holding my hand for the second time that day. Even after my awkward confession.

But... how did she take those words? As a friendly truth? Or more? I suddenly felt panic seize my heart and hold it tight. I didn't want her to take it the 'in love' way. That would probably lead to feelings and I wasn't capable feelings, since I had been born and raised in Erudite by a family that held no emotion what-so-ever. That and I would have to take my infatuation to another level and it scared me. What if I really wasn't capable of loving anyone? What if this wasn't really love? What if I was feeling something completely different? All of this would only lead to Mai being hurt and I didn't want to hurt her. I wanted her to happy. Even if that meant her being with Tobias.

Wait... when did Tobias get introduced to the conversation? And why every single time that I thought of Mai and Tobias with their arms around each other, touching each other, kissing each other, that I got instantly jealous and a murderous rage filled me? It shouldn't matter to me if they were together or not.

But still I held her hand all the way back to the dorms, and still when we reached the entrance, I didn't want to let her hand go. And when she did let it go, because her bed was on the other side of the room, why did I feel disappointment and longing?

"Night Mai." I said quietly.

"Sweet dreams Eric." She whispered back, and she hugged me.

And I swear, never more in those two moments did I want to kiss anyone so badly. I just really, really wanted to feel her lips on mine and kiss her, and have her kiss me back.

But as always I didn't. In that way, I was a coward. A coward who couldn't face his fear of being rejected or the fear of not being able to feel emotion.

And that whole night, long past the time that everyone came back - including a Candor couple who had definitely been out drinking - I spent the hours regretting the decision that I had made of not kissing her.