No matter what other people think, I will always be here for you. I know that I will be the best mother you can ask for, the mother that almost everyone doubts I can be. This is my promise to you my sweet innocent little angel.
He doesn't even remember me.
It is the thought that keeps on running through my head over and over again.
I know that it is presumptuous to even suggest that he will have some kind of feelings for me but that is not even what I am asking. I was just searching for some kind of recognition, a spark of memory.
Just something! Anything!
It had been the best part of my life, my few moments with him.. wherein i felt like there was someone who cares.
It changed me, it challenged me, it made me want to be better and try harder.. maybe it is better this way, better for him not to remember anything and for me to receive and experience all the suffering of having to relieve all the greatest events in my life utterly alone.
Always alone.
Falling in love with a guy who is in a relationship may have been a big mistake.. as most people would say.
To me it is my greatest accomplishment, not because I was successful in stealing him from his significant other but because falling in love with him gave me the greatest gift, a gift I wasn't even aware I would appreciate having.
I hate it, seeing them, seeing their family together and happy.
I want to hate every single one of them, its like they are trying to rub it into my face. I hate Addison for ruining my future. I hate Derek for choosing her and I hate her for living the life my little girl was supposed to have but at the same time I know all these things aren't true.
I can never hate an innocent little girl.
I can never hate Derek.
I cannot even hate Addison.
I only have the energy to feel sadness, pure misery and now as I have just discovered jealousy.
There I am again on the outside looking in,
always looking in..
When is it my time? When can I have my happily ever after?