Chapter I: Returning to Life

It had been a few days since the final battle. The mechanics and anyone else able to help were working away to repair the ARCHANGEL so that they could all return to Orb. Dearka and Miriallia hadn't spoken since the battle had begun.

Flashback

"We need to start repairs to the ship." The captain commanded before standing up and turning her attention to Dearka. She could see he was having trouble holding himself up he was not only injured but tired from the previous battles. He was in no condition to help right now. "Mr. Elsman I suggest you get some rest too."

"With all do respect Captain I would rather help get the ship up and running"

"I appreciate the sentiments, but all the surviving pilots are resting but you. I can't very well let you continue working especially with those injuries, however minor you may think they are."

He was about to argue when he saw the look of concern in Miriallia's eyes. He thought it best not to argue the point any further. "Okay fine. But once I get some sleep. I'll head to the hangar to help out" He didn't speak a word to Miriallia. Instead he turned to get some much needed sleep.

End of Flashback

Dearka hadn't slept that well in weeks, maybe even months. He couldn't believe how much he was able to get done now that he was well rested. The repairs on the ship were coming along nicely. They worked in shifts allowing the ship to be worked on around the clock. Dearka finished typing on the computer he was working on wiping the sweat beading up on his forehead. Before finally speaking.

"I think that's it. The repairs aren't completed but according to these calculations it's enough. We should be able to make it to Orb in one piece. From there you guys can finish repair the ship if you deem it necessary."

"Hard to believe that we can actually make a choice in the matter" Murdock replied "It wasn't that long ago that two days to repair a ship could have meant life or death but now..."

"Do you really think it will last?"

Murdock looked at Dearka. He could see that it had been a question that was bothering him for a while "Too many people were sacrificed to make this happen. It's got to last."

"And if it doesn't"

"Then the ARCHANGEL will come out of retirement and knock some sense back into whoever took away the peace." Dearka chuckled at Murdoch's determination to keep the peace no matter what it was a noble thought but as long as hatred and misunderstandings between Coordinators and Naturals existed war was just one error away. "So you plan on returning with us to Orb?"

"Yes. I had thought of going back to the PLANTs. But with the Council in the shambles as it is I may not have a home to go back to. Besides I deflected remember. They may not pay to kindly to me wanting to go back. It's best I just ride this thing out in Orb. Maybe after the treaty is signed I'll be able to go back."

"So what do you plan to do in Orb."

"I want…" he found himself lost for words. Part of him wanted to be by Miriallia's side. The other part wanted him to forget about her. She was a natural and that was that. There could never be anything between them nor did he want anything… or maybe that was the problem. "I just want to be a normal teenager. I never really got to be one" he admitted.

"Sounds like a good plan. But if you need a job you can always work with us in morganrate. I'm sure they'll forgive you for stealing the BUSTER again considering you saved all our ass" He said as they both started to laugh.

On the Bridge

The ship was ready. All those heading to Orb were on the ship. "Captain we are all set to make the descent" said the ship's pilot.

"Right. It looks like it's time" Murrue looked on last time out into the battlefield. Mu still clouding her mind. "Let's begin..."

The descent towards Earth went much more smoothly than last time. They were able to land about 30 mins off the shore of Orb. They could see the damage and devastation that Orb had been left in. It would take a long time. Lots of repairs were needed but they knew that Orb would rise again. When they landed in Morgarate's docks the Captain met the whole crew in the hangar to give them a final address.

"I'm grateful that I had all of you in the final battle to fight along side. It was with the help of all of you… and many other who were lost to us, that this war is coming to an end. It won't been easy going out into the world. Days and battles like the ones we were though are not easily shaken off. But it is time for you all to make a choice for yourself. A choice of where you will go in your own lives without the shackles of this ship." She turned to look at the two former ZAFT pilots "Athrun, Dearka. I want to thank you both. I know it wasn't easy turning your backs on your allies and even families. But if it wasn't for you two who knows where we would be."

"You're Welcome" They both said with smiles on their faces.

She then turned to Kira, Sai and Miriallia "I know you three have lost much. Your homes, your friends… your loves. But don't lose hope. Go back into the world. Put this war behind you and start a new life in this peaceful Era you all helped to create. If it wasn't for you kids… all of you kids" She said looking over all the teens gathered on her ship "this war may have never ended"

"Thank you for giving us the chance and believing in us." Kira replied.

The crew prepared to disembark changing into their civilian clothing. As they waited for the doors to open, Dearka looked over and couldn't help but blush. He quickly tried to hide it to no avail. In front of him stood a vision of beauty. He was so use to seeing Miriallia in the same EAF uniform that to see her in that orange dress was a sight to see. It no longer seem to fit her the same as it use to. It had become slightly loose on her. The stress and grief had gotten to her causing a bit of weight loss. But still she was beautiful. Dearka shook his head and looked away. She was still a natural. She was forbidden to him. He needed to let go of whatever it was he was starting to feel for her.

Miriallia could feel him staring at her but she didn't care. She couldn't think about him not now. When those doors opened she would be reunited with her parents. She would be going home. For the first time in a long time she realized what that really meant. She would be going home to a place without him. To a place he used to alway be with her. Orb had been his home too. It was where his family should have been waiting for him but instead he was gone. The truth was she never thought about what this would be like, going home without him. She feared the pity and sadness they would feel for her. And she feared the feelings she had pushed down would explode out of her.

Dearka could see she was in pain. He was about to say something when the doors opened and she walked away. He saw her walk and then starting running. An older gentleman and woman embracing her tightly. "They must be her family" he thought. He stood in the hangar as everyone else left greeting their families. No one would be waiting for him so he stayed back a while longer.

He walked over looking up at the BUSTER. It was over and everyone was home but him. Not that he could ever go there. Not now. "Aren't you leaving?" asked a voice from behind him. Startled Dearka turn.

"Ah Chief. I was just taking one last look. Still hard to believe it's over"

"You know I've been thinking of what Mu said to you before the last battle."

"You heard that did you?"

"Don't leave anything unfinished."

He looked at Murdoch confused. He didn't know what to say "wha-"

"Don't let her walk out of your life forever with clearing the air." He said patting him on the back before walking away "go to her before it's too late."

Dearka was mad at those words. He wanted to forgot Miriallia and the best way to do that was to leave her alone. But then thoughts of all their many encounters flooded his mind. Murdoch was right he couldn't just let her leave. He began walking off the hangar and soon he found himself running, running past the rest of the crew… running to her.

He made his way outside just in time. She was about to get in the car when he cried out "Miriallia!" He stopped in his tracks. It was the first time he had ever said her name out loud. She never allowed him to.

"Dearka?" She said softly. Her parents both giving her a look of who is this guy?

Seeing she had stopped he began to walk towards her. Finally he reached the car. He scartched the back of his head nervously "I'm sorry"

"Huh?"

"For how I acted when we first met" in Dearka's mind she hated him. And it was in hope of giving them both closure that he felt he needed to apologize. "I had never met a natural before. I was always taught that they were evil and wanted us all dead. But you're... You're not like that. I'm sorry I misjudged you and sorry for everything I said to you."

Miriallia studied his face for a moment. She could see the regret of his face, he was being sincere. "You don't need to apologize I'm the one who sh-"

"No... I deserved it." He said before walking away towards the building. Leaving Miriallia to watch him exit her life. As she watched his retreating body she couldn't help but think about what an irritant he had been. He was arrogant, and a jerk… but then again, he apologized to her. So maybe he wasn't that bad after all. Maybe that is why she had started to get feelings for him. She turned towards her parents giving them a faint smile before getting in the car and driving off into the sunset.

The Haww's Home

Miriallia walked into her childhood home. It had been so long since she had stepped foot in there but it still looked the same. Before she was involved with the war she had been at boarding school in Heliopolis. They had only been attending the school there for a few months for all hell had broke loose.

"Is there anything we can get you?" Her mother asked in a very concerned tone.

"No. I just would like to take a hot shower and get some sleep."

"I thought you might say that. I've already put a clean towel and PJs in the bathroom. I love you" She said kiss her daughter on the forehead.

"I love you too mom"

After her shower she walked towards the door of her bedroom. She reached for the doorknob hesitating for a moment before opening it. What once was a room filled with the happy memories of a girl and her boyfriend seemed to be more of a shrine. Picture of her a Tolle were plastered all over her bulletin board. One picture in particular stood out. It wasn't on the board like the others. Instead it stood alone on her desk in a frame. It was the last picture ever taken of them.

Back when they were living in Heliopolis Miriallia would send updates to her parents to let them know how she was doing. Sometimes she would even send pictures. This picture was from one of those updates. The last update she ever sent. It was taken a few hours before the colony fell. They were so happy then. She picked up the picture as her tears began to fall down onto it. She walked over sitting on the floor by her bed. She placed the photo on the coffee table in front of her before baring her face in her knees to cry.

She had tried to hold all those feelings in. She didn't want to be weak. But being here back in her home filled with the memories of what once was, she couldn't help but cry. As visions of Tolle flooded her mind another boy popped up. The tanned skinned blonde man who protected her. It finally occurred to her. Not only would she never see Tolle again, Dearka was lost to her now too. She continued to cry until she couldn't anymore. She was all out of tears and knew it was time to move on from all of it.

A few days past and she was ready to start working towards a fresh start. Miriallia started to pull out tacs from her bulletin board removing picture after picture. She was packing away all the photos and things that reminded her of Tolle. She needed to move on and part of that was not only accepting that he was gone but let those things go. Someday she hoped she would be strong enough to look through the box again but not now. She picked up the framed picture of them and was about to put it away when a voice stopped her.

"You should keep at least one out" her mother said kindly "I know it hurts but sometimes we need to experience the hurt to truly move on."

"What if it hurts too much?"

"Then draw on someone else's strength to get you through it." Miriallia's mind wandered to Dearka. Throughout the war her focus seemed to always be on him and her frustrations with him. Then again maybe she was drawing on his strength back then. Maybe he was the reason she had made it through the war. Her mother could see she was lost in thought and decided to speak again. "Listen you've been home for a couple of days now. Have you thought about what you planning on doing next? I don't want to pressure you or anything but what about school? Or maybe a job?"

Miriallia looked down at the box of photos. So many memories filled it. "I think I know just the thing..."

THREE WEEKS LATER

Dearka had been working for morganrate ever since the war ended. He had hoped that being separated from Miriallia would take her out of his mind. It didn't help. No matter what he did he couldn't get that natural out of his mind. He wanted to move on and forget her. He was ashamed of his feelings for her. No good could ever come out of these feelings.

"So this is really your last day kid?"

"Yeah Doch… It's time I moved on from here" he said confidently.

"So you're going home to the PLANTs"

"No. Not yet. There are still to many negotiations going on that my status is still up in the air. No telling what kind of crap I could get myself into if I went back now" he shuddered at the thought. He missed his mother and Yzak and wished more than anything that he could return but now was not the time.

"So if not the PLANTs where? Why not just stay here?"

"It's like the Captain said we need to find our own lives outside of the war. Staying behind working at morganrate has been great but it's time I try something new. I'm… I'm going to travel the world. I know it sounds crazy but It's something I've got to do"

"I thought you just wanted to be a normal teenager"

"Turns out that's not so easy. It's hard to go back to those days. After all we have been through, all the pain and the suffering. Maybe it's that I don't think I deserve that life."

"Are you going to tell her you're leaving"

"Wh-"

"Don't give me that you know exactly who I'm talking about" Murdoch wasn't dumb. He could see that Dearka had fallen for the young natural. He also knew that Dearka wasn't going on an adventure around the world he was just running away.

"There's nothing to tell. We said our goodbyes and now I'm living my own life."

"Still, she deserves to know" Dearka wasn't sure if Murdoch was right or not about this. Either way he had no plans on intentionally seeking Miriallia out.

"If I see her before I leave then I'll tell her." He said knowing full well he wouldn't run into her.

After work Dearka decided to take a walk around a nearby park. He wanted to take one last look at the sights before leaving Orb for good. He walked down the trails and listen to the happy laughs of the people. He couldn't help but think of how close they all were to being killed. War was a terrible thing and it had taken so many lives. As he walked something or rather someone caught his eye. He couldn't see her face but the hair and figure were undeniable.

"Miriallia" he whispered. He was about to walked away when he remembered his promise to Murdoch. Dearka was many things but he wasn't the type to take promises lightly. Slowly he walked up to her. Miriallia was so lost in her book that she didn't notice him approach her. "Photography?" He asked. His voice startled her. But she didn't look up from her book.

Recognizing the voice as a friend she replied "I've been taking a class. I'm thinking of making a career out of it"

"I'm glad..."

"Huh?"

"I'm glad you're moving on with your life, it's not always easy"

"And you you're still in Orb" she said keeping her book in front of her face so he wouldn't see the happy look on her face. She was glad he was still here. Even though they hadn't spent anytime together knowing he was around made things easier.

"Till tomorrow"

"Huh? You're going home?" her happy face turning to sad.

"Not exactly. I'm going to travel the world for a while"

"So you're running away?" she said finally shutting her book to look at him. It had been so long since she had seen him. But he still looked the same. The wind blew brushing his hair off to the side to reveal two scars. One from the final battle and the other from the day she tried to take his life. He fixed his hair and replied.

"What makes you think I'm running away"

"You say you're going to travel the world, but what are you looking for if not an escape. Believe me I understand wanting to escape. Having the feeling of everything closing in around you." Dearka could hear the pain in her words "But you can't run away. Maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but someday whatever you are running away from will catch up to you"

She was right to think he was running away just like Murdoch thought. But the truth was he was running away from her and the feelings he had for her. "Ok let's say I'm running away from something, why do you think it will catch up with me."

"Because it always does in the end. I tried to run away from my feelings of Tolle dying." she said bluntly "After what I had done to you I decided to push the feelings down so I could continue fighting. It worked for a long time but eventually they caught up with me. The first night back home, in my old bedroom it all hit me like a ton of bricks. It was the first time I truly realized he was gone for good. I knew he was gone but in some ways I was seeing him as two different people" she said honestly "There was the boy I grew up with and loved and the soldier who foolishly went out into a battle he couldn't possibly win. I grieved the soldier but couldn't bring myself to let go of my love. But eventually I had to deal with the pain"

He looked at her, he could tell she was still dealing with all this. Dealing with the pain of love lost. "I'm sorry for what happen with you but in all honesty it's best that I go." even if by some miracle she felt the same way about him it could never be. Nothing could ever change the fact that they were from two different worlds. He was a coordinator and she was a natural. No one in the Universe outside the three ships alliance would ever allow this relationship to happen. "Besides if I was running away it would be from something that will never leave Orb."

"Then you're safe to run the I guess." she replied picking her book back up. "If what you're running away from is really that bad, then maybe you should go"

Dearka stared at her for a moment wondering if she knew. If she knew she was the one he was running from. "I need to go finish some last minute packing. It was nice seeing you again" he turned to leave taking one last look at the beautiful young woman before he left. "Goodbye Miss Haww". She was surprised he didn't use her name. Ignoring this she replied.

"Goodbye BUSTER" she said behind her book. She heard his retreating footsteps. She waited a few minutes till she knew he was out of range. She set down her book revealing the tears streaming down her face. She was surprise at how much it hurt knowing he was walking away. She had convinced herself that the love she had felt for him before the final battle was just because of the chaos of war. But now in these peaceful times she wasn't sure anymore.

She wanted to go after him. She want to tell him not to go. However the truth was she couldn't stop him. She was still trying to let her feelings for Tolle go. The last thing she needed was getting someone else mixed up in it. She knew the moment he said he was leaving she would never see him again and maybe that is why it hurt so much. It was like he was dying and yet at the same time she knew he was going to be alive and well.

Confused and sad she gathered her things and headed towards the area where Orb had fought OMNI. Plans for reconstruction were underway. Although it would be months until those plans were put into action Miriallia didn't want to miss the opportunity to get some pictures. It would hopefully make a great portfolio piece featuring something from her past.

She looked back at the park. Visions of both Tolle and Dearka appeared in her mind. Closing her eyes she whispered "It's time I let both of you go and move on..."