Johnny emerged from the sand and spat out some dirt, "Goddamn! Where the hell are we?"
"BOAT! YOU LIVE AGAIN!" Johnny looked up at his lieutenant hugging Boat.
"Ryan, what are you doing?"
"BOAT!" Ryan yelled.
Gareth tossed sand from his beanie off a cliff, "This is why the UK is better than America. There's no fucking sand there."
"Don't you guys have beaches?" Ted wiped sand from his eyes.
"There's no fucking sand there," Gareth repeated to himself.
Lewis sat on Boat's hood and cleaned off his shotgun, "You know what's weird? Before we were teleported here, Shadow said he wasn't going to follow that alien dude's orders. But he was holding the Chaos Emeralds anyway! What?!"
"How did you know about that alien's orders?" Johnny asked.
Lewis popped open the shotgun's magazine and poured out the sand, "Psychic powers."
Gareth, Ted, and Johnny shot Lewis a questioning glance, "Hah, just kidding. No, I just made a quick guess."
The radio in Boat went off, "Lieutenant Malis! Respond!"
"This is Private Amanda reporting," Amanda groaned into the radio.
"Amanda?! Why did they bring, Amanda?!" Ryan grabbed the radio mike and spoke to the Commander.
"Hi, it's Lieutenant Ryan,"
"Lieutenant? Where are you? Where's Shadow?"
"We're in the middle of a bunch of ruins sir. They're all pretty ancient," Ryan reported.
"And as of this moment, Shadow is running with an idiot," Lewis called out.
"We've spotted Shadow, sir. We're preparing to engage," Ryan reported again.
"Excellent. Engage and destroy! We'll be sending troops to take care of the Black Aliens and to support your mission!"
"Much obliged. Malis out," Ryan turned to his squadron, "Gentlemen, and Ted."
"Hey!"
"Let's go kill Shadow the Fucking Hedgehog!"
"FUCK YEAH!" Johnny was the only one among them to cheer, "I mean, fuck yeah," the awkwardness was getting to him, "Let's get in the boat."
Ryan turned the ignition to Boat and let his squadron inside before flooring it, following Shadow from the other side of the chasm.
"Anyone have a visual on Shadow?" Lewis asked.
Amanda looked from the hatch through a pair of binoculars, "He's running with Knuckles."
"Knuckles? The echidna?" Johnny asked.
Amanda looked harder through the binoculars, "I don't think an echidna looks like that."
"So do we kill just Shadow or do we kill whoever's with him also?" Ted asked.
"WHOA! Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Whoa," Gareth interrupted everyone, "Ted are you implying you want Knuckles to die?"
"What?! No I don't-
"Ted, just say the word and I will end the mammal's life," Gareth promised the Bostonian.
"But-
"But was the word!" Gareth pulled a rocket launched and rolled down the window, aiming at Shadow and Knuckles, "Unlike Sonic I don't chuckle."
"Gareth. There are so many things wrong with that idea," Lewis reprimanded the Brit.
"Too late!" Gareth fired the rocket at Shadow.
"LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!" Knuckles yelled toward his semi-friend.
"What is it?" Shadow stopped to ask.
The rocket exploded ten meters from him, earning Knuckles a glare from Shadow, "See when you look behind you, you avoided the explosion."
"DAMN YOU, KNUCKLES! THIS IS WHY TED WANTS YOU TO DIE!" the duo stared at the Humvee with the screaming Brit.
"Dammit, Gareth! You blew our cover," Ted complained.
A thunderbolt that flashed past Boat instigated a comment from Ryan, "And there's our cover back."
"Why is there a storm here?" Johnny asked.
"I think the more important question is why Shadow would run into a tornado," Lewis stated.
"No it looks like he and Knuckles are running around the tornado," Amanda noted, "Why?"
"Amanda has a good question. Why? Why are we, four military trained with fuck all to do, a former cafeteria worker, and a janitor stalking a supersonic black hedgehog, with guns?" Gareth asked this question.
"Thank you, Gareth,"Johnny praised him.
"Hey, I'm just following orders," Ryan defended himself.
"But you didn't have to bring us! You could have done this yourself!" Ted argued with the curly-haired lieutenant.
"I'm boring by myself," again, Ryan defended himself.
"But the point is. Why are we going after Shadow the fucking hedgehog!? Why aren't we going after the aliens. Matter of fact, I'll support my stance right now!" Johnny loaded his rifle and brought himself out of Boat's window, "EAT LEAD!"
He fired his rifle at the Black Aliens, killing several of them. The ones who did not die stared at the angry nerd, pondering to themselves what kind of planet they were invading.
"Should we bring him back in?" Ted pondered.
"Let the man blow off some steam," Lewis handed his friend more ammunition, "It's better he shoots them than rant at us."
"John. You might want to get back in," Ryan suggested.
"Huh? Why's that?" Johnny asked while pulling himself back into Boat.
Ryan's eyes followed Shadow and Knuckles, "They're running towards a tornado."
"And we're-
"Yep."
"Fuck," Johnny sat back, "Go boat go!"
Ryan floored the accelerator, running Boat off the cliff into the tornado's center.
"I'M PRETTY SURE THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!" Ted yelled holding onto his seat.
"Hey at least we don't end up like those assholes from Twister," Lewis remarked, not letting the tornado bother him.
At the end of the day, being a part of Malis' squadron would always bring weird shit to Lewis' plate. Accepting that, and his paycheck would come through the mail faster.
Gareth meanwhile was singing the tornado theme from Wizard of Oz, solely to freak Ted out.
Before long Boat emerged from the tornado, far away from both Shadow and the ground.
"You know we may die, but at least we get to die looking at a Chaos Emerald," Gareth proposed.
"Hey you're right," Lewis laughed awkwardly, "It was good getting to know you, Ted."
As Boat descended to Mobius to create a bloody crater, Shadow the Hedgehog, using Chaos Control grabbed the Emerald, teleporting him from the ruins, taking the falling Boat with him.
"We're being teleported again?!" Johnny's voice echoed.