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Let It Go
-x-
From throwing clothes across the floor
To teeth and claws and slamming doors at you
If this is all we're living for
Why are we doing it, doing it, doing it anymore
I used to recognize myself
It's funny how reflections change
When we're becoming something else
I think it's time to walk away
So come on let it go
Just let it be
Why don't you be you
And I'll be me
Leaving Jon's hotel room that night, Renee still didn't feel like anything had really been resolved. After their little heart to heart, they'd shared a sweet embrace but she couldn't let herself relax in his arms. They weren't hers any more.
It was nice to know he missed her too; sometimes it felt like he was coping much better than she was and now she knew he was hurting too. It was good to know that he didn't jump straight into bed with someone else too. She might have said it didn't matter, but it did. She'd cried her eyes out when she saw the photo of some girl with her hands all over him.
As she lay in her cold hotel bed all alone, she couldn't help but feel empty. Building a wall of pillows behind her, she snuggled against them trying to replicate the warmth of someone to cuddle. She recalled the way she used to drape herself over his chest when they had just one night together, or tuck herself under his arm when she was cold…without his strong body beside her she just felt empty.
She couldn't sleep. Her mind was too active after their emotional talk. She found herself thinking back to the night she walked out of his life…
They'd been fighting a lot over the past few weeks. It had always started over stupid little things, like Jon forgetting to book their flights or not paying attention when she was talking to him. But it had started to build to a point where they weren't communicating well. They'd started talking less and less to avoid an argument.
Tonight, she had just arrived back at their shared Vegas apartment after a short trip filming for the network all day. That in addition to the long flight had left her exhausted as she dragged her suitcase up the stairs to their front door.
Opening the door and bustling through the main room, she found him reading on the couch.
"Hey" he greeted, looking up from his book.
She gave him a tired smile, leaning over the back of the couch to peck him on the lips quickly.
"Do you have the address for the restaurant?" she asked him as she tossed her laundry in the hamper and began to get changed.
"Huh?" he asked with a frown.
"The address for the restaurant tonight…" she clarified.
He looked confused and her heart dropped.
"Jon…please tell me you didn't forget that we're going for dinner with my parents while they're in town…"
He didn't say anything and she knew she was right, he had forgotten. She had let it go when he forgot the weekend they had booked off to spend in Paris even thought she'd had her heart set on a romantic getaway. She even let it go when he agreed to work on her birthday. But she made him promise this time and he still didn't care enough to remember…
"Renee…"
"This is the first time I've seen them since we moved in together…this is the first time they've sat down together for a meal in years…" she told him, unable to keep the hurt out of her tone.
"I'm supposed to be flying out tonight for a signing…" he sighed, knowing an argument was coming.
"You promised…" she whispered.
"I know but I forgot…the bookers called and needed someone to replace Joe because he has family commitments"
"YOU have family commitments!" she shouted, losing her cool. "Just because I'm not your wife and we don't have a kid doesn't mean you don't have commitments to keep. My mom treats you like a son…you knew how important this was to me!"
"You can still go…" he argued.
"I wanted YOU there! Because you're supposed to be my partner! But again I'm second best to whatever else comes up"
"Woah, that's not fair" he disagreed. "I forgot. It was a genuine mistake. But you can't seriously criticise me for working. You know what our schedule is like. Don't pretend I don't put you first because I do" he snapped.
"Do you?" she asked, walking into the bedroom. "Because it doesn't feel like it" she added before slamming the door.
Eyes streaming with tears, she flopped down onto the bed. Tonight she would have to make an excuse for him…tell her parents he was ill or something. She wondered if he'd jumped at the chance to fly somewhere else just to get away from her. The fluttery feeling in her chest when she saw him was now replaced with stress and worry at the state of their relationship. The flirty laughter and jokes they used to share had become tension and silence.
He packed up a small bag for his flight and was out of the door without as much as a goodbye. She'd barely been home an hour. Everything she knew was crumbling around her and she was powerless to stop it.
He left. He didn't check to see if she was okay, he didn't apologise, he didn't even say goodbye…he just left.
After an hour of sobbing so hard her chest hurt, she made a decision. Packing a small suitcase and taking one last look back at their apartment, she picked up the photo on the night stand of them in happier times. Tracing a fingertip over the glass, looking down at her face creased into an enormous smile as Jon kissed her cheek, she let a single tear fall onto the photo. Placing it face down on the table, she walked out of his place and into the waiting taxi.
Fifteen minutes later, her mom opened up the hotel room door to find her daughter crying her eyes out in the hallway.
- x -
Jon had texted him to let him know Renee had left, so Joe made his way back to their hotel room. He'd been down at the bar having a drink with Cesaro, wanting to give Jon some time to hash things out with Renee.
Knocking on the door to be polite, he opened it and stepped inside. Jon was laid out on his bed and Joe could tell he was trying to act unaffected. His eyes were red though and despite knowing Jon might try to kill him, he approached the bed and gave his friend a big hug.
"Err Joe…what are you doing?" Jon asked, his arms pinned awkwardly to his sides.
"I…missed you…?"
They both burst into fits of laughter.
"Just kidding. I know you hate it but I have a daughter – hugs are the only way I know how to comfort loved ones"
"I hate to break it to you but I'm not your little girl man" Jon chuckled.
"Good 'cause I've got no desire to have tea parties with you" Joe joked.
"You know I'd just put vodka in the cups"
"You would" Joe agreed, patting Jon on the back. He was glad he'd lightened the mood, but he couldn't dance around the issue forever.
Silence fell between them and Joe stood, getting undressed for bed.
"How did it go?" he asked, deciding to just cut to the chase.
Jon shrugged.
"That bad?"
When Jon still elected to remain silent, Joe tried to probe a bit more.
"Did you talk things through?"
"I guess" Jon sighed before giving Joe a run-down of their conversation.
"It sounds like you got it all out there though…" Joe offered.
"Yeah but it didn't resolve anything. We still love each other. There's no anger there…we were just fighting too much"
"I guess in a way it's harder that you don't hate each other huh?" Joe mused.
"It would be easier if we just fell out of love and went our separate ways but that's not how life works" Jon threw his head back, closing his eyes.
Joe put a hand on Jon's neck, kneading the flesh firmly. "Do you want me to be here for you to listen, or do you want me to give you some advice? Because I will…I just don't want to cross any lines…"
"Dude…you're my family. I can't promise I'll take your advice but that doesn't mean I don't want to hear it"
Joe smiled.
"Well, I might not have known you all your life, but I do know that she made you happier than I've ever seen you. Colby would back me up on this. The second you started dating her you always had this great big grin on your face all the time. She brought out the best in you. I've never seen you so content. When I first met you, I never thought I'd see you settle down. She's a great girl. I think you guys need to fight for this. I'd hate to see you throw away such a special relationship. You still love her right?"
"With all my heart" Jon replied.
"Then you can work it out as long as you both want it. All couples fight Jon. I know you said it was constant but a good long talk about what went wrong could fix that. You'd be weird if you didn't fight. Sometimes us guys get a bit complacent and forget to appreciate the women in our lives…"
Jon nodded, his friend's words really hitting home. "You know me too well" he laughed, lightening up the atmosphere.
"You'd have to be blind not to see how much you care about her. I'm not going to lie to you man, I've been really worried about you. You've been so down…"
Jon looked down at his lap. "It absolutely destroyed me you know? I left that night without saying anything and I felt bad…so when I had a break in the middle of the signing I tried calling her and she didn't pick up. I called the apartment and she wasn't there so I panicked and called her mom. Her mom picked up and I swear to God I've never felt so ashamed. The way she spoke to me with such disappointment in her tone just broke my heart. She was like a mother to me too you know? So to hear her so upset with me; that I'd hurt her daughter so much…fuck"
Joe could tell Jon was getting emotional and rubbed his neck again.
"It's alright…I get it…" he comforted.
"What do I do?" Jon asked in a rare moment of vulnerability.
"Do something romantic. Show her you're willing to take a risk for her. A grand gesture. Then you need to remind her why she fell in love with you in the first place. Once you guys are at ease again, then you can talk about what went wrong and how to stop it happening again" Joe told him, knocked off-guard when Jon pulled him into a bro-hug.
"Thank you" Jon whispered.
- x -
Unable to get off to sleep with all the turmoil going on with her emotions, Renee had only just managed to drift off when her phone rang.
"Hello?" she answered sleepily.
"Oh sweetie, did I wake you?"
"No, it's okay mom…" she replied, snuggling into the blankets with the phone pressed to her ear.
"I was just calling to check on you…"
Renee swallowed down the lump in her throat. "I'm fine…"
"…sweetheart…you don't have to put on a brave face all the time…"
At that, Renee started blubbering again.
"Did you and Jonathan talk last night?"
"Mm" she managed a small noise of affirmation.
"How did it go?"
"I don't know" she sniffled. "I just don't think we can fix it and that hurts me so much"
"I know baby" her mom replied understandingly.
"I love him so much mom…" she whispered, breaking down into floods of tears again.
"I know you do sweetie, I do too. That's why I was so disappointed in him"
"It wasn't just his fault…"
"Wipe those tears away baby, don't get yourself into a state. I didn't call to upset you, I'm sorry" she said, her voice calming her daughter. "Do you want me to come visit you on the road?"
Renee laughed, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. "No mom, it's okay…I'll be okay" she told her, trying to convince herself more than anything.
"Okay…well you call me if you need anything, or even just to talk. Any time, night or day okay?"
"I will" Renee assured her.
Just then, there was a knock at the door.
"I've gotta go mom, there's someone at the door"
"Okay, bye sweetie, love you"
"Bye mom, love you" Renee hung up, checking herself in the mirror.
She'd blatantly been crying but there wasn't much she could do to remedy that. Smoothing out her pyjamas, she opened the hotel room door.
"Delivery for Renee?" the delivery driver read from the card.
Renee's eyes were wide as she signed for the enormous bunch of flowers. Bringing them into the room, she placed them gently on the dresser and sat down, overwhelmed. Taking out the card, she read it.
Renee,
I know a whole field of flowers couldn't make up for the past few weeks, but I love you. I know I don't always show it, but I appreciate everything you do for me. You're my best friend and my soul mate. I'm sorry for letting you slip through my fingers.
Jon x
She let her fingertips trail across the velvet-soft petals of the various shades of pink and white roses; tears coming thick and fast.
It was then that her phone vibrated with a text. It was from her mom and it was a picture message.
Look what just arrived!
Mom xox
In the photo was a huge bouquet of white lillies and yellow roses, her mom's favourite flowers. And on the card was a visibly written 'love from Jon'…
- x –
Okay so this got longer than planned! There will be a third and final part coming soon don't worry!