I assumed I couldn't give any details, and that night I stayed up thinking what would happen if no one showed up to meet me or even say hi at all that day. Fuck, even if that happened I could still stay at the hotel for free and go to a cool exclusive party besides the festival itself.
The next day I woke up straight to put my video up since I had let it private last night before I put it live. Though I was slightly scared to read the comments I felt brave enough, even afterwards, reading and scrolling down the comment section, knowing how many people felt identified with it and who assured me that I had helped them through their own way to recovery or to seek help or just simply accept themselves a bit more. That was all I needed to know, I had spent enough time online to learn to ignore the comments along the lines "is she anorexic?" or "she's fat", I have had enough training on "I feel so sorry for her!". None of them had any effect in my brain. I wasn't perfect, I knew well, sometimes I didn't love my body but I let it be, it protected me and I protected it.
In the next few days I got enough information about Bestival and the people from YouTube. Dom had contacted people as incredible as Zoella, Tanya Burr y Louise Pentland before, he was the main face of public relations and manager of many internet personalities in the UK and he wanted me to be a part of it, he wanted me to be the next Professional Internet Human, title I had came up with in the train to London with my dad, where we were headed to meet Dom in person.
We met up in a café in Downtown London, one of those with a nice view of the river and tables with patio umbrellas. I could sigh relieved when we discovered he was a real person, the same person I had seen in videos before, not some huge scam or someone trying to kill me, which I also considered in the way. It was Wednesday and my Bestival dates started Saturday, I was supposed to be in London Friday afternoon for a meeting with other Internet people where, I supposed, no one would know who I am. In that same moment I had my dad take a picture of me smiling as much as it was humanly possible for me and holding my free pass in front of me, I put it up everywhere from Instagram with the caption "I'm having my first meet up ever! Come meet me and hang out at Bestival, Saturday at 11 am xx".
On the way back home I knew I had to pack, I would probably make my next video about what I'd be wearing for the weekend, both day and night besides de vlog, of course. I wrote down some ideas down. In the meet with Dom we had talked about partering up with YouTube officially, besides veryfing my account and so my channel would make more money at the end of the month. YouTube would now be my full time job and I was already loving my job. Besides all that, among the personalities that would be there at the festival were Jenn Im, one of my favorite vloggers, Louis Cole, Alfie Deyes and many more, as Dom has mentioned.
That same afternoon I called Emma on Skype, Emma Blackery was my best friend, also an Internet human, of course she hado ver 700k subscribers. Emma and I had done a lot of collabs, the most viewed being the day we got our noses pierced together, I had titled it "Nose Adventure with Emma Blackery".
-How'd the thing go!? –Emma rushed to ask as she got closer to the laptop.
-I'm going to Bestival and they're going to make me a partner, fuck! –I yelled, throwing my arms up in the air and then falling back on my chair.
-I'm so happy for you! –she said clapping.
-You need to come over early tomorrow because I'm making a Festival Lookbook probably and I need help shooting it, I'm choosing outfits tonight. I need two days and two night outfits and I'm gonna have the hardest time not going all black.
-Yeah, yeah, we'll get risky and hot –she laughed.- You are so meeting a hot guy there.
I laughed.
-Whatever happens I'll be ready –I said jokingly.
Emma made condom jokes and I laughed. I wasn't a virgin, it wasn't a really big deal to me, I had gone through quite a few failed relationships and I just simply liked boys too much. Emma and I had a conversation about all the YouTubers we would sleep with if given the chance, my best friend and I were on Skype talking until probably two am or so while she was editing and I looked for the perfect outfits with her help. The next day Emma got to my house at around noon, we recorded enough footage I would edit when I got back, she stayed over to sleep and we binge thirsty watched videos by our favorite YouTube boys.
Friday afternoon arrived, I took a shower and picked quite a simple and comfortable outfit, white air max sneakers, skinnies and a white top with a golden necklace and a green parka. My dad gave me a ride to the station with a suitcase and my big black bag with gold studs. When I got to London couple hours after a taxi was waiting for me, where I gave my name and I was told what my room number was, apparently I was in the same floor as other vloggers. It was five pm, I decided to unpack my outfits and put them neatly in the room's closet. It was a small room, big bed, a little auxiliary table in the corner, a TV and a comfortable bathroom with everything else, enough for one person since I hadn't been asked to share the bedroom.
We, all the internet personalities invited to the festival, had been invited to dine at the hotel's salon, I was feeling a little anxious, I thought I should change into something more dressy, I took off my parka, I would be alright with the AC, I put on platform ankle boots and I looked through my bag for accessories for earrings, bracelets and a matching ring, I made sure my makeup was still perfect and brushed my hair. I decided to start a vlog: I took the camera out of my purse and walked towards the window to get the nice lighting.
-Hey guys, reporting from the hotel where I'm staying at here in London,all ready to meet some people, eat some dinner and hang out, yeah, with uh-mazing people I might show you later or I'll add some cheeky pictures 'cause I'll be creeping a lot, yeah. This is what I'm wearing –I said as I walked to the bathroom and recorded myself in the mirror-, there's not much to show around –I continued walking around-. So, I'm gonna be heading down to the dining now, I don't know if you guys can tell but, God, I am so nervous –I laughed and grinned.
I paused the video and put the camera back in my purse, I turned around and checked myself out in the mirror one last time before heading out on my way to the lift. Once I turned around the corner and recognized someone, Jenn herself was also waiting for the lift to come checking her phone. I felt my stomach twist and turn and my face turn bright pink.
-Jenn? –I asked shyly, I didn't know what her reaction was going to be, we followed each other on Twitter but had never seen each other since she lived in the US.
-Oh, sorry –she said smiling, and then tilted her head to the side and looked at me with her mouth slightly open, maybe a little bit confused- Wait, Val Bexon? –she let her perfectly aligned teeth show as she, without hesitation she came closer to hug me- I saw you were coming on your Insta, that's amazing, congratulations!
My giggle felt shakier than my body, which could have been a good thing, I returned the hug and realized I was a tiny bit taller than her even when her shoes were twice as high as mine.
–Thank you so much –I replied with a bright smile. –, you literally look so amazing –I commented while I checked her outfit out, she was wearing a mesh black shirt tucked into black high wasted shorts, a snapback covering her short hair and nude sandals–, I'm so glad to finally meet you.
We hopped on the lift together, one floor below us we met Stephanie Villa, Jenn's best friend, and finally got to the ground floor, where the dining was. The whole place was set up and food was being prepared. I felt as if we were the cool girls walking in slow-mo, Jenn and Stephanie greeted a bunch of people, Helen Anderson herself among them, whom I completly obsessed with. There was a screen showing different bits of videos by all the people that were there, I was staring at it from my seat, not many people had approached me just yet and i didn't feel confident enough to be the one to approach them, on my second slice of fancy pizza I spotted myself in the screen, my channel's trailer was on, I remembered making it, it had been a pain in the ass to pick the clips and songs, I'd invested a long time in it. It started out with me getting out of bed with messed up bed hair and last night's makeup, a clip from my Lazy Girls' Guide, a slightly ironic representation of Beauty Gurus with time saving tips and other hacks to beauty with little to no effort. The following clips were short and cut by word panels saying Beauty, Adventure and Real Life, and after the last one I added the clip in which I talked about not knowing what to do after school and how to deal with graduation anxiety; in the beginning that's what my videos were all about, ranting and complaining about my problems, finding ways to deal with them. Some people turned to look at me from other tables smiling and I looked down.
After the food we went into the Green Room, a lounge area with music, drinks and comfortable where everyone could hang out. That's where the group finally walked up to me. I had been looking their way for a big part of the meal and I could swore they did as well.
Joe was the first.
–Valerie, right? –he came up to me a little hesitant, a smile on his lips. Besides him and only a step back was Oli White.
Author Note: just want to clarify that english isn't my first lenguage so i apologize for any mistakes i've made. also thank you for reading this, please leave some feedback in the comments.