Warning, details of rape. Narcissa's point of view:
I sat on my couch with a cold cup of tea in my hands. I'd gotten back from our support group and hour ago, feeling emotionally drained and relieved at the same time. It was great talking about what I'd been through and hearing the similar stories from other woman. I had someone I could relate to, and I wasn't alone in my struggle anymore.
It was also draining talking about it so much. My memories were brought back into full force. The memories of the touch of those men as they violated for it. I could feel their breath on my face and neck, their bodies touching me. The guilt and blame still rested on my shoulders as if they'd just left me laying on the cold, stone floor. I wished so many times that they'd just end my life like I'd seen them do to the Muggle women they abducted and raped, but I wasn't that lucky. I'd have to heal the blood and tender tissue of my woman hood, as well as clean out the seamen that they'd felt dripping out of me.
I squeezed the tea cup, hating that things were so vivid for me. I wish I could've stopped it.
"It's not my fault," I muttered, using the statement Dr. Smith suggested I use when I had flair up. "Those men are at fault."
I took a slow sip of my cold tea as I looked out my kitchen window. A knock on the door made me jump. Glancing at the clock, made me realize that I lost track of time. I leapt to my feet, set my cup in the sink, and rushed to the door. Opening, I found my sister there with an orange haired baby in her arms.
"Hello." Andromeda smiled at me.
"You came," I said, half laughing.
"Of course I did," she replied, reaching forward to grasp my hand. "I had to see you."
Tears filled my yes. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I never meant to hurt you, sister."
"Oh, Cissy," she said, using my sisters' name for me. "I forgive you."
Without waking the baby, she hugged me. I hugged her back, feeling relieved.
"You better come inside," I said. "I'd hate for the baby to get sick."
"Yes, the precious dear." She smiled at her grandson.
"What's his name?" I asked.
"Teddy," she replied. A mixture of joy and pain filtered through her eyes.
"You miss him," I said simply as I led her to my couch.
"I miss them all," she said.
"And you were hit the hardest," I said. "I wouldn't know what to do if I lost Draco."
"It hurts more than anything," she whispered. "But we all have our scares from the war."
"Very true," I said. "I went to a group meeting today, for women who were married or girlfriends of Death Eaters."
She took my hand. "How are you dealing with that?"
"You know of the rumors?" I asked.
"I heard things before I left, and Mum told me about my expectations as a pureblood," she said. "I never wanted that for myself."
"I wish I'd had enough sense …"
"And I don't want to make you feel regret," Andromeda said, cutting me off.
"I already feel enough of that on my own," I admitted.
She squeezed my hand.
"Tell me about Teddy," I said, needing to change the subject. I didn't need be thinking of that while my sister was here. "Tell me about yourself. I miss you."
"I miss you too," she said, smiling. "I own and run a floral shop, like I always dreamed of doing."
"That's wonderful," I said.
"It's lovely." She gave me a giant smile. "When I'm working on the flowers, it …it makes things a little easier. I love taking care of my grandson, but I get lonely for adult company. I never thought I'd have to raise my grandson alone like this."
"No help at all?" I asked.
"I have some from the Weasleys and Harry too."
"Potter?" I asked in surprise.
"Remus made him godfather," she said. "Teddy adores him. He watches Teddy at least once a week, and I'm glad they he has him. Harry will be able to relate not growing up without parents."
"May I hold him?" I asked. It had been years since I held a baby.
"Of course." She held out the sleeping baby to me.
I carefully took him, making him stir a little. "He's so precious."
"He's the most precious baby in the world," Andromeda said, smiling at the baby and running his hand over his hair.
I ran my fingers over his chubby cheeks as he sucked on his thumb. He smiled slightly as I rocked him in my arms.
"How old is he now?" I asked.
"A little over six months," she replied. "I love them at this age. He loves looking around at everything. When he's around someone, he'll change his facial features to match theirs. Nymphadora used to do the same just to make us laugh." Her voice became chocked up at the end.
"I regret never getting to know her," I whispered.
My sister took my hand. "I do too, but now you can get to know him."
"And you can meet Draco. Oh, Andromeda, I want him to know you" I said. "And we could be a family. The four of us."
"I'd like that." She half laughed and half sobbed. "It hit me the other night that we'd be alone for Christmas. He'd spend his first Christmas without his parents and very little family. Remus and Dora talked about giving him a large family, and I hated the thought of him not having it, but now …"
She started crying openly now, and I leaned forward to hug her. Careful not to wake little Teddy. I held my sister as she cried, a few tears leaking out myself. A light cry from the baby in my arms made me pull away from Andromeda. His face was scrunched up as he look around and the strange room.
"Are you hungry, Teddy?" Andromeda pulled a bottle filled with water. Tapping it with her wand, she turned the water with formula, and tapping it a second time she warmed it up. I'd remembered Draco's nanny doing the same for him.
"Would you like to feed him?" Andromeda held out the bottle for me.
"I've never fed a baby before," I admitted as Teddy started to cry.
If she was surprised by the news, she didn't act like it. "It's easy, Cissy." She put the bottle into my hand. "Just put the nipple into his lips."
I slowly tilted the nipple into his mouth, which he sucked on fiercely. "Hungry, isn't he?" I asked, looking up at my smiling, older sister.
"He's such a dear," she said.
"I wish I'd done this with Draco," I admitted.
"Have you thought of having more?" she asked.
"At my age." I gave her a look.
"Why not. You're only, what, forty?" she asked.
"Just turned 39," I said.
"And you got married so young," she said.
"I was very young," I agreed. "And I lost my chance to be a mother to Draco."
"I can see you being a mother again," she said.
I snorted. "I'm not ready for that, and by the time I might be ready, it'll be too late."
"You don't think you'd fall in love again?"
"I wasn't in love the first time," I said honestly. "And … and after everything those men put me through, I don't exactly trust men right now."
"I would feel the same if I were in your shoes." I gave my arm and comforting squeeze. "What is Draco doing these days?"
"He lives in a flat in Muggle London," I said. "He's going through the Ministry's training."
"Does he have any clue about what he wants to do when he's done?" she asked.
"I'm not sure," she said. "He's dealing with his own daemons, so I don't think he's thought ahead to what he'll do later in life. I'm looking for a Ministry job."
"You'll have to let me know how that goes," she said. "Any idea what you want to do?"
"Just something that will get me a foot in the door," I admitted.
"I'm proud of you," she said.
"Thank you, sister," I said.
"You're welcome." She smiled, and rummaged through her purse and pulled out a cloth. "You'll need to use this to burp him. Do you want me to do it?"
"I can try," I said as I handed her the empty bottle. "What do I do?"
She put the cloth across my shoulder. "Hold him to your shoulder and pat his back."
I did as I was instructed. A desire pulsed through me as I cared for my nephew, I wanted to be a mother. The thought terrified me.
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