In the days following their near indiscretion in her office, he sent several suggestive texts offering affirming reflections about her lips, her body, their unfinished business. The whole encounter had left her conflicted. Her body wanted more and maybe her heart did too. But she was in the habit of letting her brain lead the way these days. Still he persisted, dropping endless hints that he wanted to see her again, wanted to finish what they'd started.
She did too. She wanted his hands and mouth on her and his ... God she couldn't think about that. She'd allowed David Haden and Brian Cassidy into her bed, at first to wipe away the desires she'd had for Elliot. Eventually she'd let them into her heart because she longed to be taken care of for once, to restore the trust that Elliot had ripped away when he left.
And here she was five years later, those same deeply buried feelings awakened in her by his compelling arguments and convincing lips. She'd left the door open when she'd admitted her feelings to him that day in her office, and it wasn't fair to let him think those feelings were leading somewhere. And if she wanted him to stop tempting her via text message, she needed to reestablish the boundaries they'd obliterated. So she invited him to dinner. Surely he'd think it would end in her bed, while she intended for it to end in mutual understanding.
As he stepped into her apartment, he kissed her deeply and without hesitation. He'd intended for it to be the kiss of two people who'd so recently had their hands on one another. But while she didn't refuse him, she kept him in check, pulling away when he tried to introduce his tongue.
He saw Noah on the floor behind her and assumed she was keeping it PG for his sake. He went straight for the baby, getting down to his level and spinning the wheels on one of the toddler's toy cars. They went back and forth a few minutes making zoom zoom and vroom vroom noises at one another. Noah put his pudgy palm over Elliot's mouth and giggled heartily at the vibrations of his lips. Of course Elliot did it again and again, eliciting more belly laughs from the tiny boy.
Finally Olivia beckoned them both to the table for dinner. They interacted with the baby, talked shop and discussed the outcome for little Bruno, the severely neglected 4-year-old whose case had blown the lid off of corruption in the city's child services division. They talked about Eli, and Elliot inquired about how Noah was doing in his big boy bed.
"Thank you again for all of that," Olivia said. "And since you built it, when he's done with his dinner, you can get him all tucked in. But no more blowing raspberries on his hand or he'll never go to sleep."
Elliot leaned close to Noah and whispered loudly, "What she doesn't know won't hurt her, buddy." Noah giggled more at Elliot's expression than his words. She couldn't help but smile at the two of them conspiring together. Since Amaro had moved to California, Noah hadn't had much guy time. Elliot had such a way with her son, and it outright terrified her. She cleared her throat and pushed back from the table. "So I'll get these dishes cleaned up then while you guys get ready for bed."
Elliot's eyebrows flew upwards and he smiled mischievously. She smacked his shoulder playfully. "I mean while the big boy gets the little boy ready for bed."
Elliot scooped Noah out of his high chair and off they went to scrub his dinner off his face and get him changed into his jammies. Olivia cleared the table, rinsed the dishes and was loading the dishwasher when Elliot returned from the bedroom. He came up behind her, laid his palms on her hips and leaned in to kiss her neck. She felt his front pressed against her back, and she nearly dropped the last glass she was rinsing. She was incredibly tempted to let him roam, let him have his way with her, to finally go where they'd never been.
As he suckled her neck and pressed against her, she finally forced her eyes open, set the glass down and shut off the water.
"El."
"Mmmm," he mumbled against her neck.
God this was hard. And if she wasn't mistaken, he was too.
"Elliot."
"Hmmm?"
She laid her hands over his on her hips and pulled his fingers off of her. At the same time, she ducked slightly and turned to move away from his relentless mouth.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Let's um ... let's not do that okay?" she said. "We need to talk."
When his body language and expression changed, she assumed it was because she'd halted his advances ... again. But there was more on his mind.
"Is it Dodds?" His simple question was asked partly in concern and partly in confrontation.
Her expression was one of complete confusion and she looked at him like he'd lost his mind. "What?"
"I told you I'd do my best to keep the jealousy thing in check," he explained. "To not lay claim to what isn't mine."
She was listening and she knew there was more. "But ...?"
"Is it Dodds? What's going on with him?"
She snickered at him. "Nothing's going on with Dodds. What the hell, Elliot?"
"You got all dressed up and went out with him," he continued. "And now you don't want me to touch you."
She was well on her way to outrage. "Wait ... how did you know ... were you following me?"
"Christ no, Liv," he answered. "You guys were on the news that night, you in that damned dress and him like a lion licking his chops."
"Stop! Just stop!" she barked at him. "We've had this conversation so many times, and I'm beyond over it."
As far as she was concerned, the department dinner she'd attended with Dodds was not a date, not even close. She wasn't entirely sure Dodds felt the same way, but she wasn't going to tell Elliot that.
She paced a little, her hands on her hips. "Why is it you think every man I know wants to take me to bed?"
"You really are clueless sometimes," he told her. "Do I really have to spell it out for you, Olivia?" He delivered her full first name with a sharp tongue.
He scoffed and turned away. The tension in the room was downright tangible. "God Liv, what happened the other day," he continued. "I can't stop thinking about that."
She was quick to dismiss it, hoping like hell he couldn't see through her lie. "We got carried away. We shouldn't have been doing that, not in my office."
His tone was not kind when he said, "Well, we're not in your office right now, are we?"
She found the urge to smack him overwhelming, even more so than the lure of his hands moments ago. "That doesn't mean this is headed where you seem to think it is," she said much more calmly than she felt. "That's not why I asked you over here."
He scrubbed his hands over his face and sat down hard in the same chair where he'd eaten dinner, physical and emotional frustration consuming him. "Fine Liv, why did you ask me here?"
They'd been brutally dishonest with one another over the years. There weren't outright lies; but rather crimes of omission too numerous to count. But they'd made revelations recently that transcended the barriers they'd carefully constructed around their partnership. If they were going to salvage their friendship in spite of the gnawing romantic undertones, now was the time to put it all out there.
She was quiet a minute, waiting for the tension in the room to dissipate. "El, please come here and sit down." She patted the couch cushion next to her. He was stubborn and wasn't quite done with their disagreement yet, but he did as she asked.
She tucked her hair behind her right ear and began, "I'm going to be more honest with you right now than maybe I've ever been."
Certainly he welcomed her honesty, but he also feared her ominous tone. Still he motioned with an open palm to her, effectively giving her the floor.
She swallowed hard then continued. "I'm done denying it, lying about it. I feel something for you. I have for a long time," she said, punctuating her words by pressing a finger into his thigh. "Not Dodds. Not anyone else you're convinced is courting me. You."
He attempted to remind her that he felt the same way. "And you know I ..."
She raised a palm to stop him. "Please just let me finish. You've been pretty clear that you'd like to pursue that."
He nodded.
"Elliot, as much as I'd like to, I'm just not in a place to do that right now. Not with you. Not with anyone. No matter how I feel, I can't add any complications at this point."
He wasn't buying it. "That's a cop out."
She'd hoped being honest with him would be enough. "That's not fair. All those years you weren't in a position to look into what ... whatever this is ... and I had to respect that."
"It's not that I didn't want to," he argued. "I was married."
She was scrubbing her own hands over her face now, becoming increasingly indignant. "Yeah, I remember."
"It's not the same thing," he nearly hollered, quieting himself mid-sentence so not to wake Noah.
"I have so many responsibilities at work, we're short-staffed," she continued. "I'm trying to be everything I can for Noah. I've got to look after my family now."
He turned away in frustration. "What does that even mean? I don't understand why you think I would hurt you and that baby. What have I ever done to you ...?"
"You left."
She'd blurted it out and wished immediately that she hadn't. But after all, it was the very heart of the matter.
He was frustrated and headed for furious. He was ready to lash out, maybe say things he didn't mean and couldn't take back later. Somehow he managed to keep his mouth shut and emotions in check.
"Okay Liv," he said sarcastically. "Thanks for the insight." Then he stood, pushed past her knees, grabbed his jacket and left, nearly slamming the door behind him. He'd moved so quickly that she didn't even get a chance to call after him, to stop him.
Olivia sighed heavily, pushed her hair away from her face and plopped back against the couch cushions. She stared at the door he'd slammed behind him, but she knew no amount of staring at it would bring him back through it. Not tonight.
This was not how she'd intended it to go. He acquiesced to her every demand to this point, so maybe she couldn't expect him to give her this too. Ironically, while she'd begun the evening with the intent of pushing him away, she now wasn't sure she'd ever get him back.