After a long period of reminiscing how and why it all started, she concluded that the only thing that brought her was sorrow. She didn't want to feel bad about having a baby, she wanted to be happy, and all those memories about her brother and how he died and hearing from her father that she wasn't good enough just made her feel worse. So she decided to let that go and focus on herself and her daughter. So, after leaving Dr. Ebbs' office, she figured it was time to start shopping –or at least window shopping- for her baby. She was looking for cribs, pink outfits, diapers, formula, stuffed animals and a car seat, taking notes of the prices to know how much money she'd need. Although she was happy to be doing this, she regretted the fact that Tony wasn't there with her, especially knowing that he probably would enjoy it as much as she was.
When Ziva got home, she began cleaning the soon-to-be nursery, which was now empty. She wanted to pick a spot for everything she would buy, from where to put the crib to where to hang pictures of mommy. She had already bought some things, like drawers and some unisex baby clothes she had acquired before learning about the sex of her baby. When she went to grab them form her closet, she noticed a white piece of paper sticking out of one of her jacket pockets. It happened to be the same jacket she'd worn the day she'd left the airport. The exact same jacket she had found Tony's card with his phone number in. She instantly knew that the piece of paper was Tony's business card, so she grabbed it and stared at it, specifically at his phone number. She thought about calling and telling him the truth, telling him that she was pregnant with his daughter. That thought lasted for about 20 seconds. While she wasn't willing to throw the card away, she wasn't about to use it, either. Ziva decided that the wisest thing to do was to put it in the safe she kept hidden in her closet, so that it wouldn't end up in the wrong hands, like her father's.
As the weeks went by, her belly kept growing and growing, and completing the simplest of tasks at Mossad was getting harder and harder to do. She was now about seven months along and was thinking about asking her father for time off, but was reluctant to do so because she knew he would say no unless it was absolutely necessary. But even driving to work was a challenge and she was worried that, because of the size of her belly, something could happen. Ziva and Eli hadn't been in the best of terms since she told him she was pregnant; in fact, they only talked when there was no other choice. She needed her maternity leave to start right away, so she gathered up the courage to go see her father, knowing the chances of getting a positive answer were pretty slim.
"Abba? May I come in?" Ziva was whispering and had a dry tone of voice.
"Yes. Come in" His tone was also dry and blatant.
"I would like to start my maternity leave as soon as possible, please. I want to take better care of myself, in order to have a healthy baby" She was worried that if she was under too much stress, the baby might be affected by it.
"Maternity leave? What maternity leave? You only get two months off: one before the baby is born and one after. You'll get you maternity leave next month" He wasn't even looking at her.
"Well, then I want to take a vacation"
"Ha! Vacation? This isn't America, Ziva. Now get back to work." For some twisted reason, Eli found her request funny.
"Look, Abba, I need the time off. I don't care if it's not a paid vacation, I just want the time off."
"I said no. Now, please leave. I'm busy" Still, no eye contact.
Ziva stared at her father in disbelief. She couldn't understand how a person could be so insensitive towards his own pregnant daughter. She was sick of it. Sick of the indifference, of the manipulation, the lies, the excuses. Sick of everything. So, once more, she made yet another choice that would change her life –and her daughter's- forever. She resigned.
Back in her office, Ziva started pondering the decision she'd made. Had she been impulsive? Or had she made the right decision? Was this the right time to start defying her father and standing up for herself, in the middle of her pregnancy and when she needed the money the most? "Whatever the reason is…" she thought, "I know it's for the best". Within half an hour, she was ready to leave her life as a Mossad officer and start her new life as a mother.
The hardest part about being pregnant wasn't having to deal with her father being disappointed and angry. It was having to be pregnant without Tony. Without the guy that she was sure she could trust the most, the guy she knew wouldn't leave her alone during the hard times. She would have wanted him to be there for the important moments throughout her pregnancy: the positive pregnancy stick, the first sonogram, feeling the baby moving, learning about the sex of the baby and decorating the nursery. She was happy to be embracing this new experience, but she wanted the father of her baby to be embracing it with her. So, ever since she found Tony's card in her jacket, she'd been thinking about calling or e-mailing him just so she could come clean and tell him the whole truth once and for all. But every time she was about to pick up the phone or press send, she got cold feet, thinking of all the possible ways it could go wrong. He could be dating someone else; he could regret the night they spent together, or worse, think of it as just a one-night stand and have no interest in her or the baby, at all. She was afraid that if she did tell him the truth, he'd say he didn't want to be a father or be part of the baby's life. She preferred living not knowing if he would be okay with it than being rejected by the one guy she could have easily fallen in love with.