The room is cold. Maybe it's because of the fans running or maybe it's because of the distant memories I'd like to forget. I thought as the days went on it would get easier but the pain hasn't gone away. I still feel the breathlessness and frowning of my lips I couldn't control when my eyes wanted to unleash the flood gates to my face. My heart and head couldn't match up. I couldn't believe in my heart that all this was some joke, that I was taken by granted from someone who spoke words of pure betrayal. All I could feel was the shatters of my heart slowing coming to ideal that I was never loved and was used for what I had and what I was capable of. Why did he do this? How could he do this? I can't even imagine this happening. I don't cry anymore. I just keep to myself and watch Bones on Netflix because it's a good escape from the reality of the situation. That's what I do best. I block it and avoid it for as long as I can. I hate showing emotion because I don't want to be seen as weak. In this period of mourning persay I write. I write how I feel. It's like I can create my own perfect idea of the world and never have to leave it. I want to write about my dreams but also my night mares. Without these so called nightmares I wouldn't be the person I am today but in all reality did I need so many? Anyway enough about the sob fest and back to what put me into all this. Marcus. Marcus is the explanation for all my pain and in dew time everyone will know who he really is. Actually I don't even really know who he really is, maybe an alter ego he has or maybe it is the real him I have no idea because the only person to answer that is him and well I have no reason to talk to him because it's like talking to a politician. It's gets you no where and you want to slap some sense into them. It's hard seeing the person you thought you knew and loved could do this but like one of my dearest friends once said, "Promises are meant to be broken."