So I Thought: Chapter 2
I was sitting on his bed, and there were candles all around me. I saw Craig walk in with a smile on his face, shutting the door behind him. He walked up to me. He knelt down to my eye level, and pressed his lips to mine. I smiled into the kiss, and kissed him back.
Craig pulled back a little, and looked me straight in the eyes. I stared at his grey eyes. "I love you" he said. I stared back at him without blinking.
"I love you too" I spoke softly, before he pushed me down onto the bed.
My eyes snapped open, and I found myself looking up at the ceiling, hearing my alarm clock go off. I sat up and pressed my palm to my forehead before reaching over to turn off the alarm.
I threw my blankets forward and turned to dangle my bare feet and legs over the edge of the bed. I folded my hands in my lap. I've been having a lot of dreams like that lately. And my only wish was, if only it was a reality.
I climbed out of bed and went to my closet to find something to wear for the day. I grabbed a Blink 182 t shirt from my closet, and a pair of old and torn skinny jeans I've had for three years. My parents tried to throw them away, but they've always been my favorite pair of jeans.
I grabbed a studded belt with the galaxy design on it, and wrapped it around my waist before securing it on the last notch.
I put my black converse on, grabbed my dark blue hoodie along with my back pack, and headed out the door. Once I ate breakfast and brushed my teeth, I left the house. With that dream still on my mind.
I kept walking down the street towards school, and I felt as if my ears were about to freeze off, so I pulled my hood up. I crossed my arms, trying to warm myself up. The snow was falling hard in South Park, and it was since last night. And it hasn't stopped since then. But even with over six inches of snow, the school board still insists on school.
I head a car pull up behind me and then a horn. I turned around, pulling the sides of my hood to the side a bit to see with both eyes. I focused a little to see through all the white, and noticed it's Craig! He pulled up next to me with his window rolled down.
"Hey, Marsh. You want a ride?" He asked. I smiled, and walked around his car, opening the passenger side door. I kicked the snow off of my shoes and put my bag on the floor before I climbed in.
I shut the door and looked at Craig, and noticed he's smiling at me. My heart started to pound. What the hell? I don't remember him ever smiling at me...
Craig shook his head a little, as if getting out of his thoughts, and started to drive. I caught myself staring at him, and I shook my head too.
"Umm" I started awkwardly "thank you for giving me a ride to school, Craig" I said. Craig shrugged.
"Don't mention it." He said "You looked really cold, so I decided to be nice to you and offer a ride" he said. I laughed.
"It's not the first time you offered me a ride." I said, looking at him. He laughed and smiled.
"Yeah I guess you're right" He said. He stopped at a stop sign and took that time to look at me. I noticed his eyes went down, and back up, as if he was analyzing me. He looked back at the road and started to speak again.
"So, I was thinking that since my parents will be home tonight, we can go to your house tonight." He said. I looked at him, a little curious.
"Why can't we go to your house?" I asked
"I don't want my parents thinking that we're dating." He stated. I blushed.
"Umm, I'm not saying anything but, why is that a problem?" I asked. I noticed Craig's facial expressions drop a bit. Almost like sadness.
"Lets just say, my dad isn't exactly used to the idea of his son being gay." He said. I looked at him, and felt pitty. I was scared my dad would be the same way when I came out. I was thankful my dad didn't lose his love for me.
"I'm...I'm sorry, Craig" I said. Craig took a quick glance at me and smiled a little.
"Don't worry. It's not like he hates me. He just doesn't understand yet. He's not fully used to it." He said. I nodded and looked down at my lap.
Craig took the next turn into the school parking lot and parked his car. He put it in park and turned off the engine, and looked at me.
"So can we go to your house?" He asked. I nodded.
"Yeah" I said. "I don't have Art Club today, so we can go to my house" I said. Craig smiled again.
"Cool" he said, and we got out of his car. We walked towards the school and went our separate ways to get to class. And the whole day just dragged on from there.
During math class, I felt a vibration in my pocket. I pulled out my phone, and noticed it was Wendy.
Wendy: Hey
That's all it said. I raised a brow. What the Hell does she want? I haven't spoken to her in a few years just to talk. The only reason why I had her number was because of our last project we had in English class. I haven't gotten around to delete it since then.
I looked up to make sure wasn't paying attention, and quickly shot back another text.
Stan: Umm...what do you want Wendy?
Wendy: Well, I just wanted to know how you were doing.
What the hell is up with her?
Stan: What do you want Wendy
Wendy: I just want to talk to you during break. It's really important.
Stan: Uh, okay.
Wendy: Okay, meet me by the gym doors. No one goes over there.
Stan: Okay, I'll see you there
"Stanley? Is that a phone I see? I looked up and everyone was looking at me, along with . I nodded.
Yes, but my iPhone started playing music on it's own, so I turned it off. I said. Everyone giggled, knowing that was a lie, but as for , he just smiled. Jeez he's so oblivious.
Okay well, keep it away next time. He said. I apologized and went back to my Algebra notes. He trusts me way too much. If it was someone else, in my class, they'd get their phone taken away.
After class, I went to the gym doors, and waited for Wendy. I stood there for a couple of minutes and considered on leaving, until I saw her walk towards me. I took a deep breath.
"Okay Wendy" I started "What do you want?" I asked. Wendy put her hand on my arm, and as soon as she did that, I knew what she wanted.
"I wanted to uh, talk to you about, getting back together." She said, and I was about to laugh, but held it in. This is a serious conversation.
"Wendy, this-" I was cut off when she pressed her lips to mine. My eyes went wide, and I pushed her away gently.
"Stan? What's wrong?" She asked. I looked at her straight in the eyes.
"Wendy, I'm gay. Plus, did you forget that you broke up with me because I wasn't the lover you wanted?" I pointed out. Wendy looked down at the floor.
"Stan, I made a mistake. I shouldn't have broken up with you. I realized that, while I was with Token, I couldn't find anyone else like you. And I really miss you, Stan. I want to work things out with you, and go out with you again." I just stared at her, and couldn't believe she disregarded the most important fact.
I'm not attracted to girls.
"Okay Wendy, that's fine, but that still doesn't stop the fact that I'm gay. I don't like you like that. I'm sorry, Wendy." I finally said. Wendy looked back up at me with sadness in her eyes.
"Why Stan? Can't you just, I don't know, stop being gay?" She asked. I widened my eyes. Did she seriously just say that? I glared at her, and only said three words with tears in my eyes.
"How dare you." I said. I just stood there, gripping the bottom of my hoodie. How could she say something like that?
"Stan, it shouldn't be that hard. I mean, isn't liking guys a choice anyway?" I looked at her, and decided to turn the situation around.
"Tell me, Wendy. Is liking guys a choice for you? Tell me, when did you decide to be straight?" I said. Wendy just stared at me. I shook my head at her, and walked away. She tried calling my name but I didn't even give her a second look.
The rest of the day, I was beyond pissed. How dare she says hurtful things like that. Those were the comments I've been trying my hardest to avoid for four years since I came out as gay.
I was sitting in History, and we were getting with our partners to work on our project. What our project is, we have to choose a monument from a different country or a famous building. Craig and I decided to do the Cathedral of Rouen.
I stayed silent for a while, still insanely pissed. Craig put his hand on my arm and I blushed.
"Are you okay? Did you hear me?" He replied. I looked up at him.
"I'm sorry, what was that again?" I said, looking at his face. Craig gave me a confused look.
"I was just thinking that you could draw a picture of the Cathedral since we have to make a picture or a model of our monument." He said bluntly. I forced a smile and nodded.
"Okay, that sounds fine." I looked back down at my paper with my notes on the Cathedral.
"Is everything okay?" Craig finally asked. "You seem a bit off." I looked back at him and shrugged.
"It's a long story. Wendy just asked me to date her again. But I said no." Craig gave me a look of...well, it's blank again so I can't tell what he's thinking.
"Oh really?" He asked, going back to writing notes and scanning the text book. I quirked a brow at him. What's up with him all of a sudden?
"Yeah. But it's what she said to me that made me pissed." I said. Craig quickly looked at me.
"What the fuck did she say to you?" He asked. I just shook my head a little.
"I'll tell you once we get to my house. I don't want to talk about it while she's in here." I turned the page of my text book.
"Okay" is all he said before the bell rang for last period. We stepped outside our classroom and Craig turned to look at me.
"So, I'll meet you at the doors to the parking lot." He said. I nodded.
"Okay, I'll see you then." Craig smiled at me, and then he did the unthinkable.
He actually hugged me!
My arms started to shake when I raised them, and I wrapped them around his waist. I felt like I wasn't there anymore.
Craig slowly let go of me and gave me another smile. He leaned down to my ear and whispered into it.
"Try not to think about it too much. I'll see you after school." He said, and walked away. I stood there, petrified and overwhelmed; red-faced at what just happened.
After school, I walked towards the doors and saw Craig standing there, waiting for me. Craig smiled at me.
"You ready?" He asked. I smiled and nodded.
"Yeah"
I looked over and saw Wendy's friends; Bebe, Red, Annie, and Heidi, glaring at... Craig? Wait, what? I looked back up at Craig and seemed to have noticed. He flipped them off and I blushed when he grabbed my hand, leading me out the doors into the fallen snow.
We walked into the parking lot and reached his car. We got on our respective side of the car and climbed in, heading towards my house. We got to my house and stopped in the street and went inside. My mom came out of the kitchen to greet us. I could smell cookies. Yep, it's that time of year again.
Our living room had boxes labeled 'X-Mas Stuff' everywhere, along with our tree in the corner of our room, undecorated.
My mom hugged me and kissed my cheek. She looked at Craig and smiled.
"Oh hi, Craig. I haven't seen you in a while." She said. Craig smiled. I decided to save Craig from awkward conversations and grabbed his arm.
"We'll be upstairs in my room working on our project, Mom." I said, dragging Craig up the stairs. My mom laughed and went back into the kitchen.
I let go of his wrist and shut the door behind us. I set my stuff down, took off my hoodie and my converse, and sat down on the floor. I looked up at Craig as he took off his hoodie while he looked at my walls.
I had all of my past drawings tacked to my walls, and completely covered them. Craig walked up to the one that I drew for the literary magazine. They requested a forest. It came out looking more gothic, but they loved it.
"Wow" Craig said, looking at all of the drawings on my walls. "You're drawings are… beautiful " he said. I blushed and looked down at my hands.
He sat down across from me and took out his notebook and pencil. We began working on our project and discussing it. I couldn't stop looking at him though. Occasionally, he'd look back at me, but I would immediately look away.
But when I looked at him again, he was already looking at me. And we just stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. We just kept staring, and it seemed like we were leaning closer. We got so close, are noses almost touched. But something snapped me out of my trance and I realized that we were too close. And it seemed that Craig snapped out of it too, and leaned back against my bed. I stayed there awkwardly and blushed.
"I need to go to the bathroom." I said, just to excuse myself for a little while. I stood up and started for my door. I shut the door behind me and went into the bathroom. I did take a piss, and then washed my hands. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was still blushing.
I walked back towards my room, and panicked when I saw that Craig was looking through something very important to me.
My drawing journal! And he was looking at the most recent picture I drew of him sleeping!
I panicked and ran up to him and grabbed the book from him, shutting it and holding it to my chest.
"What are you doing? Why are you looking through my things?" I asked. Craig just looked up at me with a blank expression.
"Well?" I said impatiently. Craig stood up and got really close to me. He towered over me, looking down at me. I averted my gaze to the side and down at the floor. I felt Craig grab my chin and forced me to look up at him.
"So, you like to draw me? Do you like me, Stan?" He asked. I glared at him.
"I draw you, because I get bored in class and, like I said before, I like drawing life. Even if they're sleeping." I said, then without realizing it I said something I didn't want him to know.
"I draw you because I think you're perfect." I blushed and covered my mouth with one of my hands. Oh God...Did I seriously just say that?!
Craig moved my hand away, and pressed his lips to mine. My face couldn't have been redder than it already was, but when Craig gently placed his hand on my hot cheek, I thought for sure I was going to die.