Worm Goddess Resurrection

Shin Megami Tensei / Worm

Piggot, for once in her life, could not find fault with the Wards. She was honestly the most amazed out of any of them.

"So...run that by me again. The new members of the Undersiders-"

"Iktomi and Manitou," Aegis wheezed out from the various ice burns covering his body.

"Thank you, Iktomi and Manitou...are both Master 10s."

"Well, actually from the way he was acting, I think her Tinkertech is Master 10, but she built a spare for him." Clockblocker looked like he was trying to disappear into his suit, if he didn't die of embarrassment first.

"Okay. And her minions-"

"Demons. She called them demons." Vista, on the other hand looked like she had been sealed in a tomb for weeks with no sun.

"Demons were all Blasters and Masters themselves?"

"Won dwas ah Brute," Gallant tried to say through a broken nose. "Definatly ah Brute."

"And the reason Panacea didn't help you is..."

"She's still unconscious," Browbeat said, trying to retain his dignity despite apparently having been in a losing fight with a wind tunnel. "See..."

Three Hours Earlier

"Hee-ho!"

The Wards, not to put a light spin on it, had faced a lot of things in the past. Muggers, murderers, the occasional supervillain, and an impossible-to-please boss.

They had not faced a chubby little snowman with a pointy cap that was quite possibly the cutest thing they ever had seen. The snowman, not the cap, although that helped the effect.

"Mistress Ta-um, Manitou told me you shouldn't come any closer, or we'll do something she'll regret! Hee-ho!"

After picking her jaw off the ground (and suppressing the urge to hug him, and feed him, and call him George), Vista cleared her throat. "Um...Mr...?"

"Jack Frost!"

"Mr. Frost, I'm Vista. I know you think you're helping a friend, but um-"

"Oh don't worry! I know all about who Mistress is! It's why I joined her, hee-ho! A life of adventure and a little server to call my own!" The snowman did a quick spin, then his smiling expression became an angry frown. "I know all about you too, hee-ho! You're the mean superheroes that want to take Mistress away from her dad!"

Okay, that was new. Aegis piped up next. "Look, Mr. Frost, if...Mistress Manitou wants to come quietly, I think the Wards will overlook a stupid mistake she made-"

"Not likely! Mistress Manitou told me all about her dad, too! How he was so worried about her, and so she made him a magic spear like her, um, magicaler gauntlet so he wouldn't have to worry, hee-ho! That way he could go an adventures with her and her friends, hee-ho!"

"Magic spear?" said Gallant, looking thoughtful. "So her dad's that guy with the lance?"

A look of utter alarm came to Jack Frost's face. "Er, I didn't say nothing! Anything! You hee-hoeard nothing from me!"

Clockblocker, as usual, was the first to riff on this. "So, I guess she's Darth Leia? Come to the dark side, and we shall rule the galaxy as daughter and father."

"...I don't understand that reference, hee-ho."

"Really?" If Clockblocker's mask was up, they would have seen the sympathy on his face. "Tell you what, when we beat you, I'll make sure the Star Wars trilogy is being played in the prison theater, okay?"

"Actually, I've been meaning to show the demons Earth movies myself."

A hologram of a dark-haired girl wearing a coyote mask suddenly flickered into being over her cute, loose-lipped minion.

"So," said Aegis, looking at the projection. "You're the mysterious Manitou."

"Guilty as charged. I set Frost out here on patrol to warn me when you showed up." She looked down at her minion, her mask's eyes robotically narrowing. "I did not tell him to engage in small talk, though. Especially not to blab who Iktomi is."

"Hee-hohohooo! I'm sooorrryyyy!"

"Eh, they were going to find out anyway." She looked back at the Wards. "Before you ask, I'm the one with powers, dad just has a modified COMP I developed for him that allows him to control demons too. I'm working on ones for the rest of my team, too, so I'd advise you to leave us alone for the time being."

It took a couple seconds to register what Manitou implied. After a couple seconds of oh god Master factory we all gonna die, the Wards assumed fighting stances. "Sorry, but if that's the case, we can't let you get away in a million years," said Browbeat, flexing his powers to show exactly what Manitou was up against. "Unless you come quietly, your demons are going to be really unhappy in a really short time."

"I was afraid of that," she sighed. "Dad?"

Another hologram appeared, this one having an older man with a spider mask covering most identifiable features. "Yes?"

Manitou rose a high tech gauntlet into the viewscreen's area. "Let's show these guys what a pair of Devil Summoners can do."

"...We need to work on your pre-battle quips, young lady."

"Dad, this is the first time I'm fighting superheroes! Give me a break!"

Iktomi rolled his eyes and rose his lance into the screen.

Suddenly, arcane-looking sigils with "Devil Summoning Program" overlaid on them appeared on both holograms, at which point green lighting streaked from the sky.

And just as suddenly, the Wards were very outnumbered.

"YoU ArErN't GoInG aNyWhErE, sErVaNtS oF lAw!"

"ME WOULD GRIND YOUR BONE TO BITS, YOU NEED GLAD SUMMONER NO LIKE KILLING HUMANS!"

"Really? In my day, warriors of justice were intimidating..."

"Oh, but this old biddy remembers those knights. Ah, I feel young again..."

"We're going to be supervillains! How cool is that!?"

"Young sirs and madams, it would not be a breach in protocol to retreat now and save us all a spot of trouble."

"Like, go easy on them, kay? I'd really hate to ruin that eye candy with scars..."

"Fhy8g 7dgg8gw!"

As the eclectic mix of colorful monsters took their positions on the battlefield, one thing ran through the minds of all the Wards.

We are so screwed.

"Hee-hoo! CHAAAARGE!"

One Hour Later from Three Hours Ago

"Dee do-do-dooo! Dee do-do-doo!"

Five things occurred to Clockblocker in quick succession.

First, the past fifteen minutes had passed in a haze, and all he remembered was blissed-out happiness.

Second, a red-skinned girl with butterfly wings was singing a wedding march.

Third, all his friends were in various states of injury, groaning on the ground, next to a peacefully sleeping Panacea.

Fourth, Shadow Stalker's mask was off, and she looked happier than she had ever been in her life.

Five, he was making motions to kiss her.

...Wait.

Shadow Stalker seemed to realize this too, as her expression turned into one of utter shock that probably mirrored his own.

A stream of incoherent syllables came out of their mouths.

"And this, kids, is why, like, your favorite ships are unrealistic and can only be done through, like, bullshit magic, literally. Also, Regent? You kinda owe me five Magnetite."

The demon girl took off, leaving both Wards to comment on their tragically short-lived relationship.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The Actual Present

"Never. Again." Clockblocker shivered.

Vista grinned despite herself. "Not so fun to be on the other end of the bad joke, huh?"

"Seriously, though, Manitou's scary as all fuck." Glory Girl, who was still trying to look dignified despite the supernatural fear she had been hit with, causing her to be paralyzed while the demons trounced the Wards. "She has the literal armies of fucking hell on her side, and they're complete trolls too. And if we let her go free, she'll build more Tinkertech for her allies to summon more troll demons, and then the forces of good become the punchline of the world."

"And we don't know where she is." Piggot rubbed her forehead. "Please, tell me this day can't get any-"

Suddenly, Armsmaster burst in, panting heavily. "Director! There's a giant, green centaur-pig attacking a supermarket, eating everything on the shelves while going 'Buno Buno!'"

A long silence followed. Then, Clockblocker cleared his throat.

"At least we still have rhubarb pie?"