It had been nearly a week since the 'get him naked' comment and so far, Anders was bluntly ready to admit that something was way off with the vampire. She stopped reading her 'smoot', too busy cleaning and rearranging things to even hum those stupid child's rhymes like she used to. Not that he missed them of course.

"Oi, weef!" Anders called as he expertly dodged a perverted grab and slammed the door in said pervert's face. "Ya still live in 'ere?"

"Yes!" was the answer as Seras trotted around the corner with a dustpan and broom, eyes to the floor as she hustled past. He blinked but said nothing as she continued to charge around the room for a moment then just like the master of stealth vampire were, vanished like she'd never been there in the first place. This is exactly what he meant. Not that he was pouting of course. He didn't like her and he certainly wouldn't like a chatter or bicker with her once and a while. She wasn't that attractive.

"So, 'ow da ya plan 'n gettin' me naked today?" Anders asked kicking off his shoes. He'd expected a loud crash or a gasp of horror yet got nothing of the sort. Instead her head popped back in much to his surprise and she gave him a thoughtful frown as she pondered at the ceiling. "Whot?"

"Well I was thinking of slipping a little bit of something in your dinner tonight to get you frisky, or at least drunk so you wouldn't notice. Then I realized your healing factor might dash those plans so I'm trying to come up with something else. Actually, I sent an email to a friend of mine in Britian! They're pretty good at this sort of things!"

A wide beam and gone, leaving a mortified Anders in her trail. He stared at the doorway for a moment before howling in laughter and stalking after her. "Whot, yer friends wit a pervert? 'ere I taught ya were da good girl, aye? So wot 'n eart' did ya do ta find sooch a pervy wooman?"

"Woman...? Oh! No, he's a man!"

"...eh?"

"Mmhm! Actually, he's coming to visit!"

"oh, wh'n?"

"Well... today at some point. I was trying to tell you but between my cleaning and your sulking, I never got the chance." Seras answered sheepishly with a glance to the side. "He said he wants to personally meet whoever... ah 'stole his precious kitty from under his nose without so much as a handshake'. I think those were the words, or at least pretty close."

"...Ah see." Anders felt his lip twitch as he gave her a stern look. "I dun care mooch fer da short notice doh. If yer ta bring oon 'r yer playmates f'rm da ooder side o' da board'r den I wunt ta know. Dos da mate know yer a vampire? Whots yer basics dere?"

"Oh, no. He doesn't. Sir Integra wouldn't like it if I told him after all." Seras answered with a shrug. "I just got suddenly tranferred to a private part of the department that I'm not suppose to talk much about. I met you at work and we more or less made an impression on each other. That way, I never actually lied and neither do you! We're just being very...um..."

"Vague?" Anders suggested.

"Yes! Vague! Besides, I think you'll like him! He's quite a softie! He's looked after me since my first day on the force! Come to think of it, he was my first friend there." She paused as she glanced thoughtfully up at nothing. "Anyway, he's got a bit of an odd sense of humor but he's perfectly kind. He got the nickname 'Whiplash' from the other officers. I tried to get them to tell me why but the only thing they told me was it had to do with Wendle."

"W'ose W'ndle dar I ask?"

"He was an officer that used to have a crush on me." Seras answered with a sad sigh. "He suddenly went missing on one of his patrols with Jarred."

"...'hose Jarred?"

"Oh! That's Whiplash's name!" Seras beamed innocently at her frowning and rather concerned looking husband. "Oh, he's got nothing to do with it."

"Aye..."

"Just don't take any rides with him. He gets a bit... angry behind the wheel." Seras warned with a hesitant chuckle. Anders stared at her in growing disbelief, opening his mouth to question her once more on her sanity before the doorbell rang. Startled he glanced over while his wife practically skipped to the door. Opening it up Anders got one look at Whiplash and immediately understood he was in trouble.

"Oh sweetheart sugar whiskers!" The tall man whooped as he took one step in the house and picked up Seras, snuggling her close as he possibly could. Long eyelashes batted prettily as he gave her smooches with glossy lips and rubbed powdered cheeks with her. Tight leather pants clung almost impossibly to the man, grabbing almost too tightly around his groin yet he seemed all too comfortable with it. Fish net covered his chest in almost a muscle shirt fashion while a large denim coat hung loose over his lean shoulders. Spotting Anders warm chocolate eyes turned spiteful and wary as he threw his luscious brown locks back like a Panteen commercial. "So, this is your so called man?"

"Mhm! Anders, meet Jarred! Jarred, meet my husband Alex!"

"Pleas'r ta meet ya." Alex said with a nod as he offered his hand. Jarred glared at him without any attempt to hide it, taking it in a nearly crushing grip. Yet Alex just smiled warmly back as he shook it in return, squeezing back with enough power to make Whiplash's eye twitch. "M'm glad ya cood visit. 's nice ta finally meet soom 'o mah weefs friends fr'm dat loovly coontra 'o yers."

The shaking of hands stopped as they stared intently into each others eyes, narrowing the gap until poor Seras was mashed between them. Squeaking to try and get their attention, she struggled between them. Alex was the first to notice when one of her lower flailing hands attempted to whap at his thigh but missed and hit a previously mentioned male part. It didn't hurt much but it definitely made him realize his wife was slowly sufficating and was also butt to crotch with the other man. Immediately he let go of the hand and wrapped an arm around Seras, stepping back and taking her with him.

Now he was definately not a jealous man (because that's believable at his point) but he didn't like the idea of a British man snuggling up to his wife, friend or no. After all, that to him was no different then when Hellsing tried to kill the vampire on Ireland's turf. That wasn't their area so they weren't suppose to touch it. That was the rule, it was laid out for a reason, and like the rest of the cursed British they went and overstepped it because they thought they could. Well, he certainly wasn't going to let that brit get away with attempting to fondle his wife. Not on this planet.

So began the war between the Irish and the British for the large tracks of hilly land in which both had previously thought was theirs alone to own. Not that the land nor her hills had any say in the matter. Nor did she have a say when the battles began over supper by who could eat the most while remaining polite to each other. Sort of. The Irish was polite, The British was stuffing his face and glaring venomously at the other while muttering about pounds gained.

Oh well. At least the hilly lands wouldn't have leftovers for supper again.

Sorry for the wait. Comp is so close to dead, it isn't even funny. I can see it's relatives gathering to ploy off its items. -_0 and those who hide beneath my bed, QUIT SHAKING IT! I GET THAT YOUR THERE!

TO all others...

THANKS! READ, REVIEW!

DOGGYD COOKIETHIEF