Every day for the next six weeks was a constant battle between hiding her pregnancy from her father and making up excuses for her sudden dizzy spells, nausea and exhaustion. But Ziva knew that she would start growing a baby bump really soon and people would start wondering. At first, they could think she was just putting on some weight, but her belly would start growing and, eventually, it would become obvious that she was pregnant. One good day, she decided to have that conversation with her father, so she went to visit him to the apartment she'd once lived in as a child.
She knocked on the door of her father's place without having some sort of plan as to how she would start the conversation. She was going to improvise as she went along and according to her father's reaction.
"Ziva! What are you doing here?" He was apparently in a good mood, which played in her favor.
"Hello, Abba. Can I come in? There's something I need to tell you" She was very serious, mostly because she was concerned.
"Sure. Everything OK?"
"Yes… Well, no. Depends on how you want to see it."
"You're scaring me, Ziva. What's going on?" Eli wasn't the type of person to get easily concerned, but her tone of voice was starting to make him feel that way.
"I'm… pregnant" As she didn't know how to sugarcoat it, she thought being straightforward would be a good idea.
"You're what?!" Eli was pissed off. He couldn't believe his daughter could be so irresponsible and careless. "How far along are you? Who the hell is the father?" He was raising his voice now.
"I'm… uh… three months along. Barely. And as for who the father is, I'd rather not say."
"Oh no. You're going to tell me who the hell got you pregnant. You're not getting away with this, Ziva! Are you going to keep it?"
"Yes, Abba. I'm having this child, whether you like it or not. And no, I'm not going to tell you who the father is and I want you to respect that" She wasn't going to put her foot down. Not this time.
"Three months ago you were in D.C. Please don't tell me you slept with an American" He was smart and she realized she hadn't thought this through as much as she should've.
Ziva couldn't say anything. She just stared at him, not being able to get the words, "why yes, father, I did sleep with an American agent" out of her mouth, but not being capable of denying it, either. She was expecting her father to kind of look into her eyes and just know that he was right, this way she wouldn't have to say it out loud. Because saying it out loud would make it real, not just for her father, but for her as well. And that's something she wasn't ready for. Her father didn't say a word. Being the kind of man that he was, he was determined to find out who the father of that baby was, even if it was the last thing he did.
"Leave" He was kind of whispering, which was much more intimidating than if he'd been raising his voice.
"Abba…" She didn't want to leave without being on good terms with her father, but Ziva knew that making him even angrier right now was not a very good idea.
"I said leave, Ziva"
Ziva nodded and found her way to the door, leaving her father angry, confused and disappointed. Being hormonal and not able to control her feelings was bad enough, but seeing the I-can't-believe-you-did-this look in her father's eyes just made everything worse. She was having a hard time coming to terms with her pregnancy and Tony being the father and now she had to add dealing with her own father to that bittersweet mix.
She went home after a very long and exhausting day that seemed to have lasted twice as much as it really did. After a warm bath, she gabbed her clothes to get dressed. In front of the mirror and before slipping into her t-shirt, she looked at her belly, which was starting to grow, little by little. She saw the small baby bump and put her hand on it, caressing the tiny human being that was growing inside her and that would soon start kicking. She smiled at the thought of the whole thing, from finding out the sex to painting the nursery, buying teeny tiny clothes and giving birth. For the first time since she found out she was expecting, she was truly happy and excited. She couldn't wait. That night, she slept like a baby, for the lack of a better word, and dreamt of her own.
A couple of months passed and pretty soon everyone knew about Ziva's pregnancy, whether they'd heard about it or saw her with her now obvious pregnant belly. No one could assume she was fat anymore, mostly because she was five months along.
Saturday morning was a special day for her and her baby: it was the day Ziva would find out the sex of her unborn child. She'd go to Dr. Ebbs' practice, the same doctor she had gone to for her first sonogram. This time, the car ride was filled with joy and music, a very different environment than the one she was surrounded by when she went to the pharmacy to buy a pregnancy test. When Ziva walked into Dr. Ebbs' office, she was glowing, like every pregnant woman, and the doctor saw a very different person than the one who had first visited her a few months ago. She saw a mother-to-be.
"Hey, Ziva. I can't help but notice the smile on your face" The doctor was happy to see that Ziva had finally made a choice regarding her pregnancy. "How are you feeling this morning? Nausea gone?
"Yeah, it's gone. Thank you! I'm really excited about finding out the sex of the baby" Ziva didn't even try to hide the grin that was forming in her face.
"Ok, then. Let's see" The doctor looked at the screen, looking for the baby's sex and, after a while, she found it. "Well, it took me a while because she is upside down" The doctor smiled.
"She? As in "it's a girl" she?" Tears of joy began forming on Ziva's eyes.
"Yes. You're having a girl. Congratulations!" Dr. Ebbs was very happy to see Ziva excited.
"Oh my God… Wow!" She was speechless, but this time due to extreme satisfaction and just plain bliss. "Thank you so much".
"There's nothing to thank. I'm happy to help. So, why don't you put your t-shirt back on while I get you a picture of your little girl, ok? I'll be right back".
After about 10 minutes, the doctor came back with a picture of Ziva's sonogram, where she could clearly see the baby. Her baby.
Now at the airport, Ziva and Tony stood face-to-face just before she had to board the plane. They were looking into each other's eyes because that's all they could do. For them, this was their drug. It was intoxicating and addicting and impossible to quit. It was what got them attracted to each other in the first place, the look in the other's eyes when they were staring at each other. And right now, it was the perfect way to say goodbye. But at some point, they would actually have to say the words and break the silence. And Tony was the one to do it.
"Do you regret it?" His voice was soft and he was almost whispering. He needed to know before she left.
"Regret….. what?" She knew what he was talking about, but chose to dodge the subject. Toney gave her an "oh really?" look and she had no choice but to answer his question. "No, Tony. I don't. I don't know if I should or not, but I don't have any regrets. Whatsoever."
"Good. Neither do I" He was relieved to hear those words come out of her mouth. It would've been awful to have to live with the burden of regretting something like that.
Over the speakerphone, they heard her flight being called to board the plane. As sad as they were to say goodbye, they knew that it was better than to have people find out about them. And once again, the word "goodbye" was never spoken.
As Ziva turned around and started to walk away, Tony grabber her by the arm, pulled her close to him and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. "Something to remember me by" he said with a sad smile on his face. "See you in another lifetime, Tony" she whispered. They would miss each other more than they cared to admit. More than they realized. Tony stayed at the airport, after he watched her walk away, for a good two hours until he was sure her flight had taken off. He was a little embarrassed to admit that a very small part of him was expecting to see she hadn't boarded the plane because she wanted to stay with him.
But that didn't happen. So he turned around and left. And with every step he took, he left the memories behind. The smell of her hair. The look in her eyes. The way her body fit perfectly into his. The way they'd made love and how right it'd felt despite the circumstances. And last but not least, the gorgeous smile on her face that lit up his world. It was all gone now.
Meanwhile, on the plane, Ziva kept looking out the window, as if staring at the sky would somehow make him appear and make her feel better. It was a twelve-hour flight, one she would most likely spend half asleep, dreaming about him, and them; and half awake, thinking about him and remembering that beautiful night.
Ziva David has always been one to keep things to herself. She's a very private person, especially when it comes to relationships and feelings. Although she has no problem laughing when she's happy, when she's hurt, sad, or angry, she closes off and refuses to let anyone see her shed a tear. She bottles up her emotions and pushes the deep down, locking them away. "If people see you cry, they'll think you're weak, take advantage of it and then use it against you", those words echoed in her mind. Words she grew up listening from her father. Words she'll never forget. And this was one of the things she'd have to keep to herself. Her night with Tony. She knew, they both did, that if anyone found out about their affair, it could become an international incident. If known, the best-case scenario for Tony would be getting fired from NCIS; the worst, being arrested and maybe even charged with treason for sleeping with a foreign operative. In Ziva's case, if her father found out, he might try to take advantage of it. He might try to send her back to D.C to reconnect with Tony in an attempt to get information, sort of like posing as a double agent. And Ziva wouldn't let that happen.
So, twelve hours went by. Some passed very fast. Some others seemed to last for an eternity, until she landed in Tel-Aviv. It was hot, too hot. When she got off the plane, an SUV was ready to escort her to Mossad, where she would be debriefed, again. She would have to spill her guts and take a polygraph to show she was telling the truth, which would prove to be a difficult task, given the many secrets she was keeping. This debriefing included talking to her father and telling him everything that happened in D.C, leaving out her night with Tony and hoping her father wouldn't catch her in a lie.
It was about 5am and instead of being asleep in her own bed after a very long flight and a hell of a week, she was in her father's office, at Mossad, waiting for him.
"Good morning, Ziva" Her father sounded serious, but not angry. "I hope you had a nice flight"
"Good morning, Abba" She sounded exhausted and it showed in her voice. "It was long and I didn't get much sleep"
"Ok, then. The faster we do this, the sooner you'll be able to go home and get some rest" He was pushing her and manipulating her into telling him everything with the cheap excuse of "if you don't tell me what I want to know, we'll be here all day".
"I don't know what else you need to know. Or what else you want me to tell you. I already told everything that happened to the officer at the Israeli Embassy in D.C and they have the files to prove it." She was a bit angry because she could see her father didn't trust her.
"You could start by telling me what the hell happened to your brother! I sent you there to protect him and convince them that he wasn't guilty of whatever he was being accused of. All you did was bring him back in a body bag!" He father was raising his voice now. If he got angry, she knew there would be no turning back.
"Well, Abba, he did kill an American agent. And I didn't believe it when I first arrived, but agent Gibbs kept showing me evidence that led right back to him. I tried to protect him, but there was only so much I could do"
"You didn't try hard enough" Nothing was ever enough for Eli David.
At this point, Ziva was tired and sad that she'd had to leave behind the good, sweet and kind man she'd been with the night before. So hearing those words from her father broke her. Few things had that effect on her, but when it came to her father, he somehow always managed to find a way to bring her down. He knew exactly which buttons to press. She felt guilty, like she could've done something more but just gave up on her brother. Had she not been in the emotional state she was in at that moment, she would've dismissed those words, like she always did. But she was, and she didn't. She couldn't. So, instead of standing up for herself, she looked him in the eyes, got up and left the room. Without saying a word. She was quite proud of herself.
"Ziva! Do not walk away from me!" Eli was yelling at the top of his lungs. To no success.