Authors Note - Heeeey.. how are you guys doing? Good? Good! Me? F***ing great!
I have decided to start writing or scribble my fanfic.. or rather I should call it my 'first attempt to write an actual story with ideas from my head with an OC that relates to a animated series' fanfic.
This will be a pilot. What's a pilot? It's basically an experiment or test before introducing something more widely, it's like a Hypothesis.. You see it done with cartoons, music, movies, and or other forms of media. An example is when you are at a movie theatre to see a new movie, like a PIXAR film, and you see a 5-10 min animation from the developers during previews, that is called a pilot.
So, what I want is.. critique! This is my first time writing and the only experience I have is two semesters of college writing, and I know you have to do a TON of research involving both a character and story to make this work and I would REALLY appreciate some advice.. seriously.
If you like it, tell me why, if you hate it, tell me why. Why would I ask you 'why' you hate it? Well, it helps me improve and see what I can fix with the story and/or character and do my best to please everyone.. well, most of you.
I only ask that you act intelligent when you type your commentary/critiques. I will not sit here and read comments about my story being "a piece of s***" or "YOUR CHARACTER'S A MARY-SUE!" or, my 'favorite' "YOUR STORY SUCKS, GO DIE BITCH!" Please try to act like an adult and refrain from such childish remarks.. even though they do make laugh like a giddy school girl, drunk from drinking a hand-sanitizer.
Depending on the series, and/or what I am doing and feeling the writing may change.. and if I do get some positive marks I'll continue it! There's no point to a story if people are not going to read it.
Alright, enough of this! Thank you for reading this note (I am hoping you ARE READING THIS). Without further to-do here is my first pilot of my OC for Free! Iwatobi Swim Club. Enjoy!
All characters are copyrighted by KyotoAnimation, Hiroko Utsumi, Futoshi Nishiya, and Kōji Ōji
WARNING!
This is a story of pure fanfiction and is to be taken subjectively. I am only taking in positive reviews and criticism. I will not tolerate any slander, slashing, maiming and theft of my character and story. If there is something that you do not like in particular and/or hate the story and character in general-
-leave now.
You have been warned.
"Water is alive."
An essence that gives life to this earth. A force that can be tranquil and deadly at the same time. When water sides with mother nature, both become two very powerful and deadly forces to be reckon with.
Tales and stories of these gales and tempests are spun about from fishermen who travel on the water's surface and brave their violent anger. They face life and death everyday in order to survive and provide for themselves and their families.
Shiro, when she was a very young girl, would often hear these stories from her father. Her nights would be filled with vivid and clear dreams of being in these said storms. Riding colossal, cerulean tides that chased after neon sparks dancing across the sky. Swimming playfully in the ocean with dolphins, orcas, penguins, sharks and various other creatures that were either real or imaginary.
Once, she dreamed of being with her father in the ocean and they faced a powerful and evil storm that threatened to swallow her and their whole family up. With her father's bravery and strength they quelled the evil and the dark clouds broke away, revealing a see of stars that guided them home.
Water was and is beautiful.. and can also be very ugly. Despite the magnificent fantasy Shiro believed water to be.. it was very far from the truth.
Because the water was more.
More than just majestic and powerful waves that coil and crash against ships.
More than just a peaceful river that flows peacefully through the earth of her home town.
More than just a vast sea, that laps quietly on the shoreline and glitters brightly on the surface when the sun touches the horizon.
"Water.. is a living monster."
A being that has been here from the very beginning, much older than any human and just as old as the life it houses within it's obscure depths. A dark presence that lurks and seeks out any who would taint it.
Sometimes, the water can consume those who are unsuspecting, and innocent, to it's power. No matter how one can be prepared in the water, there's always that chance that it will come and take you. No mater how hard you struggle to breath, it tightens it's hold and will sway you into submission.
At that point, all you can do is quietly submit, close your eyes and embrace the darkness.
Small bubbles erupted from her mouth, and eyes open slowly to the dark space Shiro was currently submerged under. "I know that feeling all to well.. even if what I saw back then was just a glimpse." She thought solemnly.
Every morning Shiro wakes up and travels a short distance down from her house to the beach, and goes into the water and swims laps from free-style to breastworks, 50 meters or 100 meters in the water. Then after she submerges herself underwater and holds her breath, relaxes and allows her senses to be seized. She performs this ritual before she starts her mornings, and has been doing so for three years.
But, today was different. Shiro has been dreading this very day, so she made sure to wake up earlier than she is normally used to. This will most likely be the last time she will be doing this ordinance again.
"I'm not afraid of the water anymore, but why-' A few bubbles spewed from her mouth and nose. How long has it been? Over a minute? 'why do I feel like I am still being watched?"
Eyes tightly closed, she sprang her arms upwards to climb and break through the water's surface. A loud gasped sounded from her throat and she slowly inhaled small gulps of fresh air. Yeah, that was definitely over two minutes, much longer than she had intended.
Shiro's gaze turned to the horizon. The sky was painted in a light blue hue, contrasting along side with orange, and the ashen clouds had a tinge of pink under their stomachs. The sun was rising, it must be close to six. Shiro sighed heavily, "I wonder if I'll be able to see the ocean from school." she says while trudging her way slowly through and out of the water.
Today will mark her first day of attending a school in three years. Three long years she has been here, home-schooled by her dear brothers, teaching her both middle and college level education. Three years of isolation and being content with her solitary confinement. That will all change today.
And she has her beloved father to thank for convincing her.
More like threatened.
Once out of the water and onto the wet sand, Shiro retrieved and slipped on her sandals and- "Crap." She cursed, realizing one item she did not bring with her this morning "I forgot a towel."
"Morning, Shiro-kun!"
Shiro lifted her head in the direction she heard her name being called. A young man was standing at the bottom steps of the wooden stairs that lead up to her house. He waved his right arm to her when she made eye contact. Greeting her was a lazy smile on his face, as well as a bright, yellow towel in his left arm.
"Kaito."
Her older and eldest brother. Kind, caring, and annoying when he adds '-kun' at the end of her name, despite knowing full well she hated that. Kaito not only achieves in aggravating her on a daily basis, when he was home, but makes it a daily habit of treating her like a boy.
"You know I hate it when you call me that." She grumbles as she approached her eldest brother, him growing taller with every step. Shiro is, for lack of a better term, short. She has always hated her height.
"And when did you get up?' She snagged the dry and surprisingly luke warm fabric from his arm, was this just dried? Kaito would never do laundry this early, that's unheard of 'you normally sleep the day away, it's abnormal of you to be up this early."
"And miss my baby's sister's big day?" Kaito grinned lazily down at her, "Hana woke me up. Well, it was actually all the racket he was making downstairs.' He scratches his head, and stifled a yawn 'I came down to tell him to pipe down and then he shoved a towel in my hands to give to you."
Ahh, Hanataro, that made more sense. Her second oldest brother who takes care of the cooking, cleaning and makes sure Kaito does his fair share, as well as making sure he is always on time for school and completes his homework.
"So, ready for your big day?" Kaito asked when Shiro was done drying her hair and him and her made their way up the stairs. The wood creaked loudly with every step.
"No." She told him bluntly, hoisting the damp towel around her shoulders, "I have to wear a uniform with a skirt!"
"You have shorts to counter that, right?"
"Yes, but it doesn't make it any less pleasant that I have to wear a skirt."
"Don't you think that's better than strutting around in a male's uniform? I think dad made the right choice in not letting you know he was getting them for you personally. At least he got you the male's tie instead of the bow."
"If dad didn't order them I probably would have,' Shiro groaned as she approached the glass slider. She took hold of the handle tapping her feet on the mat. Hanataro always tells her to wipe her feet before coming inside, over and over again until it was imbedded into her brain 'let alone go to school entirely."
"Ah, morning Shiro-chan!" Another voice greeted her from the other room as she came inside. Her second brother Hanataro was in the kitchen, washing utensils and dishes from the previous night. "Morning, Hana." Shiro murmurs quietly under her breath before making her way up the stairs to change.
"Mmm.. is that breakfast I smell?" The instant the heavenly aroma of fresh cooked food filled his nostrils Kaito dashed to his seat, grabbing a bowl of rice in one hand and chopsticks in the other "Ah! Oh no, you don't!" Hanataro easily caught him and snatched the wooden sticks away from his grasp "Aren't you forgetting something, Kai?"
The older brother blinked up innocently at him "Hmm.. let me see." Sitting back in his chair, he pondered carefully at his younger brother's words "Well, you did wake me up from all that noise, so I didn't have time to take a shower."
"Try again."
"Brush my teeth?"
"No."
"Then it must be very serious." Kaito pondered, and pondered, until "Oh, wait! Now I know!" He sat up straight in his seat in perfect posture and folded his hands together, "Prayer!"
A frustrated sigh left Hanataro's lips as he shook his head in annoyance. "Again, no.. not to say those aren't important, it's your turn to do laundry this morning."
"I can easily take care of that, and my hygiene and etiquette after eating breakfast."
"And it will still be sitting here when you are finish folding our clothes, it doesn't take that long." Hana glares, "You haven't done any housework since you came home."
"You do know how much energy is taken out of someone when they fish?" Since Kaito has been on break from school, he and his father were fishing out in the coast. They were able to catch enough for Kaito to come home a few days early. Though for Kaito, that meant he could sleep in for a few days before school starts and come up with excuses not to work around the house.
Hanataro knew better.
"I don't sit on my ass all day waiting for a tug. I have to check the monitors, make sure everyone is doing their job and-' and he went on and on with his excuses. If there's one thing Kaito is good at, it's being lazy. Not that he isn't an intelligent individual, and knows more about fish than anyone else, he just chooses to procrastinate. Kaito knows full well that Hanataro hates it. 'and don't even get me started on those damn cages, those things are death traps!"
"Yes, I know Kai I do it too, but you came home four days ago and all you have been doing is sleep!' He reprimands, clicking the wooden sticks together in his fingers in his older brother's face. 'If you can sit there and come with excuses, then you certainly have enough energy to do your chores."
"Hana-chan~.' Kaito whines at him childishly. Hana rolls his eyes, he's supposed to be the older one here and responsible, not the other way around 'your older brother is weak and starving." Kaito continued his pitiful moaning.
"Do you want me to bring up your grades?' Flinching from the 'g' word, Kaito's expression becomes remorseful as he looked back up at his younger brother again. 'I've seen them, Kai, that is enough to not argue with me."
"Geez, you're so uptight can't you let it slide just this once? You're older brother is practically risking his life out there and-"
"AND, I have been doing better in my classes than you have, which reminds me.' Hana leans into Kaito's face, eyes narrowing 'don't you have a test to take in bio soon?"
"Ehehe, yeah, the test isn't until the day after tomorrow when I go back that is."
"The topic of the test is on seals, it covers breeding, eating habits, and the evolution history."
"Oh, yeah, that's right." Kaito laughed weakly, Hana could almost hear the sweat coming down his face. He hated when his brother picked around his personal life, here at home and at school. Damn, nosy basterd!
"That's six chapters, so that's well over fifty pages and that includes the bonus critical questions too."
"..."
"You haven't started studying, have you?"
Kaito looked away, twiddling his fingers "... I read chapter one last night."
"Kaito!' Hands slammed down harshly onto the table, nearly spilling over the tall glass cups filled with juice 'You need to take this more seriously!" Hanataro was furious, but it was no surprise.
"Temper, temper, Hana. It's not like you to get upset" He chided at his brother before sighing. Kaito stood up from his seat, "I know that, but it's fine. I'll catch up."
"You said that before and that was when you had three quizzes, and then you failed all three of them!"
"Technically,' Kaito held up his hand, flashing two fingers 'I failed two of them and got a 'c' minus on the third one."
"Kai-"
"Oh, lay off, Hanataro!" Kaito was growing more and more impatient and annoyed by the second, Hanataro was making it worse by depriving him of his meal. "I know what I am doing, I don't need you keeping tabs on every little thing I do wrong in my life."
"Bu-"
"Oi, knock it off you two!' Both brothers heard the stern yet gentle voice of their younger sister as she descended down the stairs 'and you two said I'm the childish one."
"Of course, you're the youngest one here." Kaito retorted.
"Oh, shut up." She stepped down from the last step and brushed her hands down her new attire. "So, how does it look?" She spread her arms out on either side, glancing at herself for what seem like the umpteenth time today.
Shiro was wearing the traditional girls uniform that was mandatory for school. A grey sweater vest that was covered with a dark blue jacket. The jacket carried school's logo, printed and stitched on the left breast, along with the dreaded black skirt she had to wear. There was no way she was going to be wearing just her under-garments under that damn, denim skirt, so she wore her black shorts. It just didn't feel right having herself exposed down there and it felt like the garment would fall off.
The only thing that she did enjoy wearing was the tie. A white, polka-dotted, green tie that was mandatory for boys. Her father obviously had her in mind when he ordered the uniform for her. Her father knew she hated ribbons, or anything that hung loosely on her person's. Not to say that a tie didn't do that too, but tying a tie was easier than making a pretty bow around her neck. "What up with the tie?" Kaito pointed out, obviously notting the strange spotted patterned design.
"I am not sure. I think the design has to do with the mascot of the school."
"Well, it looks amazing on you, Shiro!" Hanataro approves of the set, smiling warmly. "You're beautiful!"
"It's a good thing you grew out your hair." Shiro subconsciously tugged at a lock of hair that draped over her shoulder. Originally it was shorter, Hana convinced her to grow it out while Kaito berated her to look more like a girl. "Otherwise, we may have had to order the male set."
"I'll take that as a compliment." Shooting a glare at Kaito's direction, "Anyways, I'm not going anywhere until I eat something."
"Aye, aye, let's eat!" Kaito announced to the room and yanked the chopsticks Hanataro had been holding.
"Don't you have laundry to do first, Kai?" Shiro gingerly took the chopsticks out of Kaito's hand. Seizing the sticks for herself as she sat down to eat. "Your food will be cold if you don't hurry."
"You two are such killjoys." He grumbled in defeat, and left to retrieve the basket of dry clothes.
Breakfast was as loud and animated as always. Shiro ate her breakfast peacefully while watching with amusement as her brothers would argue and/or complain about one another.
Hanataro complaining about Kaito's habits, Kaito picks on Hanataro for being to nosy, back and forth and rarely someone would toss food in the skirmish just to get the other riled up.
Shiro will not miss Kaito's complaining or Hanataro's nagging voice, but she will miss the comforting atmosphere of eating together with them every other morning. Once these two get back to school, they probably won't be around much. Both brothers are in college now, studying for careers that will get them out of the house to start their own lives.
She knows Hanataro is on a steady path to becoming a meteorologist, there are many career options for him to choose from. Kaito on the other hand, well, it's a choice between a marine biologist or working at a fish market.
Once their meals were finished, Shiro got her bag and ventured out with Hana. He agreed to escort her to school today, since he's starting classes today at a later time. "Have fun at school!" Shouted Kaito from the balcony of the house. "Don't forget to make some girlfriends!"
"Oh, don't worry! I'll make sure to tell them you're a delinquent!" Shiro retorted back at him, earning herself a tongue and a bird. Cute.
By this point the sun had risen high enough in the sky to reveal it's natural, cool blue, and snow white clouds that were stretched across the horizon. The brother and sister walked along a dirtied road that lead down to the solid main street. From there was the train station that would take her to her new school. Shiro lived close to the beach in a rural area. Not much happens around here, but this place was far from boring.
There was another school that was much closer on the other side of town. Samezuka Academy. Aside from the normal academics the school provides, it's more of a powerhouse for athletes who swim. Shiro has no desire to swim competitively.
Iwatobi was much further away, but not far enough to take to long to get there. It was early, and with there pace now they should arrive there in under ten minutes with time to spare.
The nice cool breeze blew their way, seagulls could be heard crying in the distance, basking in the sun's warm rays.
It was a great day! A day that would bring a smile on anyone's face except for Shiro's.
"Mmm.. what a nice day." Hanataro hummed as he gazed at the water, the lapping waves made their walk a lot more enjoyable and peaceful. "Perfect weather for swimming."
"It's not that warm out."
"Anyways, you should be more excited!" Hana looked back at his younger sister. He certainly was chipper this morning, even more so with the weather being nice. Shiro wouldn't mind if she wasn't in a bad mood. "First impressions are everything, who knows who you'll meet!"
"Yeah, I can't wait to socialize with people my own age." Shiro faux enthusiasm with a shrug.
Hanataro sighs quietly, looking back at the water. "I didn't want to bring this up, but the school you're going to, Iwatobi, I heard it's famous for their swimming club!"
Oh no, she knew where this was going. "I know you probably wouldn't want to join right away, but who knows, it could be fun, Shiro!" Hana exclaimed with a cheery tone, getting excited, but her sister was growing even more uncomfortable and agitated. "If you're in a sport, you'll meet more people and you'll be able to make a lot of friends, after all, you're really good at swimming!" He said as a matter-of-factly.
"Yes, Hanataro, as soon as I get settled in school, I'll join a swimming club! I'll meet so many boys and girls that will definitely be impressed by my skills.' Shiro faked a smile, gesturing her hands around 'Who knows, I might become popular with the boys! There's no way people are going to hate me, that can't happen, right?" Shiro looked back at her brother with a very annoyed and pained expression.
"Oh, Shiro." Stopping in his tracks, he looked down at his young sister. "I know things didn't go so well back then, but that was in the past. You were only a kid."
"Tell that to Kaito. He was much older an 'mature' back then, but he didn't seem to mind beating up a few boys that would always pull my hair." In truth that was pretty fun to watch, but it didn't save her from the damage that had already been inflicted. "There will always be a chance someone will hate me, so what's the point?" She hung her head low, "I'm better off not going, save myself and them the trouble of meeting someone like me."
Hanataro places a hand gently on her shoulder "Shiro, not all people are like that. Me, Kaito, and dad want you to make friends."
Great, he had to guilt her by bringing their father into this.
"The only reason why dad wanted you to go is because he wants you to have a school life, you can't keep yourself isolated forever." Squeezing her shoulder reassuringly he continued "I know you don't like it when I bring him up since he's not always here, but you know he's retiring soon."
"Hmph, he might be retiring next year, but that doesn't change the fact that he's not here now." She crossed her arms over her chest. Her father didn't even see her off today. He didn't stay when he was home a few days ago, let alone leave her a note.
"We just want you to be yourself again. I know it's been hard for you since-"
"Please, don't!" Shiro's voice cracked, cutting her brother's sentence quickly, and looked up at him. "It's one thing to talk about dad, but there's no reason to bring her into this!" Shiro glared angrily at him.
Hana blinked a few times, and sighed in defeat, "Sorry." he apologized, straightening his tie. Sighing, Shiro shook her head, she did not want to get angry so early and there was no reason to. "But, I'll go.. if it will get you and dad to stop hounding me about it."
Going to school was not necessarily a problem, and the people were definitely only half of the trouble. The main problem was her. She has grown very accustomed to her comfort zone over the past three years. The very thought of being around other people, conversing, spending time, getting to know them, and make friends.. all of it seemed like a big annoyance. She was very much content with being by herself.
But, as much she hates to admit it Hanataro, as well as the rest of her family were out of this convenience is going to be very difficult.
"Thank you, Shiro." Hanataro smiled warmly at her. "I have a feeling you'll meet someone today!"
Rolling her eyes, she placed one hand on her hip "You sound sure."
"Well, my intuition never seems to fail, besides, the weather is so nice, it must be a sign!" He spread his arms out wide, gazing up at the sun as if he was enlightening her "I predict you will make a friend today!" Hanataro may be studying meteorology, but that doesn't make him a preacher.
We'll see.
"Let's go already. I don't want to be late on the first day." She huffed a piece of hair out of her face, slinging back her briefcase over her shoulder "First impressions are everything, right?"
To be continued
Well, I think that's a good place to stop.. I think that's more than enough to get SOMEONE hooked.. right? ... right!?
I would really, REALLY, appreciate what you guys think.. I might come back to this later and edit/add/retype a few things.. if something does not sit right..
That's all for now.. I shall be waiting to hear from you all..
Till next time!
From you patient reader,
Phoenix.