"I shouldn't have let him leave." Esposito repeated for the dozenth time since him, Beckett and Castle arrived at the crime scene.

They were just walking away from the body, a young woman named Kelly Huick, shot in the head. After a quick test of the bullet would most likely confirm Tyson's taunting of him using Ryan's gun.

Beckett sighed as she finished up the last of her notes for now, "Espo, you cannot blame yourself for this. We all know she would have been killed either way."

"Yeah, but this is my partner, Beckett, and he now thinks it's his fault. He's mad at me and I don't think I blame him." Esposito shrugged his shoulders as they began up the steps to the street. "He shouldn't be going through this alone, I should have went with him."

Castle patted his shoulder gently, "You know he wouldn't have let you. Besides, this just gives him a few hours to come down."

Beckett could still tell that it was upsetting Esposito, so she said, "We'll head back to the precinct and set up the murder board. Once we're finished, we'll head to his apartment and talk with him."

Esposito nodded, and Castle offered him a small smile, "He'll be okay."

He better be, Esposito thought.

It had been 3 and a half hours since Ryan stomped out of the bullpen and all Esposito wanted to do was find his partner and hold him until all the pain went away.

Beckett was finishing up writing some details of the case under the pictures up on the board, but Esposito really didn't want to wait any longer. "Beckett-"

"Espo," Her writing didn't pause as she addressed her partner, "Stop fidgeting. We'll head out now." She finished her sentence and capped the black Expo marker.

Truly, Esposito wanted to go visit his partner (was it too early to call him his boyfriend? He didn't think so, but he'd have to check with Ryan first) alone so he didn't have to keep the comfort friendly. But, Beckett and Castle were his friends too and they were worried.

Just as Castle stood from his chair to follow the already coat clad Esposito, a cell phone rang. A familiar tune sang out, "Wise men say only fools rush in-" Esposito answered his cell phone before anymore of the song could be played. He blushed and watched as Castle's eyebrows quirked at the song, but swallowed and answered anyway.

"Kev, bro, you okay?"

"J-Javi, I'm sorry." Ryan's shaking voice filled the other line.

When Esposito heard his partner's tear filled voice, any worry of Castle figuring out why Esposito had a love song for Ryan's ringtone flew from his mind. "Kevin. What's wrong?"

Beckett and Castle both noticed the urgency in Esposito's voice. Castle's smirk disappeared and Beckett gestured to his phone to change it to speaker. Esposito knew that he didn't want the entire bullpen hearing this private conversation, so he hurried into the break room with Castle and Beckett behind him. Castle made sure to lock the door and pull down the shades as Esposito set his phone on the table.

"It's my fault," Ryan sobbed into the phone, "She's dead."

Esposito felt his heart racing, "Kevin, where are you? Are you home?"

"I deserve it." Ryan ignored Esposito's inquiry and that only increased Espo's heart rate.

Castle sat next to Espo and spoke down at the phone, "Kevin, come on, buddy. Just calm down and we'll talk about this over a drink."

After a second of hesitation, Ryan said, "I love you guys. Rick, Kate, Javi...I love you." Esposito squeezed his eyes shut, Ryan was saying 'I love you, Javi' without making it too obvious.

Beckett voiced his fears, "Kevin, what are you doing?"

Another pause, "I'm shaking too much to write a note...I couldn't leave without saying goodbye."

Esposito felt a fire burn in his stomach, "Don't even think about it, Ryan. Don't you fucking dare." He had his hands gripping the edge of the table as a tear rolled off the tip of his nose. "You've got another thing coming if you really think you're going to leave me." He took a deep breath, "You're my partner-"

Ryan's sob broke him off, "Javi, I'm sor-" But Esposito cut him off right back.

"You are my partner," He repeated, "Until the wheels fall off." He scoffed, "Those wheels haven't broken yet. They never will and you know that. So don't you dare do this."

"They'll work better once I hop off." Esposito felt a shiver down his spine when he heard Ryan's whisper and it sounded like his partner was right behind him. But he wasn't. He was in his apartment, alone, about to kill himself.

"I'm going to your apartment now. Don't you fucking do anything." Esposito was not about to let his corazon die alone- no, he wasn't going to let him die at all.

Ryan stuttered, "I'm not, Javi, I'm not home."

Esposito narrowed his eyes at the phone, "You're a Goddamn liar, Kevin Ryan."

"Don't try and stop me, Javier. I don't deserve to live when that woman lost hers. It's not fair." He paused for a moment to sniffle loudly before he ended the conversation, "I'm sorry. Goodbye…"

By the time he hung up, Esposito was screaming and cursing at the phone. Castle grabbed his arm to hold him back from throwing the closest chair into the window. Hot tears burned down his cheeks, but he didn't notice.

Castle caught his eyes and he straightened himself out before announcing, "We're going to his apartment. Now." Esposito shook his head, still in disbelief that his partner was sobbing in his apartment, alone, about to end it all.

Ryan didn't move from his seated position on his bed, "Jerry Tyson, the nerve you have showing your face here." He wouldn't let him see how terrified he really was.

Tyson only laughed, "Ooh, I'm so scared." He took his weight off the door frame, "If this will end up like our last scuffle, why don't you just give up now?"

Ryan narrowed his eyes, "I will end you. I can promise you that."

Tyson walked a few steps closer, and Ryan tried his best not to visibly back away with each step forward. "I'm sorry to inform you that you will be the one dying tonight." Well, he didn't beat around the bushes.

Ryan laughed, hoping that he couldn't sense the anxiety, "Because what's another body to your count, right?"

Tyson smirked as he took a seat next to Ryan on his bed. He draped an arm across Ryan's shoulder and Ryan eyed his hand warily as it patted his arm. Tyson's hot and rancid breath directly in his ear caught his attention to turn his head just in time for Tyson to whisper, "I won't be killing tonight. I don't feel like getting my hands dirty, so you'll do it yourself."

"What?" Ryan couldn't stop the shocked confusion seep through his voice.

Tyson laughed, "You're going to kill yourself." Ryan's previous plan of remaining stoic was just about forgotten when Tyson's lips upturned into a sneer.

Ryan gulped, "You can't make me. I won't." Now he lifted his hand subtly to his side where his weapon was attached to his hip. He was so close.

"Ah, ah, ah," Tyson shook his head, "We wouldn't want another death at the end of your gun, now would we?"

"Shut up." Ryan growled, his hand not quite bridging the small gap to his gun. He couldn't -wouldn't- hesitate to take him down.

"Why don't you just listen to what I have to say before you jump to decisions, huh?" There was the arm rubbing again, like he was Ryan's old buddy. "Don't you think that you deserve to die? You ended a young girl's life."

Ryan shook his head, "That was you. You shot her with my gun."

"Eh, same difference."

"I didn't kill her." Ryan's hands curled into fists by his sides as he pushed himself off the bed, out of Tyson's hold.

Tyson's eyebrow quirked, "Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself?"

That made Ryan stop and ponder that question himself. He had been so sure that this entire mess was Tyson's fault, but now he wasn't so sure. It was his gun. So was it his responsibility? Tyson noticed the gears now turning in the detective's mind, "You cannot run from this. You are no different than me."

"I'm not a killer." Ryan said with a glare. The only way he could keep himself believing that was imagining Javier hold him close and tell him he wasn't a killer. He didn't think Ryan killed that woman, right?

But what if he did? Maybe that's why he just let him stomp out of the precinct, because Esposito couldn't stand the sight of a killer. He was able to walk around and live his life, while a family was burying a daughter. Did she have a husband? Kids? Siblings? Just how many people's lives did he ruin by letting Tyson get a hold of his weapon?

While Ryan was preoccupied with kicking himself over and over in his mind, Tyson used his distraction to slide next to him. Ryan was muttering under his breath, "I'm a killer…" A sudden pressure on his temple brought his attention back to Tyson.

Tyson held the detective's gun he had 'borrowed' to his head and whispered, "You are going to do exactly as I say or else after I kill you, I'll go after your little family of detectives. Starting with your boyfriend."

Ryan's face turned ghostly white as he felt an iron hand grip his heart tight and refuse to let go. Did Tyson really know of him and Javier's relationship or was that a taunt? He didn't really want to take a chance. "They don't deserve to die...I do…" He ended in a broken whisper.

Tyson grinned, "Exactly, so you be a good boy and listen to me or I'll make sure three more people are killed with your gun before I kill you slowly. You know the three people, I'm sure." He watched as Ryan nodded curtly and took this as a sign to continue, "Call your partner."

"Why?"

Tyson narrowed his eyes, "You'll need a note. A phone call will be much more heart shattering to them. Limited to 3 minutes and if you mention anything besides saying goodbye, I'll go and shot them dead."

Ryan pulled his phone out of his pocket, "Okay, I'm going."

Tyson watched as he got his partner on the phone fairly quickly and put on a good show of about to commit suicide. But, as he broke down over the phone, he smiled realizing that Ryan actually thought he deserved to die. Oh, this was too easy.

Ryan lifted the ringing phone shakily to his ear and waited for his partner to pick up. Half of him hoped that maybe he wouldn't so he didn't have to go through this, but Javier never ignored khis calls; especially when Ryan was upset. And sure enough, a few seconds later he heard his partner's voice on the other end of the line, "Kev, bro, you okay?" 'Bro' meant that there were others with him, no doubt Castle and Beckett.

Ryan couldn't believe what he was doing; he was about to kill himself and he was saying goodbye to the love of his life over the phone. He felt his fingers tighten around the phone as he cried, "J-Javi, I'm so sorry."

"Kevin, what's wrong?" Ryan felt his heart break even more when Javier continued to worry.

"It's my fault," Ryan didn't know how to make him understand. He killed a woman. Not Jerry Tyson, Kevin Ryan. "She's dead."

Esposito barely wasted a breath before responding, "Kevin, where are you? Are you home?" He could practically see Esposito's chestnut eyes widen, just about scared out of his mind.

He needed Esposito to understand that this was best for everyone, and not to be too upset with him, "I deserve it."

Castle's voice came over the phone and he hated how wrecked he sounded, "Kevin, come on, buddy. Just calm down and we'll talk about this over a drink."

They wanted him to forget, but he couldn't.

He knew he was ripping their family into shreds by doing this; wouldn't be the first one he's torn up recently. It was only a matter of time, really. It was hard, knowing he was about to leave this world forever leaving the friends he'd come to consider family. Leaving without another midnight showing of movies down at Jerry's dollar movies with Beckett that only they could stand. He would never be able to sing karaoke with Castle at his parties when they had just a little (read: a lot) to drink. Falling asleep innocently curled up in Javier's arms only to wake up the next morning to needy kisses and some dry-humping that leads to lazy morning sex.

At these realizations, he almost fell to his knees as his legs shook along with his hands. "I love you guys," He sobbed, "Rick, Kate, Javi...I love you." Okay maybe that last 'I love you' was meant directly for his lover.

"Kevin, what are you doing…?" There was Beckett.

Ryan looked over at Tyson and even though his tears made his vision blurry, he was able to see Tyson's beedy eyes as he slowly said, "I'm shaking to much to write a note...I couldn't leave without saying goodbye…"

Ryan flinched when Esposito immediately screamed so loud that Tyson could hear him from his spot just a foot away, "Don't even think about it, Ryan. Don't you fucking dare." Ryan covered his mouth as his partner continued to yell, "You've got another thing coming if you really think you're going to leave me." I don't want to, baby. "You're my partner-"

Ryan didn't want to hear that. He couldn't hear his partners say those words, or this would be a million times harder than it already was. "Javi, I'm sor-"

Esposito just continued on, not fazed by Ryan's interruption, he even seemed stronger, "You are my partner," He repeated, "Until the wheels fall off. Those wheels haven't broken yet. They never will and you know that. So, don't you dare do this."

Ryan couldn't do this anymore, he had to hang up soon. He whispered into the phone as if he was whispering in Esposito's ear, "They'll work better once I hop off."

"I'm going to your apartment now. Don't you fucking do anything." Was Esposito's just as broken response.

Ryan looked over at Tyson seeing his shake of the head, he couldn't let Espo come yet. "I'm not, Javi, I'm not home."

"You're a Goddamn liar, Kevin Ryan."

"Don't try and stop me, Javier. I don't deserve to live when that woman lost hers." Ryan snapped. "It's not fair." He took in a deep breath to calm his breathing, "I'm sorry. Goodbye…" knowing that if he continued to talk to his partner, he wouldn't be able to do it in the end. He dropped the phone carelessly to the ground where it laid on the ground with Javier's contact picture smiling up at him. He closed his tear filled eyes unable to look at it any longer.

Tyson meanwhile watched it all undergo in front of him for kicks. He even got the satisfaction of hearing the detective's partner freaking out on the other end of the phone. By the time Ryan hung up, both partners were a mess and Tyson gave himself a half hour tops before he had the police knocking down the door.

"Are you ready?" Tyson smirked as he pulled the four pills from his jacket pocket. He wasn't sure exactly what they were; his people had given them with the promise that they were strong. In a matter of minutes, the one that ingested it would have no control over their limbs; completely limp. Exactly what he needed.

He was able to catch Ryan by surprise, his eyes still being shut, and shoved the pills into his mouth. Ryan resisted, but not as much as he would have any previous day. The conscious part of his brain that wasn't believing all this crap Tyson was telling him, was still trying to keep itself alive.

Tyson made sure to keep his hand over Ryan's mouth and nose until he watched his Adam's apple bob with each swallow. He stuck his finger in his mouth and felt around for the pills if he tried to pull anything over on him.

Finding that all were swallowed, he shoved Ryan onto the floor and headed into the bathroom, "Stay there, puppet. I'll be out in a moment to fetch you." Ryan watched him disappear into the bathroom.

When Ryan's knees collided to the floor his brain caught up to the fact he just swallowed a handful of pills, he realized he was going to die. He didn't want to die.

Whether it was his fault or not, he didn't want to give up his life. He had only just gotten the chance to call Javier his. He wasn't ready to give that up. He wanted at least 60 more years of holding each other, exchanging soft kisses, waking up to Javier every morning, and hey, if they were still going at it like bunnies when they were 80, who was he to complain?

He pushed himself up to his hands and knees when he heard Tyson return. He wanted to yell and scream, but his mouth couldn't form the words. He struggled to keep himself up, the effect of the drugs fully hitting him. "N-no," He rasped out.

Tyson eyed him curiously before wrapping his arms around his wrists and successfully dragging him into the bathroom. "What's that, Detective? I'm afraid I cannot understand you."

Ryan slurred, "Don' wanna die." As he tried to thrash out of Tyson's grip that seemed impossible to break.

Tyson laughed, short and loud, "Too late, I'm afraid. You've already made up your mind."

Ryan wanted to continue resisting, but he physically couldn't anymore by the time his body reached the cold tile floor of his bathroom. He watched with drooped eyelids as Tyson slumped him against the wall and began to undress him.

He turned his attention from Tyson's stubby digits now pulling off his button up shirt to the running bath besides him. Was he gonna give him a bath?

His eyes drooped shut and the next time they opened, his bare back and legs made contact with the cold metal tub. His eyes shot open wide as he looked up to see Tyson rising to his full height and check out his work with a smile.

Ryan felt the freezing cold water running on his feet, but it wasn't accumulating in the tub yet. His boxers, the only piece of clothing that Tyson had the decency to leave him in, were still just about dry.

He felt tears pricking his eyes again as he desperately tried to pull himself up because he didn't want to die. "S'op, please…" It was barely a whisper, probably not even heard over the rushing bath water from the faucet.

Tyson leaned down again, but this time he pulled the drain up, so the water would now stay in the tub. Ryan could already feel the freezing cold water puddling at his feet. That was when he realized that Tyson was leaving him in this tub so this frigid water would slowly, but surely drown him.

"Farewell, Detective Ryan." Tyson sneered before flipping off the light switch of the bathroom before he exited with the slam of the door.

Ryan was left alone in the dark with only the sound of rushing water and the freezing water slowly inching its way up the tub. This was it, Ryan realized, he was about to die. Leave his friends' and family's lives forever. And as he closed his eyes for the last time, he didn't find himself praying to God or thinking about what he accomplished in life. The only thought he bothered to waste his energy to muster was Javier Esposito. His partner holding him the morning after sex that continued until the sun came up and waking him up with a soft kiss to the top of his head. And an even softer, whispered, 'I love you.'

The water was already sending chills throughout his entire body, but he managed to whisper one more time without a shiver, "I love you, too, Javier…"

Fun Fact behind Ryan's ringtone...being the Kevin Ryan trash I am, I've read The Ryan Report entries probably dozens of times because they're really cute and anyway, he mentioned in one of his blog entries that he adores Elvis (Who doesn't?) and of course Javi knows about his dorky little obsession and thus, 'I Can't Help Falling in Love With You' was chosen for his phone. Not only Elvis' greatest love song, but probably one of the greatest love song of all time.