II. The Daily Waddler
When we last left our capable criminals, they were forcing the Southerners to patrol the area. This Sunday, under the strict and over bearing eye of the German Geriatric, our team go out on a group patrol.
This Sunday was not a particular Sunday at all. In fact, it was like every other Sunday, the team sat around in the pillow/tent/cloud arguing over what to watch on the telly while Arthur groaned and tried to get on with his book.
Outside the dildo/spaceship/snow hill the penguins gathered in their little colony. One penguin looked up from his copy of the Daily Waddler and saw off in the distance through the fog a group of people walking toward him. He nudged his neighbour who took off his fish-scaled eye glasses and jumped nudging his neighbour. Soon the message was sent around the whole colony that humans were fast approaching. Following behind Fat Tony - the largest penguin in the colony - the whole colony slid on their stomachs into the water after Fat Tony broke the ice.
"How queer," said Arthur, adjusting his glasses and looking around deserted area, "I could have sworn there was a colony here..." he bent down and picked up a dropped copy of the Daily Waddler, "Curiouser and Curiouser" Arthur went on as Ludwig sighed impatiently
"Can we just get on with this patrol before I freeze to death" said Ludwig trudging ahead of the group. His powerful legs crushed the snow like daisies and his arms swung in full soldier march mode. His pale blue eyes were firmly fixed on the bleak and unchanging view that continued to open up around him. The snow crunched under his feet and his boiling anger almost seem to melt the snow, leaving a trail over the white tundra.
"Agreed, I can feel my fingers going numb!" Said Kaelin rubbing her hands together and breathing on them. Little puffs of air hung in the air over her gloved hands before disappearing.
"Well you can always come to me when you're cold" said Pierre extending his arms toward her and putting on his most charismatic smile.
"I would rather eat a blood wurst" said Kaelin starting to walk off. Jack giggled - in a manly way.
"That's what she said" he said
"But not to you!" Yelled Kaelin trudging off and joining the geriatric German. Alfred snickered and followed her shoving Jack along the way. The two had built up a strong friendship over the months - and when the heating system faltered they had been known to cuddle up in the laundry; for heating reasons. Arthur held back a laugh, pulling a face that looked like he had just put an entire lemon in his mouth at once. Arthur walked through the snow, holding his head high and his arms square behind his back, like the dignified sir he was. He could hear Jack muttering under his breath following Alfred. Arthur took in a deep breath the cold air pierced his throat and almost froze his lungs, normally he wasn't such a fan of cold, wet things but today wasn't such a terrible day in fact it was quite-
"OH MY GOODNESS WHAT IS THIS I'M ALL WET SOMEONE HELP ME UP DON'T JUST STAND THERE!" yelled Arthur after he had tripped over something solid, but at the same time slimy like rotten fruit. He landed in the snow with an extremely dignified thud, followed by a crunch and then a defeated sag. However, the team seemed less concerned about him and more concerned about the dead body he had fallen over.
"Looks like he was shot in the chest multiple times, judging by the look of the corpse it was about 10 hours ago" said Alfred examining the body. Despite his idiotic disposition, Alfred was a good police officer, no matter how psychopathic he seemed.
"Oh my god" gasped Kaelin as she uncovered the body of a dog lying nearby. She dropped to her knees in the snow. Internally screaming for the dog.
"It's a double suicide!" Exclaimed Jack looking at the gunshot wound to the dog's head. He squatted down like he was about to have a shit and separated the thick fur around the bullet wound. He smiled, examining the bits of blood and brains splayed over the snow under the dog, proud that he had figured out what happened
"What, you think the dog stabbed its owner and then shot itself? Use your brain boy!" Said Arthur after picking himself up out of the snow and fixing the moustache adorning his upper lip.
"If you have one" snickered Kaelin. Alfred smiled brightly up at Kaelin and the snow almost seemed to momentarily melt with the scorching heat of their stare. Alfred went for a high five, and their gloved hands lingered in the air, pressed together by an unknown force.
"You're on fire today" He said, his voice almost a whisper and his heart pounding in his throat. Slowly his fingers interlaced with hers. The short-lived moment of teenage-standard lust - so thick you could literally see it oozing out of their eyeballs - was interrupted at an untimely moment by the commanding voice of Ludwig.
"CAN WE PLEASE FOCUS!" Arthur nodded at Ludwig, while trying to dust all the snow off his pants - with fleeting success.
"Indeed, let us take these two bodies back to the igloo for further analysis, I believe we have a murderer on loose" Arthurs aid grimly, looking out over the tundra and waiting for the chorus of dramatic music to pick up behind him. Ludwig picked up the dog and the man and began trudging back to the dome/light/stadium.
What will our heroes do next dear reader? They have discovered two bodies in the tundra where a penguin colony once sat. Are the penguins not as innocent as they seem?