Chapter Five: Sacrifices
A/N: This one is a tad short, so I'm sorry for that. Overall, I don't think I'm fully satisfied with this chapter. However, the longer I spend on it, the angrier I will get. If that happens, I'll never move on! (hence the chapter title- no one ever said they had to go with the story...)
It was dark when they reached headquarters. The ancient castle was nestled in a clearing towards the back of a pocket of woods. Eve, clutching her side in pain as she fought desperately to stay in Osten's saddle, couldn't have been more relieved at the sight. The group slowed as they came closer to the castle. Soldiers were milling about the yard, but nearly all of them stopped to stare. She tried to sit up a little straighter in the saddle, but the long ride had exhausted her physically while the conversation with Rosa and her people left her emotionally drained. Alois hadn't spoken to her during the entire ride, but she knew that was soon to change. They all rode around to the back of the castle where the stables were located. Eve nearly fell out off of Osten while dismounting, but Reiner had lent her a friendly arm of support. She nodded her thanks at him, then set about unbuckling the saddle.
Nearly an hour later, she was finished fussing over Osten. She'd brushed him down and covered him with a thin blanket. She'd been avoiding Alois at every turn, but he had yet to force her to speak to him. Sasha was the one who came to drag her away from the stables and lead her towards the main hall in the castle that had been set up as a mess hall. There were maybe a dozen long wooden tables, with half stacked end-to-end in two parallel rows. Eve allowed Sasha to drag her over the cold stone floor. She flopped down in one of the chairs as the overly-cheery girl bounced away.
Eve folded her arms and rested her head in the crook of one. Her entire body tensed and relaxed with the force of her yawn. She was aware of the chair to her left scraping over the stones and someone sitting down, but she did not look up to see who it was or offer any words by way of greeting. When no one spoke, Eve assumed it was either Armin or Alois. It was only when she heard Sasha's little hum of delight and the sound of a dish being set before her did Eve move her head.
"We've got roasted carrots, a steamed potato, and rice!" Sasha declared cheerfully as she sat down to Eve's right. "Have you eaten yet?" Eve glanced to her right over at Armin.
He nodded to Sasha before his eyes found Eve's for just the split second she allowed him. She was quick to turn her attention to the food in front of her. She could see the curiosity and accusation in those baby blues and she didn't want to deal with any of that at the moment. "Alois seems upset."
Eve ignored the statement and looked over at Sasha, wracking her brain for anything at all to say. "Armin said something about your nickname being 'potato girl'. What's that all about?" Sasha flushed dark red around her neck and Eve found herself smiling just a little as it crept up into her cheeks.
"The first day of training, I stole a potato and ate it during the Commander's initiation speech," Sasha muttered. She stabbed the potato on her plate violently with her fork. "He said I couldn't eat for the rest of the day and I had to run until I passed out."
"You've never been the sharpest tool in the shed." Eve looked up from the carrot she just finished chopping into pieces. Jean scraped the chair across from Armin back and sat down to join them. "I heard about you stealing that whole cut of meat from the Officer's supply, too."
Sasha's mouth began to water, but then she frowned. "I didn't even get a little piece of that."
"Get caught again?" Eve asked, a light smirk on her face. She popped a piece of the carrot into her mouth.
Sasha shook her head. "That was the day the Colossus Titan showed back up. Everything went crazy, and in the chaos, the box I'd hid the meat in was destroyed." Eve found it mildly amusing that Sasha seemed more upset by the loss of the slab of meat more than she was upset about the Colossus Titan's reappearance. Sasha shrugged and took a large bite of her rice. "I wish it wasn't illegal for us to hunt inside the Walls."
"Meat is too rare," Armin said softly, "and the royals behind Wall Sheena need it more than we do." It did not surprise her to hear the bitterness in his voice when he spoke. He looked over at Eve. "Did you and your people always eat as much meat as we had when we were there?"
Eve had to nod, but she added a light shrug. "Rosa, Klaus, Josef, Pepin, Hans... They all used to hunt for the village. We grew some crops, but not enough to sustain us all. The apples were always a huge part of our diet, but we relied on meat more than anything, I think. Winter was always the hardest..."
"I never saw a granary or silo out there," Jean remarked, leaning back in his chair. "Whe]re did you keep all of your food?"
"Below the barn," Eve answered. "Everything was kept down there, or under the houses in the village. They all had reinforced cellars. It was one of the first things we worked on after Wall Maria fell. We had to have a relatively safe place to escape to if the Titans managed to get through to the village."
"Did that ever happen?" Sasha asked.
"Yeah," Eve sighed. "Twice. Even with the precautions, we lost a lot of people both times."
"I want to know why the Titans were so active at night out there," Armin muttered. "That doesn't make any sense to me. How long was it like that?"
"A few months before you all found me," Eve said with a shrug. "We were devastated the first time we saw one lumbering towards us so late, but we adjusted. We didn't have any choice." As the words flowed from her mouth, she wanted to cringe. She couldn't say that anymore. They'd always had a choice. And when she'd finally forced that alternative onto all of her people, she'd figured out that it was the wrong choice. She had to live with the consequences of her actions now. There had already been so much blood on her hands.
"… crazy that they can be active so late. What happened to them needing sunlight to work or whatever?" Jean asked. Eve tuned back into the conversation.
"That was just one theory," Armin pointed out. "We don't know anything about the Titans for sure except for how to kill them. Even with all of Hange's experiments on the Titans we've captured and Eren, we still don't have any solid answers."
"And don't forget the Walls themselves," Sasha muttered, poking at the carrot on her plate.
"What about the Walls?" Eve asked, eyebrows furrowing. Sasha, Armin, and Jean all suddenly found the glossy, finished surface of the table extremely interesting. She frowned at them, but shoveled in another mouthful of rice. Despite the conversation and whatever was eating her newfound companions, she was still hungry. She knew that she needed to eat for tomorrow when her work to become a soldier would begin. She swallowed. "What is it?"
"The Walls are made out of Titans."
Eve was suddenly very glad she hadn't taken another bite yet. She would have spit her food all over Armin. Her jaw grew slack and her eyes wide. Chill bumps rose all over her arms and the tiny hairs on the back of her neck stood straight up. "What?"
"The Walls are all made out of other Colossus Titans," Jean spat angrily. "They told you about the Female Titan, right? Well when she went on her rampage in Stohess, she broke a piece of the Wall. There was a huge hole. We could see part of a Titan's face."
"They were all alive," Armin continued. "So obviously, sunlight must have at least something to do with their movements. Pastor Nick was screaming to get it covered up so that the sunlight wouldn't touch it." Armin had flowed seamlessly back into their previous conversation, but Eve was still stuck on how the Walls that were supposed to protect all of humankind were made out of the very thing that was their greatest threat.
Memories flowed into her mind of a time just after the Walls fell. She was still young and ignorant at that time. There was a large group of them, all trying to get the hang of using the three-dimensional maneuvering gear. Micah had come over to her when he saw her get the hang of it early-on. He'd laughed and said that her ability with the gear was ironic. When she'd asked what he meant, he'd tried to explain the concept of irony to her. Until this very moment, that concept had continued to elude her with its true meaning. Now, she felt she understood perfectly what irony was.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Eve asked with a light chuckle. Armin, Jean, and Sasha all looked back over at her, frowning. She laughed again. "People risk their lives to defend a Wall that's made from the very thing they are defending it from? What the fuck kind of bullshit is that? You said 'Pastor Nick', right?" She eyed Armin and he nodded once. "Let me guess- he's the leader of that Wallist cult of ass holes that want to kick my people out, isn't he?" Again, Armin nodded. "And you people think all of this is just okay?"
"No one thinks that," Jean countered. "We were pissed at first too, believe me. Hange almost killed him because he wouldn't talk about what he knew about the Walls and the connection they had to the Titans. And those guys are protected by the monarchy. We can't go against them. No one can."
Eve let out another harsh laugh. "Of course someone can! What about the Military Police or the monarchy that controls them? If the monarchy decided one day that it wanted everyone to know the fucking truth about what was going on around here, then we'd know by now! Or, at least you all would. I wonder how my people will discover that secret. I can hear them cursing me for it already..." She could picture Rosa fuming and hear her angry words being screeched out in the terrible high-pitched tone she only used when she was furious. Alois would probably hit her. Even Otho wouldn't remain calm or come to her defense on that note. She'd essentially just brought them all so much closer to hell itself.
"What secret?" She snapped her head over her left shoulder, her braid whipping around and smacking her. Alois was standing a small distance from Armin's chair, glaring at her.
"The Walls are made out of Titans," Jean clipped. Alois' reaction was similar to Eve's- a slack-jawed wide-eyed stare for a few moments. Then his fists began to clench and release in rapid succession once more. Eve turned her attention back to the food in front of her and began to shovel as much as she could in her mouth. "We found out two years ago. There was a Female Titan that transformed like Eren can. She was in Stohess District. She broke a piece of the Wall, and we saw it."
Hearing the story a second time did not make it any easier to stomach. Eve's belly was swollen with the food she'd just eaten, yet there were still a few bites of rice left on her plate, along with almost her entire potato. She'd only scooped out one small bite. She looked over at Sasha and found her plate empty before shoving the remainder of her own food at the brunette.
"You should eat it!" Sasha protested, pushing the plate back to her.
Eve sighed and sat back a little, pointing to her belly. "I can't. I'm already too full as it is." Sasha frowned, but didn't try to shove the food away a second time. "You eat it if you want it. No sense in it going to waste." Eve couldn't have eaten anything more even if she was still hungry. She felt nauseous now that her newfound knowledge was really beginning to sink in. Sasha began to munch on the potato after a moment of what looked like some intense deliberation on her part. Eve slid her chair back and stood up.
"What's wrong?" Armin asked, looking up at her.
"Nothing," she sighed. That was a lie, but she didn't want him to fuss over her. "Alois and I need to speak privately."
"I'd go out by the chicken coop," Jean suggested. "Not too many people still awake this late, and it's far enough away that you shouldn't be overheard." Eve nodded her thanks and looked up at Alois. His blue eyes were burning with unasked questions and a bitter anger directed all at her. She sighed again and turned on her heel to head back outside into the freezing night air. Alois was hot on her heels.
They made their way across the grounds without interference. She thought they might be stopped and questioned as to their motives, but no one bothered with them beyond staring for a moment. Eve led the way across the dark, grassy field to where the make-shift chicken coop had been sloppily built and sloppily reinforced. Alois followed her step-for-step. She smiled just slightly. It was strange that he'd become so much like her in the last few years. He was already nineteen. She and Christophe had started working with him the day he turned thirteen. Six long years. Aldrich and Micah had been alive back then, too. So many more of their people had been alive back then. Alois hadn't been her student alone. He was the product of training from several different sources, all equally gifted in their respectful areas.
Eve had been best with the gear. That much was obvious from day one. Christophe was good with teaching someone how to use the gear. Aldrich had been the one to go to for swordplay, but Micah had been the center for knowledge on how to actually engage a Titan and stay alive. Alois had quickly become the best Titan-killer in the village. At just fifteen, he was slaying Titans with the ease of a seasoned Survey Corps veteran. There was a feeling of irony tickling the back of her mind once more. She came to a stop once she reached the shadows of the coop, the crescent moon providing enough light, at least, for shadows. Alois stopped less than a meter away.
"Tell me about Micah."
Eve nodded once. "He and Rosa were having an affair. I caught them just before we all left to go to the Wall. I didn't know what he'd told her, so I said nothing to her. On the way to the Wall, Micah was talking about who would take over if he died. I was volunteered, but Micah said he'd taken care of it. I didn't know that he'd meant Hans. We didn't see very many Titans on the way. It took us three days to get there. When the Wall came into view, I asked if we were headed for one of the outlying districts, but Micah said no, that we would be shot down. So we followed him to some obscure place on the Wall and we waited. He was up there with a single other person for a few hours. Then he came back down, and all he said was that we'd been turned away.
"Everyone was furious. We all demanded answers, but Micah gave none. He just rode ahead, leaving us all behind as we screamed after him. It caused a fight among us. Micah had some very loyal friends, and they decided to trust him implicitly. Those of us that did not have that sort of faith in him tried to make him stop. We were so stupid... Out there, we had nothing for cover or protection. Titans came for us all at once, but we didn't try to fight, we just ran.
"Micah was caught by one of the Titans. Several of us engaged our gear to try to stop it, but Micah just told us to run. I can't forget the look on his face... He was smiling, laughing even, as the Titan bit his legs off. We all thought he was insane at that point. Those who trusted him began to doubt. I was in the lead as we ran from the Titans. Everyone just followed me to the woods. We stayed there until nightfall, then we slipped away from the Titans and went just a short distance away.
"When we woke up, we were surrounded again. A few people panicked and they fell out of their trees. I was the one to make the call to use their deaths as a distraction. Stephan's father was one of those men. The rest of us ran for our lives. We were chased all day long. One by one, people were being picked off by Titans. I couldn't do anything to help them. People were screaming for me to stop, to fight, but I just kept riding. If they couldn't keep up, they were eaten. I made that call, Alois. I am the reason so few of us made it back alive."
"You... didn't have... any choice," he muttered, halting and jerking in his speech. "Micah never told you anything about who he'd spoken to or what he did up there?" Eve shook her head. "Then how do you know that he was leading you all on a suicide mission?"
Eve raised one eyebrow at him, but said nothing. Understanding registered in his eyes and he lowered his head a little. He'd answered his own question. "How can you not call that trip a suicide mission?"
"But what makes you so sure that he was just trying to wipe all of us out?"
"I made the journey back towards the Wall myself. I made it to Trost district in just over a day. Honestly, Alois, why wouldn't we have gone to the gate? They wouldn't have shot us! Not then… Not before they knew about what Eren could do. We were people for fuck's sake! And then he goes up alone to talk to one single person… How many people did you have to talk to when you first got here?" She paused just long enough for Alois to consider the question. "We should have all gone up and had a huge meeting with many people involved. Rosa said that Micah's friend's name was Nick. The leader of the cult that wants us gone is named Nick. I doubt that's a coincidence."
"But you don't have any real proof that Micah wanted us all dead," Alois insisted. "You keep telling the same story over and over, but the facts never change. Micah did speak to someone on that Wall. He died. Most of the group died. Titans did that, Eve, not him!"
"No, I did." Eve was bitter. She looked down at the ground and wrapped her arms around herself in a poor attempt to warm herself. "I led them to their deaths. I didn't stop. I didn't fight. I was scared. They died because of me."
Alois huffed but didn't try to argue with her. "You still haven't given me any real evidence against Micah. I refuse to think of him as some horrible person the way you do." With that, Alois turned on his heel and headed back towards the castle. Eve sighed.
He was right, but she was still holding back. She couldn't tell Alois what she'd heard him screaming in his final moments. The potential damage to Alois that would cause made her cringe. The memory flowed into her mind. Just as he was being eaten, laughing like a mad man, he'd shouted out, "At last! My true form!" She hadn't understood it then. Honestly, she still didn't quite grasp his true meaning. But there was the possibility that Micah had known people could change into Titans. If he had, everything would make sense. Then again, nothing made much sense anymore.
With a small amount of reluctance, she headed back to the castle. Moving slowly, she studied the grass below her feet. It was long; despite the coming winter, it had yet to begin to die. The vitality of the grass irked her for no real reason. The sound of footsteps crunching over the blades made her look up. Her favorite person in the entire world was glaring at her from a short distance away. She returned the hateful stare. Levi was still out of uniform. The black cloak made him appear more sinister, somehow, but she didn't think of him as her enemy. He was merely another obstacle for her to overcome.
"Just keep in mind that you chose to be here," he stated, his tone condescending. His eyes told a different story, but Eve was struggling with the meaning behind the almost sad look.
"That sounds like a threat," she clipped. Her eyes narrowed as she studied his expression. One brow lifted by a hair. If the sliver of light made available by the moon hadn't been shining directly on his face, she doubted she would have seen it.
"That depends on you," he remarked. Eve relaxed, a small smirk forming as she closed her eyes. "I don't think you have what it takes."
"We'll see." She looked back up at him, but she was too tired to keep up the big-and-tough game.
"You should get some rest," he muttered, turning his back to her. "You'll need it." She sighed as he stalked away. His limp was less noticeable now, but she could detect the slight unevenness in is gait. With wandering thoughts of how he was injured, Titan-shifters, and the accusations of her people, she made her way back inside. Sasha was still waiting for her.
Eve was swaying on her feet as she followed after her new roommate up the stairs. Their quarters were in another section of the castle, but Sasha had said something about the way they were going being the fastest way to get there. Eve couldn't focus on what she was saying as she said it, she only absorbed the words several seconds after they were spoken. The trip was long, she knew that, but she had no concept of where she was or where she'd come from. Without a doubt, she'd be lost if Sasha wasn't there to show her the way in the morning.
She noticed few details about her new room. She knew there were two sets of bunk beds. Sasha pointed her towards the top bunk on the right side of the room. Eve climbed up the little ladder and sat before tugging the strap of her gray bag over her head. Grasping fingers found the first thing she could to sleep in, then her uniform came off in uneven pieces. First her left boot, then her jacket, followed by the white button-down shirt. Her right boot was next, then her socks, and finally her pants. She tugged the light gray night shirt over her head that she was positive had once been white. Folding up the random pieces of her uniform, she left everything at the foot of her bed rather than climbing down to put it wherever it was supposed to go. She curled up on her right in the bed, pulling the blankets over herself up to her neck. Her eyes were closed. She slipped off into the realm of sleep before she was even aware that she was dreaming.
A/N: Let me know what you think. :)