Hey everyone.
Okay. So. Yeah.
Um, I don't know what to say...so...I'll just let it all out. I've been reading your reviews on how much you like the story, and it means so much to me to be appreciated as a writer. And I've been reading all the comments that ask for an update. I realized, whether or not a person is a good at writing, being a good author means not letting down hisher readers. So I'm really sorry, and I'm back to work.
Thank you for sticking by me. It's reading all the reviews that made something click inside me and I started writing again like crazy. I'm sorry I let you all down.
Also, you can catch me on Facebook as Estelle Wright (don't worry, it's NOT my full name. :P )
If you read this unusually long note, add #ItTookHerLongEnough to your review.
Enjoy the latest chapter!
-Estelle
The Mother-Daughter Book Club, pg. 124-131; (Becca's P.O.V.)
"And the book is..." My dad intones.
I shut my eyes, praying that it isn't one of the last two books.
"The Mother Daughter Book Club! Book 1!"
There is some silence. I'm not sure why everyone is quiet, but I feel pretty relieved. Nobody's going to plunge into my thoughts.
The other four look kind of weary. I guess getting nervous for every announcement gets boring.
Then Cassidy whispers something to Jess and they both look at me.
I frown, trying to recall whether there was anything wrong with book 1. Nice, safe, book one. Sixth grade. 12 years old. Innocence.
Oh. Wait.
Sixth grade.
Bratty, non-innocent. I turn to Megan, who looks green.
"Page..." Mrs. Sloane Kinkaid, "Page..124." Her smile is replaced by a worried expression, "124."
The other moms peer at the page, then exchange a glance.
"When we marked it readable, I don't think we actually expected it to pop up." Mrs. Wong says, finally.
"Well...most of them have lived through it, and the other will know about it now, I guess." Mrs. Sloane-Kinkaid shrugs, "They were young. They've learned."
Oh no, this is going to be bad.
"Right, bygones will be bygones." Mrs. Hawthorne says firmly, "They can do better. They have done better. Now, we just need to retrace our path and...appreciate how far we've come from this incident."
"Exactly, Phoebe." Mrs. Delaney says, "This moments was obviously tough, but let's take it from the very last line to the end of the chapter, shall we? Courtney, you can read."
"Wait!" My mom barks.
Grant passes her the pen, which had rolled across the coffee table.
"Thank you, young man. Now. 124...to?"
"131." Cassidy's mom says.
As my mom notes this down, she says, "Well, I would like to apologize in advance, but we'll keep all other discussions for later. Courtney, begin."
Courtney's eyes find the line, "This is Jess's point of view by the way."
Jess's mouth drops open, "What? No way, that's completely unfair! Becca hasn't gotten a chance, and neither has Cassidy!"
"She's got a lower chance of having her perspective read." Mr. Hawthorne tell us, "And Cassidy's just been lucky."
"The quote." Mrs. Delaney interjects, and everyone falls silent so we can hear the snippet.
Cassidy's sister starts reading:
Jess
"What do girls do who haven't any mothers to help them through their troubles?"
Mrs. Delaney look at Jess with sad eyes. Jess shakes her head, smiling. It's a small smile, but it's there, and I guess, for now, that's all that counts.
Courtney flips to page 124 and goes on.
"At school, I follow Mrs. Sloane to a classroom that's been set up for hair and makeup. She volunteered to be in charge of all that.
I sit up straight, knocking Theo's arm away from my shoulders.
"Why don't you change into your costume for the first scene and then I'll work my magic." she says, plugging in a curling iron.
"No." Megan shakes her head feverishly, "No, no, no, no, no."
"Yes." I moan, "I cant believe we have to read this!"
I head for the girls' room, and by the time I return, she's putting the finishing touches on the Fab Four.
"The Fab Four was a singing group where we live." Mrs. Berkeley tells us, "Simon was a big fan as a youngster, but Tris wasn't too keen on them."
"Darling, you're a bit confused. There's no Fab Four singing sensation." Mr. Berkeley frowns.
"There was, before." Mrs. Berkeley insists, "They've split now, though. There's that fashion designer, I did so love her clothes line."
Tristan's brow clears. He starts laughing. Pretty soon, Simon joins in.
"Mum, I think you mean the Spice Girls." Simon gasps, wiping his eyes, 'Victoria Beckham?"
"Oooh, yes, you're right!" their mom says, "Yes, exactly!"
"How on earth did you mix up those two names?" Tristan frowns, "There are five in the group."
"When we were younger, my friends and I loved them. We called them the Fabulous Five, and I just got confused, I suppose."
"Why didn't you like them, Tris?" I ask.
"Not my taste." Tristan shakes his head, "Too nice. I can't deal with all that 'Posh' nonsense. I did rather like the look of the ginger one, though."
We laugh again.
"I hate this costume so much." says Megan, examining herself in the mirror. She's wearing a black bodysuit,
"You and Tristan match." Simon says cheerfully, and Cassidy slaps him a high-five.
Megan looks mortified, "Take that back, Si!"
Simon chuckles, but his lips remain sealed.
and she's sandwiched between two huge round pieces of cardboard which have been spray-painted gold. Becca, Ashley and Jen are dressed exactly the same, except Becca's cardboard cutouts are in the shape of a cup, and Ashley's and Jen's are a knife and fork.
"Do you guys keep in touch with Jen?" Emma asks.
I shrug, "Um, a bit. Kind of."
"Yeah, I try, but she never answers." Megan agrees, frowning.
"Maybe Ashley does, who knows. Back to the story." Cassidy presses.
"Nonsense, you girls look great." Mrs. Sloane tells her, "Just the way royal dishes should look."
"Oh, thanks, Mrs. Sloane-Kinkaid." I say sarcastically.
"Rebecca Louise!" my mom barks.
"I mean...thank you, Mrs. Sloane-Kinkaid. That was a nice compliment."
Megan makes a face at herself in the mirror. Becca, Ashley and Jen do the same.
"Monkey see, monkey do." I mutter.
"True." Jess nods seriously.
"Some thoughts never change, I suppose." Mr. Hawthorne smiles.
Emma pokes her head in the room, "Warm-up in five!" she calls, then disappears again.
"So responsible." I shake my head warily.
"On that day, I wanted to strangle you for not hanging around, Em." Jess tells her best friend.
Emma shrugs, "I had a lot of other duties."
Darcy and Theo both suppress laughter at this lame excuse.
I think everyone is laughing at all the non-funny things just because most people know what's coming later in the chapter. It makes me feel a bit better, so I chuckle, too.
Mrs. Sloane turns to me. As Mrs. Sloane starts curling my hair, another head pops in through the doorway. It's Zach Norton.
Tristan, Simon and Stewart seem to debate on whether or not to make a face, but at the end, all three of them remain expressionless.
"Is it safe to come in?"
Mrs. Sloane nods.
He crosses the room and hands me a single red rose,
"A rose?" Darcy says irritably, "Why? It's just a play."
"He was being nice. We practiced together for such a long time, and he was nice to me." Jess explains.
"This is for you." he says shyly, "Good luck to night. I mean, break a leg."
Darcy shakes his head, "This kid is actually a bit of a player, now that I think about it. Giving you a rose to cover up the fact that he liked Cassidy while knowing four other people in that room liked him?"
"Darcy!" we all chorus exasperatedly.
"Okay, okay, sorry. Just slipped out." he grumbles.
"You too, Zach." I reply, "Thanks." In the mirror's reflection, I can see the Fab Four watching us. Megan looks like she's wishing the floor would open and swallow me up.
"I did, at that time." Megan recalls.
Too bad, I think. It's her own dumb fault that Zach is keeping his distance. She shouldn't have let Becca read Emma's poem at the rink.
I look down, ashamed.
So does Megan, "You're right, Jess. I really shouldn't have."
"I shouldn't have read it at all." I interject, "I'm sorry, Emma."
"It's no big deal. It's even kind of funny now." Emma waves her hand.
I will never understand how my friends are such nice people. It kills me to give a compliment when I'm jealous. I'd be six feet under Sleepy Hollow if I said something forgiving, like Emma just did. Or maybe everybody else would be buried, having died of shock.
Zach tugs on one of my long blonde ringlets, "Nice look."
"At least we have similar taste." Darcy says lightly.
Jess beams.
"Thanks." I say again.
As he turns to leave, Calliope Chadwick barges into the room. She grabs Becca by the arms and hauls her to Mrs. Sloane.
I massage my arm.
"Sorry about that." my mom says. I don't know if she's talking to me or Mrs. Sloane-Kinkaid, but who cares?
"It's fine." Cassidy's mom and I chorus.
My dad nods at me, like, good job, Bec. And I guess maybe it doesn't kill me so much to be nice, after all. I guess I had changed after so long.
"My daughter needs more glitter!' she orders.
My mom sighs. So do I.
Mrs. Sloane puts down the curling iron, "I think Becca has enough glitter on her face." she replies.
"She did." My mother murmurs apologetically.
"And it was all itchy." I remember, "More glitter would have caused, like, rashes." I shudder, "Ew."
"The audience will hardly be able to see her! I want her to shine!"
I cringe. The audience wasn't able to see me that night. I spent my stage time dragging a goat out of a crate, then got myself kicked out of the play.
"Don't forget that Becca only has a supporting role, Calliope." says Mrs. Sloane, smiling sweetly, "Members of the chorus aren't supposed to outshine the star."
'Ouch." I say.
"Sorry, sweetheart." Mrs. Sloane-Kinkaid says, looking sincere.
"It's okay." I say again.
"It's true." my mom adds. I nod.
Becca goes back over to join her friends, and Ms. Chadwick casts a sour glance at me.
"And I must apologize to you, Jess." my mom says pompously.
Jess hides a grin, 'We're good, Mrs. Chadwick."
Behind me, the door opens and my father comes in.
"Star?"she says to Mrs. Sloane, "Ha! From what I've heard, the casting of this play was influenced by favoritism, and I plan to speak to the school board about it. Giving the lead roles to hoity-toity girls from some ramshackle farm who think they're something special because they're in some ridiculous book club, and just because their mothers happen to be acting in some ridiculous soap opera, is no way to run a drama department."
Everybody goes silent. Even Dylan and Ryan are staring furiously at the book, mouths open in shock.
I go white, burying my face in my hands for a second. My mom looks horrified.
"That was us." Megan squeaks, pointing at me and herself.
"Yeah." I whisper, "We said- we told mom...I was...we were upset...we kind of spread it. Throughout. School."
Jess's mom hasn't said anything for a while, and she still doesn't say anything now.
Gigi looks terribly disappointed, though, and Megan looks ready to disappear.
"Our farm is not ramshackle!" the twins cry out in unison.
"It's not." My mom says quietly, "I'm very, very sorry about that. About everything."
"Me too." me and Megan chorus in a soft voice.
"You won that role fair and square, Jess." Megan adds, "You have a beautiful voice."
"Thanks." Jess smiles.
"That ramshackle farm, as you call it, has been around since the Revolutionary War." my father says quietly. Mrs. Chadwick whips around, surprise to see him there.
"That would have been interesting." Simon says lightly.
Cassidy's mom nods, "Oh, it was."
"In case you've forgotten, Calliope, Paul Revere himself took shelter there with one of my ancestors, while your in-laws were busy turning traitor."
The Revolutionary War is a sore spot with Mrs. Chadwick, whose husband's family had sided with the British.
"And what is wrong with the British?" Simon asks belligerently.
"Ummm..." Courtney hesitates, "Nothing, guys...it's just-"
"-they don't have the best history here, y'know?" Cassidy says, as if it the whole thing was boring, "And British doesn't mean you guys. W're talking about the British that attacked. Chill."
"And from what I've heard." my father continues in the ultracalm voice he uses when he's furious, "your daughter got just the role she deserved. I hear she's pretty good at dishing out unkindness."
I flinch, and Jess's dad look at me worriedly, "It used to be the case." he says, "Used to. You've changed a lot, Becca, and we're all proud of you."
I manage a smile, but suddenly the whole thing becomes real. The part that I really, really don't want to read is coming, and we have no choice but to read it.
Mrs. Chadwick's mouth pops open in an angry O. Before she can say anything, Mrs. Sloane slaps something into her hand, "You want glitter?" she says frostily, "Take the glitter! Just remember, all that glitters is not gold, and that includes dancing tableware."
"Go, Mom!" Cassidy laughs, "You tell her."
Then Cassidy slaps a hand over her mouth, "I mean...um..."
Tristan is shaking with silent laughter, and then so am I, and so is everyone else.
Cassidy doesn't take back her remark, but no one says anything, so Courtney continues.
Mrs. Chadwick gives a wounded sniff, draws herself up with as much dignity as she can muster, and waddles off. Her attempt at a grand exit is spoiled, however, by her large bottom, which wags behind her like a reproachful buffalo.
My eyes widen. Everyone turns to look at Jess. Jess look terrified.
"Sorry." she whispers.
My mom smiles to show her that it's no big deal. And, really, after all the things my mom had said, she has no right to be upset.
In fact, even I think that line is kind of funny.
"Don't pay attention to that old battleax." my father tells me once she's out of earshot, "You've earned this role fair and square. And besides that, you look like a princess!"
"Agreed." Darcy says, grinning at Jess's dad, "We think alike, Mr. Delaney."
I give him a sidelong glance, "Princess Jess of Ramshackle Farm?"
We snicker at this long-standing joke.
"So that's where it came from." Theo says.
Mrs. Sloane laughs, "That's the spirit."
"Is Sundance okay?" I ask my father.
He nods, "You bet. She's in his crate in the back of the truck."
"Whose Sundance?" asks Mrs. Sloane, winding another strand of my hair on the curling iron.
"My pet goat." I explain, "She was at the vet's."
Across the room, I hear the Fab Four burst out laughing. I don't even have to look at them to know they're talking about me. Goat girl, they're saying. I feel my face grow hot.
I sigh for the millionth time, "Sorry." Megan and I chorus in a low voice.
My dad gives me a kiss and tells me to break a leg, and then it's time for warm ups and pep talks by Mrs. Adams. As we take our places backstage, Emma peeks through the curtains, "It's filling up!" she reports. I pace back and forth, wiping the palms of my hands on my dress and trying in vain to control the wild thudding of my heart.
"Wow!" Emma exclaims, exchanging an incredibly excited look with her dad.
They both whip out their notebooks and jot down the phrase.
"Jess, that was the best one yet." Emma closes her eyes blissfully.
Okay, my friends are nice, but they are also weird.
The prelude starts and Emma shoves a book into my hands. I stare at it blankly.
"Your prop for the first scene, remember?" she whispers.
I try and recall my first scene. I can't. I try and recall my first line- nothing. I grab her arm, panicked.
"You're gonna be great." she reassures me, then races out.
"Thanks for that." Jess says.
"Sarcasm on hold. I couldn't stay!" Emma whines.
"No, really." Jess insists, "I'm serious. It did kind of help."
The curtain rises and the audience claps enthusiastically when they see our elaborate stage set- the painted houses and storefronts of a small french village. I peer out from the wing and spot my father and brothers sitting next to Darcy and Emma's parents in the front row, right where they said they'd be. I look around for my mother, just in case maybe she decided to surprise me, but she's nowhere in sight.
"Oh, Jess." Mrs. Delaney finally whispers softly. She sounds close to tears.
Jess gets up from her spot next to Darcy and goes to hug her mom.
"Mom, it's okay. I get that you had the award." Jess says.
"No, I should have been there for you." Jess's mom murmurs, "I abandoned everything for a soap opera? I can't believe you let me back into the Farm."
"Honey, don't talk like that." Mr. Delaney says, soothing and firm all at once, "We understood that you needed a break. It was tough, but we love you and we are proud of how talented you are."
Jess's mom doesn't seem comforted.
"The play wasn't as big of a success as I'd hoped anyway." Jess says.
I exchange a guilty glance with Megan.
"Anyway, mom." one of the twins say, "I don't think you should only be thinking about the fact that you left."
"Yeah," the other twin agrees, "I think you should also remember that you came back."
Everyone stares at them. Those kind of mature, reasonable words are the last thinks you expect from Dylan and Ryan Delaney.
"C'mere, squirts." Jess ruffles their hair, and soon all five Delaneys are in the middle of a group hug.
As they take their places again, I notice that Mrs. Delaney looks a bit happier.
The first number begins and Mrs. Adams pokes me in the back, my cue for my entrance. I take a deep breath and wander out onstage, pretending to read a book like I'm supposed to. I focus on the music and try to ignore the audience. The stage fright will pass, I tell myself grimly. Mom promised.
"You still went by that, after all the pain I put you through?" Mrs. Delaney questions disbelievingly.
"Mom, whether you were there or not, you're my mom. Of course I trust you." Jess says honestly.
Amazingly, astonishingly, she was right. As soon as I open my mouth and begin to sing, suddenly I'm not me anymore, and this isn't the stage in Walden Middle School in Concord, Massachusetts. I've been transported to a village in France, and I am Belle. I have actually become her. Jess- shy, tongue-tied Jess- is someplace far, far away. There's only the music and me and the audience, who is hanging on my every note.
I'm soaring.
"That's why I left." Mrs. Delaney whispers shakily, "It's that feeling. I had to feel it again."
"It's incredible." Jess agrees.
"And I think everyone feels it in different ways." Cassidy's mom says, "Me when I'm filming or modelling, Cass out on the ice, Becca while cheer-leading, Emma writing and Megan designing or sewing."
Is this how it is for Mom , a distant part of my mind wonders? Does she feel this way when she's acting, too? This alive?
Mrs. Delaney nod, "But it's no excuse."
Is that why she had to leave Half-Moon Farm? To feel this incredible feeling again? But this isn't the time or place for such thoughts and I shove them away, forcing myself to concentrate instead on the action onstage.
We're almost at the end of the first act when it happens. Right at the end of a big, rousing number, where the dishes and furniture in the Beast's castle break into a song for Belle. I don't notice that all the dishes aren't there, that a certain cup has disappeared offstage,
I screw my eyes shut, tightly shut.
"Not our best moment, huh, Bec?" Megan says quietly.
and I don't notice the commotion a short while later in the wings when the cup returns. I hear a ripple of laughter from the audience and assume it's because of the tableware cancan line. That always gets a laugh.
But the ripple becomes a tidal wave and the music grinds to a halt and I turn around to see a goat skitter across the stage.
I groan. Those who weren't there look at me and Megan in shock.
"I..." I can't really say anything.
Courntey understands, and continues.
"Sundance?" I whisper, incredulous, "How did you get out of the truck?"
My pet's foreleg is wrapped tightly in a white bandage and she's limping. She spots me and comes trotting over.
"Maaa-aaaa," she bleats.
The audience hoots with laughter.
Sundance butts her head softly against me, "Maa-aaaa," she bleats again, her sweet little voice muffled by the fabric of my long dress. But it can't muffle her fear. She's scared by all the lights and people.
"I'm so stupid!" I explode, "I. Am. So. STUPID! Did I think of Jess? No! Did I think of Sundance and her health? No! All I thought of was...was what? Humiliating Jess? And why? I didn't even have a reason!"
"It's all over, Becca." Jess says quietly, "And I forgive you."
"Goat Girl!" Megan calls in a stage whisper,
Megan looks stricken.
and the Fab Four start to laugh.
I feel sick.
So does the rest of the cast. Mrs. Adams chooses this unfortunate moment to rush onto the stage, waving her clipboard, which startles Sundance. Sundance takes off again, and pretty soon, all the boys in the cast are chasing her and all the girls are scattering, their squeals blending with my pet's frantic bleats.
"Leave her alone!" I cry, "She's scared!"
No one can hear me above the pandemonium. No one but Sundance, that is. She tries to dodge a couple of villagers to reach me, but one of them grabs hold of her tail as she darts past, and she stumbles.
"Oh, gosh." Tristan shakes his head, "That whole thing would've been really awful."
"It was." Dylan says- or maybe Ryan?
"You're hurting her! Stop it!" I scream.
"Go, Goat Girl!" cries Becca, and she and the Fab Four break into an impromptu cancan.
I can't take it. How did I find that funny? How did anyone find it funny? It was mean and spiteful and just bad.
The audience loves it.
"Not all of them." Mrs. Wong says quietly. My mom doesn't talk at all. She's ashamed at my actions, and her actions and the whole situation. I don't blame her.
Nobody's paying the least bit of attention to me.
It's Darcy Hawthorne who saves the day.
"Always." Darcy grins, trying to ease the tension, "I rock."
He jumps onto the stage from the front row, just as Sundance wobbles back up onto her legs and makes another bid for freedom. Standing quietly until she scoots past, he throws his coat over her and whisks her up into his arms.
I rush over to them both, sobbing.
"Its okay, Jess, it's okay." Darcy assures me, "I've got her- she's safe."
"Thank god." Jess whispers.
"Yeah." I agree. I hadn't stopped to think of what could'e happened to Sundance.
Mrs. Adams gestures frantically at Emma and the backstage crew and the curtains come down, mercifully concealing my humiliation form the flabbergasted audience.
And as it does, all I can think is, I'm glad my mother wasn't here to see this.
Courtney closes the book and doesn't look up from her lap.
I'm staring at the wall, kind of dazed, because I really can't look at anyone.
It was a long time ago, we've apologized to and forgiven each other, but I never really sat and thought about how it would feel.
It was so real to read it out like that. And after so many years, I can understand why people made a big deal out of it.
"Oh, god, Jess." I finally whisper, "I am so, so sorry."
"Really, it's fine." Jess assures me, ''It was a long time ago. You already apologized."
I shake my head. How can Jess till be such a good person? If it was me, I would have flipped out.
Megan is white,"We shouldn't have even thought about it."
"True." Jess says, "But you did, and it's done. And it's okay."
It's not. Not to me, but Mrs. Hawthorne hold up her hand, "I understand yuo two feel bad, and you've apologized. It is the past. We need to move on. It's been nearly 7 years."
My breath hitches. I stare, wide-eyed, around at my friends. At Cassidy and Emma, Jess and Megan.
Because Emma's mom was right.
Almost seven years.
11- we were eleven during that play, I think- and now 18?
"Whew." Mrs Delaney says, "Boy, do I feel old. And I still have 13-year- old twin boys."
Everyone lets out a shaky laugh.
"Well." Courtney says, "I guess, let's move on. Can I pick out the chit?"
"Sure." her mom passes her the bowl.
Courtney pulls out the first chit she feels, instead of rummaging around.
She gives us a mystical look.
"We are going to be reading a snippet from..." she gives a long pause.
We hold our breaths in nervous anticipation.