III. Ying Tong Iddle Eye Po
After previous events, dear reader, the team have been combing the area for any other bodies. Henry has been used as a make-shift detector and several other scientific instruments have been used, such as egg beaters.
"Oh woe is me! Oh my troubles are great! Oh!" Moaned Arthur as they searched through the arctic for more dead bodies or a murderer. Kaelin and Alfred walked a few paces ahead of the group, cranking the handles to the egg beaters, stirring up the snow.
"Oh shut up, you sound like you are having bad sex" snapped Pierre trudging past him, his hands buried deep in his pockets.
"But I'm tired! Can't we go home!? We've been out here for at least 3 hours!" Whined Arthur, his feet were dragging through the thick snow, leaving long canyons in the seemingly unbroken snow. Ludwig quickly whipped around, spinning on his heels, he glared a hole through Arthur head, and he puffed out his chest like a sadistic chicken trying to intimidate a fox.
"Shut your ugly, moustached face and continue walking! You sound like a child! And you're meant to be an adult! There is a murderer on the loose and all you can think about is yourself!" Said OliverYelled Ludwig, bringing his face so close to Arthur's, that Arthur could see the cavities in his untouched wisdom teeth. Arthur looked around to the group for assistance but they just stared and shrugged before continuing on walking.
"Ying tong iddle eye po!" Arthur blurted out, making Ludwig recoil and stare at the blonde Englishman. Ludwig shook his head and continued walking. He wanted nothing to do with that brand of crazy.
"Oh, I didn't think there would be this many people here" said a voice behind the group. They all turned around and could see a silhouette of a woman approaching through the thick white blur before them.
"Who's there!?" Demanded Arthur searching the silhouette for a face.
"Don't be so worried!" Said the woman revealing herself
"Florence Welsh?" Said Alfred cocking his head to the side. Kaelin gasped and Jack looked around confused - wondering what he was missing. Ludwig, who did not know this strange woman - nor did he care who she was - sighed and looked at her, holding the bridge of his nose and looking at the woman impatiently.
"We are the snowcops, there was a murder recently and we were wondering if you had any information on it" he said in his most polite and tolerant voice. The woman smiled sweetly
"Not at all, sorry, but come down to the shop with me, you might find something there" she said motioning for the group to follow her. Kaelin sped ahead, walking along beside Florence
"I'm a huge fan of your music, I especially love Rabbit Hearted Girl!" She said smiling brightly,
"and also I'm glad I'm not the only female here...its starting to get to me" Florence chuckled and tucked her hands into her suit.
"Thank you, and don't worry there's plenty of other females up here, but I don't see what you're complaining about you've got quite a good looking group... I want to lick them" she said with a chuckle and a lick of her lips. Kaelin raised an eyebrow and looked down at the snow, she was kidding right? Right…?
"They're alright, but just stay away from the Frenchman" said Kaelin pointing to Pierre with her thumb. Pierre noticed and blew a kiss at Kaelin and Florence, he imagined the little kiss travelling through the wind and diving down the front of their suits so that maybe one part of him could touch the boobies. Florence giggled and Kaelin gave a death stare.
"Mm yes, he does look yummy..." said Florence licking her lips again. Kaelin raised both her eyebrows this time and shook her head.
"Are you alright?" Asked Kaelin, "its not normal to want to eat people"
"OKAY FINE I DID IT!" screamed Florence stopping and grabbing Kaelin's shoulders and squeezing the life out of her, purple bruising rising on Kaelin's skin as Florence applied more pressure, "I ATE THOSE MEN, THEY JUST LOOKED SO DELICIOUS AND I STARTED WITH LICKING THEIR FACES BUT THEN I WANTED MORE SO I ATE THEM!" Kaelin looked at her in shock. There was a cannibal on the loose and they didn't know? Shit, maybe she was going to cook them all up for Sunday Roast when she invited them to her shop.
"You what?" She said looking completely bewildered.
Suddenly Florence began singing the opening of Immigrant Song as purple and green flames began to circle her like a tornado. Sending waves of colours and purple flames toward the colourless snow. The group ran over to Kaelin and Florence. Ludwig began shouting madly at the fire and Henry fumbled around with his hand-cuffs. Jack looked around for things to steal and Pierre fell too his knees with an undignified crunch.
"And we loose another sexy lady!" wailed Pierre, lifting his arms to the unforgiving blue sky.
"Can we not focus on the situation!?" Shouted Alfred as the flames intensified and blew papers and penguins - that appeared to come from nowhere - around the tornado
"NOW THAT YOU KNOW MY SECRET I MUST LEAVE!" she shouted as she and the flames disappeared making it rain penguins and papers. Kaelin stared at the place where the fire tornado was and the sudden gathering of confused looking penguins before turning back to the equally confused Alfred.
"Well men - and Kaelin. We just solved our first case!" said Arthur as the whole group rolled their eyes at him, like a group of unimpressed teenagers, "Ying tong iddle eye po"
Their first case solved! However, the team are no closer to discovering who murdered the man and his dog. What a pity.