Chapter VII: The Life Changing Island

Dearka sat alone on the beach. Knees tucked under his chin, he was lost in thoughts. With a stick in his hand he traced circles in the sand. He had really screwed things up this time. It was one thing to keep pushing her away with his cold demeanor… but to suddenly change and steal her first kiss after him. Maybe he had gone too far. But he couldn't hold his feelings back any longer. He felt like he was about to burst at all times, and the moment he held her lips against his that feeling slipped away.

He couldn't help but feel like a complete idiot. After Miriallia finished talking with Frederic she headed into the tent and never came out. Not wanting to overstep again he stayed close to the beach, even if it meant nearly freezing overnight since he was so far away from the fire. "What was I thinking. She doesn't want anything to do with me" He thought sadly.

He looked up from his knees and watched as the sun rouse in the distance. It was a beautiful sight. One that he couldn't really enjoy. Not when the girl he had the biggest crush on wouldn't speak to him. He started to wonder what it would be like if he could be completely open with her. She already knew more about him and his family than he had ever told any other girl before. But in reality that meant nothing.

Miriallia Haww was not like any of the girls he dated. He was once into loose girls who would practically throw themselves at his feet. They all wore inappropriately tight and short clothing and treated him like a god. All these girls had something else in common as well. They all seemed to have horrible personalities. But Dearka still fooled around with them since they we at least beautiful. As for Mir, she was just an average girl. In many ways she was like no one he had ever met before. She was her own person who wore her emotions on sleeve. He admired that about her. She was brave too. After everything she had been through during the war she was still willing to put herself out there and do what she dreamed of doing.

And what about him? He was hiding on Earth, unwilling to face his father. The truth was he stayed in Orb because he thought going back to the PLANTs would put his life in danger. Then afraid of the feelings growing for Miriallia he ran from Orb. But after meeting back up with her in Paris and becoming her bodyguard he wanted nothing more than to stay by her side. Even when Yzak showed up telling him it was safe to come home. Because at the point he couldn't help but think of his father. What would he think of what his son had been up to for the past half of a year. Or maybe the most honest truth was that he was running away from himself, who he use to be and who he was becoming.

"D-Dearka?" He heard a voice say softly behind him. Knowing it was Miriallia he snapped out of his trance and stood up, turning to look at her. She wasn't making eye contact with him. She looked distraught and upset. He couldn't help but think it was all because of him.

"Ah… Hey" He replied quietly.

"We…" She seemed to be having trouble formulating words. "We need to talk."

"Of course. We can talk about anything, anything in the world you want to talk about I'm here for you"

"I want to go to the island." She said emphasising 'the'. He knew exactly what she meant by this.

"Mir… are you sure. That island it's whe-"

"Tolle died." She interrupted finishing his sentence. "And it's also the place where you became a prisoner. I think it is important for us to both go back there. To the place that changed our lives forever. I want to walk on the island he took his last breath on. I want to breath it's air and maybe get some closure on all of this. Will you take me there?" She asked practically begging for him to say yes.

"No" He replied. She looked him in the eyes finally, shocked at his response. How could he say no to her? "If you want to go there fly there yourself. If the reason you want to go is to feel what he felt in his last moments then being in that backseat isn't enough. So if you want to go the only way I'll let you is if you pilot the SKYGRASPER yourself."

"B-but I've never flown before"

"You used the simulator before didn't you?"

"Yes… but I had a did horrible. I would get shot down so fast an-"

"This is not war. You are nothing going out into battle. You learned the basic controls right?"

"Yes" She replied slowly.

"Then that is all you need to know. If you can get it lifted off the ground then we'll go… together."

"And if I can't"

"Then call it destiny's way of telling you that this is a bad idea." She thought about his words. He was right. If she wanted to truly experience a fraction of what he did that day then she should pilot the small jet.

It wasn't long before they were packed up once again and she was in the pilot's seat. Dearka quickly reviewed with her how to run the machine. She seemed to have a nervous confidence. Although the idea to go there was her own it didn't stop the uneasy feelings. She didn't know if she was ready yet, but if she let herself she would keep putting it off. It was now or never. Time for her to stop running. She placed her hand on the controls and took a deep breath. Much to her surprise she took off with ease. It was so strange to be in control.

She could hear Dearka was fidgeting in the back. No doubt he was nervous to have handed the reins off to her. In her time getting to know him so far, she had learned that he doesn't like decisions being made for him. Maybe it had to do with his childhood. In the past week or so she found out that he was the son of a politician. Because of this he probably grew up without many choices, everything decided for him. Now that he was on his own he was thriving in the freedom of it.

"You doing okay back there?" She asked looking back.

"Stay focused" He said firmly.

"Just because I look back doesn't mean I'm not focusing. Besides you do it."

"I'm an experienced pilot, you're a newbie. Don't get overconfident or you'll-"

"Be the next one to go?" She said sadly.

"Mir…"

"I know this isn't a war. I know we're not in battle but that doesn't change the feelings I have every time we climb into this thing. I still remember the day he died. They told me that if I didn't get over it fast I would be next. I've never felt so powerless as I did in that day."

"You know that is not what I meant."

"I know" Dearka smiled at her sympathetically. She had been through alot in the past year. Much of it was his fault. All because he was part of a mission that destroyed her home.

"Down there. That's the island." He informed her. "See that crater that's where my BUSTER went down" He pointed to the small island still far in the distance. It's landscape was forever changed, as they were, by the battle that took place there.

"Then that is where we'll land"

"But Tolle went down on the other side of the island."

"This is your journey too Dearka. We'll land there and then walk to the other side."

"That could take half a day!" He replied not really wanting to spend that much time there. He didn't like that they were going to that island. He couldn't help but still have a bruised ego when it came to it. It was after all the place he nearly died at the hands of the ARCHANGEL. When he finally lost a battle he fought for months.

"Then so be it. We both need this. One year Dearka. That's how long we will be traveling around the world going from battlefield to battlefield. We have no right documenting them if we can't handle our own demons. Call it therapy"

"Sorry Miriallia but I've already concorded my demons when it comes to the war. If you need to fight yours then go for it. You should just land on the other side."

"No thank you." She replied smirking at him. "I'm the one in control this time. I say where and when we go." With that Miriallia landed the small fighter jet down in the large crater. She go out and reluctantly Dearka followed. She looked around. She couldn't believe how deep it was. "It didn't seem this big when I was in the ARCHANGEL."

Dearka didn't seem to listen to her. Instead he walked around a bit. Debris was still everywhere. Orb officials never bothered to go to this side of the island. She watched as he leaned down and looked at a hunk of metal. He dusted it off to reveal some writing. It was an insignia. It was a piece of the BUSTER that had been blasted off. "I thought I was going to die. Rain was pouring down from the sky. I was so angry." He said finally.

"I still remember when you surrendered. It was before Tolle…" She paused for a second before shaking her head to erase the thought. "We were all shocked. It was the first time we saw your face. The first time we realized how young the people we were fighting actually were." She looked back behind her up at where she and the ARCHANGEL had been that day. "Why did you do it? Why did you surrender?" She asked looking back at him.

"I knew the controls we shot. Sparks were flying everywhere and the ARCHANGEL was targeting me. We had just lost Nicol. And the pain of that cut deep. I guess I wasn't ready to join him, even if it meant my pride."

"I'm glad" She said suddenly.

"Huh?"

"I'm glad you surrendered. If you didn't we would have never met. I… I like having you around." She admitted blushing.

He smiled back at her. "So we going to stay in this hole all day or are we going to start our journey to the other side?"

"Let's go" They walked in silence for over an hour. Dearka carried most of their supplies on his back. He didn't know how long they would be and just in case he decided to bring the camping gear. "Dearka?"

"Yeah Mir?"

"What did you mean back there, when you said you already had your therapy?" Did you go see a doctor or something"

"Not exactly"

"Then what?" she asked curious.

He looked at her for a minute almost like he was questioning whether to tell her or not. But if he wanted to get closer to her he needed to start letting her in. "After I left Orb I decided to do a little soul searching. Athrun had told me about how after the battle that occurred on this island that he had come across an island that was full of orphans. They had all lost their families to ZAFT soldiers in one way or another. I started to think how many people I must have hurt. So I thought maybe if I helped people… I could maybe start to find peace within myself."

"So Derrick Eastman?"

"He was someone I created so I could help people." He explained. "Most of these people hated coordinators. They took their homes, their loved ones and sometimes so much more. They would have never accepted my help if they knew I was one of them. So I came up with an alias. I told them I was a low ranking officer of the Earth Alliance. I helped to rebuild homes and sometimes bury their dead. I travelled to many parts of Europe for a couple of months helping whoever I could."

"Dearka that's… amazing." she said surprised. She had no idea he had done anything like that.

"Not really. It felt like the right thing to do that's all."

"So… How did you become my bodyguard?"

"Helping people was great but travelling for so long I started to need some money. I thought some kind of security work would be interesting. Then I saw the posting to be a bodyguard and I applied." He could tell she was staring at him. "What? Did I say something wrong?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"No… it's just the longer I'm around you the more I learn that I really don't know anything about you."

"Maybe because I'm not the same guy I was before."

"What do you mean?"

"It's nothing." It seemed every time he started to let her in a bit he would quickly start to shut her out. He was afraid of getting to close. Afraid of getting hurt or doing the hurting. He kept having in the back of his mind that she was a natural and it would never work out. "So… if you don't mind me asking… what was he like?" It was hard for him to ask about him. Tolle was a memory he was and would always be competing against. Mirillia stopped walking and stood still, Like she didn't want to speak. "It's fine… if you don't want to talk about him. But to be honest if you don't want to, then maybe you're not ready to be here."

"No… it's fine." She said before starting to walk again. "Tolle was… He was very laid-back and kind hearted. He liked to joke around a lot. He used to make me smile all the time. Even in the face of all the danger we were in constantly, he tried to keep the mood light whenever possible. He was not only my boyfriend but my best friend and someone I cared for deeply."

"How long were you two together?"

"Actually not that long" She replied. She looked up through the trees. She could see that some of the branches were broken. Most likely from the exchange of gunfire. "We had only started dating about two months before you guys attacked Heliopolis. But… we had been friends since we were kids. You know it's funny"

"What is?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"I never wanted to date him. He was my best friend. I didn't want to ruin that. I was afraid it wouldn't work out and I would lose what we had forever. But even though we never broke up I still lost him." He could hear the cracking in her voice. She was just making herself sad talking about him.

"Maybe we should change the subject… or stop talking all together for a while?" He asked kindly.

"No… it's nice to talk about him. Even if it hurts. Nobody ever seems to want to talk about him around me. Guess they are afraid I'll fall apart."

"Or maybe they can't handle it themselves" He replied.

"Huh? What do you mean"

"Well you were friends with the guy for years. No doubt your parents developed a relationship with him as well. Besides he was your age. Thinking about his death only serves to remind them how they could have lost you. Then there's your friends. He was their friend also. It probably hurts them to talk about him."

"I suppose you're right"

"War is hard. Everyday you spend wondering if you'll see the sunrise the next day. You fight even if you don't remember what you are fighting for anymore. And when it's all over your left with your life in pieces wondering if they can ever fit back together again or if the big picture has somehow changed. After all you can never really be the person you were before all of it, now can you"

She smiled at him. It wasn't much of a smile but it was all he could ever get out of her. "I guess that is where we both are right now. Trying to put our lives back together."

They looked forward and saw a large clearing. They had been walking for a few hours a finally they were there. It was the place that the STRIKE and the AEGIS fought their final fight. The place the Tolle was killed. "Mir? Are you sure you're ready for this?" He asked looking her in the eyes with his very worried ones.

"I've come this far. I need to keep pushing forward"

They walked around looking at the remainder of the debris. There was large blast holes everywhere. It was clear that there was a large power struggle that went on here. Miriallia walked closely beside Dearka. Although she didn't really want to admit it she needed him there. She needed to draw from his strength to get her through this. They both stayed silent, the somber mood and the tension was growing. Dearka didn't know what to say and Miriallia seemed to be in a trance.

It was starting to get late. It was obvious they were going to need to make camp, so he took it upon himself to find a spot away from the main battle ground. Seeing him start to unpack the tent she went over to help him set up. Neither of them liked the idea of sleeping on this island, but it was a little late to leave now.

After it was all set up they headed to the woods to get some firewood. As they reached the tree line Miriallia noticed something reflect the setting sun. She turned her head slightly to the side wondering what it was. Curiosity got the best of her and she walked over to check it out.

"Hey! Miriallia! Where are you going!" He said noticing her leave his side. "It's not safe to wander off like that!" He yelled running towards her. Seeing that she seemed to be frozen he stood beside her concerned. "Mir? Are you okay"

Her eyes were wide and horrified looking. She fell to her knees and she reached her trembling hand out and took hold of the shining object. It was a piece of glass. One side, the side that was facing up, was scratched but clean. But the other side was stained with blood. Dearka looked at her with worry. He knew just as well as she did what that was. It was a piece of Tolle's helmet, stained with his blood. Unable to control her emotions anymore she broke down cry hysterically.

Dearka reached out his hand. He wanted to comfort her, but he knew she needed to cry right now. After a few minutes her sobs started to subside. He knelt down and removed the glass from her hand. He gently placed it back on the ground and offered his hand to her. She accepted and he pulled her to her feet. He pulled her in close into a hug and began to sway back in forth in a comforting manner.

She wanted to say something but the words wouldn't come out. Then much to her surprise he started to hum. It was so soothing. Before she knew it he began to sing to her softly. "The night time fills the sky. Stars alive go floating by, so still the evening air; so warm and soft is everywhere" She couldn't believe her ears. "I see a world in harmony. A world of peace and humanity. Where people walk free, like water in a stream. Flowing on forever more"

"Dearka… he's so sweet" She thought as she sunk into his warm embrace.

"The breeze that softly blows. The rasping warm so sweet and low. Upon my cheek I can feel tenderly, a kiss so real."

"He really does care about me"

"Like the brush of a hand. That I cannot see, the sound of a voice, deep inside of my heart" He placed his hand on the back of her head and began gently stroking her hair. "So I dream of a new day coming for all of the world to see. Lift your eyes and see a new day dawning a dream that will soon come true, the day we've waited for"

"Maybe… it's really time to leave you behind Tolle. You're gone. You're never coming back." She felt the tears creeping back at the corners of her eyes, but this time she didn't let them fall. "I need… to stop fighting. I need to embrace the future and all that it can be"

"Lift your heart and see a future for us all. The river is our witness as it flows forever more. As it flows, as it flows forever more" Dearka continued to hum softly until Miriallia pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes. He smiled down at her sympathetically as she wiped her tears away.

"I… I didn't know you were a singer" She finally said breaking the silence.

"I'm not… not really" He replied nervously. "I mean I can sing. I'm just not a singer"

"In other words your father doesn't approve." She retorted.

"You could say that"

"And what about me?"

"Huh? What about you?"

"Would he approve of your feelings towards me?"

Dearka was nervous. It was the first time they were talking about what happened at their little training session. He had confessed his feelings for her and she basically blew him off. Now here she was questioning him after just losing it over another guy. "There is a lot of things that I do that he doesn't approve of. This is my life. I'll live it the way I want to. He doesn't rule my decisions"

"Good" She replied before getting on her tippy toes and kissing him. He was surprised at first before he closed his eyes and returned the kiss. She pulled back and a red blush began covering both their faces. Embarrassed they both looked away from each other. "I want… to stop living in the past. I know he is never coming back. If I keep holding on to him like this I'll miss out on something that could end up being more important to me." She looked back towards him and he did the same. "I-I have feelings for you too Dearka… I think they might be stronger than any reasons we have to stay apart. I don't want to pretend anymore that they don't exist. Because it getting harder to hold back."

"Miriallia… are you sure you are ready to be with someone else?"

"Are you saying you don't want this?"

"I'm saying you're still getting over him. Are you really ready to move on or does you heart still belong with him?"

Miriallia looked down at the piece of glass. She knew the real answer. The truth was she had fallen in love with Dearka a long time ago. Back before the final battle, when they first held hands. She wanted to tell him then at she loved him, but the words never came out. It had been a crazy adventure that lead her to this moment. A moment that she even herself had fought against. "We promised each other we would put the past behind us in Alaska. Tolle is my past. He will never be my future, but you could be. I'll never fully be over his death but that doesn't mean there isn't room for you too."

He smiled. "Then let's take things slow." He hugged her tightly before releasing her. "Come on, we need to get that firewood before the sun goes down."

A/N: The song Dearka sings to Miriallia in this chapter is Lacus Clyne's Water of evidence in case you want to check it out.