Architect Part 2:

Like Shooting Cave Fish In A Barrel

Purity wrinkled her nose. "Not the most hygienic sort, is she?"

"No," said Kaiser, holding his.

The Rubicon of Worlds was not the most modern facility at the best of times-in fact, it was more of a dark ages castle that suddenly popped up wherever Sawyer was and started belching out monsters-this room could use from same basic janitorial work. Despite it being closer to her throne room, where she directed the movement and expansion of the Rubicon.

And seriously, what were those odd, tribal totems? They were strewn about everywhere, like toys of a toddler.

"Well, well, well...seems you aren't completely helpless after all."

All E88 members present spun to face the projection of the Rubicon's mistress, idly examining her drafting compass. "Really, given the caliber of your subculture's intellectual achievements, I was expecting you to die on the first trap. After all, it involved subtraction."

Hookwolf growled, but neither he nor his team expected the projection to respond. This was a recording, after all.

That, and several mundane members had screwed up their math and were now chilling in a prison inside of the rogue's throne room. Nobody liked that being rubbed in.

"As a reward, I'm going to humor your inferiority complex for a bit, and actually show you a species that was created to tear down civilization." She put away the compass and leaned against an out-of-projection wall, playing with a 20-sided dice. "You may have noticed that the otherwise spotless condition of the Rubicon has been...neglected, here."

"That occurred to us, yes." Stormtiger looked like he was trying to not vomit.

"Well, there's actually a reason for that. I was dirtying the land in preparation."

Alarm bells sounded in all members' mind.

"The recording guesses you got the implication. Observe."

The totems suddenly animated and rolled back in their bases, arranged in a spiral pattern.

Piles of muck began to squirm as if something was under them, then one by one, they burst.

In their places was a group of misshapen humanoid creatures that blinked with new eyes, shortly before they narrowed at the sight of the humans.

Then they bellowed.

"WAAAAAAAAGH!"

Before the E88 had time to react, the green and grey horde rushed on them, a flurry of blows that, despite their recent birth, had all the ferocity and and strength of trained soldiers. A few rushed off to get weapons.

"Funny thing about Tolkein-he never tells you the reason the orcs worked for Sauron. I've discovered they reproduce like viruses of the land-more despoiled lands means more orcoid infection, more orcoid infection means more orcs, more orcs means more troops to despoil lands, hence why they work for the guys who can do a lot of the heavy lifting for them. Side note-they were meant to dethrone a demigod. It worked."

Then the image vanished.

Hookwolf did not mind at all...

Until he heard the click of a pressure plate. And felt the pain of the wall suddenly becoming spikes.

The image reappeared. "Also, I should note I trapped the room. Since all the traps are nonlethal, the chieftan didn't mind, particularly since I can just heal any orcs that get sent to me are healed, equipped, and sent back at full strength."

As the stone hand descended to retrieve the paralyzed Hookwolf, one could barely make out that his slurring was a combination of profanity, calling Sawyer a cheat, and various extrapolations of her mother's ancestry.

Are you happy now?

[Instillation/Soul/Self] is copacetic. Meets standards of a full dungeon now.

Thank you.

"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGHH!"

"Oh quit whining! It's only a little torture chamber!"

"PLEASE, NO MORE!"

"Until all of your friends are here or they rescue you, no."

"I WILL SACRIFICE MY HONOR TO YOU! JUST MAKE THE SONG STOOOOP!"

...Okay, now I felt bad.

I willed the earphones to fall out, leaving Hookwolf to collapse into grateful tears.

"I will let you keep your honor if you please remain quiet and inoffensive. Should you violate that treaty, I will start with It's a Small World After All. Do you understand?"

Hookwolf nodded fiercely. "Yes. I will keep my silence and reflect on the contributions of minorities to the world. You have a warrior's honor."

"Good."

Disappointment.

Actually, if I am reading my Die of Fate correctly, Purity's running out of health next. Rubicon, ready the Enigma Thaumaturgy Cinema 3k.

Does [Crafter/Administrator/Designer] wish to show the alternate universe's Shaymalan's The Last Airbender?

No, no, no, I have morals. I'm saving that for Coil. Get The Michael Bay Marathon instead.

Actually no, that's for the S9. No, treat her to the animated version of The Return of the King, she's not the worst ever, though that's admittedly a low bar to clear.

Done.

Okay. Evil slouch, cross-hands, enter cell.

"Ahhh, Ms. Purity. What a pleasant occasion for you to join us. Ohohoho..."