A/N: I didn't plan this but well... there will be a second part to this chapter. Thanks for fav's and reviews - I appreciate it!

It shouldn't be like this, he thought.
Of all the things he had planned over the past two years, this has never been a part of it. Truth to be told he hadn't thought that they would last so long. A year if things would go well. Everything after could hardly been called a plan. And it took its toll now.
He had been reckless these past weeks. Because Luther Braxton had been too close to the truth and had set the ball rolling.
And then Lizzie. He understood her confusion about her past, her feelings and what part he played in all of it. But the constant fights she´d try to pick with him, her pushing him away. It pained him and even confused him.
Because truth was that she shouldn't care about him anymore.
He had brought so much destruction to her life, even when she'd been still a child. Without him she might have had a family by now. A normal job as a profiler, a successful career in front of her. A husband she would come home to every day and maybe a child that would wait for its mother to read a bedtime story.
He hated himself on so many levels that the gunshot wound in his chest felt strangely deserved and acceptable.
In his foggy mind he tried to picture Lizzie's perfect life. And eventually he ended up being the man she would cuddle up to in the evening, kissing goodnight and wrapping her arms around to fall asleep. He wondered for a moment if he would sleep beside her, really sleep like he used to.
He missed that dearly.
But he got caught up in reality when there was noise beside him.
He cracked his eyes open and stared at a white tunic. A nurse was changing the IV bag, again. She noticed that he wasn't asleep anymore but never said a word.
They weren't allowed to speak to him and they probably wouldn't even if they could, considering the two FBI agents in front of his door and the scenery he had provoked the other day.
He had threatened another nurse to let him go, had stolen clothes and pain medication and the whole hospital had been on shutdown. So it didn't go as flawless as he was used to.
The nurse turned her head to the other side of the room and when she looked back to him her eyes had soften.
The nursed and doctors who cared for him all wondered about the woman in his room. They had brought another bed into the room for her.
He strained his head to see her but he could barely see her head. Both the IV holder and the bedside cabinet blocked his view to her.
And it was only at night that he could watch her.
The nurse finished her work and eventually took pity on him. She carefully maneuvered the cabinet closer to the wall and positioned the IV holder to the side. She helped him sit up a little bit more so that he could indeed look at his Lizzie. It calmed him.
"Thank you."
She nodded and left the room and he wondered if she would tell her co-workers about it.
Lizzie laid on her side, facing him. Her blanket was pulled up under her chin and her she looked awfully peaceful.
He liked that a lot.
But still there was a throbbing pain deep inside of him that she shouldn't be with him. He just couldn't understand it.

"I brought a card" Aram announced bouncing on his feet with excitement. Liz took the card he offered and opened it. Get well soon. You rock! "Samar helped writing it this time." She smiled even though there were only a handful of people who had signed it. Ressler, Samar and Aram and even Cooper.
"I will ask Dembe if he wants to sign it too" she smiled and thanked him for the card.
They weren't allowed into the room since there were still too many questions about who had attacked Red and who could really be trusted.
"Tell him hi, will you?" Aram smiled sadly. Liz nodded and bid him goodbye when Ressler approached her.
"I still don't think that this is a good idea, Liz" he muttered and shook his head. "He should stay here, where we can set up proper security."
"Are you concerned for him, Don?" He snorted but never answered.
Dembe and Mr. Kaplan had arranged a safe house for Red to stay in for as long as his recovery would last. It wasn't as huge as she had thought but it still offered plenty of room.
Red was barely awake for the drive from the hospital to his new residence and she wondered if he really understood what was happening.
It was strange to see him so off his game. Most of the past two weeks he had been asleep or so drugged up that he could barely form a coherent sentence.
Mr. Kaplan wanted to reduce his pain medication now that they settled him in his bedroom. And Liz was looking forward to it because she missed hearing his voice. They had barely spoken.
The first night at the safe house was filled with a strange atmosphere. Dembe tried to teach her chess but Liz couldn't bring herself to listen as carefully as she would have needed too. Mr. Kaplan had retreated into her room. She was still furious about Red's suicide mission when he had escaped from the hospital because he needed to talk to Lizzie.
After another twenty minutes or so Liz finally resigned and told Dembe that she just wasn't up for chess at all. She went for her room but hesitated. She had spent the past two weeks with him. She entered his room before her mind could register where her feet were taking her.
He was still awake, his eyes wide open.
"Red?"
His head moved so that he could look at her. She came to a stop at his bed.
"Lizzie"
When she sat down at his side, she noticed the sweat on his forehead. They had already reduced his medication. Liz carefully leaned down to him and kissed brow, cheek and jaw and finally pressed a light kiss to his lips.
"I care about you, Lizzie" Red breathed against her mouth. "I care about you."
She nodded and straightened again. His eyes went wider again. Careful of his injury and the arm that was hooked up on the IV Liz laid down beside him and pressed her body lightly against his side.
"I care about you too" she whispered and felt a light twitch of his hand against her.
And when her eyes were already closed Red tried to decide if he was still dreaming about a life he knew would never exist.